Single moms…how do you do it? I am 36 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I have decided to split up. The verbal and emotional abuse is too much for me to bear. I have recently found out that there has been infidelity, too, during my entire pregnancy. I would have left already, but I don’t have any family support. I don’t have anywhere to go to stay. I have three children, and I’m going to be giving birth in a few weeks. He is and has been the breadwinner the five years that we’ve been together. Honestly, I’m scared to death of doing it alone, but at this point, it would be extremely unhealthy for the kids if I stayed in this cycle. Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, do you have any advice?
Sometimes I wish we could talk on a personal level with the people who ask for advice
The best bet is too leave. It’s scary, it’s hard but you will be much happier in the end. And yes I have been thru it.
Reach out to a church or find a local YMCA they have places for women and their children to go to escape abusive relationships
Right… all I can say is it all worth it to see your child grow… it will be hard and tiring… but please know your not alone… talk to ppl
Stay strong sweet mama.
I had two children under 6, was living in same situation but not pregnant, was with him for 9 years and a teen mom, I didn’t have my high school diploma or even a job, I stayed home mostly because he didn’t want me to work and was extremely controlling and verbally abusive here is what I did,
I woke up one morning and decided I’m worth more than this and my children deserve better I worked full time while going to school got my high school and then went on to get a college degree. I got an amazing job, and meet the love of my life (husband).
PUT your ducks in a row before its to late, and you cause you and your children more emotional damage
Do you have proof he cheated? If so file for divorce and he’ll have to pay alimony and child support
Join the group single moms alliance. You get a lot of support from women in that group
There is alot of programs that will help you! It is hard being a single mom but it’s so worth it seeing your kids happy and healthy. And you need to take care of yourself too!
It is the most Terrifying, scaryer than shit, most amazing thi g you will ever do for you and your kids. It will be hard there will be nights you cry yourself to sleep and there will be days you will be so happy and ask yourself why you didnt do it sooner. Time will pass and it will get easier and soon you wont even remember all the nights you cried. It is super hard and totally worth it
God will provide ~ he knows your heart … he hears our prayers ~ this too shall pass … reach out to your minister and church family
Did my whole pregnancy single with a 2 yr old it was so hard but no where near as hard and emotionally exhausting as being with someone who was emotionally abusive and put me down all the time.
It actually feels so empowering doing it on ya own even on the tough days.
I feed my kids, I mow my lawns, i pay my bills , I own every thing in my home and I have a veggie patch .
Document everything u can by date & time & events
It’s so important!!
Sometimes a woman’s shelter is better than going to a family members house anyway
I’m doing this now I’m a mom of 9 no job no money no family no help but I finally made him leave I start work 2mrow… the only thing is ur about to give birth it will b almost impassable to get a job rite now … it going to b hard but u can do it anything is possible
Leave it only gets worse.you do not have any friends ,to stay with?.I feel for you and your children.PRAY . I will too.
It’s hard…but better at the same time. Take the advice from these people and do it.
I’ve been where you are. It took 5 1/2 years of verbal, mental and emotional abuse but I left my ex after he raped me. and I moved me and my 3 kids to Florida to stay with my mom. I’m telling you now it’s not easy but it does get easier. It took me 2 years to finally get on my feet and be able to depend on myself for my kids. It’s been 8 years since I left him. Due to other circumstances I had his rights terminated. I am now with a great man and he adopted my other 3 kids and we have 1 together. It’s hard to get out of a relationship like that. But you will pull through. Talk to your local churches and most places have a community outreach program. Along with income based housing. I’m not sure where you are located but you can look up that info. Also they may have a program to help women that are leaving abusive relationships. You can do this. Feel free to message me if you would like more help.
What are the ages of the other kids?
Sometimes making it through these situations is as simple as reaching out like you’re doing.
You would be surprised at how many other females are in this same position and all it takes is finding one person who can relate.
You may find someone in this same position that is looking for an escape… and willing to collaborate.
DO WHAT SCARES YOU MOST AND THAT IS HOW YOU WILL SUCCEED
Became a single mom when I was unemployed and pregnant with my 2nd. You just do it. There will be times you feel like you can’t but you take one baby step at a time and you do it. You ask for help when you need it, you pray, and you give yourself grace.
When I was a month pregnant with my third child my daughters dad decided he didnt want ne and claimed she wasn’t his. I went through the entire pregnancy alone. I have been on unpaid maternity leave for three monrhs now and I’ve managed to make it. It is hard so very hard but you can do it to. There are so mant resources available to help you. Dont lose hope❤
I’m so sorry been their no family support nothing no job and three babies I went back
I know this is anonymous but someone needs to let her know how brave and amazing she is.
If you have a personal Relationship with Jesus Christ, ask Him to give your His wisdom and His strength, and He will be faithful to help you each and every moment, as you depend on Him! I know this from personal experience.
When I failed to surrender my will to His, I floundered. But, He never moved. He was and is faithful ! He can be trusted. I love reading about how much God loves us in Psalm 139. I can then pick my chin up, straighten my back, and allow Him to guide and strengthen me. What a Father! I am praying for you as you deal with all you are going through. We cannot, but GOD can! Blessings!
Yes get out as fast as you can. It’s hard but you can do it. Where’s your family or friends that could help you get on your feet.
You can do it! I promise! I have been in a toxic relationship myself, it was him and I together that was so toxic! I myself kept going back for the kids but you only hurt yourself and those kids in the long run! We broke up multiple times and I finally applied for low income because I needed a place for my kids and I that I could afford! I finally got into my own place, was with him off and I for another year and finally left the situation! I was a single mother to 3 kids at the time one just born. It was definitely rough but we made it. I had one best friend who helped me so much through it all and I honestly couldn’t thank her enough. Some days you feel like you are failing your kids but trust me you are not! Have faith in yourself and reach out to others! From one mom to another I’m here for you!!! Life does get better, kids do get older!! Just hang in there
I was in a very similar situation with my ex. If you want to chat you’re welcome to message me.
Take your kids and go! It is the most terrifying and empowering thing you will do. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 15 years physically and mentally abusive for most of it then sexually in the end! We had one kid who was almost 4 when we finally got away. By that time all family and friends had left me in my misery and didnt talk to me because of it. I kept going back and they couldn’t handle to see me go thru it or bury me from it so they cut ties. I hit an ugly rock bottom fueled by drugs and alcohol and risky bad behavior. It’s hard but for your own health happiness and safety snd you Children’s it’s well worth it. Call a women’s shelter or a church even go there and tell them your story and what you need. People will help if you are serious about getting it!
I had 3 sons with a man like this… I filed for divorce and judge put him out when my youngest was 6… my only regret is that I didn’t do it 6 years sooner when I was pregnant with my youngest… it was hard but in the end it was def the right decision…
I was with twins and I was so scared but I put my kids first I got two jobs started saving money little by little then I waited for him to go to work I packed my stuff and left hardest thing to do but I did it now I’m super hAppy without him and his lies
It’s very hard. My heart hurts for you. You will be lonely alone, and you will be tired alone, and you will be sad alone and sometimes you’ll be happy alone, DONT QUIT. DONT TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. Because one day my friend you will wake up and be making coffee while pouring cereal and packing lunches and you’ll realize that you are ok. The first time I heard myself laugh out loud it startled me. It had been that long since I heard it. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. Until that day when you are fine alone, do not get involved with another man. I know your heart hurts, please know that there are lots and lots of us girls out here just a few miles ahead of you on this path and we’re praying for your success.
You need to seek legal help. There are lawyers and law clinics that will help you pro bono. There are resources but you just have to reach out and ask. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is leave the abusive relationship. You can do it because at the end of the day, you HAVE to do it…for yourself and your children.
You need to start contacting the resources you need… foodstamps, tang, womens shelter, etc. It is very very important to walk away from this though I know how hard it is. I was a 100% completely single mom for over 5 years. He took off after I left and went out of state with his mistress and her kid. No child support nothing. It’s not the easiest but you can and NEED to do this for you and those precious baby’s! My prayers are with you!
Bless you for being strong enough to get out for yourself and the baby and your other children. There are resources in the town/city you live in to help. Reach out to friends and know you did the right thing even when it’s hard.
Contact a women’s shelter to be sure you have all documents you might need, gather any evidence & send it to someone you trust outside the home & do what you need to get out SAFELY. Get an emergency restraining order if you can. Insist he only see the kids under courthouse supervision if at all. We’re all cheering for you. Churches & retirement villages are good places to go to find nice people who can help you out.
If you have any welfare/ social services near you , you can apply. And once you are on it, apply for a lawyer ( legal aide) to get temporary custody, so he doesn’t walk away with your kids & file for a divorce
I’m sorry you’re going through this:frowning: I know it’s scary but you can do this, have you considered going to a domestic violence shelter? Emotional abuse is ABUSE! A domestic violence shelter will gave all the resources to help you get on your feet and into your own place. Best of luck
I feel sorry for all you lady’s
You don’t know how to pick a good man. Your just got with the wrong
Never allow any abuse run your life. It’s scary to be alone at first. You will cope in a few weeks. Leave now. There’s program out there for you. Believe me. I did it.
So sorry for your situation. I hope you have told your doctor to test you for STDs. You don’t want to have STDs and give birth untreated. I’d file for divorce and seek alimony from him for the adultery and child support for funds to care for the kids. He made his bed so now he can deal with the consequnces and pay to support you and the kids. I’d ecen go as far as claiming the house so you guys have somewhere to stay. Don’t feel bad. You did nothing wrong. A mom group would be a good resource for you. You can make new friends and build a support system. It’s tough and it won’t be easy. I have faith that you can do it.
Call Family Services to get food stamps and possibly get a voucher for section 8 housing Good Luck and God bless you and your family
Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one. Being a single mom is difficult but you can do it! I did and proud of it
These kids have a chance because of you!! What a hard decision, but a necessary one! Wow… you’re an amazing woman for doing what’s right. The impact you’re gonna make on your precious children will last a lifetime! If you stayed… they would only be a product of what he is and know it’s ok because you never left. Proud of you!
Get as much government assistance as you can, take anything free or reduced that they offer; food, child care, schooling, housing and while you’re doing that go to school. Love yourself, know that you can do this.
Honey, you got this. You’re overwhelmed, trust me, we know. My mother raised 4 kids, on her own, ZERO child support. Yes, we were on food stamps, section 8 AND got welfare funds sometimes. All while she worked full time as a housekeeper.
There is help out there. Do NOT be ashamed to ask for help. Get the help you need and you raise those babies. Any daughters? Be the woman you want them to be when they grow up. Sons? Teach them how to be honorable men. You will have 4 little people looking at you for your strength, you can’t let them down. You have got to square your shoulders, lift your chin, and laugh at him on your way out the door. Or make him leave if you can. You CAN do this.
Been there. You are much stronger than you think. Everything his said is still messing with your mind. Because of your kids you are going to find things in you that you forgot were there. I can testify that it will get better. Just be the example of human dignity your kids need. They will follow. My kids are amazing responsible adults now.
My husband left us right after Christmas. We have 6 kids with the youngest being 2 months. Similar situation as yours with the infidelity. It is hard doing it alone but you just have to find a routine. You never know how strong you are until you have to be. You got this, Mama!
You local court website should have a list of
Lawyers who do legal aid.
You apply for everything you need, emergency housing, section 8, food stamps, Medicaid. There should be a local office to help guide you in your county.
Because of you having a financial loss, seek government assistance and even a Domestic violence center. They will help you stay afloat until you can get on your feet after your postnatal healing. They’ll help with housing, medical and food. Then get on your feet. You can do this. There are programs that will help pay for childcare as well. You got this!!
Praying you stay out of the abusive relationship and seek God first. You and your babies will be great.
I lived it for 10 years I left him a few times but always ended up going back to him I was very young and didn’t know any better, one day I said I’m out of here so I made arrangements with a friend and did not pack anything I just took my 5 kids with me and left and never went back. It was the best decision I ever made because I did not want my kids witnessing this they did not deserve to be around this type of life
Being a single parent is extremely hard, but being in an abusive relationship without trust is even worse. Work hard, stay focused and “you can do all things through Christ”
The quickest way to get a house threw section 8 housing is to go stay at the salvation army. There use to be programs that will pay for your day care one pay your gas mileage to go to college at your local community college. Take advantage of this. The school will help you apply for a grant. You do not have to pay this bsck. Do not, do not ever take out a student lone. Do not ever just stop attending class. Finish and get a degree. I was horrible in school. When I went to college I had a new born, a toddler and I kindergartener. I had a 3.8 GPA. Take an aptitude test, see if they have a program for displaced homemakers . go to your local civic action see what programs they have. the school will help you in more ways than you can imagine. Their are other single mothers starting over there too. We swapped clothes and toys. Take some time to concentrate on you and make a good life for your family. Don’t let some BS talking man screw it up. Good luck.
Definitely start on child support process, looking into state assistance, local women’s shelters. When I became a single mom my daughter was 3. My biggest fear was her remembering that we went from house to house to house. She is now 15 and I have asked if she remembers anything. She says “All I remember is being with you,Mom.”
You WILL get through this!
Best thing you can do for yourself is “ take EVERYTHING. Day by day “ nothing happens in a days time and don’t over think just focus on a goal at a time
You can do this, dont wait until it gets extremely unsafe to leave, go to Dove, apply for help, they’ll see you thru it all.
See if you can find a women’s shelter for you and your kids if you don’t have family. So sorry you’re going thru this. Praying for you and your children.
Dear left alone I am sorry to hear this! Look for help local churches. My husband left me and a new born and I found help and food donations there! Don’t be scared overcome! Don’t let him get the best of you and the kids!
Get all the assistance you need until you get on your feet. It’s going to be hard, but it’s for the safety of you and your children …
I’ve been there. Being a single mom is tough. It definitely makes you into a tougher person than you ever thought possible…especially if you are making the decision to move forward for healthy reasons. Its scary as hell. And you’ll think you’re doing it all wrong. But keep going. Find a goal and set off towards it. Find out about every resource available and itll help till you get going. Every area is different but most have resources available. Work on yourself, and be there for your kids.
You can do it…
Pray U get the help U need , were are the grandparents of the kids , your family , the father of your children were is he , pray U get help
A failed relationship is rarely ALL one person’s fault. It is imperative that you sit down, in a quiet non-emotional space and HONESTLY review the situation, start to finish. What was it like when it started, and how did it develop into its current reality? What was your role, and what was his? What were the “nails in the coffin” along the way? Were you really invested; was he? Did you really treat him with the love, dedication, admiration, loyalty and respect a life-long mate deserves? Did he?? Review it…slowly, methodically, unemotionally…as if you were reviewing someone else’s situation from a distance. Figure it out…and strive to avoid placing blame. Study the cause/effect, then decide: work together to fix it, or split up. Whatever your next steps, strive to truly understand how you got to this place…else, you will find yourself repeating the pattern again…and, again. Have faith…pray, and wait…you will know when it is time to move forward. 36 weeks pregnant with several other children is a wicked hard time to step out on your own. If your life, or the lives of your children are in danger, then it has to be now. Otherwise, take your time and really, really think your way through it before you act. RARELY is the failure of a relationship alll one person’s fault.
Put you and baby first always. I raised two kids alone. Better off.
It’s actually much easier to do it by yourself then do it with abuse
a shelyer may help while you get on your geet
There’s places will help you out
You girls are STRONG! I verily did it with 3 kids with my spouse who was a great help.
I was 36 weeks pregnant with my third child when my divorce was final. I can’t advise you on where to go. I was already working and paying our own rent. It was not easy. You will doubt your self a lot. I do think it’s better to find a job as soon as possible and contact your county to see if they offer schooling for you and daycare. God bless you. I remained strong for my kids and you will too. My kids tell me their childhood was the best with me just raising them.
Choice for women and children that will get you in a safe place
Take his ass to the cleaners
Don’t go back w him please for your kids and your own well being you’ve made the best choice I promise you and it will get better
Look into daycares, friends, neighbors, apply for assistance and just keep trying it may be hard but I’m sure that you and your kids will feel a whole lot better. And happy for child support to .
Aww sweetie. I have not had experience with this but you are beyond strong for putting your child first!!! I wish you all the luck. When you meet your baby you’ll see you made the right choice! Your already stronger than you know!!
Just don’t give up, keep moving forward and keep your head up. You don’t need the stress right now and neither do your children. I’ll pray for your family. If you truly think this is what needs to be done than I believe you will make it through.
Ah sweety it never easy. It real hard to leave. Especially when you have no one to turn to no family an no friends only you can decide what to do. Good luck girl. you do what’s best for you an your children
I experienced it all myself just not married get support setup with midwife as they help you and kids look at parenting group ect get counselling ect talk with gp also i did all these things better decisions ever got lots of support that I’m thankful for also not sure where you are but in nsw housing can help with accommodation
Depending on where you live there might be a program to help get you and your children into a home and on your feet.
Go talk to job and family services. Look for income based housing and call 211. You got this! You are enough and worthy of unconditional love.
Divorce on grounds of infidelity, alimony and child support. Financially you’ll be fine
Its 2020 there’s a ton of help for moms so dont worry about the big picture. Just focus on giving birth n recovery then babysitting then job search. Its lonely it’s hard its depressing but after a point it is rewarding bliss
Get out now! Reach out to churches, resource center, abused partners, call pd and see what groups are out there to help… Things like that. My ex head butted me when I was 37 wks pg, so I know how it is…
Where I live theres places that take women and kids in from bad relationships and help them get there life together