I am a SAHM...is this normal?

SAHM’s, just curious if this is normal? Anyone can comment but I’m curious to see what other SAHM’s situation is. So, I’m a SAHM. My husband is the only sole provider. We’ve been together 6 years. He has full control over our finances. We have joined accounts. I have my own cards but any transactions that I make, he can see. I never buy anything for myself without asking him first. I ask him because if I don’t, he’ll just come to me and ask me what I bought. He tells me that I don’t have to ask him to buy myself things but he’ll always want to know what I bought. Is this what your situation is like too? Do you have any financial freedom? I’ve never questioned it, it’s just always been this way and I’ve just always accepted it.


It’s as normal as you want it to be. Some women are okay with that arrangement while some aren’t. I like to have my own money and buy what I want , I don’t want anyone checking me like a child on every little thing I buy. Me and my husband have a mutual account but I also have my own account.


I was a sahm but had control of the bills. We agree to but needs or wants over $50 without talking about it beforehand. I would tell him if the bank account was low before payday.


I feel like If he’s like that with you then he should have to explain what he buys too. I’ve been a SAHM for 3 and half years but have made some money here and there. At first we didn’t have same account and I’d have no money… after a few years I was like hey wait this isn’t fair at all. Remember how much money you save him by being home. Child care is outrageous. Now I still rarely spend money but we both communicate about what we buy.

I’ve been a SAHM a few times previous relationship and my current relationship. I work now.
First relationship we had joint account. I looked after the financial aspect- paid stuff etc., groceries. If I bought something for myself or the kids out of the norm. I let my now ex know- out of respect. It wasn’t technically my money so I felt like I should tell him.
Current relationship we have separate accounts/separate cards.(when I moved to his area- I didn’t have a job for about 2 years as daycare cost to much and good luck finding something). He looked after the bills and then usually asked what I needed for groceries/extras and sent. I use to tell him what I was buying because I felt like it was respect again to tell him where his money was going. He didn’t care :rofl::rofl: now that I have a job and don’t rely as much on him…no I don’t lol
So I don’t see it as a bad thing letting your husband know what your spending etc., respect/communication. As long as he isn’t financially abusive and telling you, you can’t do this and do that I don’t think there is a problem

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I wanted a new vehicle, we talked about that. Little things, like clothes, shoes etc…, basic wants, I just buy them. I also have total financial control.

Asking what you bought and having to give you permission are two totally different things
He’s just curious what you got, no harm in that


I’m a sahm, I literally never ever have to ask or mention anything to my husband. The only time I do is if it’s like a big expensive purchase and I really only ask then to make sure we don’t have anything else planned for the money. Loonngggg long time ago I had an ex, we both worked, but he was exactly like your husband. He always wanted to know what I was spending my money on even though my share of the bills was paid. He thought because he made more hourly than I did that he had a say. Money is a huge issue for marriages so definitely try to get this under control now. Also your husband needs to remember that he doesn’t work so you can stay home, you stay home so that he can afford to go to work. And your working too! Good luck mama!


Okay , I’m going to say this with all respect. I never understood how women stay home and the man works. What if you want to buy him something? You have to buy it with his money? If it works for other people that’s awesome (I’d love to be a SAHM but with some income) but knowing I provide for my family as well just makes life easier. Are you guys living just comfortably or does he really make enough money to take care of the WHOLE house (needs, wants, etc.) Me and my fiancé make 6 figures and we still don’t make enough :exploding_head: I guess the fear or someone telling me ‘you only have that because of me’ always sets in.


I am a SAHM and I am over the finances. I do the budget, pay the bills and all that. My husband and I are trying to save up to build onto the house and so we are pretty strict right now :joy: Buuttt he actually gave me his card and said we would have more money if I only have him an allowance from the check.
I think it’s different how each relationship handles the finances. We have to build on each others strength. I Can squeeze a Penny and get ten bucks out of it, sooo I do the money. Maybe your husband doesn’t mean it in a bad way asking you what you bought. Maybe he is just curious :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:
But either way, you need to tell him how that makes you feel. I used to and sometimes still feel guilty that I don’t bring in any money besides the little bit I make babysitting. I feel like I don’t help relive the stress of bills. So, that probably eats at you the same way. I think y’all may need to have an open discussion.

Seems fair and normal to me. Especially if he doesn’t make a whole lot of extra money. If he isn’t giving you a hard time about it or controlling what you can and can’t do then it seems fine to me. I would be grateful for a situation like that.


This is how my husband and I are. We have a joint bank account and all credit cards together. I’m a SAHM also. I feel like this is a normal thing but I also feel the same way about spending money. I ask him about a purchase like clothes, makeup, etc because I feel like it’s just the right thing to do. It’s just being considerate. He tells me I don’t have to ask but I just feel like it’s the respectful thing to do.
I feel really fortunate to be able to be a SAHM and we have always been honest with each other about spending. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t buy something I wanted but also within reason and our budget.

If he is trying to stick to a budget or has a money/spend tracking app then he probably does need to know. If you want more financial freedom then tell him you want a weekly allowance from the account to be your spending money. It can be cash or in a separate account. My parents did this. My dad worked and my mom didn’t. Dad sucked at budgeting and finances so mom was in charge of the bills. Dad would deposit the amount mom asked for into her account, a certain amount would go into savings and the rest would be his allowance. When they went down to one checking account he got his money in cash. It’s only financial abuse if he gives you zero money, refuses to let you spend money on what he decides is not good, or if he berates you for spending the money at all. Talk to him about why he wants to know what you bought. It could be as simple as he’s curious. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Normal . You’d have the same questions and concerns if the tables were turned which they easily could be at any day . Communicate your concerns and defend your wants but also respect and honor your partners wishes especially if he’s the sole provider . You trusted him to make certain decisions so far so maybe he’s asking with good intent . You’ll never know until you ask though

Well , if the situation were the opposite, I’m pretty sure that you will want to know in what he is spending the money.
If you want financial freedom without having to explain every single purchase you need to make your own money , stay home don’t mean that you can’t work at all .
You can always try to find something to do at your place.
Like occasional babysitting, Uber or something like that

This why ill never be financially dependent on anyone & never join accounts.:woman_shrugging:t3: if he agreed you would stay home to take care of kids & house then he needs to get over himself & stop asking you about money. As long as obv your not blowing money left & right & you guys rnt struggling & all bills paid. Then yah you deserve little treat for yourself once in awhile just as he does

Does he handle the bills? I’m in the same situation except I do all the bills and if he spends a large amount of money I always ask or ask to know before hand so I can properly manage the bank accounts. If he’s not being negative or aggressive about it then I don’t see an issue. If it stresses you out to spend money “you don’t earn” then get a side hustle to make your own cash.

My husband and I both work we have a joint account though he has a card and full access the man is always asking me if he can buy something. I tell him idc it’s your money too. He’ll say “but you know what we can spend” bc I’m in charge of the bills but he brings in the dough too. Out of respect I don’t usually ask if I can get anything but anytime money is spent we always share that with each other OUT OF RESPECT. Like ill let him know “honey I took the kids out to lunch today” nobody cares it’s not a big deal but out of mutual respect we always let each other know where our money is going. If it’s a huge purchase we discuss it before hand make sure each other agrees and we are good financially to support that expense. But I personally can’t be a SAHM. I need my own independence. I need to know if he left today hey I can still support myself and the kids.

he just wants to know not a big deal. men are nosey :rofl: when I ask my hunns for money 1st thing he asks is what do u need it for

That’s how it is with my sister in law and brother. He is the sole provider. And anything she wants she just lets him know before hand.

I was a sahm for 8 years and if you want financial freedom get yourself a job and earn your own money then no one can tell you shit :+1: you also will feel better about yourself :blush:

My marriage was like this. I was so uncomfortable spending money because I always had to explain myself. It traumatized me so much I won’t even have a joint account with my fiancé lol it’s not normal, if that’s what you’re asking.


My husband never asks. He brings home the money and I’m the one that pays the bills. If I ever make a purchase of $500 or more,then I will run it by him first. We have joint everything , but marriages are built on proper communication

My husband and I, 7 years married, have 2 joint accounts with 2 banks. I have a card for each, and so does he. We both control the finances/budget. I’m currently a SAHM. He is the bread winner. I can make any purchases I want as well as him, but things that would cost a certain amount we sit down and discuss it with each other beforehand. For example, if he went out and spent $70 on clothes, it’s not something I’d question him about. The same goes for me. But if he wants to buy a new part for his computer, that’s like $200+ we sit down and look at the budget and talk about it first. Same if I wanted to get a new pricey tattoo. We both control the budget in our own ways with small spending, but the big things we ask first.

Depends on how much I spend. Under $50 is never questioned but if I’m going to spend over $50 I always discuss it first.

I am a SAHM to. We have a deal that when after bills are paid money put in savings then we buy unnecessary items like wants instead of needs. But if it isn’t something necessary and it’s $50+ we talk about it first, there’s a lot of times that if it’s a need and still over $50 we’ll still talk about it because sometimes we think something is a need and it’s really not.

I’m not a SAHM, both myself and my husband work full time, we have joint accounts and our own debit cards. We don’t discuss stuff like grabbing a coffee or getting lunch during our work day, but we do discuss all other purchases. It’s a respect thing, in my opinion.

If your partner isn’t grilling and interrogating you and he isn’t nasty about asking what you bought, I wouldn’t worry about it. If he is a dick about it every time you spend money, then I’d say y’all have bigger issues.

Everyone’s relationship and finances are different. How do you feel about the current dynamic? Maybe his asking is out of curiosity, maybe its out of control. There is no one who knows this but you. If its working for your relationship it doesn’t really matter what others think. BUT and this is to ALL the ladies this might apply to…from a financial professional…DO NOT KEEP YOURSELF IN THE DARK when it comes to family finances. I know it sounds morbid, but it’s life, and you never know when you may lose a loved one and you’ll need to be able to pick up the pieces. It breaks my heart when a woman who is already dealing with grieving also has to deal with the stress of piecing together the financial picture as well. The stress of not knowing what bills are due or when, or even worse…not knowing how much money you even have and if it will be enough to maintain your current lifestyle. Have conversations, in a loving healthy relationship everything should be transparent. Oh and make sure all of your accounts have updated beneficiaries! steps down from my soapbox

Oh, honey. This is financial abuse. He’s controlling everything and gaslighting you too. This is not normal. You don’t deserve this.

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It totally depends on his attitude when he’s asking. Is he just curious and trying to share your day with you? Like I see you went shopping did you buy anything interesting? Or is it an Inquisition?


If it’s under $200 I don’t usually say anything. If it’s going to be over $200 I’ll TELL him, I never ask, it’s my money too. We know what we can afford and respect each other enough to let each other know when big purchases are made.

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What will you do if he leaves you? How will you manage money and independence…
co-dependence isn’t healthy…


If this is what works for your marriage then who cares what others think. It sounds like he really doesn’t care, you just respect your husband and there’s NOTHING wrong with that.

I have a job and do not answer to a man. I highly suggest you get one soon.


I’m a sahm I do talk to my husband before making purchases as I have no idea when bills come out and stuff like that so I don’t want to spend the money on extra stuff if there is still a bill needing paid as for the asking what you got he is prolly just curious and using it as a conversation topic instead of just always asking you about the kids

Sahm and befor that I was a stay at home GF I’ve not work for over 13yrs and hubs calls it our money and never asks what or why I buy things. He has to tell me all the time “if you wanna you better buy it”. I ask a lotta times cause he handle all the finances and I don’t want to cut us short but if we’ve got it I can spend it!