No advice, but trust me – you feel the mom guilt whether you’re working or not!
I feel so guilty having other people watch our daughter and wish I could stay at home and raise my babies. Then I see this all the time and know I am not alone with this mom guilt!
I stay at home. I personally feel I’m contributing just as much. Our lives would not run without me, I do everything for our children and make sure my husband has everything he needs. It may not be financial but I am giving my everything to my family and taking care of them.
Get a job if it’s affecting you badly. You may also want to think about protecting yourself if something were to happen to the relationship. If you’re living in a community property state, not such an issue that the stuff is in his name, but would be in an equitable distribution state. As a previous poster stated, his attitude is important, but I’m not sure I understand why your name wouldn’t be on anything if you’re married. Perhaps have a conversation with him about it? Let him know how it makes you feel and maybe even set up a separate account where he deposits money weekly, aside from regular household expenses, for you to spend at your own discretion. It doesn’t have to be much, but even $50-$100 a week can be quite liberating.
Its definitely a crappy feeling, but raising tiny humans is a full time job, and if you didn’t do it, that’s just another 1000 bucks you’d have to pay for someone else to 🤷. I use to work at a restaurant, if that’s something your interested in you could just work and evening or two to help contribute , don’t know what your mans schedule is like, but if he’s home evenings or weekends you could do something then:) it’s also nice getting out of the house every now and then lol
Also, look at the cost of childcare these days. Call around, price what it would cost to put your children in full time daycare. That’s how much you are “contributing” financially, on top of all the house work, raising children etc. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. Your babies get the best care possible and there isn’t really a price tag on that!
The average sahm would be worth roughly 90k/year/kid if you broke down everything individually. We have 4 kids, 3 are under 3. If I worked, daycare would take my whole check and then some. He makes the money and we spend it together, but I never ask permission. More like “hey I’m gonna do such and such and it costs $__” just as a courtesy because we’re a team. He’s not your dad, and if he isn’t treating you like that, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of being a SAHM.
I babysit. I don’t bring in a lot of money but it pays for gas fornthe cars, stuff the kids need and I throw money to my husband as well.
I used to feel that way. But then I realized i do contribute in my own way. We have a couple bills in my name, my car is in his name(his credit is better than mine). But you are raising y’alls kids, you are many things in 1 to them. I am extremely thankful for the hubby and that i am to stay home. Does it get lonely at times, of course.
Get a PT job at night when he is home from work or find something you can do from home with flexible hours.
You do contribute. Because you stay home you don’t have to pay for childcare, the house is cleaned and meals are cooked.
I was a SAHM for years and hubby earned but i recognized if we had ti pay daycare thats a fee if we had to pay a sitter thats another fee if we had to pay a bus to pick up kids thats another fee and so the list goes on. I’m saving us money by being home to take care of our kids. Plus i have the peace of mind knowing they’re safe.
When I was a SAHM I would always make sure everything else was taken care of. He didn’t have to lift a finger once he was home for the day. I did literally everything for him. Cooked every meal, kept laundry up and house always spotless, even made his plates. Literally catered to him. It made me feel better about it.
But don’t ever feel like you’re not contributing. Being a SAHM is hard work. You NEVER get a break and if your kids are anything like mine, you never get to rest either.
I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I’m glad I’m not alone in my feelings.
I started watching 2 kids part time and it’s helped alot! Try that!
Your are contributing in your own way. I love being a SAHM yes he contributes all the money but I have my jobs taking care of our son, the house, the errands, and Dad. It takes allot of work and time to manage a home and if you went to work then who would do all that you do during the day and then there is day care to pay for. Just because something doesn’t have your name on it doesn’t mean it’s not yours too. My vehicle is in his name but it’s mine and he had made that very clear. You and your husband are a team, he has his job and you have yours and it makes life happen for the both of you.
I’ve been a SAHM for 14 years. I used to feel guilty but after being married for almost 20 years I now know that half is mine, regardless. I do everything at home except bring in the income, and I mean everything. Every once in a while if we get into an argument he’ll throw up that he makes the money. There’s no way that he could do what I do and what he does with his job. If he were a single dad he’d have to hire a nanny or a housekeeper or both. I think as you get older it won’t bother you as much once you realize your worth! You have a very busy and very worthy job. Don’t feel bad about it!
I felt this way once and I’m a SAHM. My husband put me at ease. I contribute a lot in his eyes by cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids and treating him as the King he is. You guys save money, it would be a headache trying to find a baby sitter if we both worked let along paying for childcare. It doesn’t get easy but you learn to live with it. I love being here when my husband and the kids need me so it’ll be ok. Inbox me if you like and we’ll be SAHM buddies and we may can help each other. 
I feel this way too! My husband just reminds me that he does it for us. He also reminds me that staying home and being a mom and keeping up with the house is a job itself! I’m also the one that pays all the bills and stuff too, I know what the house needs I keep up with all the money basically! Without you your husband’s life would get so hard! I’ve been a single mom before so I know it’s hard!!!
I got over when I got a job
Im the same way. Sahm of a 4 year old. I do watch my nephew and make $500 but i use it to help buy groceries and put gas in my car that my bf bought and paid for. But i still feel like everything is his. All the bills are in his name too. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and playing Paw Patrol and PJ Masks everyday. Its exhausting!!! But i guess you could see we’re the boss of the house since we are always in it!!!
Girl you contribute. If you went away everything would fall apart. Your husband can work hard because you’re there to hold down the fort. Keeping a peaceful home MATTERS. Society is so fucking wrapped in money that a woman can’t even feel proud of herself unless she’s got some cash? That’s horrible.
I understand where you’re coming from, I used to struggle too with feeling that way. Shoot I’m even about to start door dashing because I’m going so stir crazy😂
If you feel you want to contribute monetarily then find a little something you can do on the side, but don’t EVER say you don’t contribute at all… you do mama!!!
I’m feeling this way now about being on maternity leave!! But my husband is very good. I go back in Jan so I know I’ll feel better. Totally get how you feel.
You contribute a lot when being a stay at home mom. It might not be financially but you are still doing a big part that helps your family. I know my household would go insane if i stopped being a stay at home mom lol. If its possible you could get a part time job. Id also think about the cost of child care and if it would even be worth working. Would you actually have money or would you just be hanging your whole check to the person watching your child?
I used to feel that way until my husband stayed home with our daughter for a full week while I had to go out of town and he said he could never do what I do and that he would rather be at work then full time because she was way more stressful then dealing with his junior marines all day 
that’s when I was like u know what I do contribute and save his ass a ton in day care…hes very welcome
I could have written this myself, I was made redundant while on maternity and have been a SAHM since, my boy is now nearly 3. I feel awful that my husband works all month just to pay bills pretty much. I’d love to get a job and help money wise but childcare is just unaffordable for us at the moment. I’m kind of stuck I suppose 
Whenever I’m feeling super shitty about him being the only earner I try to remind myself that I am raising him the most amazing little boy, that is an important job too 
x
I like staying at home. But in my case I was getting depressed so I got a job. When we argued one time and the first time he said it was his money I blew up. I said ok we have two kids at home this is what you’d pay in day care. I clean so a housekeeper fee would be this much. Oh a cook. Another fee. If need laundry done it’s this much bc most housekeeper dont do laundry. Then if you need to buy groceries and you can’t bc work doesn’t let you do much it’s this much for an errand person. I went into detail all I did. It turned out he’d be broke every paycheck. And it at the end I said ok if we were just roommates I’d pay this half in bills and groceries etc. I would still have money to spend on me and kids with he’d have to pay. Never again did he say it was his money. Made my point clear.
Now I work and we spend it on kids school activities clothes shoes and sometimes groceries, and even when we go out as a family. So much better. And help saves alot.
I feel the same way!!!
I did not get over it. I changed it.
There’s no reason things can’t be in both of your names. That’s an easy fix. If you’re willing to have the conversation.
Most importantly!
Know your value!
What you’re doing right now is so very important. I too was a stay-at-home mom. We raised four boys together.
When the children were older, I took part time work. Nothing is permanent. Everything Will Change as Life Goes On. But again, please learn and know your worth. What you’re doing is so wonderful and important! Count your blessings and one of them is definitely that you’re able to be home with your children.
Not everybody gets that chance.
I too am a stay at home mom and before kids I made as much money as my partner. It’s a hard adjustment. But you are raising your children and taking care of our home. Even just making it that, a home. Not just a house. You have to see your value in that. You raising your children yourself is priceless. And if your partner says it is your money then he clearly feels that way. Believe him. Your job is hard just as hard as going out to earn a living. Harder sometimes because you don’t always know you are doing a good job and you don’t see a paycheck for motivation.
That is your money too girl. You are partners making life happen together. 
Oh wow. Wowowowow. Listen dear. If everything is in his name only, you’re F-U-C-K-E-D - FUCKED if he leaves you, or up and dies with no will. Even with a will, if nothing is in your name it will take a long time to probate. I mean… seriously, go have that changed NOW. There’s no reason for a married couple with children to have property or large items like cars in only one person’s name… unless he doesn’t think it will work out?
Now, if you really want to contribute actual money, you can always try working from home. But if you want to know the most basic value you bring to the relationship, add up the amount of money it would cost your husband if you died tomorrow. Would the kids go into daycare or would someone in the family watch them? If it’s the latter, then set that up and go get a job. If not, then that’s financial worth you bring to the household. Would he need a cleaning person to keep the house clean enough not to get CPS involved? That’s value. Would he need to hire a nanny or mother’s helper to help with the kids outside of daycare, with things like making dinner and folding laundry and bath/bed time? That’s hella expensive. That’s all your financial contribution. You save him a shit ton of money. You shouldn’t have to ask to use the bank card and if he set that up, shut that shit down. If it was you, stopbeing a victim to your own guilt. Your name deserves to (and seriously NEEDS to) be on the house and cars and the bank account. You’re as entitled as he is, and if you really don’t believe it, then put those kids in daycare or hire a nanny and get a job! Boom. Problem solved. You’re welcome.
You’re a huge contribution to your family by caring for your children
Stop asking
For your sanity, start a part time job…
It helps you feel like yiure doing something instead of all the house stuff
Just think of how much you are saving your family by not working and having to pay for childcare
I started farming and raising food to contribute. Most times, I can break even for animal feed and processing if I sell some. I also raise laying hens and sell when they’re close to laying age. Also, started a mealworm farm and sell those locally
Maybe look into being a school bus driver, it’s what I do it’s part time, you would have some spending money maybe buy groceries every other week or pay one of the utilities and you will still have time for appointments in the middle of the day.
First off you need to realize being a SAHM is a job!! I too struggle with this, but know that I don’t want anyone else raising MY children! My husband works odd hours and travels for work. I am my children’s stability. School, Dr. appointments, sports whatever they need! You give your husband the ability to do his job knowing his babies are taken care of! It doesn’t matter who’s name is on anything…you are partners! Hopefully you can learn to enjoy the opportunity of being there for your little loves! They won’t stay little long❤️
Girl, you’ve got to think “a penny saved is a penny earned” … You know how much your family saves on daycare?
Idk! I went out and got a job!
I have that feeling too. I started transcribing audio files during my sons nap time. The money is total shit, but it’s SOMETHING and you can do it just sitting at home on any computer. 
Well you are probably young ,I’m 61yr’ and we are raising two grandkids my husband cuts me down constant over you girls same situation,I regret not being independent,so bad makes me feel worthless! Argue everyday over money,bills so it don’t get better in my opinion? I regret not changing this when I as young in good health now I’m in such a deep hopeless rut! He says he takes care of me out of pity,and because of grandkids,so while your young you need to get some kind of career,training,further education I feel!
It doesn’t feel good even at my age to be belittled,cut down because I have no income?
Express to him how you’re feeling. I’m not dismissing how you feel, but stay at home mom do SO much. Your contribution is cooking and cleaning and taking care of your babies- all things most men couldn’t do like we do on a regular basis. You could try working from home or getting something part time, but if he makes enough… I’d just tell him how you feel and maybe he’ll have some ideas on how to help 
I would have a big problem with ‘it’s all in his name’ And you do contribute to the family. Maybe not with money but you are a mom, housekeeper, cleaner, cook…is that not enough for you ??
Maybe you can do something from home to bring in extra cash. Just an example, but you create and sell natural soap bars from home, as well as natural body products. You can learn to do anything with access to the internet.
What are you good at? Any talents? Maybe you’re a great baker, or cook. You can probably sell baked goods from home.
I know a friend of mine who is a self taught baker. She baked a cake for someone at her church. They loved it so much and spread the word. Now she has her own business from home and makes very descent money. Hope this helps! Best of luck!
Make yourself a bill for every job you do … double time for night stuff… do this for a month…laundry, driving, family shopping,cooking cleaning , homework, plus extras organizing, sorting, paying bills ect… that will show you how much you contribute… after 4 yrs of staying at home with 4 kids… after bill’s (cuz I’m not greedy 
) my hubby is in debt thousands 
we call it even tho 
Like other responders have said, you ARE contributing to the household. but If you need to feel better about being a SAHM, how about figuring out all the associated expenses that you going out to work would generate - The Childcare expenses, hiring a maid, transportation services for Dr’s appointment for the kids, etc., If you do thins, I bet you will feel better and see that you ARE contributing to the family in a BIG way!
Call your local daycares. When you find out what they charge you’ll realize exactly how much you’re saving your family. For a lot of people daycare costs are more than the mortgage… especially if you have more than 1 child.
That said major purchases could’ve, and arguably should’ve, been made in both names.
But trust me… you contribute.
I kind of feel the same way. Fiancé owns his own business while I stay home with the kids. I am not someone who likes to rely on someone else especially when it comes to money. He says all I have to do is ask and he’ll give it to me but I don’t like it. I’m only 28. I have an eight year old in school and I stay home with our two girls. Three and one. We say once all the kids are in school full time is when I’ll get job. I am someone who likes to be independent so being a SAHM is definitely hard work
Just think about how much money you save on child care. That alone is contributing. I’m a stay at home mom and now that my daughter is in school I’m pregnant with #2. The only thing I regret is not going back to school when I first became a stay at home mom. I have been thinking about taking some online classes now so that way once this one starts kindergarten I will be able to start working in a better carrier than what I did before (retail). I have been very fortunate that my husband has an awesome job that pays very well. He understands that I need a little bit of independence so he lets me have my own bank account and has a certain amount direct deposited into it as like an allowance. That money is for groceries and then whatever is left I get to spend on what ever I want. We also have a joint account that the most of his check goes into and that account is used to pay bills and then we have a joint savings account for well saving, LOL. I really like how this works out because I feel like even though I didn’t earn it traditionally it’s still my money to do what I want (after groceries of course, but he’s very generous in how much he gives me so I have spending money). I did start my own little crafting hobby/small business where I make and sell personalized glitter tumblers and I’m branching into other crafting things that I personalized with vinyl (shirts, bags, etc)
After last child was 1 I went back to work. I don’t like not working, and I like to help as well.
I feel the exact same way. He says it’s ours but everything is in his name. I started hobbies that I could do while the baby was asleep or the others were in school and got the hang of them and then began selling them. Most times its just what I make goes back into my next product I’m making but at least I’m not asking him for money to buy the things, I mean at first I did yea but now it all goes back into itself.
I remember feeling this way. I grew up very poor. At times missing meals. So having lack of money scares me ALOT. But my husband works hard n return I work hard to care for our home. You do so much. The cleaning, cooking, laundry, budgeting bills, caring for your kiddos. All of it. My husband needs me as I need him. I have sacrificed my goals and body to provide him with home and children. You contribute enough to call the house yours as well.
Same. Stay at home mom guilt is real
you are contributing in a huge way… 1 you save crazy money on daycare. you child gets an even better childhood and a closer family bond, being a sahm is a 24/7 job… i know i been doin it for 18 years now… and if you really feel that way either get you a part time job or… find something to do at home to earn extra cash… either things you can make and sell on like etsy or somethinf like at home childcare …
You contribute by raising and teaching your kids every day. Kids flourish so much more when they have their parent every day teaching them rather than being in daycare.
I feel the same way. I’m 8 months pregnant and cant work at the moment. Money is tight and it would be so much easier if I could work. I cook and clean and do as much as I can do without getting told I need to sit down and relax and not over do myself. I feel so bad that I cant bring any money in for my family right now but I have to remind myself I’m a mom of a 4 year old and pregnant I can only do so much right now. And after I have my daughter I am going to get a job working opposite shifts from my husband so we dont need child care.
I have 3 kids. Have been a sham for 6 years. My husband works hard to keep me at home with our babies. He pays for everything but i keep the house clean, kids fed, I do morning dropoffs, after school pickups, sports, i cook breakfast lunch and dinner. I do laundry, I watch the dog, play with kids, do homework all before he even gets home from work. He never has to worry about the kids or the house because im always there. He always says that he will keep me as a SHAM forever as long as he cans.
Just relax and enjoy! God has blessed you with a caring husband! no need to feel u need to contribute! You are doing ur part at home!
Try working two jobs and never having a break. Be greatful or go back to work.
Your working…and hard. Its ur money too.
I paid the bill and also do the house chores you are blessed appreciate it
You contribute by not having your kids get raised by someone else other than their loving mother. Cant trust anyone nowadays. I’d get a job and help financially, but all my paycheck would do is go toward paying someone else to look after her.
You don’t get over it. You get a job
Childcare and housekeeping. Two big jobs that other people pay for. Probably including running errands, cooking and so on. Give yourself more credit. You’re contributions are super important.
He hasn’t “given” it to you; you’ve built it together. You do contribute to your household income and savings. Price what you save in daycare, eating out, and commuting costs to start. Plus, a double income can mean less tax breaks. Is your family stronger with you home or are you an unnecessary mooch off your husband? I bet it’s stronger and you’re able to do more as a family with you home. Want a challenge? Work part time for the school district to see if it makes your household better.
Get a job working the opposite hours. That way you don’t have to pay for day care but are financially contributing. Waitress part time in the evenings a couple days a week.
You don’t get over it you just learn to live with it.
I can’t imagine how you feel but just wanted to say you are incredibly lucky to be able to be home raising your children. I wish my husband earned enough for me to be home, I really did. I’m only a month away from returning to work and leaving my three children, our youngest is only three months.
If that’s how you feel than go out and look for a job , I’m a single mother , kids only see their dad every other weekend I pay all the bills by myself as well as groceries etc and it’s hard I wish I had someone that loved me so that we can contribute to everything 50/50 cuz then I’d have extra money to do fun things with the kids m
I was a SAHM for 5 years. My husband made all the money. I took care of housework, kids, supper, and finances. I never felt guilty bc I was working in the home. You just need to look at it as you are working just as much as him, even more bc you don’t get a day off and you don’t clock out like he does, you just don’t get a paycheck.
You contribute by doing all the things he can’t because he is at work. My partner says the same: that’s it’s our money. I don’t really feel that: so I know what you mean. But he said to me once that without us he would have no reason to go to work and what else would he do with the money. And that I do a lot, that I just don’t realise how much I do… We are a family and we work together and contribute what we can. You’re raising the chikdren and looking after the family and the home.
Childcare fees $100 A day= you do it for free
Cleaner $100 a day= you do it for free
Chef $50 A night = you do it for free
Taxi $50 A day = you do it for free
You don’t get breaks that’s time and a half or double time = you do it for free
Know your worth! You may do it out of love but you are contributing financially by saving that money. Alot of people find they go to work and only end up with $50 more a week than you would just staying home. Is that $50 worth missing your child growing??
There’s nothing wrong with being a SAHM or a working mum your just as important you just do your work for free 
Don’t worry. In a court of law, it’s all half yours too.
Look into what it would cost for your child(ren) to be in daycare for 50 hours a week (you have to count for driving time to/from daycare to/from work).
Factor in what it costs to drive to/ from work, clothing, etc. There’s your wage.
I felt the same when I was a stay at home mom. I now work 2 jobs. Someone gave me this advise and it changed the way I see things.
Write down everything you do all day long for a week.
Every little thing and every time you feel like this look at that list and tell your self that is your job. Making sure the house and kids are cared for.
You do contribute. You do house work,kids. Just that alone think of what you would pay someone else to keep kid’s or extra time he would lose by doing all the extra house work. Stay at home parent’s contribute as well. When I’m not working I just try to do extras and make sure he knows that I appreciate him going to work and me being home with out kids because let’s face it without him I wouldn’t get this time with them somone else would be. I don’t ask when it comes to money. It is ours and always has been when I’m working or not. It’s all ours since we have been together. Nothing is his or mine. We work together as a team since we are on. Of this is getting to hard on you. Maybe look for something part time. I get bored at home so that’s what I’m doing. Will help with a little extra cash as well as me out the house.
Think about how much child care would be, a maid would be, a chef would be, etc.
Sit down and write how much it would cost each week for:
House cleaning
Someone to do laundry
Cook
Babysitter
Lover
Someone to buy food
Tutor child with homework
Add up what all of the above would cost on a weekly basis and than think twice about saying you DON’T
contribute!!!
Jus feel grateful and enjoy it. Not every mama gets to be a stay at home mommy and plus our jobs as full time parents ain’t a cake walk we do alot. Dont worry ok
Everything should be in both names.
If you calculate hours spent on cleaning, laundry,cooking, childcare, each task separately by at least $15.00 per hour you will see how much your being a stay at home mom actually contributes to the family income. Don’t be sucked into the “you don’t contribute” ruse, you earn every penny!
You can work at home
Everything should be in both names. #1 beef with me. Asking about spending money is another. You know what bills are being paid don’t ask for permission to buy things. You are working though not receiving a paycheck.
Listen…you take care of the house, the kids , the family. You feed everyone. Do all the shopping. All the cleaning. Dont for one second feel like you dont contribute. You may not bring in a physical paycheck but what you do every day is what keeps your family together. He couldn’t do his job with you doing your “job”
I was a SAHM for 2 years and I felt this way. I had always worked but I stayed home to take care of our very young girls. It was a big change for me. All I can say is make a literal list of all that you do in any given day, it really adds up! If you are lucky enough to have a good man by your side he should know how much you do to keep the house running, my husband would ask me how I did it when I went back to work on the weekends and he was home with the kids.
I was actually in this position, feeling the same way after working for sixteen yrs full time. I hated that I couldn’t contribute but I wanted to be home with my kids. I actually lucked out bc I have an education degree. In my husband’s days off I would babysit outside the house, one day a week. Then i got online and saw a family looking for care for their son before school the next town over. I got hired then ( mom was a teacher) off for the summer and my job with them was over. Found another family working two days a week, then that mom who was a teacher actually needed afternoon care for her son. So I got hired on babysitting her kid three days a week while I’m home with my kids. Yes it’s crazy, I drop one kid off at 730, come home, drop my other kid off at 9, pick the teachers son up at 11, pick my daughter up at 1130, take them to the park and home, then get my son at 245. I drive all day long lol. But in the end I’m home with my babies, and the two days I sit out of the house my husband is home with them so no sitter fees.