I’m a SAHM. I feel lousy that I do not contribute financially to this family at all. Our cars, house everything, is because of my husband but it’s also all in his name. I am so thankful for him and everything he has given us, but I just feel like nothing is ours; it’s just his. I always ask before buying anything, even stuff for the baby or groceries. ( even tho he says it’s “our money” or “our house” ) I just don’t feel that way. How do you other mommas get over this?
You are home with your kids. That is the most and best contribution you could ever give. Chin up
from day one, husband and I had both our names on all the financial stuff (accounts, cards, loan, etc.) and decided that my contributions were worthy. No, he doesn’t always appreciate it. Yes, he does sometimes say, “if you really want that thing you can have it when YOU get a job” but then I point out (sometimes rudely - oops) that raising our kids IS my job and i’m darn good at it, and somewhat underpaid to boot. If you feel it’s not even, start valuing what you do even if it means looking up what full-time childcare, nursing care, grocery shoppers, chauffeurs, housekeepers, accountants and whatever else you do make, add it all up, and then figure half the house payment / rent out of that and see just what you do actually contribute. Hint: it’s not small potatoes.
If you feel that way then look into daycare or sitters and go get a job
I don’t really have an answer for you. I always have worked during my marriage and house, cars, etc., are in joint names. If you are feeling like you add no real value to your marriage, or home because you stay home to take care of the children you may just want to talk to your husband. He is the one who will help you though this. Perhaps jointly by the car, change the title on the house to joint names. This isn’t just to add to your “worth” but, these are things that should be in joint names just in case something happens to your husband. Just talk to him.
Maybe babysit ? Part time something ? I felt same way for awhile n just did what I could,
I have been a SAHM for 22 yrs. I make sure the house is clean, kids are taking care of( mine are older now 21,18 and 14), I do all the yardwork, and I always make sure dinner is ready when he walks in the door from work. I basically make sure he really doesn’t have anything to do because he is out in the real world making the bacon and having to be a sheep clocking in and out.
Remember you are working,very hard.
You clean ,cook,look after the kids,keep everything thing ticking over.You have one of the most important jobs there is ,raising your children.Just remember this won’t be forever. Maybe ask husband for a monthly housekeeping amount,that goes straight to your account,so you don’t feel you always have to ask .Good luck .
How long have you been together? And over time you’ll start to feel better about it. If you’re a stay at home parent you do have a full time job of raising your kids and keeping your home. It doesn’t sound like your husband has an issue you are letting yourself hold you back. Take small steps, purchase things without asking. Start incorporating the words ours into your life. Your married, its a together life. Live a together life. Stop feeling guilty. Many woman such as myself are stay at home parent’s. Maybe sit down and come up with a spending plan for you throughout the week, for baby items, household, or whatever else, if that makes you feel more comfortable. Your husband seems to be OK, so you need to become OK. It would be different if he was having an issue and claimed it all his. He isn’t.
I definitely would hate that feeling, try doing something to have your own income, even if it’s small. As sad as it is, but in todays day and age it’s always good to have something to fall back on because you never know what tomorrow holds. That’s a good self sufficiency lesson for your children also.
Am too a sahm, it is hard sometimes. Feel the same way u do most days but then I think about all the kids stuff I would maybe miss out on and then I’m very thankful. We dont have much extra with one income but I felt empowered when my name was added to important stuff. My car is in my name with my husband as a secondary. I have credit cards(not big ones, just kohl’s and children’s place in my name only)
I’ve been a SAHM for the last 2 years and I’ve been feeling the exact same way… I just recently went and got a part time job serving at a local restaurant, its not much financially but it makes a huge difference in the way I feel now.
Your efforts contribute to the household income. You provide childcare, household management.
Im a stay home mom I did work for a while while daughter was in school part time now I’m looking for CPR class to work with school subs
Then go to work in the evenings, simple!
Just because he physically makes the money, doesn’t mean it’s just his. The cars, the house, should still be in BOTH names. You’re a chef, maid, coach, teacher, caregiver, nurse, and so much more in the 1 category it falls under “SAHM”. Google “how much does a stay at home mom make” and click images. The first one should actually break down how much you’d be paid if you actually did for being a stay at home mom. You’d make WAY more than your spouse that’s how I look at it.
Ur husband sounds like he’s totally fine with ur position as a sahm.im 64 yo & never had that option.so enjoy! My suggestion would b to not ask ur husband to purchase things or use the money.he isn’t ur daddy & u shouldn’t feel like u need permission.so try that.enjoy ur baby 100% & flaunt ur position & enjoy ur now life❤️
Oh hunn. Being a sahm is more than a full time job. Dont beat yourself up about it. If it really bothers you, maybe take in a child for daycare or even start up one of your own at home businesses. I did and made it a full time career. Im sure your husband would support you
As a stay home mom of over 18 years I never felt that way because my job at home I did way more than what my husband did out on the field.
We had 3 children 1 was handicap I was more stressed out than he was cooking cleaning bill pain doctors appointment school IEP meetings.
I say home moms do way more than one or husbands would do out on a job unless he has a very stressful hands on kind of thing a stay-at-home moms get way more stressed out
To the point that if I got a job and put my children in day care all my check would go to day care and what would be the sense of that. Just be happy that you can stay home with your children and raise them way better than setting them to A-day care.
When they get into school and if you can find an afternoon morning job while they’re in there you can contribute but up until then don’t feel so badd your job is way more stressful
By staying home u r saving ur family money. If u went back to work, in order to do everything u do, ur family would have to hire a nurse, cook, organizer, maid, secretary, negotiator, shopper, coach, chauffeur, tutor, personal groomer, counselor, & day care provider.
You are contributing in a huge way! You take care of the house, kids and care about the financial situation. Being a SAHM is a huge responsibility and yes, a full time and then some job. Think about the fact that you ALWAYS take care of everything. You do not get paid vacation or a sick day. You are on the clock 24/7. You are especially valuable to your family. You earn your “keep” by managing the home. Don’t sell yourself so short!
If you need it, buy it. If it is something wanted and expensive, sure, ask but basics like groceries are a must, baby stuff- must
New car… mutual decision (want). Necessary but expensive so both parties should be in agreement.
You work and you work hard. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Being a homemaker is an important and difficult job. If i May ask, were you raised in a home where the woman was made to feel guilty for not contributing? Were there defined gender roles? Sometimes it’s hard for anyone to live a life independent from how they were raised. Contributing to a family isn’t about money. It’s ok to be a homemaker. Whatever works for you and your family. If you want to work outside of the home do it for you💕 Women and made to feel inferior if they choose to be a homemaker these days. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Your husband and children are fortunate to have you.
My hubby makes decent money and COULD cover all our bills if i stopped working. But i work for SEVERAL reasons. Main one is bcuz i like contributing. Also, since i have several rescue animals and enjoy feeding feral cats in my community i use my earnings to supply stuff like pet food, my personal needs and even help with a couple bills just to feel a part of. Staying at home raising a family IS a helluva contribution though and i think you should take pride in that.
Get a job if that’s how you feel
You get over it by first telling him your name needs to be on “our” stuff.
I’m raising our kids and taking care of the house and everything that goes along. Just because you don’t bring home a paycheck doesn’t mean you don’t work just as hard as him. And your job doesn’t ever end.
Let me tell something honey. You are working hard. Clearly you’re a team… i’m a stay at home mom as well. Does he make you laugh? Are you guys happy? Humor is important. I hope he doesn’t make you feel bad for not contributing financially. I’m sure you cook, clean, get everyone going in the morning. Lay out clothes, wash them. Pack lunches. Do you drive? If so, thats a whole other list of things you do. You keep your house spinning so your world can breathe. Thats a job in its self
But you do contribute to the household income. You are taking care of your children. I don’t know your situation and earning capabilities but sometimes child care cost are more than what you clear working. I was a SAHM 30 years ago. I was home for 4 years with my daughter. Money was very tight. But I wouldn’t have cleared much if I had worked. I felt the same way you do now. But I can tell you looking back I wouldn’t change what I did, even if i could have made 50,000 or more a year. With that said everyone has to make the decision what works best for their own family. Moms that work outside the home have my upmost respect. But the only advice I have is review and think about what would happen if something happens to your husband. You need to be mindful of your ability to carry on for yourself and your children. If you are not aware of the financial aspects of your household a little basic knowledge may make you more comfortable.
By cooking cleaning and tending to our health … balanced family
I didn’t stop feeling that way until I got out and made my own money. I constantly felt worthless. And it wasn’t because of him whatsoever it’s just that feeling you get even though you clean, take care of the kids , make dinner ect. You’re not alone dear.
This is going to sound harsh but I’d be more concerned about what happens to you if things don’t work out and everything is in his name?
For your own security, your name should be on the vehicle, the house, and any savings or other financial accounts. If he dies, or heaven forbid, wants a divorce, you may be in a very difficult situation.
Your willingness and sacrifice allows for your team to win. He plays an important part as well as you… However, I don’t like how he puts everything in his name tho… that’s game!
Hmmmm there is much more that can be said but I’ll leave it here for now.
I’d either get a part-time job at a grocery store or somewhere open late even a fast food restaurant. Maybe from 9pm-1am when it’s bedtime. Tuck away 20% for a rainy day. 30% for myself then the rest to the home and a bill. My cousin has 4 kids and she works from 10am-2pm while they’re at school and she’s able to bring her youngest with her (lucky). She’s also has a side hustle doing nails in her garage and going back to school for her GED to get certified. There are opportunity’s to make your own little money. I’ve seen a few of my SAHMommies doing Paparazzi and Colorstreet for their personal money. Maybe pick a craft you love and sale it online. Good luck mama!
You are doing more than your share but it feels nice to have your own pocket money.
Get a job if it has you feeling like that. I’m a working mom and always will be because I want to make my own and definitely don’t want to ask about spending money or asking for it. I never want to be in a situation where I can’t take care of myself and my children, but everybody is different. I’d never feel stuck because if it doesn’t work out what are you going to do.
I worked my whole life 11yrs ago I had a accident blew out 3 disks in my back… I worked up until 2 yrs ago… I never relied on no one to take care of me… I hate hate hate that I can’t work!!! Thank God my hubbie of 3 yrs has a good job n handles the bills… but I do feel horrible even tho I cook clean take care of the animals… I hate feeling like this… I went from a strong single mamma to now my kids are grown on there own to a…
I am now in my 60’s my husband and I raised 2 kids together and helped with our grandkids but I had always had to work as we were both middle class workers, but I always felt guilty because I didn’t have much time with my kids, be thankful that you do get to stay home and spend time with your kids I always wished I could have
Put something in your name. Get a PT job with flexible hours. You gotta have something that’s just yours that he hadn’t put in on or you’ll always feel like that. You still got to have a separation. It’ll be good for everybody. You’ll feel independent
Hello, fellow stay at home mom here. It is truly a blessing to have a husband that can take care of everything financially. Raising children and maintaining a household may not generate revenue, but a SAHM it is a proud title to have and is very rewarding and important in this day and age.
Through a family friend I was offered a position I can work from home. I felt I bit like you did, wanting to contribute to the household. Carrying a child/children and raising them, keeping them safe, cooking, cleaning, that is all contribution enough, so don’t forget that. However if you want to make extra money do something from home like many mothers do
I have always been a SAHM. Along the way I had a few part time jobs and even went back to college. What day care costs these days…it would eat up a good part of the household budget. I cook, clean, chauffeured kids and their friends, was on the PTA. laundry and can fix just about anything. Do you have any idea what that would cost? I think you are lucky to spend this time with your child. It is exhausting to work full time and do all that. Ask any Mom or Dad that does it. You need to have your name on everything!!! It is as much yours too. If you want to earn extra money…there are so many businesses that have people work at home. But you need to stop feeling you are not enough!!!
Look online to see if there are any jobs you can work from home, but to not have anything in your name I wouldn’t be able to do that. Pray you can find a way to be at peace and comfortable.
You could always get into crafts and start selling the stuff you make
I workes 12 hours at my job for the first 4 years of our relationship had our first son went back to work 3 weeks after my c section and 3 years later after several MC im almost 8 months along with #2 and quit working at 4 months having depression hasnt helped but i felt the same way when he pretty much made me quit my job 💁 it was making me go fucking bonkers i would work 7 days a week sometimes 12 hours a day some home cook clean and do it all 💁 we worked opposite shifts so id come home to a baby thats just woke up at 2pm and have to be awake alll day while doing house shit you get used to being home and not having to do stuff is mt point… He always tells me its our money our house our cars (we each have one of our own) and has said that since baby #1 im just now getting used to it years later i just one day stopped caring knowing how much we love and work together for our kids …does it scare me if we ever break up fuck yeah but you know what well cross that bridge when we get to it …
You can go back to work outside the home, or work from home. Or you can just become confident that you deserve to be loved, cared for, and provided for. And that’s why your spouse has no issue with being the sole provider .
He knows you are in HIS hands, he has the Power unless you GO GET A JOB. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the A$$😊
I do taxes for 4 months a year. But I’ve always been a stay at home mom and caretaker.
You may not financially contribute but I guarantee you do everything for your child, that’s childcare, cooking meals, cleaning, that’s a lot of work in itself, don’t put yourself down. If it wasn’t for you he wouldn’t have clean clothes, a clean home, a meal to come home to
My daughter in law sells stuff on her Esty shops to help make money. But also please don’t devalue yourself. Just b/c you don’t make cash think about how much you save by being home. How much money it would cost if you had to pay for a sitter. Then who would take care of your children, like no one can like you. Who would clean the house, cook, run errands, do wash . I mean that is hard work. If it helps you sit down and give an assigned value to every thing you do. Your worth is shown from the love of your husband & children. You can’t put a price tag on that.
I would talk with him about it and if he says anything other than that hes happy with your current arrangement then you should be fine. On the same token if you dont feel comfortable with it for any reason, let him know that as well and discuss different things you can do to contribute even if it’s just for some personal freedom.
When I read things like this, it scares me. As a 50 year old woman, I have seen many of my friends go through the fact that they stayed at home…took care of the kids and the house, and 10-20 years later, their husband asks for a divorce…and the wives realize that they have nothing of their own, and hardly any employable skills and it makes going out on your own VERY difficult, and almost guarantees you will be living in poverty…Let your husband know that you’re not happy having him carry the whole ball…ask him to contribute to your education, or support you while you work outside the house…DON’T let him, the house, and the kids become your WHOLE life. You WILL regret it later…
This helped me:
Hire yourself. Give yourself an hourly rate and keep track of all the hours you spend being a house cleaner and a babysitter. That helps put monetary value to your job. And being a SAHM is definately a full time job with daily overtime demands
We have a joint checking account and he says that half of what he brings home is mine for all that I do at home.
I went through the same thing and it destroyed me and my marriage. My self esteem was so low and I felt like a failure. If possible get a part time job maybe do childcare out of your home. You need to do something to feel better about yourself and the situation.
Get your name on EVERYTHING.
If he can’t put your name on everything, he is controlling you and he will always control you. Get your name on everything or walk away.
Lets be realistic he bought it it belongs to him… lets say you bought the car and the house where you going to put his name on it… clearly no…
If you want something on your name work for it to own it.
You seem to be happy in your marriage don’t go make unnecessary issues… if you going to ask him to write something in your name, he will suspect you upto something
Well I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve raised the three kids practically alone cause the bf was always at work. I also maintained the house the laundry cleaning the bathrooms yuck. I make sure everyone is taken care of before myself. So in my opinion I worked just as hard as him without the recognition or pay. If we got paid most places charge 25-50$ an hour. So if I was to ask for payment with no days off. I’d be owed millions. We all do are part just in different ways.
I donate at biolife to help it’s atleast something n don’t take me away from My kid long
Why don’t you think of it this way. If you were to hire someone to do all of the things you how much would that cost? Maid, laundry, child care, personal chef, landscaper. Then don’t feel so bad.
I am a stay at home wife and mom too but there is a big difference between us, our houses and our cars are all in my name while our savings/ checking account is either in mine or it is a joint account. i talk it about him openly that it was his idea and his wish for me to be a sah and i dont want to feel like just a maid in charge of the house and our son and having most of our conjugal properties mostly in my name makes me feel secure and confident that we are partners and that we are one. it is easy for him to do so because it is his motto that a happy wife is equals to a happy and blessed life. our life has been trully been blessed, happy and peaceful since he learned to treat and dots me as a queen. Just talk to him sincerely that there are a few things you needed from him in order to feel love and sah is really not that easy, you sacrifice your own personal growth and life. having yourself handling your household finances and decision together is one way to help you feel that you are partners.
I was a stay home mom for the 1st 6 years of my sons life. Its great to be there when they are little but once he was in 1st grade I went back to work. While my other half was amazing about taking care of us I just wanted to be able to contribute and have some nicer things we couldnt afford before. It has done so much for my self esteem and feeling productive but each mama has their own thing follow your heart and do whats right for you.
That’s weird. I am a sahm too, and my husband puts everything in both of our names.
There are all kinds of equally important parts to a successful happy home and good marriage than just financial and your husband obviously knows that which is why he says it is "our home " because you contribute in 1000’s of extremely important parts of a successful home family marriage .
Depending on what state you’re in, I believe most, it is in mine. It’s both, all considered material property. And mom’s if got paid for what they do, would bring home more than any man, so don’t be so down on yourself. And certainly, stop asking, it is half yours, you are married…
You do You clean you shop you do laundry you take care of the children and bills being paid and your saving money by not paying a babysitter and you know your baby is safe with you
I never get over it lol I do try to bring in more money by doing ya at home job. Look into some and see if that helps
You contribute in other ways… Spend money like it’s yours, because it is.
I never got over it, I started a little part time job (1 evening a week) at a local pub just so I felt I was contributing xx
Get a job. Even if you babysit from home. At least you’d be making money.
If he isn’t worried about it, you shouldn’t be either mama! You make the house a home Being a SAHM is a lot of work (but of course super rewarding)! You can always go out and get a job but if your calling is to be at home then do what’s best for you and your family. You are enough, even if you don’t contribute to the finances!
I feel this way and am a stay at home mom. Buttt my kid is in kindergarten this year. So I took on a few kids during the week to help financially til I get a job. I also sell jewelry too! It helps!
It stinks feeling like you’re not entitled to things when the man makes all the money. Look into direct sales companies or babysitting if you can do that. Or maybe get a part time job to help just a smidge.
There’s nothing wrong with depending on your husband sometimes, but as a woman you want to be able to back him up. Even if you work a little part time it’ll help with your self esteem and it’ll also give you a break from the kids. It’s nice being home with the kids, but work does something for your self esteem and self worth as a woman. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and see how he feels about you working part time. Make sure it complements his schedule thoigh so it won’t conflict with you guys regular schedule.
You run that whole household mama! You do contribute, maybe not with money but your house wouldn’t run without you! But if you want to maybe get a little part time job if you want to but I think you are doing great!!
Look up the prices of daycare and see how much you are saving watching your own kids!!!
Im a sahm of 9 and know the feeling. I just got approved for my disability and so now i can help contribute to things but b4 that i felt like crap not being able to help him. I still ask b4 i buy things lol so i dont think u ever get over it.
Why is the house and cars just in his name and not both? If hes saying the money is ours maybe that’s part of the problem, if you’re feeling they arent yours. Theres a qoute " a Stay at home Mom is equivalent to 2 full time jobs" and its true. Hubby may work a 9-5 m-f, you as a wife and mother work sun up to sun down and sometimes past that. Dishes, errands, laundry, cleaning house. Taking care of the kids. Thats a 24/7 job. No days off, no vacation. Value the stay at home mom. cherish the time with your kids.
The work you do is more important than any amount of money you could ever contribute
Here is the value of sahm
I did side jobs , babysat children in the day , and worked nights once baby slept through the night. I couldn’t not have my own money or help so I always made my own somehow.
Think of all the ways your saving money by staying home. Just in childcare alone your saving a butt load of money.
He pays the bills. You raise the kid(s), do laundry, clean, cook, nurture, heal wounds, he may contribute more financially… but what you are doing is priceless.
I got a part time job to help with that feeling. When hubby gets home, we have dinner together then I work for a couple hours and I’m home for our bedtime routine.
You’re raising a whole human! Being a mom is a 24 hour 7 day a week job we get no breaks! Stay strong mama
Aside from Tending to the Kids, you maintain the household by cleaning and cooking, shopping.
What u can do is Budget to spend less, buy Generic/store brands. Be energy efficient, unplug things that are not being used, keep lights off if u don’t need it. So your husband doesn’t feel like Bills are high.
I too feel this way. I do have a income but I still feel like I can do more
You should feel blessed you dont have to work to help make ends meet.
Im a stay at home mom… Both of us are comfortable with this. I do my best to keep the house clean, do meal, taking care of the baby and him. I do my contribution to my family.
I am a SAHM as well, and I go through that feeling very often… my husband always reassures me that I am contributing by being at home watching our kids grow up, being there for them with everything they need. He may be paying for it all, but you are making your house a home
Think of your family as a job. Someone has to watch the kids ,feed everyone ,do laundry . Keep the kids happy ,play with them ,clean the house. You just dont make money but you do soooooo much more . Dont feel bad !
I feel ya! I look at all I do for our household and children, I dont feel like I dont contribute. I do work a few hours a week, for my sanity but that money doesnt go far, goes to nursery school, school lunch, cell phone, internet and anything else I can manage to pay. Dont look at it the way you are, thats the best advice I can give, as moms we give our all to our household and children, thats worth so much more❤
your not just a SAHM your a FULL TIME MOM. it’s a full time job raising kids and maintaining a household, it’s your money as much as it is his because you’re working a fulltime job also
All big purchases such as cars, house, credit cards are in both mine and my husband’s name. Yes, we both work, but the economy could change that any minute of any day… and a SAH parent works their butt off taking care of the kids all day every day. Not to mention the savings of no daycare.
Sit down and keep a list of all you do and then price how much you would pay if someone else did it you will be surprised at the value you provide not to mention take note of you down time your days off ( lol) and then you should start to see how much more valuable you staying home is compared to if you worked . I do think working can bring other personal values but in total your much more valuable at home .
If you feel like it’s really affecting your mood talk to your doctor about how your feeling. Otherwise just be grateful that you only need one income.
Hunny you do everything you need to do, he may pay the rent or house bill, but you make it a home, he may pay for groceries, but you turn it into a meal, he may pay for cleaning supplies but you are the one to keep up with laundry and clean house, he may have helped make the kids, but you are the one raising them to be good human being, you do so much that you or him may not notice, but you are the one that makes life going round…
Sell scentsy or Avon! Or make crafts to sell.
Im a stay at home mom also I get those feelings also but I remember that even though I don’t work and get paid I work to take care of our kids him cook clean take car of pets… so just because you stay home you work twice as hard all day everyday and your pay is having a happy home and a happy family you do alot of contributing to the house hold rather you realize it or not
Start doing crafting🤷🏻♀️ make something that ppl would love to buy😊 I make hand crafted tumblers it’s a lot of fun! Just know it’s expensive to start! But once you get rolling you’ll be fine haha that or wood painting for holidays ect😊 it keeps you busy on slow days and brings in extra money!
I feel like I DO work. Everything we have is in both of our names though and if that makes you feel more comfortable then ask him to put you on as well.
We also have 3 boys and I do the majority of running them around for their activities.
My husband’s success in his business is directly attributed to the fact that I do stay home and take care of everything here as he travels a lot and works crazy hours.
We also both come from homes where our parents worked and there were things we couldn’t do as kids because of their jobs and schedules so we planned that I would stay home FOR the kids and family.
SO much depends on the husband’s attitude about the money. IF he truly values your role as mom, and how you keep things all together and managed then you are golden…IF you are really bothered by not earning any money, you could babysit, clean houses, take on a part-time home-based job and bring in some cash to contribute. Think of how much money you save in not having to pay for daycare alone, much less a cleaning lady, a cook etc. My first husband was not supportive and didn’t appreciate how much I did. I had severe endometriosis and was in pain three weeks out of four, I was raising our two sons, 21 months apart, maintaining two properties including the cleaning, painting, windows, lawns everything, cooking three meals a day from scratch, did all the shopping and errand running, in spite of frequent ill health and surgeries. I always had a really nice dinner (meat/potatoes/salad) on the table every single night when he got home from work as well as managing after school homework, kid’s activites and so on. Our small home was maintained and spotless.I washed and ironed his 7 shirts a week. He never understood just how lucky he really was. But he never appreciated it…Then he expected me to do ALL that plus work full time. Was not going to happen. Once my children were raised, I divorced him and he could come home to dirty laundry, a dirty home, no meal waiting and learn a thing or two about what I brought to the table.
Get a job there’s lots of things you can do from home. I have gone through 3 or 4 at home business. Where there’s a will there’s a way