I am a young mom and people keep trying to tell me how to parent: Advice?

I made it perfectly crystal clear to my mother in law that I and I alone am their mother. There is no discussion or anyone telling me what to do with my kids. I gave birth to them I will decide how to handle them. Period.

2 Likes

Just listen, say ok and do what you want. You may get some good advice.

1 Like

Don’t let it happen. You’re the parent. Nobody else. Time to speak up. Don’t worry about upsetting anyone. It’s not about them. It’s about you and your baby.

2 Likes

oh, honey. smh.
i was 18 when i had my first baby.
i wish anybody would’ve done that to me & id flew off the handle… you need to speak up and take care of your baby. IF the boyfriend disagrees with you, tough. you carried that baby for 9 months… birthed her.

Hopefully you don’t live with her. If you do, things won’t get better until you find your own place. Monster-in-laws can’t help themselves and need to be put in check by their sons.

4 Likes

Politely say it’s my baby let me take care of it you raised your kids now let me raise mine

Tell them mind their business
It’s your baby mama

Work things out to get into your own place. You are the best person to raise your child.

I straight up got in my mils face and yelled at her. Ever since then she doesnt try to over take and when my kids ask something when I’m around she will say we gotta ask your mom. Only way I could get it across to her that I was serious and it was pissing me off

1 Like

Tell her that she didnt push that baby out her vaj, or have it cut from her womb. Its your baby, and YOU will take care of her.

My mother in law is trying to be like this, and im not about that. Stand up for yourself. Tell her, "i know you are excited, but this is my and (boyfriend’s) baby. We will make the decisions, and dont be taking her from me unless you ASK.

1 Like

Speak up now or it will continue and get worse…

6 Likes

Tell her that you’re thankful for her being there and you will go to her if you need advice or help but you need to learn to do these things yourself because you’re the mother. Good luck x

2 Likes

First of all. You are the parent. Not your boyfriends, mother. You know what’s best for your baby. Stand up for yourself and tell her she needs to learn boundaries! That’s not acceptable!

1 Like

If you live with her ( and it sounds like you do) you need to approach it with a calm attitude. Is it her first grandchild? Is her son ( your boyfriend) a mommas boy? Does she still do everything for him ? If yes to all of these I would suggest trying to save up and get your own place.

3 Likes

I yelled at my MIL once and that’s all it took. She gave my 6month old son a drink of soda and I lost it on her. She has respected me every since.

1 Like

To be honest, people will always try to tell you how to parent no matter how old you are

1 Like

Put your foot down you are your childs parent i snap on my mom for this all the time.

Try to nicely tell them you like doing it your way and you will figure it out…if they dont want to listen tell them unless they participated in making it, they get no opinion

1 Like

I would say … is she your baby? Did you give birth to her and carry her for 9 months? No? Well then fuck off and let me parent my child.

4 Likes

Been there, definitely just a mom thing now. You just have to stand your ground. Next time she tries to snatch your kid from you, say “no, I’m the mom not you this isn’t your child”. If she doesn’t respects you it will show later, have to draw the line. It really sucks and can be hard. Do what’s best for you and baby, whatever that may be.

Sadly you gotta reach a breaking point and stick up for yourself. That is your baby, you carried it for however many months and it was born to you, not her. Tell her to back off or you’ll just stay with your parents or a friend.

1 Like

I straight up told my boyfriends mother that if she kept doing shit like that she wouldn’t touch my son. That is your baby and she needs to back off. Advice is all fine and good but she’s taking it too far. Your boyfriend needs to step up and tell her to chill.

4 Likes

Just have a talk with her and say that you appreciate her trying to help and your glad she loves your child like you do but you are the baby’s mum and you will do things your way and you will ask her if you need any help but she needs to let you do it yourself. If you live with her, it’s best to not get to angry straight away or make it awkward for you so try a nice approach and much as you may want to spit it as I know I would. Hopefully you can come to a civil agreement

2 Likes

Oh hell no. Who cares if ur bf get upset. Ur baby stand ur ground. Mother in laws can be the worst

1 Like

Do you live with them? If not don’t visit for a while. When she asks why tell her you were uncomfortable with how you were treated. If they want time with you and the baby things need to change

2 Likes

Just shrug and ignore her. I was a young mom, too, and I disregarded most “advice” because it went against sound medical advice and my own instinct. And your age is only relevant if you are otherwise immature. Just pay attention to what the pediatrician has to say and your instincts, and you got this. :blush:

2 Likes

Tell her that you understand she has a lot of knowledge and you appreciate that but when you need it you will ask and to please be respectful of how you choose to parent your child.

1 Like

YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR VOICE!
you are a mom now. I didnt find mine until my oldest was about 6m. Dont be afraid to say it like it is. At first it may be uncomfortable, but its needed. Set boundaries for yourself and your child. If your MIL dosen’t know where the line is, she will continue to cross it.

Don’t ever let them take your baby from you without your permission. My MIL came to babysit and said she was going to get on the bus and go to the mall with him. I said no he’s got the sniffles and he has a doctor appointment this afternoon. She could go to the mall, I would drop her off even, before his appointment. We didn’t have cell phones back then. I called my husband after I got home when she wasn’t there. There were two malls. He said not to worry about it, then I reminded him of the appointment. Told him he needed to leave work and check one mall then to the doctor’s office. luckily when I headed to the other mall, I saw her with my son at the bus stop. I was so pissed and took him away from her. Told her to get on the bus and not come back. My husband said which mall he was going to check and that is where he found her. He was pissed and let her know it. He did not give her a ride home since she was meeting some of her "disgusting’ friends. Our son had a slight cold but was only 4 months old and it could’ve gotten worse since her one friend was walking around with strep throat.

1 Like

Tell her to back off. The child is yours. Remember grandparents have no rights threaten to not let her see the baby until she respects you I had to do this becuase my MIL was talking shit about me and granted my son is 1 in 8 days but if I didnt do it now she would have kept doing it. Look into your laws on grandparent rights I live in cali

She’s probly just doing it out of love and excitement and that doesn’t make it right but please do not threaten her and please do not use the Grandparents have no rights threat sit down with her as an adult like a mother to mother and tried to like explain it to her and set boundaries but don’t threaten her that in no way can make matters any better.

1 Like

Trust me…If you have ignored it as long as possible…SAY SOMETHING in the nicest way you know how.

2 Likes

No one knows your baby like you do. Kindly inform her that you will ask for her help when you need it but as a new mom it is very important that you learn your own way of doing things and establish the important mother cjild relationship and bonding by being the primary caregiver. If she does not respond well to this then limit her time with baby. Do not ever let someone under mine your authority wth your child. We teach others how to treat us by what we accept from them.

Smile, say thank you and then do it your way.

3 Likes

My mother in law used to be like this. I told her I appreciated her advice but I would be the one to decide how MY child will be raised. When she didn’t listen. I said “you had your chance to raise your child, it’s my turn with my baby” my famous line… “if anyone is going to fu** up my child it’ll be me”

In one ear & out the other

politely tell her to back the fuck off this my child & I’ll raise it the way I want to

2 Likes

If I was in this situation I would tell her thanks for the advice but I am the mum I will raise baby my way, and if or when I need help I will ask. For her to take your child when she/he is crying is all kinds of wrong for me, if she tries to take bub while you are holding her/him turn away tell her this is my child I will handle it. If she is taking them out of a seat or bed when she can see you are on the way tell her thank you I have this and take your baby. I would suggest talking to your bf explain how you are feeling tell him his mother can not just take your child and tell you how to raise him/her, tell him you are happy to ask for help or advice when needed but ultimately it is your and your bfs child not his mother’s. He needs to back you up with telling his mum to let both of you parent your child.

Let me guess… Y’all are living with the in laws? Yup common problem…

1 Like

Your baby your rules people don’t like it too bad it’s your life and your baby take charge YOUR THE BOSS don’t worry about wheather your hurting anyone’s feelings this is your baby and like I said your rules

Bullshit tell her to f off.

It sux. But its your baby so if you dont like it, tell the Grandma.to back off. Trust yourself.

You can’t discuss this with your boyfriend and you won’t stand up to his mother? Why are you living there then? If you can’t discuss your CHILD with his father then that’s not a relationship. No way in hell I’d allow some old hag to tell me not to touch my own child. Stand up for yourself and your child.

You need to be firm… Tell her thst youbmean no disrespect and appreciate her Windom when asked… Other then that you are the mom and you will decide how to raise your child. When needed you will ask for her help.

Maybe time to listen

I find it hard to say anything as I worry it would appear confrontational or rude. Then I learnt certain ways and phrases.
One good one I found was “can you please stop as I feel like you are dis-empowering me as baby’s name’s mum, I will learn, just as you did with your children and I’d like to come to you when I feel I need help or advice but at the moment, I just need you too be nanny and play with baby’s name
Using the phrase “I feel” is something someone cannot take offense too or tell you you’re wrong" someone may feel a way, talk with someone and realised they may feel differently after if they’ve, say, misunderstood but still, how someone feels should be respected xxx

2 Likes

Your baby your call.

No one should EVER take your child from your arms unless you ask for help or are putting them in harm’s way. This situation is unfortunate, but not uncommon and it’s not an age specific issue. I’m 35 and people don’t mind their own business. Your boyfriend’s mom is violating serious boundaries and you need to talk to her (express your feelings without being combative, standoffish or judgmental…and see how the conversation develops) with or without his support. Establish the boundaries early before your daughter is old enough to see what’s happening. She shouldn’t be confused about who is mommy and who wants to play mommy.

1 Like

I’m sorry to hear that your mom is overbearing and feels like she is in charge. I wish she was your support. A baby needs consistent parenting even between mom and dad. Grandma needs to be a grandma. Love her grandkids and support the parents. The baby needs to bond with mom. I mean a bond that last a lifetime.

1 Like

I had the same problem with my mother in law and still do. Eventually you just have to tell her that you will raise the baby the way you want. It sounds hard telling your boyfriend’s mom to mind her own bees wax but when I finally told my mother in law things got much better and finally stopped telling me what to do. There still is occasions where she will say something but i just look at her and she stays quiet.

My mother inlaw decided to take it to the next level and call cps on me !
NOTE: i am a good mom ! My kids always have everything they need plus more !
That is when I finally spoke up to my boyfriend and said enough is enough and he finally agreed !
Things may be hard love but speak your mind ! You are a strong women you birthed that baby ! I know you are strong enough to speak your mind against what is best for you and your baby !!!

If you are living with her, you are going to have to be more diplomatic. A simple “Thank you.” whenever she offers advice or criticism is sometimes effective. You can take it up a notch and continue to ask her opinions. You could also go the passive aggressive route and ask her opinion about everything, before she offers. Just let her talk and feel heard. Then do what you feel is right. If it’s just visits, you can control the length of the visit–politely tell her you need to leave, or it’s time for baby’s nap. If your boyfriend is not listening to you, and being a true partner, maybe you need to evaluate if he’s going to be in the picture long term. You are the mama. Trust yourself.

Advice: parent your baby
Take MILs advice if you agree with it.
Find your own place if y’all live with MIL.

5 Likes

Talk to MIL about your feelings.

Run! Run far and fast! It will never change because he won’t stand up for you!

7 Likes

Learn to say this now…fuck off. You don’t need unsolicited advice. If you ask for advice it’s different. Stand up for yourself and your wishes for your child.

8 Likes

Tell her you know what the baby wants/needs your mama take advice like a grain of salt like it use it don’t than don’t use it. I was a young mom (17) and dealt with this you can try talking with boyfriend or mil or just speak your mind.

1 Like

You’re the mother. You need to tell MIL I appreciate your help, but I got this. Dont be scared.

7 Likes

Man, this shit made me have PPD and ruined the bond I had with my daughter. Stop listening to them fools, it’s YOUR baby, YOU are mama and YOU know best! Tell your MIL if you want advice, you’ll ask!

7 Likes

Welcome to parenthood

If he wont say shit, you say it. Its your baby. Periodd.

9 Likes

Momma you gotta stick up for yourself!

1 Like

Politely tell her you appreciate her help and advice but you have it under control.

2 Likes

Hun I’m 37 mother of 3 boys and people still try to give me parenting advice… polite listen and just dont take it… opinions are like ass holes everyone’s got one…

4 Likes

I know it’s your MIL - so politely tell her to fuck right off

5 Likes

Tell her she doesn’t need to be giving you advice. You live with her son and he still needs work! (Yes, I stole this…but seriously)

2 Likes

Definitely speak to your boyfriends mom … you’re a young mom and she’s not allowing you to be a parent to your child …Set some boundaries…

3 Likes

Gotta always tell ppl how you feel…regardless of who they are

1 Like

You let her do all of that? You allow her to do that to you and the baby.

You are her mother!!! Speak up for your child! !!!

I’ll be dammed if ANYONE DARES TO DO THAT TO ME!!

I have boundaries people aren’t allowed to cross.

2 Likes

Does she watch your child alot?
You are momma. Not her. I was a young mom when I had my daughter and my parents/grandparents knew not to touch my baby. Shes mine, not theirs but they always offered help. She needs to back off. Age does not define a parent, being a good parent does. Dont let her take the baby, put your foot down or itll keep happening if you let it.

5 Likes

I went through that. Stand up for yourself fast and let her know the boundaries and stand firm. Also talk to your boyfriend and he needs to understand how you feel. Put an end to that.

2 Likes

If anyone tries to do with with my child. Of lord are they gunna know about it

I experienced this. It is very frustrating cause you want to be respectful and at the same time get respected as well. Until you put people in their place you will feel that way. No one is going to tell me when to touch my child. No one. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries. You are the Mom.

4 Likes

Tell her and whomever else, “whereas I appreciate your advice, I need to learn how to take care of my baby’s needs. Your love for the child is evident, but I’ the child’s mother and need to be providing the care.”

1 Like

Do you live in your boyfriend parents home? If not you can make a point of staying away from there as much as possible. If you do live in her home you need to have a heart to heart with her about what she is doing and your feelings about it. Ask her to stop and let you take charge of the babies care.

You need to talk to your MIL!!! You need to do it yourself it’s your child you know best. My MIL tried the same thing when my son was born…I put my foot down.

Tell the heifer one time - it’s my child back off and if she doesn’t let the momma bear that you are deep down out!! She will back off and tell your BF to shut his trap … he didn’t carry/birth that baby.

5 Likes

I lived with my FIL for a couple years and got the well meaning advice from him and his gf. I just had my second child and was going through ppd. Looking back I should’ve taken the help offered but I was a young mom and felt the need to prove I could do it. I have 3 now, my youngest is almost 1. We went to my FILs for Christmas and he told me that I’m doing a great job with them. Which meant the world to me. I know I’m a good mom and I have my bad days but to hear something like that is always greatly appreciated. Luckily since we’ve been on our own no one gives me advice unless I ask for it. It’ll be hard but you gotta remember that all your mil wants is for baby to happy. Accept the help while you’ve got it. You can always just tell her that as her mom you need to be the one who can fix her problems.

1 Like

Mama bear on both of them. No one knows that baby better than you. Your carried that baby and birthed that baby.

1 Like

My husbands 70 year old mom does that with our GRANDSON. Sometimes people just can’t help it. Just say “I know” or something in your defense. You da mama bear! And don’t ever forget it

2 Likes

Tell her you seen how she raised her kid, so her advice isn’t wanted!

:speaking_head:LOOK RIGHT HERE :scream_cat:
Lol just go ahead and flip shit one time just say everything you need to say. Scream it at them throw a fit. This is your opportunity to get your point across and some frustration out. You’ll feel a lot better they will hear you and honestly they will just probably blame it on postpartum mood swings. But screw it at least you got out what you needed to say.
Put your foot down now if you don’t she will constantly do it to you trust me I know my kids are 3 years and 7 months. I will I would’ve flip my lid earlier on so at least I could blame it on mood swing.

2 Likes

You need to set boundaries … if you think about it… you cant really break boundaries that arent there… js.

I became a mom at a very young age. I think because I was so young everyone thought i didn’t know anything. I used to get so mad when people would just give advise or tell me how to care for my child.
10 years and a few kids later I have learned to love the advice and love the help. If it bothers you that much then you need to put your foot down. I think almost every new parent regardless of age feels the same way to a point. We feel like we know everything and want to do everything on our own. The older you get (and especially if you have more kids) you will start to want the advise and help.
Talk to her. Keep in mind that she does mean well and that she’s just trying to help. Explain your feelings and set boundaries. In the end you are momma and set the rules for your child.

Set the boundary. “thank you for all your help, Im the mom and I can handle this. You will be the first to know when I need help.”

4 Likes

You’re in for a long road of being walked over if you don’t stand up for yourself and your baby. You’re going to have to be able to talk to your child’s father about how you feel / your child and how it’s going to be raised. Find your voice and your strength.

2 Likes

Please let someone tell me not to touch my baby… It will be there LAST thing they say to me. And if your boyfriend won’t stand up to her I would tell him to kick rocks.

1 Like

fuck everyone but the childs father.

3 Likes

When i had my first son my SO at that time had his mom in town to stay with us for awhile which is all good but she kept coming in and taking the baby from and she would just keep him for the longest time and this went on for a bit. I kept telling my SO and he didnt do anything so I finally just started going in and getting my baby back and my SO came in to tell me I was being a bitch needless to say he got a bottle thrown at his head for it because I had had enough. My advice it’s your baby doll and nobody will know what you will or wont tolerate until you show them the boundry line and kindly ask them to not cross it. Time is precious when they are little so get your baby and don’t let anyone push you around when it comes to what you want.

I got into a fight with my own mother because she tried to tell me what was best for my premature twins. She wouldn’t talk to me and had a hissy fit over cloth diapers. Try a calm discussion first, which is what I did. And if that don’t work you need to put your down. You will feel better about it.

Sounds like you and your boyfriend need to be more independent and set boundaries. Are you living in her house?

1 Like

My mother in law did this too me too. Tell her to back the fuck off.

1 Like

First off, I dare anyone to take my baby off me and tell me what MY child does or doesn’t like. You want to be treated like you know what to do? Then put your foot down. Otherwise they’ll walk all over you.

I have 5 kids, oldest is 14 and the youngest almost 1yr. I still get unsolicited advice. I was in a store with just the baby and I was repeating his coos back to him and I had an older lady scold me for “baby talk”. Now, i’ve read plenty of things over 14 years and I know that repeating your baby grows the bond and helps to develop language skills. Plus it just comes naturally (most of the time what comes natural to you mama, is exactly what’s best for your baby). So I just gave her a cut eyed smile and kept doing what I was doing. You will get so much of that. Sometimes it’s appropriate to say fuck off, sometimes it’s better to just smile and nod and keep doing you. But just do what feels right to you. You are mama and you’ll know best

1 Like

Talk to her about your feelings…

So you come online and ask us to tell you what to do?

That’s YOUR baby, not hers, she already had a chance to raise her own. Sometimes you have to be a bitch :woman_shrugging:t2:

3 Likes

You need to stand up to her or tell your bf he better get his mom. Cuz if that were me, and I have been through this before, I will put her in her place. You are the mother. That is your child, you have all the say so. Now if you have her watching her all the time, then shes looking at you as if you arent responsible to be a mom and that is why shes taking control. If you are really young that is another reason. If you are living with your bf and mom, then you have no choice because already its showing you are irresponsible and she is being grandma and seeing she needs to be in charge because you have nothing. So if I were you, take charge, be a mom, put her in her place and tell her how you feel also tell your bf how you feel. Step up!

Take it in one ear and out the other

I think if you lay your boundary and say something like “thank you for your input. However it feels very overwhelming when there is a constant discussion about my parenting. I will reach out or ask if I have questions along the way.”

5 Likes