Could you keep anon please looking for advice I’m a young mom and I’m on my last nerve with people telling me what to do with my baby my boyfriends mother is constantly taking over and telling me not to touch the baby and leave her alone telling me what she likes and doesn’t like when I know what the baby likes when she cries she takes her off me and it upsets me so much I feel so isolated and sometimes think my baby doesn’t like me which I know is ridiculous, I know she means no harm but I’m on my last nerve with it I can’t say anything to my boyfriend as he’ll take it up the wrong way it’s so frustrating I don’t know what to do has anyone else experienced this and what did yous do thank you
Gently say, I am her mom and I know what she needs. 🤷 If anyone told me not to touch my own kid id kindly tell them to suck it.
You are going to have to put her in her place one good time. When you do, hopefully it won’t happen again. You are the mother, not her. Period!
You need to sit down and talk to her. Tell her you appreciate her help but you want to parent your own child.
Definitely put her in her place and tell her to step back! You can parent anyway you want!
Tell her “thank you. I know you mean well but this is my child. If I want advice, I’ll ask you/let you know .”
take the good advice and thank her some ppl have nobody to turn 2 but sit her down nicely and say thanku for her help but tell her how u feel and say u wna give it a go on your own and u will call her if u need help x
Tell them to piss off. It’s your baby
Talk to her. Tell her while you appreciate her help and advice you are the parent and you want to parent your baby. If all else fails move out. (I’m guessing you live with her. Sorry if I’m wrong) remember you are the mum, this is your baby and you are one of the parents not your mother in law.
Duh, tell people, especially your boyfriends mom, to back the fuck off. Unless you want or need her/ their advice and help, you’ll ask for it. Grow a backbone, put your foot down and stick to your guns! Being a young mom doesn’t mean you don’t know how to care for YOUR child.
Sometimes its not what you say its how you say it. You need to set a boundary but do it in a respectful way.
Put a sign on your door, no visits - it’s flu season. Keep your germs to yourself. Lol.
Tell her to back off…in a nice way.
Let her know you will ask for the help when you need it.
Your the mom you set the rules. Don’t let anyone try to take your place, ever.
Say thanks for your opinion ill take it into consideration and take your child back. My mil and i had many disagreements with my 6yr old until one day i blew up and told her shes no mother of the year with a repetative criminal son and a suicidal self harming daughter she obviously wasn’t very good at this either
Listen politely then do what the hell you want.
Its your child do what you like. Tell her you understand but prefer to do it yourself your way. It is your experience not hers. She had her shot.
Tell that witch to back up.
You are going to have to put your foot down. Tell her you appreciate her help but please stop stepping on your toes. Tell her she has raised her kids and you will ask her if you have a question but up until that time can she please back up!
If this has been going on for a while, then you have allowed grandma to be in charge. Trying to regain control is going to be Very difficult. You can try to do it nicely but you might have to go to Bitch mode. Do it! Otherwise, you will never get your daughter back!
Doesnt matter how old you are people ALWAYS tell you how to raise your kids…i used to just say i will take that in consideration and then do what i think best!
Sorry it’s just what it is my daughter had a baby before she was 20. As much as I give her advice my friends give her advice her friends Give her advice. It is what it is you just take everything in stride and on some of them might be helpful or useful.
Your own place would be nice n raising your child just you n the baby’s dad ;”)
Hi! I had this problem with my mil when my kids were little. I have always been a little (ok a lot) headstrong. I don’t take well to others telling me what/how to do things, even if there’s no harm intended. I did however finally have enough. My hubby was amazing and did try to talk to his family. I finally told them in firm but not mean tone that if they were so intent on raising an infant, they needed to go make one of their own and to leave us alone. I also started removing myself and the baby from their get togethers. They got the point, and it worked good after that. I definitely think you need to have a conversation with boyfriend and explain how you feel. If he’s not going to back you and makes excuses, I’d be looking to get out of said relationship. It will only get worse. Good luck!
We don’t know the details here, perhaps she is living with bf’s mom and feels indebted to her. You do need a conversation but, for gosh sakes, don’t tell her to F OFF, if you want a relationship to last here. She is probably excited and thrilled about the baby and is trying to be helpful and might not realize she is overstepping so badly.
Tell your man time to move out…if he dont want that then tell him step up to him and tell him that’s your baby and you are the mother although u appreciate his moms help u need to learn and when u dont know u will ask …tell him or move out …
Just politely say to her, I really appreciate you being there for me, but I really want to do this my way. I hope I can depend on you for advice when I need it, since you have already done it. Do it before you end up going off on her😉
Asking here is also asking people for advice
You got to stop this now
Tell her it is your baby , you are the momma, you appreciate her wanting to help but you want to do things yourself for YOUR baby.
Omg who cares how he takes it that’s your baby tell her to back off!! Seriously you have to let her know this isn’t her child and she needs to know boundaries!!
I’d just tell her I got it
Or no I like it done like this
I am the mother I believe I’d know best what my baby likes
All things I’d say
You have to say something
I told my children’s father repeatedly speak to your mom before I do
And he finally spoke up
“Thank you, but I know what’s best for my family.” worked for me.
Really your partner should be listening to you and together talk to the mum. United front and stand your ground.
Set boundaries. Tell her nicely that you will ask for help when you need it, that you need some space to mother your child.
I used to keep smiling and nodding then completely ignore it and do what I thought best for my child…do the same darlin also if mom in law tries to take the baby …move out the way and say it’s fine I got this ! Good luck
Just be like "look I live with your child and he still needs work, so thanks for the advice but I got this
People usually do this when it appears you have no control. Own your motherhood and you tell her it works. She’s doing it because you probably act like you don’t know what your doin.
Be tactful and tell her to back off. Don’t let ppl make u feel so inadequate and miserable when it comes to being the best mother you can be. Next thing you know, u will look back and realize u didn’t get to enjoy your baby! I tell u this from experience. I got to enjoy my child more AFTER we moved into our own apartment… Away from everyone!
She’s breaking the bonding period with your baby on purpose. My ex MIL did this and it took forever for me when I finally left him to bond with my daughter. Cut them both off if you have to but tell her to fuck off as early as possible.
My mom did this and I asked her to stop and said if I need your advice I’ll ask. I would say "thank you, and that’s your opinion. It’s not wrong its just different than mine. Ask if her mom did this with her and her kids.
Heres what I know. Don’t let anyone take control of you being a mom to your child. Tell them to back off. If u live with them then tell them it’s your baby to back off and they don’t. Then pack up and leave. Trust me I know what will happen I. The long run. I know cause it happen to me and nothing good came out of it. PM if you want
If u dont put your foot down and raise your child how u wish. That is your child u grew that baby inside your body. Uuuuuuu. Not your boyfriend not his mom not your mom you. Put your foot down now before it gets worst. I’ll be damned if anyone took my babies off my chest and told me what to do. Itd been the last damn time!!!
Tell her I appreciate your help but I would lk too bring up the baby the way I want too ad if I want to pick up baby it’s my choice
Tell her politely thank you for your advice however this is my child to raise…if that dont work then tell her in a not so polite way to stay out of it
This is why you need your own home …
You can’t pretend having your own family and your own rules under someone else’s house with her own family and rules… move out and then you can raise your daughter in your own way
I just have to warn you it won’t stop. You just have to find a way to deal with it. My mother in law was like that till she got sick. She always meant well but it would always drive me crazy. You have to trust yourself and move on.
If this was me… I’d take what advice MIL gives, listen… but determine if its for you.
Id be setting boundaries that facilitate you caring for your child without the negative, disempowering impact. If she is undermining your confidence, id be telling her her place!!
You look her dead in her eyes and in your closest voice to yelling (but NOT yelling) say
“Back the Fuck up Grandma!”
And go about your business. Blame it on the hormones and the fact that you feel she is impeding on your mothering instincts.
I went through this with my oldest two kids dad. I got with him when I was really young. I was 16 and he was 19. He was so attached to his momma’s tit it ruined our relationship. Of course you want a man to love his momma. But I should have ran the other way. Literally everything we did whether we were going out of town, making a big purchase etc… He would always go to her first. Like he had to have her permission. He wouldn’t get a decent job and work to make a living for our family because his momma was his go to for everything. After about 5 years 2 of them being completely numb I got the backbone to up and leave. He still is attached to his momma’s tit and literally asks her if he can spend 300$ on fireworks for the kids. He has a house now that she gave him and a job she got him. So they are two peas in a pod literally every day. I mean it got so bad at one point I would want to go get my own daughters Easter dress or Christmas dress or any holiday for that matter to do pics. Not only would she buy it in a few months in advance so I couldn’t say anything she would schedule pictures herself so she can be in them. I’m telling you if you are seeing these red flags you need to put your foot down. And if you are living with her you need to get out asap. That just makes them even more of a control freak. My house my way.
He literally has his mom over his bank account lol
I was sixteen when I had my first son we lived with the inlaws for 3 months and they drove me crazy we moved out we found our own house it was better but they still drove me crazy but it does get easier once you move out
Ya gotta nip it now hon. Just try to do it as nice as possible if that doesn’t work then ya gotta just get mean and tell her to mind her own. She raised hers now let you raise yours. Hood luck.
The next time she tries to take the baby from you or tells you not to touch her remind her firmly that she is your baby, that you’re her mother and you will parent as you see fit. If your BF doesn’t have your back dump him
Tell them how you honestly feel. Tell them it’s no hard feelings and nothing personal but you are the mom and you feel they are trying to take that away from you. It is your baby and you have every right to parent how you feel is right. They should be able to respect that and if not then maybe some clear boundaries need to be set. Just dont forget, its dads baby too. Maybe see if you can get him to understand and you both come to an agreement before tell the grabdmom how you feel
Put her in her place. “I AM the mother, NOT YOU. When I need your advice, I’ll ask for it. Til then, stop being the back seat parent and quit trying to take control over MY child.” Simple as that. If the boyfriend won’t back you up, oh well. He needs to lay off the tit. You’re the mother. You carried that baby 9 months. You endured the pain for that child. Take control. I’ve done this exact thing. In the end, I have my children. And I have four.
No other way than he has to say something or you do. Try the nice way first, bullshit if you have too, tell her you appreciate her help and her advice but your new at this and need to figure something’s out by yourself. Tell her she’s making you feel like you aren’t a good mum and when she takes over you feel helpless. If she gets offended, Well so be it. but always try to be nice first, then she has nothing on you.
You need to calmly explain to her that it’s YOUR child and YOU will do the best YOU can…that you appreciate her help but it’s too much. If you don’t tell her she’s never going to stop.
It’s your child and nobody had the right to tell you what type of mother to be. Tell that bitch to mind her own business and teach her son some manners
Assert yourself. That is YOUR baby.
YOU are the mom. YOU set the rules. You have to get a backbone immediately.
I went thru this with my first born. I lived with my god mom and i had to constantly remind her that this is my child and i will do what is best for my child. I live in your house and i will abide by your rules… However, this is MY child and I’ll do as i see fit with my child…as long as we abide by your rules…this baby…is MY responsibility…you are not their mother…i am and with all due respect…respect that i am in charge of this child.
Do you’re thing…and never mind others!!
Lots of good advice .
Tell your MIL & anyone else offering advice something like ** While i/we appreciate your advice / opinion , we will give it some consideration , BUT decide what is going to work best for us.
You have raised your children ; think back to that time ; Did you like others telling you how to raise your child “”
My advice to new parents has always been * listen to what others have to say , then work out what is best for your situation""
Or I may say “” this worked for me in my time - I know ideas have changed ;"
YES - I am a grandmother & always conscious of taking into account my grandkids parents ways , when I look after their kids . , even if I don’t necessarily agree. NOT MY CHILDREN .
You need to take a moment put your big girl drawers on and tell your mother in law that it’s your baby not hers if she reaches for your child again you’ll chop her hand off. You don’t ask you tell your
s/o that either he can go with you or not then go down and get some help and housing assistance. Either that or suck it up and let everyone else make decisions for you.
I told mine that I seen how she raised her kids and no thank you but mine ain’t turning out like that.
Sweetie hug her neck. Say I love you but you have to let me be the mommy. If she argues with you then put your foot down. Do it in front of your guy so she can’t twist anything around. Always helpful to start serious conversation with a hug
Nobody knows your baby better than you do. Speak up!
I have the exact same situation with my partners mother… and it’s hard … but just one day you just have to get everything off your chest… it may work in your favor it may not… it didnt for me because she threated to kill me after but I think the best thing to do is maybe one day if your partner is spending time with the baby you just go up to her and say… hey is it ok if we can sit down and talk about a few things
You have to put your foot down. A mother’s instinct is always closest to the baby. What with the 9 months you’ve had her in your womb. You practically shared a breath, food, pee and poop. If there’s anyone who understands your baby, that’s you more than anyone else. They just want to steal your time with the toddler. But that’s not mentally healthy for you or the baby. The infant will feel a lot of stress being away from your heartbeat or touch for so long…
Im so sorry you are being made to feel this way. You really need to talk to your boyfriend and his mum about how it is making you feel. Its hard being a first time Mum no matter what age you are. Trust in yourself YOU know your baby. You will do no harm picking her up and holding her she will feel safe and secure and loved. Follow your heart and your instincts and dont be afraid to politely stand up for yourself. You are doing a great job Mumma Hang in there
Since wen can a mom tell another mom not to touch her child
You don’t say how old you are, only that you are young. Do you live with this woman? If so maybe it’s time to try to get your own place. Where is your family in all this. Could the bf’s mom have genuine concerns about your maturity level…could you learn from her or is she just a controlling ass?? Alot of info is missing.
She has no respect for you! So you need to be firm and vocal about what you like and dont. Do not keep you’re mouth shut if shes disrespecting you.
You can do this. As your confidence in motherhood grows, you’ll be less tolerant when grandma oversteps. Don’t wait too long to insert yourself, this is your baby. And you’ll make mistakes just like everyone else has for thousands of years. Also, how dare grandma treat you that way!!! Seriously, she is absolutely wrong to interfere between a mother and her baby.
How young are you? Do you live with your boyfriend’s mother?
They probably just think they r helping you but if its over bearing be nice and say I really appreciate everything you do for me and my child but I would like to parent my child my self and u feel that is becoming over bearing and dont feel like your being let to be a mother to your child . And also say if you need help you will ask and just emphasise that you appreciate all the help .
Honey… This is your baby… Your heart beats in her…
Don’t let anyone stop you loving her the way your heart is telling you to…
You can’t take those moments back later and redo them… Trust your gut. Xx
I would just talk to her and let her know how it’s making you feel. She might not realise that she is upsetting u. U need to give her a chance and if she still does it after then I would have a firmer talk to her. She might just think she is being helpful as she has obviously done it before. But I think until u approach the subject with her nothing will change. U dont have to raise your voice or get angry with her just start with a civil conversation and let her know that although u appreciate her help you would like to be able to have the experience of doing all these things yourself and that you are confident enough to know what your baby needs. Hope you get it sorted soon
Tell her that you’re in a relationship with one of her children. You’ve seen the results of her work…thanks but no thanks!
I had the same problem with my first daughter. The family would come over and completely take over and finally one day I just had enough and told them that she’s my child and I’m taking care of her and if they don’t like it then that’s their problem and the boyfriend should back you up because it’s your baby and nobody has the right to do that to you. Stand up and be firm and don’t allow people to walk over you because they will do it your entire life.People are so ignorant.
Tell the in-law to fuck off
Might be time for you and your boyfriend to move into your own place so that grandma can be grandma and not second mom to your child.
Look, listen, learn, it not going to hurt you to observe other mother’s parenting. One wrong mistake with the baby, kids, and you’ll be explaining why, what, who and when stuff happen on your way to hell/jail…
None of that’s good. She should be letting you do your thing with the baby and if you need help, she should wait to be asked. Seriously, ask her nicely to give you space. You and your boyfriend are the sole parents of that child, no one else.
Smile and nod as they are talking. Develop amnesia when you walk away.
I was a sole parent with two kids one autistic.
One about to finish his undergraduate in clinical psychology, one working full time at Bedford, and independent.
Because I listened to people who’d done well bringing up their kids,
And never thought that I knew everything.
Parenting books helped me too.
My own experience!!!
How often is the baby around his mother
Oh y’all live with with his mom if she is supporting y’all then y’all need to support yourself
Say thanks, smile, then shut the door and do it your way
Tell her to back off! That is your baby and you know what she wants. Dont let her over throw you or dictate how YOUR baby will be taken care of.
You need to speak up.
I would NOT let that happen. It doesn’t matter if you’re young that’s your baby, and you know your baby. Dont let her do that to you!!
I say speak up & nicely tell her how you feel & explain it’s YOUR baby NOT hers!
I was 19 with my first, (AND single) so I was kinda young but not too young. I got so much unsolicited advise I started telling people “I appreciate your concern, however I am her mother. If i need advise I will ask you for it” it ruffled some feathers and some people responded with bad attitudes, but it got people to back off. Speak up for yourself. When she said dont touch her, say “shes my baby” and touch her all you want.
Tell her to mind her business. The baby is your business. And infants who aren’t held enough don’t have healthy prefrontal cortex development.
Tell her to back off. That’s your baby and you are the mother. Stop inviting her over or limit her contact to one visit a month if needed. Take control. You are the mother you know your baby.
That’s ur baby u got 2 put a stop 2 it now or she will completely take over ! Ur the mom talk 2 her n let her no where stand
The best thing to do is speak up for yourself! That’s YOUR baby and that’s time you never get back with her! Your bf should understand. She got the chance to raise her children now it is your turn! You got this !!!
Speak up. And maybe the baby senses your frustrated with them
Tell her in a nice way that you know shes trying to help but it’s your baby and you need to be able to look after the baby yourself without “help” from her.