I’m feeling really conflicted about the upcoming holidays. Each year, my adult kids expect me to host everyone, including my ex-husband’s wife, who was the mistress during our marriage. I struggle with sharing this time with her, especially when I see her with my grandkids and referring to my kids as her own. It truly turns my stomach.
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it’s a hard not gonna happen for me!
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As long as they treat your kids with respect ect. I don’t think it should make too big of a deal. Kill him with kindness as they say
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Yep oh heck no for me as well
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If your kids are adults why don’t they host? You can help them cook and set up and what not to make it easier but there’s no reason you have to host… that would be a hard pass for me.
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Let her host holidays. You visit on another day with your kids.
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I suggest rotate who hosts each year.
You, the ex-wife, and the kids
Ew. Wtf. That’s a HARD No for me! Lmfaoooo ur kids can host her at their house
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Nope not if you’re uncomfortable. Your kids are old enough to visit both households. Host in your own home with your kids. If your ex wants to see them he can host in his home
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I have a recipe for some special laxative brownies for her 
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Really no need to invite the ex husband or new wife.
Your house your rules. Let them host if they want the new wife there.
My kids. Adult or not. Are to respect me in my home. Same if you go to their house. You’re expected to respect their guests. If you feel the need to remove your self. Do so 
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Entertain her alright right out the door 
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In my family the kids host holidays, i guess thats the new thing these days no more holidays at grandparents houses in my family:rofl:
expect, heck NO!!
Do they know she was the mistress??
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Would she be expected to host you at her house?
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The answer is NO. They do not have to be invited. Your adult children should understand. Your ex husband can host another time. A holiday get together does not have to be on the holiday. My parents are divorced and we do not have holidays together, it is best that way anyways.
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There’s absolutely no way. Put your foot down and tell them no!
So your sleeping with my husband for who knows how long and now I’m expected to invite you over for the holidays. Helllll noooo
My kids are still kids (not adults) but they know me and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even ask me to do no
horsesh!t like that! I wouldn’t even consider it. If that means I don’t get to visit on the day of the holiday that’s ok, I can plan a day before or after. If my kids can’t understand then that’s ok, let’s have the party at my house. I’ll invite ever ex of every person who attends
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We always do separate things. My dad and stepmom we go to their house then do a separate thing at my mom’s house w my mom and stepdad. That way nobody is uncomfortable. 
They’re adults they should understand.
Now I invite my ex and his gf to our home but it doesn’t make me uncomfortable bc it was so long ago we broke up. But everyone is different and you should not be forced to invite who you are uncomfortable with.
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Separate holidays. Period.
If she was mistress he’ll no but if it was he met after the fact and you were already divorced then maybe he’ll my parents divorced but my dad still came to family dinners at my aunts for Xmas eve dinner and she remarried and kept my dad’s last name she remarried now for long time and still has my dad last name yoi all may think that crazy but they had my two brother then me by the ti.e they were 23 they had 3 kids and have great grands
Your house don’t invite them…
No.
Absolutely not.
Why are you the one who has to pretend your feelings are so insignificant?
I’d be devastated if my children grew up thinking something like this is acceptable.
Talk to them. Show them all these answers. It’s not ok what they are asking of you. Regardless of time, how “great” she is etc… your feelings matter. And if it’s hurting you, that’s not ok.
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Tell your children no. They are adults, they should understand. That is a hard boundary to cross. Why would they even ask you to do that?
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I host the holidays here with my ex and his girlfriend. They come by on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, than they spend the night and leave after presents on Christmas morning. We’ve been doing it like this for almost 5 years now. Our kids are 16, 15 and 13. They love it and it’s nice not having to rush through our time to split the day with the other parent.
My ex and I have a really good co parenting relationship. His girlfriend and I also get along really well (she’s been a fixture for about 4 years now). As long as they’re respectful in my home and treat my kids well, I can’t complain. It’s all in all a pleasant time for everyone.
Dont you want your grandchildren to be treated well by her?? If they are close to your ex they will live her too. Doesnt mean they love you less. Your making this about you. I honesly saw both sides of this untill your comments about your grand kids. Its a selfish view. Do your kids care about her? Are you holding on too tight to a grudge? Has everyone been pleasant in the past? Get some counseling everyone wants to be together except for you. But as devils advocate would you be ok if it were hosted in their home? Your child’s? Is it just that it’s “your house” you you want separate christmas?
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Your adult children should grow up and realize you don’t have to invite the ex and the mistress. They can go to their place
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I don’t let hooker’s in my house… nope
Pick your battles and set some boundaries, there’s times it’s ok, but it’s obviously bothering you.
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It a new trend this .abroad .how it working out for everyone please let us know …i wait to learn about it
Personally I wouldn’t but my mom always comes to my grandmas on holidays bc she hosts and although my parents don’t usually talk they still are in same room as one another for the kids. They have been seperated for a long time.
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Why would you do that to yourself. the holidays are for making memories with family and friends not home wrecking whores. No one that truly cares for you would ask to put you through that.
Do they know she was the mistress 
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Just stop inviting them (her). Your kids are all grown let them host for a change! Invite who YOU want, if others fuss about it - let them. Now that the kids are grown, it’s time to find peace in your house and make yourself happy!
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They are adults…let them host her. As for you, get a backbone and live for you. That’s not being mean to you, I’m just trying to be honest. Seems like every single one of them are living their lives as they see fit, then there’s you, making expectations for a cheater and some spoiled ass “adult” children.
Time to explain things to those adult kids lol. We aren’t required to allow people who disrespected us into our homes just because it’s the holidays. Boundaries.
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NO…just no
Kids are grown?..time to get over it
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It’s cruel for them to ask that of you and I’m so sorry they are putting you in that situation. You can forgive and not have a relationship with someone after that. This isn’t about their feelings, but yours. Be honest with your kids and let them know it makes you unable to really enjoy the holidays so you will choose to just do separate holiday celebration instead. They can come to your house and then your ex house, or vice versa. If they can’t understand, then they are being selfish. I’m assuming they are in marriages themselves so just tell them to imagine if they were in your shoes. And even then, that’s imagination. Being the one dealing with all those emotions when you should be able to enjoy that time, you have to set boundaries and there isn’t anything wrong with that.
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Just do it separately, the holidays are supposed to be fun not stressful.
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Don’t invite them. Plain and simple
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Yeah, no one is making me uncomfortable in my house. Take the appropriate steps.
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Regardless of anyone’s opinions. Always protect your inner peace ! As long as these feelings aren’t from a malice place, you have every right to set boundaries and protect your home and inner sanctum. I understand how scarring these past feelings and experiences can leave you. If your children are fully grown, and they don’t already know why you feel the way you do, maybe it’s time to sit them down and explain why you will not be hosting them. If they’d like to still spend time with them, they can chose to do so at another time.
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What? That shouldn’t even have started in the first place you hosting for your ex and her. You have Christmas with your family and your ex and his wife have their own Christmas with the kids, like on different days.
My mother in law forgave the other woman and it made everything better for the entire family. She was a hell of an example. Many years after her remarriage the family all came together and we all shared vacations and the four of them actually went on cruises together. Pretty impressive, taught all of us a lesson.
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Why would they expect that from you Good Grief! That is just Tacky and disrespectful not to mention them rubbing salt on that wound Wow!
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OMG !!! Just say NO
You don’t have to give any explanation or feel obligated.
Or , you can always plan a short trip instead
No, thank you! Been there.
Go on a holiday by yourself and enjoy
You have to do what you feel is best but if she has been part of the family for years and you have been doing it. At this point you set that precedent. My neighbor and her ex husband/mistress( former friend) learned to make it work for their kids which they are all adults and have kids. But like someone suggested a good way to get out of it is to pass on the hosting duties.
Time to tell your adult kids
Your not happy to share holidays
With her and why
It’s your home
Your ex husband should understand why you don’t want to have her in your home
I hate my ex husbands wife with a passion
I put up with her for the sake of my grandkids
Your home your choice
No need to explain yourself but if the adult children don’t know the whole story perhaps now is the time to tell them how you feel and why you will not be hosting her at your home
Do your own thing he has a new wife &life,your the boss of your house
No is a complete sentence!
Tell your grown kids you wont be hosting your Ex or his mistress/wife because they are no longer your family.
Nope! My kids would be understanding of why, so this would be a non issue.
I do Christmas Eve or New Year’s Day, and ex gets Christmas Day. No cheating or new spouses involved, and we’re amicable but it skips any awkwardness.
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You don’t have to invite them. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable
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Wth?? Why are the kids ok with that ??
thats a big NO…your adult kids shoukd understand
I personally wouldn’t and your adult kids should not make you do this.
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Would the ‘mistress’ invite you if she was hosting for the holidays? I think you need to talk to your adult kids who are treating you like a doormat and tell them it would be nice if you got to be a guest at someone else’s house for the holidays. Tell them you get stressed about it and it hurts your heart when seeing the ‘other woman’ constantly reminds you that she helped destroy your marriage. Adult kids can be so selfish sometimes and they may not even realise it. Hosting the holidays should be shared around the family so everyone gets a turn.
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Yeah, no. You shouldn’t have to do that. They can spend that time with her at their dad’s house.
That’s so horrible… I’m sorry that your family continues to put you through this.
No is a full sentence. If they can’t respect that, let their dad host and you take a holiday somewhere
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And she has the nerve to step into your home. AbsolutelyNOT. I will never share one single moment of my kids and grands with that whore. They can invite her if they choose to, but don’t include me. They are MY family, not hers. He left our family, so MY family doesn’t include him either.
Just tell them no. Your kids are adults. Explain to them that she was their dad’s side chick during your marriage and you don’t care to have that in your house. If they want to have her over for the holidays, they can do so at their own house. Your house is your safe space, where you set the rules and the boundaries and where you feel good.
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One of you can host Christmas Eve at your house! And the slimy ex and mistress can host at their house one Christmas.
That’s what my husbands parents do. We don’t share the holidays 
although I started to do Christmas and Thanksgiving myself at my house because dragging 6 kids anywhere is a hassle haha
Wth?? And what do you expect?! I’d expect you to throw them both out of the house. Not only your thoughtless pig of a husband, but his cheap whore as well!!!
Have you no self respect? WTH?
You can’t change the fact that she’s around…BUT you certainly aren’t obligated to allow that woman in your home. Perhaps you can plan something else for the day that’s just you and your kids/grand kids. Would your kids be understanding if you told them how hard this is for you? That you’re not looking to create conflict, just that this is still painful for you and you’d just like to have some peaceful holidays with just them this year
I Would Never! And I have an ex husband who married the woman he cheated on me with. So I get you. NOT Happening! And I hope you laugh when they have exes and suggest you invite their ex and new S/O to dinner or holidays!
Ummm no. Set boundaries. Let them host. My ex would not be welcome in my home for a holiday. They can celebrate in 2 places.
I did this for several years and ALWAYS wore attire that he would love, wore his favorite perfume and prepared his favorite dishes for the meal. He was very complimentary and she always left annoyed!!!
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I was totally broken when the love of my life left me it was so hard for me almost gave up if not for a friend who directed me to a very good and powerful man magnet who helped me bring back the love of my life and now he treats me with so much love and care I don’t know what problems you are passing through but with what with him if you need his help
#Aganga_love_spell
Respect your feelings!!! I’d never disrespect myself like that and screw what everyone else thinks.
Why are they coming ??? You don’t need to invite your EX …
ASSUMING they know she was the mistress, other than ’absolutely not,’ my next comment is (and I’m sorry if it is abrasive), that is a WILD amount of disrespect they have for you. I wouldn’t even want to spend the holidays with them if they knew all of this and still expected you to host her like this, tbh
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Tell your adult kids they can host it and have your ex and his wife
He’s your ex for a reason and unfortunately wants to bring the reason with him so him and the new wifey should go somewhere else and you host your kids.
Aw hell no girl! You have every right to feel that way! Explain that to your kids. You feelings are very valid! So I hope you do what’s right for you and you’re met with understanding💓
If it is going to be uncomfortable for you n you are the hostess I’m sure your adult children will understand… They can have separate Holidays… Spend time with you on the Holiday’s than go to their dad’s house n spend time with him… It’s the Holidays no one should have to feel out of place…
What if it were them and their ex would they then host it for their ex and new person??
No way!! They can have their own Christmas.
Grow up and do what your kids ask or break their heart and tell them no the choice is yours. There will be bigger life events than holidays that you will want to be involved in and if you can’t step up here they’ll not include you later. Oh and before anyone tells me I don’t understand my ex was engaged to his highschool Sweetheart just a month after I moved out, married 3 months after divorce finalized and we just spent almost a week in a cabin together with our daughter, son-in-law and his family for their wedding. He, his wife and I went shopping for wedding reception meal together splitting the cost and hiked together. My husband drove my ex and the boys for their guys day. Why? Because we’re all adults and if we are not mature enough to move on and be near each other for our children then we’re probably not matching re enough to be in any relationship.
The only exception to this is after an abusive relationship. Mine was to a degree but not enough to fear for my safety.
Umm don’t do it! If they want her there let them host!
Invite her in and then make the announcement that you want to thank her for taking your ex off your hands. It was like omg I don’t have to pretend any more. May Karma bite you in the ass when he finds a new woman. Remember cheat with cheat on. All with a big smile, and then exit the room…I bet there would be a lot of dropped jaws and she wouldn’t come again. To hell with your kids if they side with her. You raised them but not to treat you like you were the bad one in this. Sorry but that is how I feel. Mine got cancer right after he married her and she had to care for him… Well if I were you I would find me a man to bring to these parties and while your at it find one that knows how to be snarky to her lol…