I’ve been married for almost 7 years to my husband we have 4 kids and he’s done literally the bare minimum he quit his job and now does nothing. just sits on his game I’ve once told him I was falling outta love with him and he changed for about a week now he’s starting to do it all over again and it’s becoming like it used to be I’m honestly thinking about divorce but my anxiety and stuff is high about talking to him about it because he gets really upset and yells or says well if I go I’m taking my kids when he doesn’t do anything with them and we are all moving soon as well.
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A relationship takes work from both sides. If you have had a conversation with him telling you how he feels and he gets upset, that is a sign he won’t change. You could also approach it a different way. You could tell him that you want to re-connect and work on your relationship with him. But, that’s if you feel like you want to make it work with him. Sounds to me like you have made your mind up. If you don’t believe there is a chance to make it work then it looks like it’s time for you to move on.
Like is more important than love. If you don’t like him, it’s never going to work, but more important is the need for home to be a safe haven. The kids are first.
You
Need to have a conversation and tell him things have to change because you are starting to check out. Also try dates and small things to show you care. You have to keep the flame going .
This was my life for years. One day we were arguing and he asked if I even wanted to be married to him anymore. I said no. That was it. He left, I kept the house and kids, divorced, re-married and I couldn’t be happier.
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That’s marriage- you have to be there to build him up… you chose this partner. Sometimes you fall in and out of love many times. That’s marriage. You build together. Lift him up while he is down/ help him find work. In my book, people give up waaaay to easy. It’s normal to fall out of love , but it’s even better to fall back in love … be even stronger. You said for better or worse. Him not working and playing games… he could be out doing all kinds of things. He is home. He is there. He sounds like he’s just mentally drowning and in a lazy funk. That’s ok. Be his wife and help him through it.
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Try couples counceling so that you can learn to communicate, and find solutions.
Get out and move without him. You and your kids deserve better than that. My ex-fiance was like that was with him 7 years and have 2 young daughters. I left him 2 years ago or so the best thing I did was to get out of that toxic relationship.
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If you are moving - make a fresh start.
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Research the 7 year itch, marriage issues around that time period are pretty common. Try couples counseling if you want it to work, if not move on…
I would move and not bring him with you. Chances are that if you go to court, you will likely get custody or at least 50/50, especially with him not having a job or means to provide for them and you being the one who cares for them. Consult with a lawyer first and then go from there. Your lawyer should be able to advise you on what to do.
You don’t fall in or out of love. You make a choice to love or not and with that choice your actions follow.
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Men are extremely sensitive (contrary to popular belief) especially when they lose a job. Their self-esteem and ego get shattered and most don’t know how to handle it. Talk to him. Don’t yell, don’t accuse. Tell him how you feel. Not how he should feel. Express your feelings and what you are looking for. He will hear you. If he truly loves you he will start somewhere. When you get married, you make a commitment. Short of actual abuse etc…. You should try 120%. This is a great example for your children. People forget and it’s so much easier to walk away. Have faith in yourself and the reasons why you married him in the first place. Everyone will have an outsiders opinion. Ultimately… you are the one who has to choose and live with that choice. Good luck. 
Prayers for your family AMENE
I’ve felt this way. I was with my ex for 6 years and had a son with him. One day it clicked. He didn’t do it for me. The reasons I loved him and what I loved about him were gone. I tried. I tried so hard to feel that way about him again. Even on our best days - I just wasn’t in love with him anymore. I feel like once you hit that mindset, it doesn’t go away. We’re not together but we coparent and even when I see him - there’s nothing there for me anymore. Even though he’s bettered himself, he’s taking care of himself, he works out. He does look better. But I’m not in love with him. And I don’t think I ever could be again.
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Unfortunately, usually when you fall out of love with somebody, it’s over. Life is so short do what makes you happy for you and your children.
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You can’t force him to love you enough to be a partner nor parent to the kids. I think before you move you should think about if you want to continue this at the new place. Or go your separate ways and let him figure himself out. I do really think you need to talk to a lawyer or two for advice. You cannot keep things going on your own. You also can’t force him to get care. But you do have kids that you need to be healthy enough in all ways to raise.
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If he’ll agree to couples counseling try that. Otherwise find a good lawyer. I’m not sure your marriage can be saved but only if he changes or you’ll be miserable till one of you dies.
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It takes 2 to make a marriage I struggled for years to make my marriage work finally I left
Him quitting his job and just sitting around playing his game maybe a sign that he is going through something. He may be depressed and just doesn’t know or may be to embarrassed to saying something. So I would sit him down and speak with him about it.
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First I’d tell him the kids are not pawns he doesn’t get to use them to throw in your face like that!!! Second marriage is hard if you can’t communicate your issues how do you think it’s suppose to last that goes for him too!! Also you have let him treat you the way he does for how long? So he doesn’t see an issue in his mind it’s ok because you haven’t stuck to your guns on the matter you’ve been a push over and you just let him because he yells gaslights you and you want to avoid confrontation. Some of this is on you he’s not the only one who needs to change and that’s not a bad thing change together! You’re changing the rules of your relationship it’s gonna be hard it’s not gonna be an overnight thing.
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Move without him , your babies deserve better and so do you ! It’s easier said thank done and it’ll be rough at first but you got this !
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Sounds like depression not an excuse but definitely could be a reason. This is where the better or worse comes in. Communicate. Jumping and running will always be a thing unless you learn how to communicate. (Him also)
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Domestic violence shelter in your area will help you
Are you falling out of love with him or his behavior? Was he like this when you first married? Like others said try counselling,if he won’t you go anyway,maybe he’s struggling with something,don’t give up just yet
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Let me ask you this:
Is he a good man?
Is he a good dad?
Why did he quit his job?
Could he be dealing with feeling inadequate, or regret? Is he fighting his own mental demons??
Can you write down how you’re feeling and let him read it? Writing out how I’m feeling is always easier for me since I can get my words out a lot easier, and if they’re reading a letter they can’t interrupt 
really sit down and think about how you feel about this man and your family. Talk to a counsellor or a pastor(mine is amazing this way), if you need some insight. Give yourself a chance to clear your mind and then focus on your relationship with your husband.
Love is way more than a feeling. It’s a commitment. I found in my marriage of over 40 years that I didn’t always feel overwhelming love but if I would just hang in there the feeling would pass and things would get better.
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Don’t talk to him about it talk to a lawyer
You tried he’s not tryin
You can do this on your own babes clearly you don’t need him.and the wanting of him has gone away as well
Might as well remove him so that stress can go and you can move forward in peace
Those kind of threats shouldn’t scare you…just laugh and say ok…get a good job and the judge might just let you in the courtroom😆
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If you’re moving soon now is the time to make a choice. Do not move into a new place with this man.
Is your Husband depressed about something? Have you sat him down about your feelings it isn’t healthy for you to ignore how you feel. He is your husband tell him that he needs to straighten up.
Sometimes it takes tough love. You dont have to go as far as divorce. But leaving him to figure yourself out and what you want make help him also figure out what he also values. Especially since most partners will deny any need for therapy or even if they do go will talk garbage about it. Plus as someone who has been through therapy, it can only help so much and only as much as the person allows. Mostly you keed tp communicate with him and dont give in. He is going back to his normal bs because that is is comfort zone and its been working for him. He needs to be shown its not working. And if that means you move without him then thats what it takes. But you need a break. You take care of enough, you dont need to take care of a grown adult too.
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He can’t take the kids unless you’re an unfit mother, so please don’t worry about that. Also, he can’t even provide for them. It’s a manipulation tactic to scare you into being quiet or just staying or both. Manipulation is a huge red flag. Being jobless is so scary to me. Idk how other grown folks don’t feel the same, especially with children. Being with me, a job is a requirement. It is not optional because I refuse to take care of a grown person, especially a man. And I sure ain’t gonna let my man not having a job, take from my kid. It’s different if you lose your job because of things out of your control. Also, he shouldn’t be yelling at you. Let him know how you really feel. Sit him down and lead with, “I don’t want to argue or yell, but I feel like… How can we fix this?” If he doesn’t immediately try to fix this or think about how to try to fix it, knowing it’s hurting you and yalls marriage and possibly your kids, then it’s already over. A person that never sees their wrong doing (especially when it’s obvious) will never get better, because the first step on fixing anything is identifying the issue and then admitting it. Without that, you’ll go nowhere. That’s all I have for you. Hope it gets better. I know decisions like this aren’t always easy. But the sooner you make a decision the sooner things can heal and get better, whatever you decide. You already have 4 kids, no need to parent a grown adult man.
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Sometimes loving someone is a choice we make. Sometimes we have to choose to love our partner even when they aren’t being very lovable. It’s that for “better or worse” part of the vows when you get married 
it sounds like you just want some attention from him and are feeling like a video game widow. Sit him down and tell him that you are feeling lonely. Set aside some time just for the two of you to reconnect. Instead of thinking about all the things he does that irritates you, make a list of things you like about him as just a kind of reminder.
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Does he suffer from depression or other MH issues? It’s not usual for a happy healthy man to quit his job and play video games. You say you told him you were falling out of love with him and he changed for a week! Then started going back to his own ways. Do you two communicate about why he thinks it’s ok to behave like a teenager when he has a family? It sounds like maybe counselling is needed. If he goes and makes changes great. If he doesn’t go or goes but doesn’t change I think you have to think of yourself and your children. It’s not selfish to leave an unhappy relationship like this it’s self preservation. And remember you’re giving your kids the blueprint of what a healthy relationship is like. Do you want them to think that’s what relationships should be like?
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He won’t be able to take the kids if he’s unable to financially provide for them. If you have had a enough then kick him out. Don’t uproot yours and your children’s lives when he can more easily find another place to go on his own.
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Sounds like he’s the oldest child of the house not the husband. Run.
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I dont think any of us are qualified to help you make these choices. They are hard ones and we dont know what was going on at the time he stopped working. Did he get injured? Did he have an illness or mental health issue? Something changed that caused him to just stop doing the things he was doing. He may need help sorting through what ever it was im not saying you should or should not stay because only you know the conversations you have had with him. I can only tell you that what ever you decide to do dont drag it out and dont turn it into a weapon ( do X or else) no ultimatum just make a choice let him know what you decided and then follow through.
I don’t think you should bother with counselling. He knows how serious this is and is deciding to be complacent. Do yourself a favour and move on. He isn’t invested in his family which is sad but don’t waste more time
Xx
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Marriage is a two way street. Lots of give and take. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100 from both. Why did he quit his job? Would u want to make it work or is your heart set on being done? If you’re thinking of divorce, why move with him? He can’t just simply take the kids, that’s not up to him, that’s up to a court to decide custody and visitation rights, not just his say so. Talk to a lawyer about that and divorce. But if u want to try to make it work, try. The kids are the ones who will pay the ultimate price in the end, don’t drag them through this, if u want to end it, end it. If u feel a certain way about him yelling at u, I feel that’s a sign of fear. If u think there’s any chance u may want to rekindle the relationship, it takes work from both of u, lots of work. I feel the bottom line, it takes two.
You don’t “fall” in and out of love. You CHOOSE. Every day. You’ve made a commitment before God to love your husband and serve him the rest of your life. That means you CHOOSE to honor that commitment not based on your feelings but based on the promise you made. Seek counseling. Seek a mentor. Pray constantly for God to work on both of your hearts. There is no relationship God can’t restore.
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When you move, leave him behind.
I’ve lived this life.
You address an issue with your spouse, they make little to no effort to work on things with you. When you finally reach your breaking point, it’s “I’ll change”. And they do. For a week or two. Then you think everything is getting better, let your guard down and then it’s right back to how it was.
It doesn’t change. They don’t change.
You have 4 children. Ask yourself if this is the example of a relationship that you want for your children. Is this the man that you want your sons to grow up to be like? Is this the man that you want your daughters to grow up and look for?
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Don’t let him scare you into staying
Maybe he is depressed and that’s him shutting down try counseling
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He’s obviously escaping into his gaming so if you at all want to salvage this you must appeal to him in a language he understands, hand him a spare controller and tell him you’re a damsel in distress with 4 children and enemy (bills) at the gates, can you save us? either he will pick up his sword or leave it in his sheath where it is now
Take your kids and leave don’t let your kids be in the middle
So he is using the kids as a threat . He will always use threats . Just move without him .
They never take the kids he’s trying to manipulate you to stay
I don’t see how he can take your kids . He don’t work . And if he don’t help you with the kids and he took them he would bring them back real soon . Silly man !!!
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Sounds like your oldest child is over 18 and should go try to live by himself. He can’t take care of himself yet says he’s going to take the kids? 
Game on. Worst case scenario is you will only have your kids 50% of the time. Best case scenario is you won’t have to take care of a grown ass man. You’re already doing it by yourself why not do it by yourself?
Okay kids aren’t bait. If you split you get 50/50 unless safety issues.
If this has been a long time thing, I can understand but if he’s going through a funk you as his wife need to be there to support him and help. I definitely would recommend counseling. It doesn’t always work, but you may find out more about each other than you know.
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He’s not your father he’s your husband. Do not be afraid of his yelling. His yelling is a lack of skills because he doesn’t know how to handle things like an adult.
Treat him like the child he is acting like. If an adult is having a toddler like temper tantrum treat them exactly as they are acting. Do not feed that behavior or it will never stop.
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Talk to him one more time and ask him if he would consider seeing a doctor to make sure he’s not suffering from depression and if everything is ok if he would see a psychiatrist. If he won’t do this for his family then you need to move on for your mental health.
Its highly unlikely he will take the kids or get them through the courts when he doesn’t currently provide for them financially or take care of their needs at home. If you want to leave, take your kids and leave. Definitely do not let him move with you.
Therapy. If he puts in no effort, leave. Love and marriage is a choice, you can’t make it work with someone who isn’t choosing to.
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!fv fled void to
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It’s a shame
But
Seems to me
He’s a self centred prick get rid if he doesn’t change
Life is to short
I would leave it sounds like he’s acting like a child not a man. Talk to a lawyer I don’t think you’d lose your children and it would be one less mouth to feed.
Sounds like he is having stress and depression issues that need to be addressed and not by you. He needs a heart to heart with a therapist. Im sure youre human and with 4 kids not the easiest to get along with either because of the stress. Nagging only increases stress, anxiety, depression, STOP IT. GET PROFESSIONAL THERAPY. STOP ASKING NON PROFESSIONALS FOR ADVICE SO YOU “FEEL” BETTER.
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Id write down all the things he could work on… n also ask him to do the same. Tell him you love him but unhappy lately. Then take some time… n sit down n chat about it. Tell him exactly what you need. Remember…even if your voice shakes. Setting boundaries is so important. Doesnt matter how he responds (we can never control that) n that should show you how he feels. If you matter
…hell work on things. I went through this…n after a while it gets easier. Just praise him ALOT when he does do the things you do like
I use to laugh but my mom said men are like dogs…takes 10yrs to train them and they dont emotionally mature til after 40. Realising sadly this is true. Men dont know what women need. They need to be told and asked…also could arrange a day for yourself…pick a date…n tell him hell have to watch kids for the day and night as you need some time…stay out late.
Girl that man ain’t taking your kids. Hell he doesn’t even work, how will he provide for them? 
Listen y’all are about to move so this is your chance to RUN! Get a place for you and your children. If you’re truly done with him, file for divorce. If not, tell him EXACTLY what you expect from him and make sure he does that for at LEAST 6 months. If he can’t make it through at LEAST 6 months doing the right thing then there’s no point of moving forward. 
Go, and definitely take the kids because it’s clear that he doesn’t care about them. But get a lawyer because he is bound by law to provide support for his children ( financially anyway). It’s time for you and your children move on from this loser.
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Suck it up and deal with it? You’re not unhappy. You’re comparing him to societal norms and your perception of what a man should be.
That’s normal he’s using the kids as pawns. Stick to your guns
find a place of your own and take your kids and move. you don’t need a lazy bum in your life.
This is something you should be discussing with a friend or family member not social media with strangers. just me. sorry
4 kids and no job ?? Absolutely inexcusable. I would be the hell out there ASAP !!!
Honesty, he isn’t going to change. If he was going to he would have by now. That’s just manipulation.
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1st off he can’t just take your kids standard is now 50/50 unless you can prove the other parent unfit
2nd if you’ve tried to communicate with him about this before and he throws a tantrum like a child then he will always act that way and you need to just rip it off like a bandaid and talk to him
He can’t even support them? How’s he going to take something he can’t support? Honey just leave chances are the state you live in is a mothering state.