I am feeding the neighborhood, help!

I have 5 boys. Our family gets along better than I could have ever hoped for on that note, I've always taught my kids to step in and say something when they witness another kid being bullied, this includes their brother's, their friends or anyone at school making someone feel less about themselves. To call the bully out on it, respectively. “Hey, why do you feel it's necessary to make fun of “so-so”? You know bullying doesn't make you any more cool than you think you are in?” Etc. My boys have come up with their own renditions and it has served them well over the years. I've never allowed bullying in my home and I will not tolerate it, from my kids or their friends. If you can't be nice, then you just aren't allowed in my home end of story. Due to my kids standing up for other children that they witness getting bullied, the amount of friends my kids have is ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the friendships they are building, giving kids that may not feel like they have anyone in their corner giving them that sense of belonging and getting included and I love that they have that natural ability to just make friends with ease where as so many struggle to make friends and fit in; however, it's starting to get to be a bit much and it's getting expensive to feed all these teenage kids. At first it wasn't bad, there'd be one or two friends for each kid, occasionally throughout the week that would stay for dinner or would be invited to join our family-but last night, I realized just how far in over my head we've gotten with this whole friend thing. The entire varsity basketball team (20) showed up to hang out with my oldest. My 2nd oldest had 5 friends over, the 3rd child had his 2 bestfriends there and my 2nd youngest had 3 friends over. When the entire basket ball team showed up, of course the other boys were drawn to the noise and leave it to the 5 year old infront of 30 kids- he loudly announces that we are having pizza for dinner and says everyone should stay for dinner, becaues it makes it more special when we all eat together. My husband notices the look of unease and uncomfortableness on some of the kids faces when my 5 year old put them in an akward situation. Not all my kids friends come from “money” and I am glad these kids feel comfortable in my home knowing we don't view them any differently and they are treated equally in our home so my husband quickly jumps in and says “Impromptu pizza party? I dig it.” and starts delagating orders to the older boys to work with everyone on what pizzas we may need; (if costco pizza was an option, I'd have gone this route, because it's good pizza and it's not too expensive, but Costco wasn't an option. Not many places could put an order for 20 extra large pizza's last minute; by the time all was said and done, we had spent over $500 on pizza. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. A couple weeks ago I ended up making like 10 lazagnas and the month before that, I had 5 large pots of spaghetti- It's not about the kids, it's not about feeding them, it's not about the clean up because the kids all jump in and clean up everything every time without having to be asked. My problem is with the practicality and unrealistic expectations that we may be setting for our boys. My boys are not are the problem, yet. They never assume that we are just going to drop everything and feed whatever team they are on walks through my door, They are kind sweet boys and always ask before they offer an invite, but it's me and my husband. We are the problem, How do I go about easing back on this so that the kids still feel welcome and wanted because they are. I am well aware that I have created this problem. Any advice would be welcome.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am feeding the neighborhood, help! - Mamas Uncut

I would sit down with your boys and explain that it is very expensive to feed friends. Maybe have 1 night a week where they can bring a friend or 2 for dinner? Communication is key! They seem old enough to understand.

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Get a deep freeze and keep those Costco pizzas on hand. You ARE that family. :joy: But seriously just start backing away from feeding all of them.

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I would stock up on cheap snacks in bulk and feed them that instead of full meals. One night per week plan a dinner for everyone. Keep it cheap though. Spaghetti goes a long way instead of lasagna with so many ingredients. Pasta salads, sloppy joes and other things like that are more affordable for a huge crowd.

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Involve other parents in the planning & execution

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When all my nieces and nephews sleep over we make hot dogs, nachos, and spaghetti. What you are doing is kind but don’t be afraid to make ham sandwiches. The kids just want to be together.

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Let me say you are awesome! When I was raising my grands they always brought friends over for supper…and my granddaughter thought I was the neighborhood psychiatrist…she would bring a friend in and say you can talk to my Nana about anything…lol I would do what some have already said…talk to your son…stalk up on frozen pizzas etc.

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Talk to your boys and let them know that maybe once a month you will do a bbq or something that won’t costs so much or maybe a bring and share so not all the cost is on you .

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First, bravo mama!! Sounds like you’ve done amazing with your boys!

I would suggest stocking up on cheap snacks at like the Dollar Tree or buying in bulk at Costco or Sams Club. That way they always have something to snack on. I would also invest in keeping some of those frozen pizzas on hand. You can keep pizza pockets, bagel bites hot pockets stuff like that which is cheap and usually can be bought in large quantities. And I would speak to your husband, and let him know that he can throw impromptu pizza parties when each kid only has a friend or two each over. Doing something like $500 in pizza is like a once in a great while type thing.

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I’d remind your 5 year old to remember to ask you guys first before inviting that Many friends to have dinner

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Have a weekly pasta party! It’s big with sports teams! And it’s something where everyone brings something!

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People like you were the only reason I got to eat somedays :heart:🫂

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I would have food for friends set aside… like Ramen noodles, chef Bayardi, pizza rolls, hot pockets… things like that you can buy in bulk. So if they have qn enormous amount of friends over like more then 2… you can say we’ll were eating dinner and if your hungry your more then welcome to make xy or z we’re not just gonna make you starve and watch us eat . But if you don’t mind feeding a few that are over what your making anyway I don’t see the issue with that just when there are 20 extra people they can eat a 25 cent whatever… you could even keep frozen pizza on deck I think Sam’s sells 4 digorno pizza for like 10$

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I think its wonderful that you are teaching your kids to be friends with the kids that probably need friends and to stand up against bullying! We need more parents like you. On another note, I would consider designating one day per week (or month) that the kids are allowed to invite others over for dinner. Talk to them about how you have to budget and why. It will be a good learning experience. Good luck!

Serve plain tofu or liver & no one will want to stay for dinner! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: Also, why aren’t you sending your kids to their friends’ houses to eat sometimes?

Popcorn & water with lemon slices will have to suffice on days other than the designated day to invite one child each to join you.

Schedule pot lucks with the other families so you can all eat together without you & hubs doing all the work & bearing all the expenses. Those with less can bring chips, those with more can bring chicken casseroles.

Big pots of soup with bread & butter or chili & cornbread are cheap & filling. Use tofu to stretch hamburger or in a blender to make cream soups without the cream. A baked (microwave) potato bar with butter, sour cream, shredded cheddar, salsa, broccoli florets (frozen is fine) and chives or sliced green onions works too. If you’re feeling flush, add bits of ham, bacon, crumbled cooked sausage or hamburger. Sweet potatoes work too.

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It’s ok to set boundaries and limits on friends coming over. Take a few days a week for just family time. Make it known. Even as adults, your kids will NEED to know how to set boundaries or people will walk all over them!

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Fruit plates are a cheap alternative, they have homes to eat at.

What a fantastic family you are. :clap::clap:
Stick a big freezer somewhere and keep it topped up with pizza, fries , burgers etc
If you can bulk buy its cheaper.
Pasta is cheap and filling. Bulk buy jars of sauce and doctor them up yourself …cheaper than from scratch when you’re feeding the 5000 lol . Catering tins of hotdogs
Large multi packs of snacks and whatever they drink.
Remind the youngest to ask quietly before inviting everyone to dinner …you love having them but don’t always have enough food in the house to feed them all or enough cash to carry out . Tell him invites to eat must come from parents

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Our house growing up was always the house everyone came to also. We had cereal in the cupboard that none of us ate but our friends did. It was a safe place which was fantastic buuuut… Teaching your children that there has to be limits in a way they understand. You can gently talk and explain that $500 on one evening with pizza for everyone would cover a mortgage payment or car insurance etc for 12 months. I think the idea of stocking up on snacks and being able to hand them out or even get them to clip some coupons to cover such occasions might be an idea… We don’t have them here in Ireland but a great cheap way to get some “teenage food”. The big lesson here is how to be generous but not to a fault. Wonderful parenting all the same… Generosity is a beautiful trait :two_hearts::two_hearts:

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I have a open home too. We go through stages of extra kids and times without. I totally feel this. Even going out for dinner the kids bring a friend at times. We go away for a weekend for our anniversary and we end up taking 6 extra kids lol. But we love it. Our kids love being at home and i love that others can rock up whenever. I do alot of things like toasties, bags of chips etc. Hotdogs. We make it work

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Set boundaries kids are allowed over but as soon as it’s dinner time they need to go home unless it’s like 1 or 2 that have been invited to stay.

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Ramen for dinner!!! Yay!!!
Btw, what great memories you are making for all of them.

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Please sit down and talk with them so they understand that is expensive and meals need to be planned ahead especially for situations with that many coming over . It needs to be planned and in that case all those kids can chip in for meals : It is not your responsibility . Sleepovers yes , entire teams showing up unannounced no. Amazing things happening here , but the kids will understand some healthy bounderies with a good family meeting :slightly_smiling_face:

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Your home has become a safe haven for other children. You are amazing. I have no advice but thank you for being a place everyone is welcome.

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I agree with talking to the boys about boundaries. In that discussion make sure to remind them that this is a discussion between family though. Otherwise they may mention the discussion to their friends and one friend(who may really need the assistance in food or a safe place to go) may start feeling hesitant to continue coming even though they really need what you guys are providing.

I absolutely love what you guys are doing. My son gets picked on at school and continuously states he doesn’t have friends, it really upsets me that some kids can be so cruel. I wish he had a good solid friend!

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I had three kids that were the same way as teens there was ways 6-9 extra kids in my house I had 2 rules no one allowed in if they didn’t ask my permission first and same for dinner ask me first
I never turned away anyone from my dinner table I used to buy ramen by the case Cereal by the family boxes chef boyardee by the case bread at least 6 a week and peanut butter,nutella and jam I made my kids and their friends never starved and my home was a safe place I always told my kids I would rather they bring their friends home so I knew where my kids were and what they were doing. Mom and Dad you are doing it right just choose food you can do for a crowd

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When our kids were little we always included all their friends in going places also always paid noing they had no money we worked two jobs and never asked for any money one time my son always had his friends over for lunch someone called the cops and said their was a gang in front of our house no my son brought his friends over for lunch,they always had a place to go and it worked for us and they have a ton of memories .

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Our home has and always will be the “open home”. I’m called mama by more children than I can count and I love every minute of it! So many memories made. We always have 3-5 extras when we go on our camping adventures! The more the merrier.

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Have the conversation with your kids but also think about getting a deep freezer and stocking up on frozen pizzas, burgers, French fries, nuggets, and other cheap foods you can get in bulk at Costco. That way if your ever in that position again you can feed them without breaking the bank.

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Im happy to hear the kids have a place to go, could you possibly plan like 1 or 2 nights a month for a large friends dinner? we had the same issue when I was growing up, my mom was a single mom with 4 kids, ours was the house everyone gathered at. My mom didn’t know how she was going to feed us four kids let alone half the neighborhood, but somehow she managed to do it.

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The fact is teenagers usually have entourage’s and if your the “cool” house to hang then feeding frenzy’s go with the territory, the way we dealt with it was a meals only approach, you dont have a big enough truck to haul the amount of snack and convenience food a herd of teens can put away, popcorn being the exception, and get a 32 qt soup pot

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Where did you get pizza from? We bought 22 pizzas for roughly $200. I love what you’re doing! I got through the same things! We were feeding a football team two to three times a week for the entire season. I understand the struggle you’re in, cause we weren’t asked to or anything, I just did it.

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Maybe only allow each kid to have 1 friend over and they must ask you 1st so you can keep track of everyone who’s coming over.

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First: You are Awesome !!!
Second: it’s Time for a 1 friend per child at dinner rule… unless planned in advance !!!
My daughter had cheerleader friends over, so I get you !!!
Also, they will be grown & gone before you know it. Enjoy this crazy wonderful time while it lasts.

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Oh honey. $500 is way too much. In situations like that, I would have told my youngest, “oh honey, no. That’s tomorrow night. Tonight we’re having _____”. Or, go for a cheaper pizza and don’t ask what everyone wants. Like, little Caesars. Call and tell them you need 10 hot and ready pepperoni and 10 hot and ready cheese, or whatever you choose. Honestly, these kids will just be so happy to be included. My son is 20 now, but I have 9, 7, and 2 year old kids at home. My son had kids over all the time. Make sure you have plenty of snacks and if you don’t feel like hosting for everyone, you’re allowed to say, no not tonight. Boundaries are key. And so is frugality when feeding that many kids.

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$500 on 20 pizzas? Im a manager at Little Caesar’s there’s no way you spent $500 on 20 pizzas. You need a family mtg and set guidelines as to how many friends can be over.But honestly tell your kids ONLY 1 or 2 friends during the week and they have to go home before dinner.

Wow that’s nice but there has to be limits. With the price of food these days your own families bill is big enuf. Each kid can pick 1 night per month to invite x number of friends.

No one else took this as downlow braggy post? You come from money and you can afford to feed dozens of you’re kids poor and middle class friends. But you dont want to set expectations that you’ll feed them all when they are all over? Or you don’t want your kids to think its OK to spend hundreds of dollars to feed the neighborhood because it’s unrealistic. ? Ok so tell them they can all bring something for huge gatherings or send them home before dinner, only let the poor unfed kids stay, or maybe tell your kids that they can’t have 3 dozen kids over all at once. There’s a pretty good idea. :+1:

For one you can put limits because most cannot afford $500 pizza nights. Do Papa Murphy’s or Little Caesars or Walmart Great Value pizzas.

Freeze spaghetti batches and bulk items like this.

But big thank you for the friendly house.

Lots of great suggestions here in regards to boundaries and cheap food. What about having the kids earn their keep somehow? Like mow the lawn or some other maintenance around the house. Keeps the community thing going while you’re getting something out of it too