Been having a lot of trouble lately with my bonus daughters. 9 & 12. I’ve tried chore charts for over a year now. Nothing works. They leave lights on, chargers plugged into the wall, crap just everywhere unless I stand there and point it out for them to correct, I’m the one who ends up taking care of it. I don’t ask much, but what I do ask are very simple tasks. Such as specific days each was to feed the dog, day to bring your laundry to the washer, turn off light when you walk out of a room, take phone chargers out of the wall. Well, so I’d been reading when I came across an ADHD article. Everything is DEAD ON to their behavior. One, IMO, is inattentive, and the other hyperactive. I tried to bring it up to my husband, but he doesn’t want to hear it. They’ve had trouble in school; the oldest is a habitual liar; the youngest makes good grades but is a constant disruption in class. Their bio mom is just awful. She would never care if they were having problems. I understand it’s hard to hear for my husband. But I am at a loss. One time I thought to myself they are like caring for special needs kids…now I understand why. Would you have them tested? How do I get my husband on board? I am exhausted when they’re here. Doing all the household chores while they just sit around and make messes and do whatever they want. Of course, their father baby’s them; they’re his “little” girls. I feel hateful all the time, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m the one who never gets free time because I’m constantly picking up after them. And a year later, with the same instruction, shouldn’t they be able to grasp it by now?! I don’t understand. Any advice would be welcome.
Stop picking up after them. Have no phone rules. Don’t lead to ADHD until you make sure their foundation is rock solid.
Do you have kids in this age group? Idk about ADHD, it is supposed to be diagnosed by 10/12. These are the struggles with this age. I personally make the rule that chores are done before play/tv/electronics. I check the chores and make my kids redo them. It seems like this season is a season of no breaks for mom or stepmom.
Pick your battles!! And FYI if you make it your job to be the enforcer you will always b the bad guy!! Always! Get on to him about being the enforcer. Teenage years r right around the corner and if you continue to be the enforcer mark my words they will turn their father against u. Children of divorced parents are so manipulative times 100 usually when they hit 13!
Welcome to parenthood. Do you have any other children? This is just kids. You say one is a liar? What examples? Is it to get out of trouble? Or to get others in trouble - there’s a difference. I’m presuming they don’t live with you, you just have to get on at them all the time for it. It’s normal.
Sounds like typical preteens to me
Why can’t chargers stay plugged in?
I would never make a child that young unplug anything from a wall… sounds like you’re being lazy and theres nothing wrong with leaving them plugged in… LMFAO MAKE MESSES? You’re a parent! You’re responsible to keep your house clean😂 you’re asking way to much from them… smh.
honestly, they’re probably feeding off of your disdain or resentment for them. If I know someone doesn’t like me I’m not going to listen to them or be concerned about doing a good job for them. Also, if they’ve been allowed to have bad habits (i.e. being messy) from birth than that’s going to be a hard habit to break. Especially at their ages.
As a mom of a child with ADHD and me having it myself it doesnt sound like ADHD. It sounds like children raised to be unappreciative. Calling them special needs is messed up.
Try giving them some coffee. At 9 and 12 it’s not really going to hurt either way but if they have ADHD as you suspect you may see slight improvement.
Sounds to me like a typical preteen child … your to quick to just try and throw a diagnosis at them. You have to take in to consideration that they may have not always had the best home life , if mom is horrible like you say and then the split up of there parents , could be some pent up anger. If your going to do anything I would suggest counselling for the whole family , may do you all some good .
You sound like my fil even when he’s in my home he will unplug my stuff including coffee pot and tv because I walked away regardless if I was still using makes me so mad if I walk out the room you forgot your light he’s a but hole just because why not for one just calm down kids are kids not a big deal to have a charger plugged in I have ADHD and it doesn’t sound like they do sounds like your to strict and there being a little rebellious give them some slack
And yes I have numerous courses on how to deal with ADHD etc. so I’m not going in blind. The Crcc has courses on these things for a small fee and are usually a day long. Ece workers are required to take these courses so they are available through daycare registry
There not your kids right. Everything they do is normal at there ages. They might want to piss you off.
Have you tried positive rewards? Giving praise when/if they do something!? You as a parent/role model need to set examples! Trying this isn’t going to hurt anything, allowance? Even something small could make them want to help out! Good luck!
Typical child behavior
My estranged husband’s two daughters were the exact same way. And I’m not going to lie it really put a wedge in our marriage because after becoming tired of being the bad guy all the time and him getting upset and told them more than once they didn’t have to listen to me (he had full custody and worked nights so I pretty much was the only adult there most of the time) if I did something like take away screen time because they didn’t do their one daily chores I just stopped, I stopped picking up what they should, I stopped enforcing anything, and that didn’t go over well with him either. Kids that age don’t pick up or don’t do this and they do lie, but there is a difference in a kid lying and one that has compulsive lying issues, my exes daughter would say someone touched her innaproproaitly any time she got in trouble for anything. You and your husband need to be on the same page I wish I could tell you what to do to get him there but I don’t. Good luck
I have 2 kids with ADHA meds don’t held the dad let them anything they want to an I said they couldn’t have it he gave it so now he tries to turn them against me
You are to have sit down with they’re dad an tell him that you both need to be on the same page with the kids if you don’t do something now it will only get harder later
Until their dad wants to actually parent his kids and realizes that they need to clean up after themselves things will not not change. I have two adhd step sons and meds help but that is not the only answer they need routine and consistent discipline. We have a list of house rules with consequences up in our house and we inforce as a unit. The dad needs to be on the same page as you or nothing will work. You might have to stop doing stuff for them and disciplining them to force him to step up
Sounds like typical preteen behavior… chill out a bit.
Lol mine are almost 15 and the other is 17, you’d think v they’d grasp it by now. They’re my daughters, I yell and move on and yell again. You need to choose to love them and guide them.
Why can they not leave their chargers plugged in? That’s nuts. I wouldn’t follow that rule either because it seems ridiculous. Kids make messes. You are an adult and a parent. Yes they should throw their trash away but it’s not their job to clean the house or to keep things spotless… a chore here and there is fine but it seems like you are being a little excessive about it…
Honestly adhd aside that’s irrelevant if your husband wont make his girls clean up after themselves than dont do it either make him do it! Just leave it there and when he ask why tell him the girls wouldnt clean it up after I asked them too multiple times so that’s why it’s still there 
your their stepmom not their maid! As for the adhd most likely if they had it the school would of already asked for the parents to have them tested for it so honestly could just be them having the mind set of your not my mom so I dont gonna listen to you
I can understand the stuff about chores, unplugging things when you aren’t using them, they’re old enough to start learning some responsibility. But have you ever just sat down as a family and tried to talk to them and try and get through to them?
Dying at all these people saying this is normal behavior for kids this age. My oldest is 11 & does have ADHD inattentive type & has had difficulty with routines & organization for years. We are trying bullet journaling/planning right now with moderate success. That being said my 3 & 4 year olds can follow a simple chore chart or directive like she us talking about.
Why would you refer to them as plus kids? Maybe you have never excepted them?
Bonus kids never heard of that I like that
IMHO- let them be kids. If your husband and their mother don’t see a problem- leave them be. First work on liking them and then as a group try working on other things including your own faults. You are out of line playing google doctor if the biological parents aren’t concerned.
Welcome to motherhood. These are normal behaviors for their age. You need to chill and stop trying to push that something is wrong with them.
Mind your own business an just let the father an mother raise their kids the way THEY see fit…
My husband is a grown ass man and does this so dont immediately jump to a major mental disorder. Im sure like 95% of kids do this. Teenagers too! Shoot, me sometimes! Its like one of those things that just slips the mind.
My mom used to make us a portion of the electric bill every month. Wasnt long before we stopped wasting electricity. So, a portion of their allowance goes to that. Take the chargers when you find them. Dont wash their laundry.
When I had troubles with my stepndaughter not cleaning up after herself… I decided too make it fun as a family… I would put on her favorite song id do one thing while she picked something from her chore list and we would dance around get our chores done. I dont ask for much when it comes to the kids but cleaning up after themselves is a big one for me. I’m trying too teach my 3 year old he needs to help clean up his toys some days he does and some he doesnt.
They need consistency at your house and at their moms house. If there is no consistency then the behavior will continue.
Take all that shit off them
Ask them again. Sit them down and look them in the eye and let them know what they need to be doing. So its perfectly clear. Then if they forgot to unplug , then unplug the charger and keep it for a few days. If they forgot about turning off lights, remove the bulbs. If they dont bring their clothes to be washed then dont
wash them. Your doing them the favor they should be pitching in more. Its cost to have chargers plugged in and lights left on. When you do have a talk with then. Remember to speak truth with love.
First marriage/family counseling just you and hubs to get you on the same page; you may both have to compromise a little. Ask for ways to make you all more of a family together vs. an “us vs. them” situation.
Once you agree on desired behavior, try a chore chart with gold stars and small rewards for a certain number of stars. Maybe a dollar, maybe an outing to a park, they pick the next movie on Netflix. Maybe they get to ask something reasonable of you and dad to put on the chart.
They probably feel like life has been happening out of their control so take control wherever they can, by being disobedient. Give them as much agency as possible: sit down with them before they go back to mom & plan the next visit with their input. Ask them to help pick elements of meals & offer to teach them how to make some dishes so they can surprise their mom, impress future boyfriends and most importantly, learn to live independently, which they are programmed to want to do.
I think this is kids being kids…I have a 9 year old, 12 yr old and a 13 yrs. They sound like your bonus daughters…If it’s left on the floor it’s thrown away, I don’t clean up after them and I don’t replace it 
this rule has helped in the last year
Plus, involve them in as much decision making as possible: do they want bins, baskets, or just to dump laundry in the laundry room? Would they prefer picking a dessert or getting a small amount of money for each load of laundry they run correctly (depending on how long they are with you, they shouldn’t generate much, so this is just a chance to earn extra rewards)? Would they prefer shelving, bins, or drawers to put away their items? Involve them in problem solving and ask (both you & dad) what they think the punishment or reward should be. You might be surprised at how practical they can be.
If you feel hateful all the time then they feel hated all the time.
How long have you been their lives? Do they live with you all the time?
I would start by loving them and talking to them and asking why they are having a hard time doing what you ask of them.
Put yourself in their shoes of being someone’s “bonus kid “ .
My 9 and 12 year old boys do this exact shit. It’s annoying yes but it’ll pass
Tell hubby you have plans and take your self out for the day. Let him clean up after his kids.
Please don’t try to self diagnose or diagnose others children. If you think they should be tested you can bring it up to the bio mom but I don’t think that’s really your place as the “bonus mom”…and what you’re describing alone isn’t enough to sound like ADD/ADHD at all. It sounds like age normal behaviors aside from perhaps the disruption in class.
My mom’s method was this if she asked us to pick it up and we didn’t it was hers. So next time you pick it up make them “earn it back” if their room is a mess guess what they loose their door until their room is clean. If they change in there and say you can’t take the door for that reason. They can change in the bathroom. You are partly their mom too and they need to learn how to listen to both parents and bonus parents.
The only solid solution to the light issue is install motion sensor switches. Other than that leave the kids alone 
I would never trust you around my children… my children’s father had to recently leave his wife for this exact behavior… you seem like his wife to a T… that’s not a good thing… l hope to god that you aren’t abusing those kids when he isn’t around… and just an FYI… mom may not be your cup of tea, but I can almost promise you- your opinion of her is bull shit… and I promise that’s why his kids treat you like shit… my kids treated their stepmonster like shit because she was always talking shit on me, but wasn’t doing enough on her part to have anything to say…
Anything they leave on the floor that they refuse to pick up you go behind after you warned them and you take it. Then they have to do an extra chore to earn it back. If they can’t unplug their chargers go grab them and lock them with a lock or just take it away. If they leave the lights on take away their light bulbs or hit the circuit breaker so they don’t have light.
You can also explain the importance of turning off electronics and stuff by showing them the electric bill.
Its also hard on developing minds to go from a structured home to an unstructured environment. If you want your husband to really understand i would just stop doing everything and let him understand how much work it really is
They sound like kids to me.
Next time they leave their light on, remove the bulb for 24 hours, 2nd time 48 hours. Leave the charger plugged in, take it away for 24 hours, next time 48 hours. Just sounds to me like these kids need some consequences, not just a woman who will whine about them to Daddy but still clean it all up anyways.
Nope!! My girls are 11&12.
I do not and have not picked up after them In year’s!!
They also do their own laundry, thier own rooms, shared bathroom, yardwork and can cook! Most standard charts dont work for adhd kids. I know, I’m One of them.
But the detailed step by step instructions helps alot.
If my girls don’t pick it up and I do they have to earn it back. Or they loose everything in their room. Rairly happens now.
I definitely agree with another answer, marriage councling and family councling.
Would help parents get on the same page and compmrising.
What’s a bonus daughter ?
Sounds like typical kids …when you see the charger left plugged in take it an make it disappear for a while .any mess they make leave it .when hubby says something tell him which girl did it and walk away .or make sure they see you pick up their stuff put it in a bag and announce loudly that it must be garbage and throw it out
If you have a husband that won’t help parent, and a bio mom who doesn’t parent. I’m telling you that you can’t win. It will be a battle until the end. They just see you as step mom who can’t really do anything
Sounds like my kids. This is never ending. But also sounds like me as a teen, my brother as a teen and all my friends. This is mostly a kid thing. They will eventually get it, you have to stay on them. I don’t do it for them, they return until it is done right.
Simple
Dont pick up after them …let them live with the mess.
Go through the rules once more.
If things not done or left on floor out they go.
Unplug phone cords and hide them till they learn. Explain how dangerous it is to leave them in…
You are not their personal maid. At 9 and 12, those kids are more than capable of turning off lights, unplugging chargers, throwing away trash, feeding the dog, and putting the laundry where it goes. Those are not unreasonable requests. People saying it’s just the age, they are kids, it’s your job, etc are not correct in my opinion. My three and seven year olds know how to turn off lights and put laundry in the laundry basket and things, so your girls certainly should (unless medical reasons not to). Your husband needs to talk to them and get on the same page as you about reasonable chores and punishments. If he doesn’t and the girls continue as they are, just stop. Stop cleaning up after them, stop doing their laundry, just do the basic minimum (feed them and shelter them), that’s it. After a week or so of that, maybe everyone can get on the same page. Good luck!
They sound more like they lack discipline than kids suffering from addh. There dad is neglecting to teach them to show you the respect that you deserve. Stop worrying so much when they are at your house. Stop killing yourself cleaning up. Talk to dad about stepping up and taking responsibility. If he doesnt, all i can tell you is you will feel angry and taken for granted more and more. Its urgent. Make dad understand or it will kill your relationship eventually!!
Sounds like all my bio kids point im sayin is they are kids 
relax soon they wont be n u will miss that unless ur being like that cause they are not ur kids n i pray thats not the case whether they are your kids or bonus kids key word is kids
Time to sit down with daddy and point out that you need his support in. making the girls follow the rules and getting the girls tested . And inform him that I would be taking one or two days off a week, or I would be getting a job and leaving
They sound like my two who are diagnosed adhd and asd. There is no harm in trying to get them tested. Children with adhd respond with rewords and when tasks are made fun they are more likely to do them, so if you make tidying up a game, put some music on and say to them that they have to do it before the end of the song or two songs, how ever long you think it will relisticly take, then reward them, use there phones or tablets as a reward after they done it, tell them that now they have done it they have earned 30mins on there device, you may need to just keep telling them to turn out the lights, don’t only mention it when they have not, praise them when they do, even if you think its something they should do with out praise, when it’s time to feed the dog give them A 5 mins heads up, set a alarm and make sure you have there attention when you explain to them what you have to do. Yes it’s hard work. You will have to be on the ball all the time. But you will get used to it and find your routine with them. Good luck and I hope you get the answers you need and those girls deserve x
Recently I stumbled across this blogger and she’s amazing 
Step parenting ain’t easy lol
Start by having a very open good conversation with your husband. Then together go to the school to talk to the teacher and go from there. And yes, children should (be able to) adhere to simple safety and “green” rules.
Sounds like you really don’t like being their bonus Mom and trust that they can feel that stop trying to label them and quit fussing at them all the time. They are only children once!!! Let them have a childhood. When it’s their time with their Dad let him set the rules not you bonus or not that’s good job not yours.
Stop doing it for them. When things go missing…oh well. When clothes don’t get washed …oh well. When their Dad get the electric bill and it’s super high …oh well. I am a mother of 3 grown daughters and girls will always try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. But as soon as you stop doing for them the start to realize that if they want something done they have to participate. Atleast that’s what I would do. But please feed the dog!!!
Fyi i was a nanny for 3 children for a year. I child acted like those. The mom and I got togeather and. Took everything out of there room they enjoyed. Made them earn everything back. Remember your the adult
As far as my opinion, as i was a bonus daughter too with 2 step siblings. It was so hard for me to get use to the routines. My mom caught my slack at her house but i was forced at my dads or it wouldn’t get done. They are way too old, DONT pick up for them anymore!
My 9 and 11 yr old bonus daughters are the same way. Its just that age range. I just keep reminding them and theres constant repetition but some days they are on point and others they arent. Ones hyper active the other is lazy. I just stay on top of things and they dont get away with half assing things. If they decide to rush through a chore and its not done right then they do it all over again. Their father needs to get on your side with things though.
My daughter is severe ADHD.They have to be diagnosed in order to have the right medication to help them. With ADHD comes depression and a whole lot of other issues! If he truly cares about “his little girls” testing is not a big deal. If they have ADHD, aspbergers or maybe on the autism spectrum, medication helps them live a better life as well as you all. Best wishes!
Well, first thing is a clear calm conversation with your husband, and get some things worked out. You need to stop doing everything for them, if they see you doing it, then they won’t. There has to be a lasting enough discipline that they take notice. Such as they leave the charger plugged in, they lose the device and charger for a month. If they don’t bring the laundry, they either don’t get clean clothes or they take the time to do it themselves, and if they leave it in the washer, well, I guess they are wearing something damp the next day. If they do t feed the dog on their day, they get a week of poop cleanup. Your husband needs to be held accountable as well, as he’s enabling them. Then if he wants to over defend, tell him that you want them tested or you arent accepting his enabling them. The testing isn’t hard, generally you both plus a teacher or two or other adults fill out some questionnaires about them and their behaviors. Then it’s reviewed by the doctor who had a standard scale key, and will give him guidelines to help diagnose if it’s a medical cause, or if they are just not being well behaved
Fighting a losing battle. With maturity comes responsibility …if your lucky
My daughter is different in my house verus her bio dad house she is 10. For the school year she primarily lives with me and she know that when she gets home she has a small chores she is fine with that. However when she come back from bio dads it takes us a bit tonget back in our routine because its differnt there. You have to remember that its a lot for you kids/tween to have adjust to how mutiple peoe parent them when it is not the same at both houses.
I doubt they have ADHD from what you explained…one is a preteen and one is 9…having kids is a lot of work and you rarely get free time as a mom! Pick battles don’t fight them on everything. What’s the deal with chargers staying plugged in? My two teens have a charger plugged into their wall 24/7 so do my husband and I. Turning lights off gets a little better when they are older. My oldest is 16, my next is 14 and then 5 and my youngest is 1…lol, talk about no free time!! I promise when they are grown and gone you are going to wish you had to walk to their room to turn that light out because that would mean they were there!
I would ask your husband to take his turn picking up after them so he can see what you’re observing
The bigger issue is your husband not being an enforcer of house rules. Btw… Both legal parents have to sign off for testing. Good luck.
Kids those ages are not going to do those things a majority of the time without being prompted. Hell, I don’t even unplug my phone charger! Start with 1 chore, like gathering their own laundry, get that routine then add to it.
As s mother of 5 grandmother of 11 . Yelling does not help. But if they want something make them work for it. Want to go eat out make them work for it. Want a new pair of shoes make them work for it. And yes if these are your husbands kids if they do t want to do it make him do it and once it affects him he will fix it.
See a psychologist to get them tested if you think that will be better for you and family. It is hard trying to adjust to new routines for sure.
Totally anything that you can do in today’s world especially with an adhd child my son is one and I had him tested when he was in the 2nd grade and it really really helped especially in school. It was still hard. And to be honest I would like to think that by seeing a dr about it that ur husband will be glad u took action once he sees that it has helped them.
first talk to their doctor, then make changes. Do not pick up after them. You do they will let you. If the clothes are not in the laundry room do not go collect them. Especially in their room. Unscrew the light bulbs in certain rooms they won’t find light when they enter, unplug the chargers and hide them until they have done some chores. as for the dog. place the dogs food in front of them when it is time to eat. They will have to feed dog. I know it sounds bad but if you don’t they will always do nothing because they know you will. Your husband needs to step up and start helping take care of his girls and stop babying them. You need to take a trip, to a relatives house for a week and let them defend on their own and shee where that goes
Let them suffer the consequences of their own behavior, laundry not in hamper, no clean clothes. Phone charger left in the wall, take away phone privileges. If dad doesn’t help out, maybe their visitation time or part of, is a good time for you to have some alone time?
The biggest part of this is why are you doing everything? Where’s your husband and why isn’t he more involved? Tell him you’re at your limit and start giving him a list to check up on them. Say I need you to make sure they…
Then hold him accountable for holding them accountable
When he’s more involved then he will hopefully see there’s an issue here
Till then, he’s actually your biggest issue
Not a mom, but former bratty teenager. Why do you feel you must do it if they don’t (besides feeding the dog, of course)? If you always end up doing it, anything you say is an empty threat. If the house is in order when they aren’t there, and devolves into chaos when they are, it might better help your husband see what is going on and feel willing to step in. Have you and your husband agreed on your role in discipline? Are you following through to the extent that you agreed you’re able to?
Have you tried talking to them, not from the vantage point of them being wrong or bad, but of checking in on them emotionally? I did worse and worse as my emotional state went downhill. You might be surprised at what you’ll learn.
That’s not ADHD, that’s being a tweenager and they aren’t doing it because you’re doing it for them. Learn to pick your battles, for example I’m not sure why leaving the chargers plugged in is a trigger for you, but for us we have one charging “station” in the house. That’s where the charger stays. As far as picking up their stuff, have a 48 hour penalty box. If my daughter leaves something of hers out in goes in the penalty box for 48 hours, no argument.
Edited to add - they do grasp it, the just don’t care because you’re doing it for them and they can tune out your lectures.
Its not just daughters. I have boys 15 & 11. They are the same.
I’ve got 6 in my house 5 are mine 1 is my boyfriend s it’s a daily battle…if you figure out a good system let me know!!! Lol
Make their dad deal with it so you aren’t the wicked step mom😏
It seems a major problem but it’s not.
Don’t pick up and follow after their crap. Wait for their Dad to see what’s he is missing at the end of the day so he can see that the little girls needs to be trained, not you alone but he as their father.
Be the lazy mom. Give them instructions and in the event they don’t comply prepare yourself to turn ON to lazy mode.
You’ll thank yourself soon for not putting too much attention 
Sounds about right for all kids.
I have a ADHD child- and honestly you need to lower your expectations, sounds like therapy is in order they seem to act out likely due to poor parenting ( bio mom). Leaving lights on and chargers plugged into walls? That’s nitpicking them to death- laundry, keeping their room clean, of course they need to do that, enforce that, but their clean isn’t your clean- they don’t see things the way you do- people are different. You can’t raise mini yous- talk to them about what they want for themselves, for their space, and encourage and support them in ways to develop good habits. Pointing everything they don’t do- is asking for full blown rebellion. They make good grades- but- so you know how hurtful it is to a child to do well at something and only point out what they don’t do? I realize this is a small excerpt of your life but I encourage you strongly to look at yourself first and what you can do better- and talk to them- don’t nag them constantly. Some people are messier than others- doesn’t mean they should be total slobs- but they don’t need to be harassed over lights on - I’m 37 and still leave the lights on- and sometimes I leave my clothes on the floor, I’m not by any means a slob-and my house is usually quite tidy- but I am human- and they are still kids- seriously they need therapy- to deal with emotions and you honestly need to get on the same page with dad he’s too lax and you’re too rententive. Find balance. Kids need balance. I have great kids, kind, loving and independent kids. 17,15,13- the biggest mistake you can possible make is to raise them them same. They are different people.
Let the house go let the filth pile up then let’s see if hubby chips in after all it is his little girls. Rehome the dog if they don’t take care of it i wouldn’t either rehome him. Every time chargers are plugged into the outlet pull it out and toss them in the garbage. When u start being s bitch they will take notice. Stop being the cleanup crew you are wasting your time and energy.
you are not a slave for them
I agree with Jackie Ickes
talk to nubby and give ultimatums
I have to tell my 9 year old the same all the time I believe it’s a kid thing I think you can just tell them or ask them nicely my son probably has adhd but either way I don’t want him on meds I’ve seen what it does to kids and is very sad maybe tell your husband he’s in charge of those chores u take care of for a week and maybe he’ll understand and get on board maybe then he’ll talk to them and they will listen
ADHD individuals lack the ability to self motivate, usually on simple tasks. They have to find a sense of urgency, importance, or the task self-rewarding to complete it.
Get finding ways to motivate them!
Have a chat with some of their teachers so you can get some perspective if your noticing so are they & then they can send some help your way
Stop doing for them I know what I am talking about, the more you do the more they know you will do it has nothing to do with adah
Start praising the positive. The littlest thing. Say how you appreciate what they do, how it helps. Positive attention. Put the things they don’t do aside, praise the things they do. Pretty soon they will look for that prise and do what needs to be done.
Chargers not removed? Take them, the first time for one day, second offence=two days. Won’t turn lights out? remove the light bulbs.
Other acts of disobedience? Take their phones…choices have consequences…
Start taking things away. That charger doesn’t get unplugged? Take that charger. They won’t be happy when that device dies and there’s no way to turn it on without the charger. If they need the wifi for devices, change the password and make them earn the password by completing their tasks. I tell my 6 year old no playing video games, watching youtube or laptop until your room is clean or until school work is done and he either gets right on it or complains about it for an hour but he learned real quick that complaining isn’t making him get the things he wants faster.
Blended families are ALWAYS A Challenge and it is a shame the mother and your husband do not get on the same page as you. It sounds like to me they are just extremely spoiled they should be taught to respect and listen to you .Maybe next time they are there for a visit you should take a trip. They might not mind you being gone but I bet your husband would. What makes me crazy with these types of situations is he is NOT doing his “baby girls” any favors teaching them to be selfish, entitled, disrespectful brats. Consistency is key and they are going to do what they are allowed to do .Your husband is going to have to be the one to change things if he doesn’t require they be respectful to you they won’t ,you will always be the wicked step mom. What kids and some adult kids don’t seem to understand is if you didn’t care about them you wouldn’t care how they behaved you obviously see a problem with their behavior and the sooner it is addressed by the parents who actually concieved them the better if not , your marriage is going to suffer greatly. I told my kids when I married my husband" I love you but I also love him and there will be none of this ugliness of trying to cause problems between us "but also told him from the first date “me and my kids are a package deal.” I did have a little grief from his grown daughter at first but was not going to let ANYONE disrespect me or do whatever they felt like in my home and my husband and I did have an argument about it but he knew it was not right and realized he didn’t want to have conflict w her nor lose me so we worked it out but he had to be the one to do it because up to that point everything that came from me was ignored which to me is so disrespectful. Once he laid it out for her we were estranged for a while and don’t see her often now but we have a great relationship. Probably better than her and her own Mom but there again her Mom let’s her and our grandson talk to her and treat her any old way and I am NOT the one.People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you , and your husband ought to love and respect you enough to atleast require the mind and respect you they don’t have to like you. Just go take a break and enjoy yourself a couple of times they come to visit I bet if he has to deal with them as you have he will change his tune and straighten their butts out. If not Do you really wanna married to a man who let’s his adolescent kids run things?