Okay so I’m a single mom. I have a daughter she just turned four. my daughter has a step sister through her dad. I consider them sisters no matter what but anyways. my ex left me almost a year ago for another woman and never made an effort to see our child. I would call and talk to him and tell him even though we moved 45 min away he is welcome to see her any time. I dident want to give her go him without any kind of paperwork and since he won’t help with our daughter and wont help pay for a divorce I just wouldent let him take her overnight. they still talked and I drove her to see him a few times But he never made the effort to come see her. fast forward about 9 months. I Finnaly get a child support order. and in the paperwork it states were legally seperated and I have physical custody. so I start to allow him to take her in accordance with his other childs visitations. problems arise. first he never pays child support so I’m working two jobs to support us. and second he keeps taking all her good clothing and sending her back in crappy worn out tore up clothing. (he has good clothes for her I gave him a lot of her clothes) and then he wants to keep her longer and sometimes I allow it. But now it’s bigger things like leaving her with someone he bearly knows (his new gf that he just started dating. her mom. And her family) he doesn’t understand why I’m angry. not only that but he told me he was in the town that was only 45 min away instead he was leaving her in a town that an hour and 45 min away. and it seams to be affecting her. on different occasions she has gone there basicallt fully potty trained and come back and just pissing And shitting herself just not caring. and somehow had been convienced her name wasent even her real name. and now shes crying to co-sleep (I have never let her co-sleep) it’s almost like he just lets her do whatever with whoever and doesent care. I’m so close to just taking his visits away since hes only making it harder on her. hes not helping in any way. what should I do?
Talk to your lawyer if you have one. If y’all have a agreement you have to do it. I know you don’t want to but it doesn’t work that way unfortunately.
I would take him to court with all of this documented
You can’t take away visits if there’s an order for that in place without going to court. Your child definitely doesn’t need to be cosleeping at 4 with someone who isn’t her parent.
Child support is Monopoly money it’s not real until it hits your account. He may never really pay. Don’t send a bag of clothes when you send her…she needs the clothes on her back and he should provide the rest during his time. Being a single mom is hard.
It is his child too. Get off your high horse, offer 50/50 custody and drop the child support. Stop crying about clothes.
Send her back to him in the outfits he sends to you, don’t send her in ones from your place. Get a lawyer an also put her in counseling. Paper trails and documentation are the only things that will truly help. In incidents, note times and dates ALWAYS. Get every detail you can and any proof you can (photo, video, whatever)
Sounds like my oldests dad. He eventually faded away when she got old enough to say she didnt like him n dodnt want to go there no more. She had good valid reasons at an early age.
Document & get things finalized in court if/when that time comes…Does he even want half custody or he just doesn’t want to pay? I know other parents that don’t send clothes when they go with their dad , & one mom that eventually worked out a plan that he needed to send everything back that she came with . Seems like there’s no communication between you two- hopefully, if you have to share custody then you guys can come more to agreements on co-parenting (potty training, sleeping habits , whose watching her/around her, etc). People can give advice but I know these situations are so hard & suck.
All these are signs of abuse. Especially toilet regression.
I could tolerate everything but him leaving her with strangers. That wouldn’t fly with me and I would have his ass back in court. And toilet regression is a sign of abuse. Take her to her pediatrician ASAP to be checked and have it documented
Get a court order in place saying that if he continues to disregard her developmental needs his visits will only be for a hour or two and supervised at all times
If you have custody and there aren’t set days on his end arranged you CAN take visits away because you were actually just being nice by allowing him days.
If there ARE set days he’s supposed to see her per the plan then you cannot stop the visits.
Also, Document. Take back to court.
Yup go back to court. Have it in writing who hes allowed to leave her with if he needs to work. Send her back in the clothes he sends her in and dont pack other clothes. I would take her to the doctor too about the signs of abuse and potty regression or a therapist so you have it in writing that either something happened or that all the changes are affecting her. Maybe they can make it so there are no over nights for a while. And go back to child support and they can take his license and stuff if hes not paying.
Take the visits away. Obviously speaking to an attorney would be the best first step to protect yourself. You have physical custody and proof he doesn’t pay the child support. Don’t know what state your in but in many states you lose rights when you don’t pay or go to jail. And documentation is everything. Also I would seek out some counseling for your daughter if your insurance allows for it. Not only is it good for your child learn that she can go somewhere and trust another adult with her feelings but the therapist can provide you with clinical information about your child’s mental and emotional health. This will take away the fear of covering up for “dad” bc baby doesn’t want to upset mommy. Then you can start working towards correcting the milestones that he messed up. I did that for my daughter and it has really brought us closer. She has a special adult friend that she can tell anything to. Or just go have some peace and quiet - learn how to trust others and feel like a normal child. Fear often makes kids feel like they will be in trouble if they talk.
Um…if she is coming back to you with psych issues like that, then there is a gigantic problem with his mental state that you aren’t seeing. Hold visits. Get ahold of an attorney ASAP.
I have pieces and pieces of your story that are exactly the same- but I have even Had times that he absolutely refused to give her back and even refused to the polices face to hand her over. This deathly scares me and he is also here illegally in this country and has already been deported 2x anddd put a fake name and fake birthday on her birth certificate- 
and my daughter is just going to turn four- his parenting time is every other weekend, and he is not home one night with her! He leaves my baby (my 3 year old with his wife is considered a vulnerable adult.) I am looking for supports and volunteer lawyers and ANYTHING I CAN - I AM DESPERATE, there is sooooo much more to this story, I need someone to comfort me- I am just trying to be a strong mom but omfg- one can only take so much- better yet- just please pray for me- please pray for me and my little girl:cry: This is soooo Gal dang hard:flushed:
I would stop the visitations and get to the courts asap. He is damaging her. Does he have any visitation right on paper from the courts? If he is to pay support and isnt, theres another reason for her not to go. He is stealing her stuff, and neglecting her. If ubchoose to not with hold visits. I would make it so HE must pick her up,and she goes in ONLY what she is wearing going forward. When she goes to his place, send her in the clothing HE provided and thats it. He should already have what he needs for her at his home (toothbrush, extra clothing etc) is it documents that YOU must be the one to drop her off to him and pick her up? If he teally wants to be with her, he will come get her for his visits.
Momma there is something else going on there. I would take her to talk to someone.
Most people here seem to be skipping over the fact that shes coming home with hygiene and behavioral changes. This is a key sign that something deeper is going on with someone she is being let with. Especially coming home thinking her name is something different. Take her to a dr and voice your concerns. If no court order for visits, stop them immediately. Something aint right.
Take visits away. He does not care.
Can you take her to talk to someone at social services? They have people that specialize in abuse that can talk to her and see what’s going on and if there is in fact abuse and they fear for her well being they can terminate his visits and he will still have to pay child support. They can also help you get a lawyer and help you fight for your case.
Are you an idiot ? Why would you take her there ? If he’s leaving her places instead of spending the time with her, he’s not wanting her there. Do you even know who’s watching her ? Did something happen that’s freaking her out to sleep alone ? Apparently the signs are slapping you in the face that something’s wrong, yet you keep sending her back. Remember you’re just as guilty for putting her in that situation & not protecting her.
If you feel that your daughter isn’t being properly cared for, don’t let her see him. Go to court and if he is truly a bad dad, he won’t show up. That’ll be your answer. Get him out of her life then.
You need to file for full custody and support.
Lawyer up and go back to court with everything going on. Get his visitation stripped legally and if he wants to see her make it supervised on your terms
I know a lot of people who dont send clothes back and forth. They each provide clothes for when the child is with them. I would make that part of visitation.
The adult thing to do is to sit down with him, lay out all of your concerns and why they are concerning to you. Try to reach a respectful agreement that he will do bettet going forward otherwise, you’ll have no choice but to go to court to get visit specifics put into place. The best thing y’all can do is keep the courts out of your lives but sometimes that is necessary. But you have to try to coparent first. And that means bringing your concerns to him and you both trying to find a way to agree to most things. In the end, you’re different people. So just because he may parent different than you doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy\dad. There are things you will have no say so about during his time. Same goes with him on your time. I do find it odd you refer to his girlfriend’s child as your child’s stepsibling (if I understand your post correctly) yet you have an issue with the gf watching your child. Those two things don’t go together. And lastly, you need to change your wording when speaking; especially to him. Saying you “allow” or “let him” minimizes his role as a father and will cause anger immediately. Try to work it out amongst yourselves for your daughter’s sake. If after speaking with him, nothing changes, go to court and do what you need to do.
Kids needs stability and routine. Stop the visits if he can’t take care of her properly and follow your rules.
I would definitely take her to doctor and have them give complete check up there something wrong I don’t know I’m not a doctor but it sounds like abuse where father or who he leaves her with
Forget about him. Don’t wast your time. He needs to grow up.
Please don’t let her go with him again. Please she’s trying to tell you she’s not happy and comfortable with him! Please stand up for your child!
Sounds like there can possibly be something going on. Small children who regress in potty training, having accidents, that otherwise never happened before is a sign something major can be going on. It’s not a definite sign but it is something to start asking questions about. Also the co sleeping, don’t get me wrong children sometimes like to crawl in bed with Mom, but again if she’s never done this before it’s a warning. And not just sexual, although it can be, it can just be she’s scared, insecure, unhappy. But with all that going on with the fact she is being watched by people she or you know concerns me. 4 yrs old is old enough to ask her. Have you asked her? Ask her about anyone touching her ect. If there is not a court order stating specfic visation orders I would hold off on sending her overnights. Go back to you being there with her. Also isn’t it supposed to be he meets you half way to pick up? That’s a way to maybe get out of visits. Since your daughter seeing him depends on you bringing her there, maybe he wouldn’t make the effort to come pick her up and then that way it’s him backing out of visitations not you. As far as the cloths, you probably already know what’s going on, my opinion is he’s taking your daughters nice clothes for his other children, and sending your daughter back with the other kids yucky cloths. Although it’s not as important as the other issues, I understand you work hard to provide her nice stuff and he’s taking it. We never sent my step daughter back to her mom with her good cloths. We always left them at our house and sent her home with what she came with or cheaper play outfits. Even toys we bought her stayed at our house because somehow it always “disappeared”, prob back to the store for drug money, but anyway. Please consider taking her to a Children’s Advocate. They know what to look for and know what and how to ask young children questions. And until you get things figured out don’t let her go without you or make up an excuse not to go. Document and write down everything! Good Luck Hun. It unfortunately does sound from what you stated that something more may be going on.
Major signs something is going on when a potty trained child is regressing like this. Sit and talk with her and take her to her pedi quick.
Take away visits, take him back to court and file a motion of contempt on the grounds that he is not paying child support. If he has a job even if under the table they can garnish his income/wages. There is something really wrong with where or what he is doing with your child if they are regressinging in their behaviour.
Stop sending the nice clothes first off and second I would definitely get his visits taken away. Especially if he is not paying child support it should be easy to get his visitation taken away, or at least have it changed to supervised visitation.
Baby girl sounds stressed by all of this that could be why she’s regressing. Little ones need stability and to feel safe. It’s not your fault that she has to go see her dad also that’s the law, but I do agree that something isn’t right here. She’s trying to tell you she’s not comfortable with it. I suggest taking her to get a full physical and maybe even some kind of counseling to deal with the change?
Take her to the doctor have a full exam done this sounds bad. Bad bad bad. You don’t know what those people are doing with your child. Changing her name and shit!? She’s wanting to be close to you at night which is probably when abuse happens. DO NOT GIVE HER BACK. Stand up for your child because if it does come back she’s being abused and you knew and didn’t stop it than your just as guilty in the eyes of the law.
The fact that he’s letting her stay with essentially strangers is DANGEROUS! I don’t care if they’re the greatest people in the world, the fact is that he doesn’t care. Scary! Stop sending her on visits
Best thing I can say is stop their visits, and as she gets older explain to her why you did what you did and let her decide in the future if she wants a relationship with him or not. As for now it’s not beneficial to her.
This is exactly what happened with my son and ex. Currently going through it right now. The new gf, the co-sleeping, taking clothes I bought, acting out, everything. You need to get a lawyer and keep track of all texts communicating your issues with him when he has her so its on record. Write friend of the court as well, and send in the text messages proving you’ve tried to talk to him. Then file a court date. This will prove you’ve tried everything and he still won’t listen.
Make sure everything is documented, ask the court for supervised visitation only.
She not happy dont make her go
sounds like something might be going on .my now 23 yr old was like this when she was at her dads and came back not fed or clothes changed and when she went she didnt see her dad she ws with a babysitter i didnt know.after visits became unsupervised from me she told me. i also documented everything in a note book from time she left to the time she came back. and i also followed to see if they were going where they were telling me. we had other isseus to. so play close att to your 4 yr old attitude if changes more document it.
If she’s crying to cosleep… I feel like something deeper is going on. Don’t contact him. If he doesn’t call you to see her just let it be… If he does I would file a motion with the courts for supervised visitation.
If you don’t have court ordered visitation then I would not send her back and take her to the doctor to check for abuse 
something ain’t right in that situation.
Co sleep is he letting her sleep with him? The rest jist sounds like a adjustment that LO is getting use to. As for what he doesn’t do or does as long as she’s safe and isn’t getting hurt you can’t say what he can or can’t do. Can’t and shouldn’t stop him from being with LO over money. Even laws protect him on that. Stop sending her in nice new clothes that’s a easy fix.