So I just had another baby this is my 3rd child after I had my first child I’ve been insecure so bad. I’m to the point I argue with my husband because of my insecurities we could be watching a movie together and if it has an attractive female in it that has cleavage showing or they have sex in it I get in a bad mood towards him and feel he wishes I was her. I am so insecure I need help. Has anyone else felt this insecure, and how did u fix it?
Grow up. People in movies all look perfect (that’s why it’s tv). Your husband thinks your sexy. You better stop or he will end up leaving you
Oh momma, I’m sorry your feeling this way.
I understand it.
Your body will never again be a pre-baby body, so release that idea, please.
What you have now is the body of a woman who can create miracles!
If your partner is showing attraction to you, try to disempower your concerns.
Have you considered some counseling in the subject?
You could be going through a form of post partum.
Love and light to you.
I pray you find the beauty and sensuality you desire within this miraculous new physical form.
I would suggest talking with a therapist if you can. Insuecurites like that can definitely ruin a relationship, especially if he isn’t commenting on stuff or outright looking. Have you talked to him about your insecurities? Maybe he could help you through them as well. I am a bit insecure myself but not in that fashion. Best of luck.
Relax girl. 3 babies it’s obvious he loves you/ your body and changes are normal. Take it day by day. When you’re 80, saggy and wrinkly he will still love you. Communication is key.
Yea something isn’t right with that if you just automatically get angry with him over hot girls in movies… go talk to a therapist. I’m even insecure as fuck but I don’t get mad at my SO cause there’s a hot chick on the TV now if she’s looking at other chicks all the time then yea ima get mad.
Just think of it the opposite. He probably feels that way when Channing Tatum or Charlie Hunnam are on the screen.
Seriously I understand exactly how you feel, I’ve always felt like this even from the beginning of my relationship I am pregnant with my first now.
You need to seek therapy.
I felt really insecure after I had my first…and third sons. (Not to the extent that your at ) but it eventually just passed for me. I just got use to the fact that my body changed ( and my hormones returned to normal )… Obviously my body has changed… but me as a person, is the same… probly better! Especially cuz now I have 3 beautiful boys … You should probably start focusing on the good in your relationship and yourself. It’ll get better as time goes on.
You gotta understand that every woman is different ,you can’t compare yourself with somebody from the tv or even in person , you are beautiful the way you are , talk to him if he loves he will understand for sure
She doesn’t need to ‘grow up’. This isn’t a problem with her being immature. She needs professional help.
You need professional help lady. Go talk to someone /with someone, and try to figure out what you can do to try to lessen your feelings about your insecurities. You’re husband chose your to have babies with. You know, I think I’m pretty, I know my husband thinks I’m about the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, but I also know there are way prettier women out there. And he’ll see them… But they won’t be me. (4 kids here, 1st ones were twins) Your body isn’t the only thing that makes you, you. You are a whole package, and the physical body isn’t even a big part of that. Talk with someone before you’re relationship is ruined because of something neither of you can change.
Do something to make yourself feel better! Get a new hair look, or buy some Clothes, or get your nails done, or start a exercise routine! Rock that body and love it! This is your life you own it! If you don’t feel happy in your own skin do small changes to make yourself happier!
Your hubs must enjoy baby making to be at baby 3. I honestly suggest therapy.
A lot of y’all are rude af. Being insecure isn’t caused by immaturity and it’s not as easy as just “relaxing.”
To the poster: I’m sorry for the rude comments. Please know that you may not look like them, but they dont look like them either. They have professional makeup artists and hair stylists and Photoshop and editors and professional camera men all working to make them look like that. In the real world, they look a lot like you. Messy hair, blemishes, tummy pouch. Not to mention that even if he wanted them, I doubt your husband is Channing Tatum. They live far away and are always traveling for work. He won’t have a chance to get with them. Even more, personalities play a huge role in attraction. He loves you for much more than your body.
Hugs and love
I felt this way when I was with my ex husband too . its something inside of you
I went through the same thing and I still feel that way a lot of the time. It’s gotten to the point where I refuse to watch tv or movies with my spouse bc I feel so ugly. I’m sorry you feel this way, just know that you’re not alone girl❤
I’m sorry a few women are being so unkind instead of validating your feelings and helping you, I hope they never treat their children that way. I’d personally rather be insecure than a bitch to other women needing help, wouldn’t you?
Forst of all, your husband chose YOU. He had 3 children with YOU. He’s watching these movies with YOU. Check out Adrienne Everheart. Her videos are free and her group is free and I promise it WILL change everything for you.
Affirmations. I’m telling you, it works. Tell yourself you’re thankful for the body you have because it housed and grew beautiful babies. Then go on to affirm other things in your life. Any time you have negative self talk, shut it down and turn it positive. I promise, it helps and changes everything. Do this for a month and you’ll see the difference. You have to see you as beautiful. Because you are. Good luck, momma.
The only person that can make you feel better is you. You need to find something for yourself that makes you feel sexy. You can also speak to a therapist to help.
Well there’s a difference between him making you feel insecure because you have boundaries about certain things and he doesn’t care and calls you insecure and you actually feeling that way… it’s okay to have boundaries and they should be respected, if you feel insecure with yourself think of ways to improve the part of yourself you aren’t in love with anymore
See a therapist- no one on here can tell you some magic cure or words when it comes to our emotions. I always notice something deep rooted like this your likely to see and get a lot rude responses. The internet is mean … Don’t listen to it and find a positive support to help you figure this out. Good luck
Im the same way I’m so sorry💖
If it makes you feel better the chances of your husband leaving you for someone is very very low even if wanted to. So no need to feel insecure about that. I hope that helps.
…thats life whn we get married and have kids!!! Blessings🌺
If you felt appreciated and loved in your relationship, your appearance wouldn’t get the best of you like it does. He’s not with you for your looks if you guys have 3 kids, he’s with you because he loves you.
Maybe some therapy? You shouldnt get mad at him about a “hot” chick in a movie.
Exercise or yoga and eat better that alone will make u lose weight and help with ur depression and anxiety if u stick to it and give it ur all in 2 weeks u will see a difference and want to keep doing it and it will make u feel a difference for the better
If your that unhappy with your body, make a change to make yourself happy.
Yes i did once, its a hard thing to over come. Talk to your partner about it so he can help in his own ways to boost your confidence. Also you have to remember that him watching a movie or show or video has nothing to do with how he feels about you. You need to take him seriously when he tells you he loves you and only wants you. And lastly talk to a counselor about how you feel so that they can help you come up with ways of changing your mind set to a more healthy one. Its a long road but its worth it once you figure out how to change the way you think about yourself. Remember your body has did miraculous things. You carried 3 children and you should be proud of what your body can do and has done. Good luck with your future i hope everything works out for you.
Girl I get being insecure, but thats irrational thinking right there and if anything drives him away it won’t be how u look, but how u act. Nobody likes getting in trouble for something when they literally did nothing wrong. You could be extremely attractive, but there will always someone better looking. I’m sure your man got with u not just for your looks. Talk to a therapist and lighten the crazy up on your husband. Goodluck hun.
This may sound harsh to some but what I did when I felt so insecure about my body and such? I changed it. I started eating healthier, exercising and just taking better care of myself. I pay more attention to myself, do my hair, put on some mascara, get my nails done (or paint them myself), if I see a shirt that I like and it’s inexpensive or a decent price, I buy it and wear it. I honestly feel less insecure and better about myself when I do all these things.
If he wishes that was you then I would divorce him
Ive felt like this to but he must like something if you guys keep having kids. XD You cant fake the sperm
No one can Love you until you learn to Love yourself.bodies come in different shapes and sizes especially after children. If somebody truly loves you they love you through thick and thin… literally.
So do something about yourself, even of that means taking an antidepressant so you’re not in your head so much, talk to your dr
Ok thank you I thought I was the only one who did this .except our sex life has suffered over it as well. I’ve done therapy didnt really help actually made it worse, meds dont really help either well the 4 I’ve tried . I went on extreme diets and exercise .I’ve been battling it since having my son 7 years ago I never had extreme feelings like this before kids I had confidence and was happy so naturally I thought ppd but its body dysmorphia with depression and anxiety. Really good luck I sympathize with you I have no advice I’m 100% in the thick of it. For those saying she needs to grow up or shes crazy …wow mental health isnt something to brush off and make someone feel bad it’s really a feeling that cant be controlled.
Might be a hormone and anxiety disorder…
Look up a vitamin called “conception” lightish blue color bottle. Don’t be thrown off by the name. Its great for balancing hormones. Helped me alot after my son with things like that.
- Understand this is a you problem and everytime you get nasty at him for it, you’re punishing him for something totally out of his control. I think you know this, or you wouldn’t be asking for help, but you need to think that clearly in your mind when you get upset. You are in control of your thoughts. In fact, you’re not even mad at him for stuff he might be thinking, you’re made that you don’t look like them anymore. Totally different issue. And you push your own angry thoughts about those girls on to him so that you can accept and then channel those feelings more easily. It’s called referred aggression. You blame him because you feel you can’t blame yourself or your kids. Cats and dogs have this issue (just so you’re clear on how base this emotion is). Be better than it in the moment, and rationalize, or pause the movie and say I’m feeling insecure, talk me down. But at some point you need own this and not make it his responsibility to fix. This is just a starting point.
- If you can fix it, do it. If you want to lose some extra weight, commit to that and channel all your anger into your work out. At the gym, boxing, running, “fuck that bitch for her tight ass, fuck that nasty hoe for having perfect titties, all y’all going down when you have kids and I’m gonna FUCKING LAUGH!” Just don’t actually yell it or they will have you removed. If you can afford a tummy tuck or a boob lift, once you’re as in shape as you’ll get, do it ** but don’t try that shit when you still have work to do, because that changes your body and may change your feelings or what type of work they need to do.** They have payment plans, fyi. If you can’t afford it, go get properly fitted for a bra (changes your body shape, might want to do this either way). Get new clothes that make you feel better, start getting your nails done every month. Just do something that makes you feel better about yourself and/or channels your anger.
- If you have lost all the weight and toned up, if you have gotten your hair did and your nails did, if you got new clothes and a good bra, if you can’t do surgery (or if you can and it didn’t make you feel better)… See a therapist immediately.
Also this can be a symptom of pp depression. Just because it hasn’t changed or killed you since the first kid, doesn’t mean it’s not pp depression. Exercise can change these things, chemically and emotionally. If it doesn’t work though, you need to get the extra help.
Your body will never go back fully. Yes, I can fit back into my size 5 jeans BUT I still have a loose belly and stretch marks.
I don’t think you’re immature nor would I necessarily say you need professional help, but maybe it could help. The problem lies in the FACT that regardless of what men say to reassure us we KNOW it’s because they love us but if we’re being realistic when it comes to what men lust after it’s NOT women with strectchmarks, loose crinkly skin and kangaroo pouches. Porn is modeled exactly after what they look for and its the exact opposite. Tight, smooth skin, perky HUGE breasts and plump tight butts. If we can accept that we can move forward.
If you were to catch him looking at someone say younger, tighter, perkier, it would hurt because we know what lies within their minds. I suggest you remind yourself that first of all, more than likely those women are an image and if you take away the makeup, strategically placed clothes, spanx, push up bras, camera and light angles, etc., they look much more like the rest of us. Try to also remember that men are hardly perfect themselves. They have hair and acne everywhere, potbellys, they have stretch marks and cellutlite too, they may have receding hairlines, etc., and I highly doubt the man those perfect women look for or find attractive.
Most importantly, remember that your body is now different because you created life, and your husband has that with the woman he chose to share his life with for a reason. You’re irreplaceable. Never forget that.
It is natural to feel insecure after having kids. And no it doesn’t mean you need therapy. Just work on your self esteem. Do things that make you feel better. Put makeup on. Buy a cute outfit. Go to the gym. Do whatever it takes to make YOU feel better.
You wouldn’t have 3 kids if he didn’t feel turned on by you! He’s not there for how flat or thin your thighs are!
If anything my SO loves my Mom bod more!
You have to know his body is changing too as time passes by and that’s okay bc that’s what growing old together is and the beauty of being with someone so long
I was the same way! It took a long time for me to get out of the slump. My husband was a major help. We finally went on a date night (it had been forever probably a year if not more) I got dressed as if it were our first date. It was a great night that changed my attitude and insecurities. I started losing my baby weight after that. And I feel almost 100% me again!!!
Something like this can only be fixed from within your own self… Get help and learn to love yourself as you are… Your children will thank you later…
I used to feel this way too. The thing is… When I felt like that I looked as good as women on TV. I was a personal trainer and an adult entertainer. But although I looked really hot I still felt so insecure and I hated myself. I would get mad at my husband for the same reasons and he may not have even been checking them out. I’m older now and I’ve gained 120 pounds. The man I’m with now compliments me all day everyday. My ex never complimented me. He also played a lot of mind games with me. And had a porn addiction. When I was with him I always felt like I wasn’t his type and he wasn’t attracted to me. The man I’m with now stares at me and calls me sexy often and tells me good morning beautiful everyday. It’s crazy but back then when I was insecure I had a six pack, long thick hair, long tan legs, and perky breasts. Now I weigh 255 pounds. My hair and eyebrows and lashes got really thin during my pregnancy bc of my thyroid and my breasts hang down to my belly button. Oh and I’ve got sun damage on my face and gray hair. But I feel so much more comfortable with myself. I love myself now. I hope that you can find the love inside of yourself too.
My husband and I are in our early 50s. I love watching him suck his stomach in when the women look at him:grin: I know where his loyalties lie.
People look. It’s natural. Jealousy serves no purpose and creates issues.
If you have a problem you need to fix you and not get mad at your husband for being human
Therapy. Lots of therapy.
I’m still going through therapy but have now added anti depressants and meds for anxiety.
Honestly it helps. I struggled for YEARS with insecurities. Spent time in a gym for 5 years, little results. Felt like nothing was ever enough or nothing ever changed. It’s all in your head, and to fix that you gotta talk it out.
There’s nothing wrong with going to a therapist. Honestly it makes me feel empowered and amazing. Once a week for two hours is enough for me. It might help you too
Yes girl im the same way w my bf…but for different reasons
I felt this way too after having my second. I gained 90lbs that pregnancy. I felt really down on myself, everything I wore made it look like I was still pregnant. I even had someone ask how far along I was and that really hit me deep. My husband understood how I felt about my body and joined a gym with me to help me along and keep my motivation up. I’m still working on it but my husband keeps me going. Maybe you can do something like that? Look for a YMCA in your area, they offer childcare while you work out. I also suggest maybe seeking out a therapist, you could be suffering from post partum depression after this last pregnancy. Maybe even try family counseling so you can really explain how you feel to your husband while having a neutral party present. I know couples who do therapy together and it has helped them immensely.
Here’s how you fix it, get up, get moving and change yourself into the girl you wish you were. No amount of self loathing and comparing yourself to others is going to fix it. The more you point out your flaws the more unattractive you will be to your partner. As adult women we all have the means and the know how to get exactly what we want out of life. If you don’t look like what you want, work towards that! Cut your hair, get extensions, dye your hair, leave it natural, lose the weight, or gain weight, whatever you have to do to make yourself look like your ideal you, YOU CAN DO!! It’s up to you!! Simple!
Maybe start walking with the kids.they say exercise helps your mental health
I was insecure for the longest time after my first child. Through every relationship I felt this way, and none of them worked out. Then I met someone who praised me and made me feel good about myself. I am now having my third baby, with him, and he still praises me the same as he did when we first met. I’ve gained lots of weight and am definitely not the same woman he first met, but I do not feel any different in his eyes. Maybe he could be doing more to make you feel more secure 🤷
Talk with your doctor about hormonal changes. I think they can do tests. Also anti-depressants. Go get your hair done, I had mine frosted (loved it) . Buy some new clothes or even shop at a thrift store they have great clothes too. Be thankful he comes home, shows he loves you and the children. Some of us are just insecure by nature. Upbringing or whatever. Seems a struggle within our self on a daily basis. I know when I went back to work it helped me allot. Built confidence within myself.
Yep you can benefit from therapy.
Maybe you have a little PP depression and need to talk to someone? You can’t use your husband as a punching bag and think things are going to end well for the relationship. Get help mama.