Does anyone feel like they would get more help with their kids if they just got a divorce? I am so sick of being miserable in my marriage - our marriage has not been happy in quite some time - and doing it all by myself. I’ve realized recently that I have stuck around for them and for the “help” but that I am doing them more harm growing up in a “toxic” relationship. And I don’t get any help anyway, so why not live my life and be happy with my kids?!
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That’s right. It’s not good for the kids to not see you happy
Get a divorce! Nothing wrong with it. If that’s what’s gonna make both of you happier, THATS what your kids deserve to see. 
I think they answered their own question at the end.
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Seems as though you already know what you should do. As far as the kids go, it’s better to be from a broken home than to be in a toxic one. Good luck. 
I can’t say what is best for you relationship. I don’t know why you are unhappy. And a decision like this is never an easy or quick one. But for me personally, my partner was cheating and neither of us were hapoy bi stayed because I thought it what was best for the kids. I felt like I never had any help. When we finally separated, everything became alot healthier. He and I now have a great relationship. Without all the other stuff, we were both able to be happier and in turn better parents. He has an amazing relationship with his kids and he and I get along great. I’m a better and healthier mother. We have a better relationship now than we did when we were together.
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Seems like you already know the answer
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I recently divorced for the same reason! Don’t stay complacent. Teach your kids to step out of their comfort zone and do what ever it takes to be happy…no matter what society says!
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Honestly when you get to that point in a marriage it feels like you have one more kid to take care of. I think children can sense a parent’s unhappiness no matter how hard they try to hide it and I believe it would be better to have two separate happy parents then parents who are miserable together
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Have you tried everything else?
It’s not healthy. Get out.
I was a single married person, doing it all alone. I’m 50 & divorced for 3 years now. I felt the same way, if I’m doing it alone then I may as well be single!! #noregrets
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Does your spouse know you feel this way?
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Do what you need to do BUT…
Just because you get a divorce doesn’t mean that you both magically get along. The kids will still see the destruction caused by the divorce and they will still see you fight. Then you’ll battle over visitation and child support. Then you’ll bring other people into the their little lives… I can go on but you get the point.
Divorce doesn’t fix anything other than create OTHER issues.
Ya’ll need to learn HOW to get along before ANYTHING. That will help whether you stay or leave.
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Have you tried counseling? Not to take away from the way you feel but communication might be the issue here. He might think that you enjoy doing what you are doing so he doesn’t see it as a problem and this in turn is making you resent him for it.
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Leave then if you’re thinking about it its time
Have you tried communicating how you feel to your partner? If not, you’re giving up on a commitment without even trying. You said vows! What’s toxic about the relationship?
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Here is my take. You have one life, why spend it being unhappy? I hate when people say they stay together for the kids, it’s toxic for those kids to watch. I grew up praying my parents would get a divorce and stop screaming at each other and me all the time.
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Honestly, you only live once, do what makes you happy. Sometimes you have to make it about yourself and not the kids
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Are you able to see a counselor?
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Are you looking for advice on what to do? Because it seems you already know
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Women now days can’t take the heat i had 6 children i was always a stay at home mom. We had just bought our first home my husband lost his job that was in the early 80 so i went to work to help my husband out wish at that time he was working two jobs and i had to do almost everything by myself also i went to work at night came home in the morning got my kids off to school clean the house did the laundry go to the store pick up the kids at school make their dinner got them to get there things and shower for next day school they were in bed by 9. 00 i got ready for work left the house at 11. 00 pm so i could be able to see my husband before he went to his other job we worked at the same place he was getting out and i was going in. What lam trying to tell you that is your husband is a good men work it out My husband and i we made it was hard but we’re together be married for 50 years. We both retired now and do you want to know something he helps me alot now so work things out good luck.
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You already know the answer and what to do!!! 
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If he isn’t helping you now, he really won’t when y’all are divorced. But, from the sounds of it that might be for the best. That said, being a single parent is a hell of a lot less lonely and hard than being in a miserable marriage where you feel alone. I know this from experience and I raised my older four alone for years. I also can tell you from the perspective of a child who’s mother stayed for the same reason, that we would have been much better off had she left our father. My brother and I grew up in a miserable home and those issues carried well into our adulthood. Do everything you can to make it work, but it does take two to do so. If he isn’t wanting to put in the effort, leave.
You have kids who still love your spouse so for thier sake you should atleast communicate this to your spouse. You can’t quit on your spouse when kids are involved without atleast giving him a chance to be better. Period. It’s not just about your feelings, it’s thier feelings too. Just because youre unhappy. From where I’m sitting please just give him one chance before you leave, for your kids. Just because you want to leave doesn’t mean they want to. Don’t do that to them unless you absolutely are sure that it’s best for everyone. Dont be selfish just cuz you’re unhappy. I’m not saying tolerate his lazyness and apparent lack of care and stay with someone who doesnt love you all enough to change. I’m saying, tell your spouse at the very least. Give them a chance to change the way you feel about them. You do owe your household that much. It’s just the right thing to do 
there’s always room for someone to better themselves. It doesn’t take from us to give people a chance. Men aren’t mind readers so atleast tell him. And if you havent, maybe take a break for a while to get it to sink in that you’re not gonna be around forever. Maybe he will wake up. 🤷 But consider your kids inner feelings when you make a decision.
“Fight for your family, your children deserve parents that are together”
Speaking from experience, dealing with my parents toxicity while together, I would have rather not had them together because when they were, it was hell. Children deserve HEALTHY and HAPPY parents. A broken home isn’t just a family that’s split apart, a broken home is when the parents keep breaking each other but staying together for the sake of their children but in our reality, we’d rather you both split up and find your happiness than to stay miserable and have us children endure your bullshit.
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It’s proven that it’s worse to stay in a toxic relationship because of the kids. They develop more issues then if you just left him. That’s one reason why I just gave up and left my ex.
I had the same problem…I finally did the divorce thing and found an amazing new husband😂 but even if I hadn’t found him, it would have still been worth it😊
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. You said it yourself in the post. Dont let your kids grow up around a toxic marriage. Leave and be happy. Life is short.
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The best thing I did was get a divorce. I’m breaking generational curses. I grew up with my parents in a shitty marriage and I refused for my daughter to do the same. Your kids need you happy!
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I did it for years and it damn near destroyed me. Kids are resilient and will adapt just fine. It took me a long time to realize that I had to take care of my self also, In order to take care of my littles too.
I won’t pretend that it’s easy because it is probably the hardest thing I ever had to go though. But looking back, I realized that was the best decision I made for me and my kids.
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You answered your own question.
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Live your life and be happy with your kids. You only get one!
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Honestly I don’t know what you’re going through because everybody is relationship is different and maybe you’ve gone through the counseling and all the other things that you should do and this is still how you feel but I know that life is short and that the decision to make are very very important so if you’re not happy and nothing is changing either get counseling or get out and preserve your years on this planet
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Correct you are !! Go do it by yourself babe!!!
I’ve heard so many adults say they wish their parents divorced when they were younger. Staying together and being unhappy will make it worse for yourself and your family.
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You either have to let go of the resentment or let go of the man. My boyfriend isn’t a huge help with my son either. I just doesn’t get babies I guess. I hate it and I’ve spent a lot of time being pissed off about it. But I realized that’s only affecting the time I get to spend with my baby and it’s not worth it. We made a deal that he does the bulk of the housework and I do the bulk of the baby work and I just let it go. Hopefully it improves over time.
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Get with it girl. I’d leave the ass.
Same here… Can you message me and maybe we can chat
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You just answered your own question. Why stay? Please get the kids out of the toxic environment that they are in. They see how it is and are gonna think it’s okay to live that way. Show them how they should live. Don’t settle.
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My kids were so glad we finally divorced. They have an amazing relationship with both of us now and we have an amazing relationship with each other… apart from each other!!!
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I stayed for 10 years for my kids … I dont regret it but I just knew for me I could not handle having them have a step mom . Wondering who my ex would allow around them . So I stayed so I could always have all the control basically.
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It’s like you’ve read my mind honestly
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Been there done that… spent 26 years in a toxic relationship… tried counseling & everything for my 3 children’s sake… finally had enough when my youngest was 7… my only regret is that I didn’t get out sooner… I regret everything I put my children through…two of my sons were telling me to divorce him for years asking me what I saw in him? Life is so much better without that constant turmoil… thank GOD I had the courage to get out…
Why not fix it all at one time in the house of God thats were you will find your strength love and ability to do what needs done if you have tried everything try giving it all to Jesus because in the end He is the only one that truly loves you
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How are your communication skills? Have you tried going through counseling?
Our spouses are not mind readers. It seems really obvious to me sometimes that something needs to be done but it never crosses my husband’s mind. He’s not trying to be unhelpful or obtuse - he just literally doesn’t recognize the problem. Because I’m an internal processor, I get mad, and I start building up resentment. “Why doesn’t he help? Do I have to do everything around here?!”
When I take a moment to really process my feelings and talk to him, he usually doesn’t recognize there was an issue.
Relationships take two parties. Each of you need to be putting in the effort. And he needs to realize that he needs to put some in. But please, before you go to something as drastic as divorce - make sure you’re talking. If he genuinely isn’t willing to put the effort in, it may be time for a divorce, but exhaust your other options first.
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Couples counseling!! People don’t realize how amazing it is for relationships! Even if their relationship is good… the maintenance is worth it.
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Omg this is like you unscrambled my thoughts from my head and put them down in clear words for me …
You either have a heart to talk with him.
Explain what you need. Ask what you can do to help him accomplish these tasks to help you.
If he is unwilling… Then go.
But he may not realize what is going on.
I am going through this myself.
My husband and I split up and are now actually talking. He is stepping up now that he understands what I need. And I am helping him, listening and being there, because I didn’t realize what all he needed from me.
But honestly, honesty and respect are the things that will need the most work.
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It can be really hard, but you need to do what’s best for you and your family.
I left my partner when all my kid’s where little, youngest was maybe a year old by rhem.
There is a lot of places that offers support these day’s.
Stay strong as you have got this
Staying together just for the kids isn’t a good thing to do. If you’re this unhappy, get counseling or get a divorce. You dont want your kids to go thru the pain of seeing toxicity
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People act like divorce is such a sin. There are many reasons for divorce to be in place. This is one of them. If u are miserable, he’s miserable… ur kids are going to grow up and think misery and resentment are normal in relationships. That’s not ok! If divorce is the best option you guys have then by all means do it! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
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Yes , similarly situation leave before things get messy
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I say, if you’re that unhappy, get a divorce. I’ve been married for almost 17 years and somehow we make it work. He’s an asshole 60% of the time but I’m the easy going one. My kids are happy and my husband and I seem to balance each other out. My parents were married for 25 years and fought ALL THE TIME! When they got divorced, my mom was happier, we were happier and life moved on. Just make sure that if you do decide to get divorced have a great support system in place. Friends, family, co-workers, other moms, I’ll be here for you too.
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Run,asap!! <3 God Bless u and your Children! Praying!
Try counseling. Date nights or if u don’t have a reliable sitter then make time after the kids go to bed. U sound like me 3 years ago. I was very unhappy. But don’t stay jus cause of the kids. They notice everything. I finally asked my husband to leave after 20 years of marriage. I live w my 3 kids. I work full time. The 4 of us are happy and live in peace. for now I am taking care of me loving me and my kids. We have to love ourselves so we can be even greater moms.
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I think we make too many excuses for people. It’s easy to do, and I surely do it, but come on ladies. There is absolutely no way a grown a** man has not a clue that the sink is full of dishes, the trash is overflowing, kids need to eat, kids have homework, kids need baths, and the list goes on & on. He has decided he doesn’t have to do a damn thing for one reason or another. And he isn’t clueless that you need help with it. There is zero possibility that this hasnt been discussed a million and one times either. This is willful & purposeful. There is nothing more upsetting than feeling alone when you are not. I’m not sure what is wrong with these guys but if you are feeling like the life is being sucked out of you, just go. Your kids deserve ALL of what their Mom can be, and you can’t be that when you are attached to someone who, to put it bluntly, doesn’t g.a.f!
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Live your life just don’t forget your kids.
Tell him to start participating in the marriage and parenting or you’re gone! Sounds simple enough to me
My husband is an angel when it comes to raising our child. He is a better parent than I am so no I’m not in that avenue. Sounds to me like you all need to sit down and talk to each other not other people and if that doesn’t change anything then you leave PERIOD.
Although I wasn’t married, leaving my *daughter’s father was the best decision I ever made. I stuck around for her sake, I wanted her to have her parents together but I was MISERABLE. Not to mention he didn’t help with my daughter.
Flash forward over 2 years and I have a stable, happy relationship with a man who helps me with my daughter more than her father. My daughter and I are both extremely happy and loved
These days divorce is so easy. You took vows made promises why doesnt that mean anything anymore? There are times divorce is the right decision, but doing everything in your power to save your marriage should come first. People should be showing their kids that marriage takes work and shouldn’t be an easy decision. All your showing your kids is that they can give up on their commitments without doing the hard work to keep them. I suggest counseling of some sort. It’s a shame that people just give up when it gets tough. Put on your big girl undies and fix what’s broken.
Marriage is not all cake and Icecream! My parents divorced! In my opinion my father should have been made to stand up to his obligations. Instead he was hanging with buddies like he was in high school! As for my married life… I do all the talking care of our children with little help. The help is the long hours that my husband puts in for use to be able for me to keep our children home and raising them together! Showing them how to overcome the obstacles that may surface. Before throwing it all away remember you will not kiss your children good night or good morning every day after divorce, you will also not have every holiday together either! 
I left my sons father when my son was 4 months old. We were never married and our relationship was many ‘on and offs’. We were on what I had decided was our last ‘off’ and I had actually just moved out when I found out I was 2 months pregnant. My ex and I talked and decided to put in all our effort towards making it work but I made sure that he understood that if it looked like our efforts were in vain that I would not hesitate to leave for good.
The remainder of my pregnancy was wonderful - he was very supportive and thoughtful and helpful in every way he could - it felt amazing to have that connection again. however, when our son arrived a month and a half early he did a 180 and he left everything having to do with my taking care of our son to me and everything quickly spiraled out of control.
I was a first time mom and was suffering for severe postpartum depression of which he had no understanding or cared too - and I felt sooo lost and alone… The night before I left I had told him in an argumemt that if I was going to be raising our son with no help from him then I would be leaving and doing it on my own and on my own terms.
He didn’t believe me…
The next morning, there was no apology or even a hug, it was like I didn’t exist. He left for work and I packed up what I would need to care for myself and our son and moved out of his home (I was technically a roommate anyways).
I know that all the issues my sons father and I had were not on him alone and I take responsibility for my part of the problem, but I wanted a certain life for our son and needed to be able to tell him - when he ever asked the question as to why mommie and daddie didn’t live together - I NEEDED to be able to tell him with pure honesty that we tried in ever way possible to love each other the way we should have but it wasn’t meant to be.
I made a promise to my son the day we left that I would NEVER come between his relationship with his father and that I would do everything in my power to provide a family base for him that would be as structured as possible even though his father and I would no longer be together.
My ex and I share 50/50 custody with a week-on-week-off rotation of our son who is now 8 years old.
I did not go back - my ex always thought I would at some point - but I knew and still know I made the right decision by leaving.
Was it hard - definitely!
Was it terrifying - omg yes!
But the decision I made to leave was the best decision I have ever made for my son and myself.
The lesson I have taught my son is that his happiness is important and he should never have to suffer alone or at the expense of another. The lesson my son can take away from this is that even though his father and I are not together we have come together to love him in our way and provide him with a life we can all be proud of…
Got my divorce papers yesterday all I can say is leave and look back in a year u will see happiness return
I love my husband, but yes I have often felt the only way to get any help and time for myself would be if we split up. That way he would be forced to change diapers and give the kids baths and play with them. Do the dishes. Clean the house. Help with laundry. But what can you do? 
I am a stay at home mom so that means I work 24/7 and never get any breaks because I don’t make an income. But it’s like a man works, and comes home and doesn’t have to do anything because he worked. That shouldn’t mean that you don’t have to be a father when you get home. Even when I was working I still had to come home and do all the house work and feed everyone and bathe my daughter.
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Happy mom happy kids you don’t need a man to make you happy:wink:
It’s never good to stay for the kids, they will not benefit from unhappy parents. If you feel that you need a divorce, do it. Kids dont make a marriage.
You live the life you want to live! It all depends on how long your willing to deal with it life will not be any worse without him…
DID I WRITE THIS WHILE I WAS DRUNK? This is EXACTLY what I am going through right now. But he knows I’m moving out once our daughter is done with kindergarten in June.