My husband started reconnecting with a childhood friend. When my husband sent him a message, he got weird responses like “what do you want?” Not really what you’d expect from an old friend. This is where it gets strange. My husband gets a friend request from a fake account that I found out is this old friend. He was added and quickly deleted. After my husband mentioned he’d recently gotten out of prison, I did some digging, and he has a LONG record. He beat up two girlfriends, has charged for theft and intimidation, and a long history of drug use. I brought it up to my husband that this guy seems like a bad guy, and he said: “No, I grew up with him.” We’re talking 30+yrs since they were best friends. I don’t feel like this guy is a good company to keep, but I don’t want to flat out say, “well, you aren’t going to be friends, and that’s that!” But my husband is special needs…so getting him to understand is rough. IDK what to do or say without hurting his feelings. I just don’t want him to end up ruining everything we’ve built together
I think your husband is lonely and wants a buddy . They click and he probably just needs male energy.
I would explain and show him everything you found and tell him your feelings on it and why you dont feel comfortable or safe maybe. And set boundaries. If he wants to hang out with him you dont want him in your home. Things like that.
I am sure all rapist and murders had friends at one point to. Fuck that guy
I mean at this age. U see people catch up and don’t see them again forever.
Tell him “you can be friends with him but not at the house” my husband has FAS and he loves the criminals and that’s what I tell him about almost all his friends because I work my ass off and my children live here so they’re not going to find drugs and I’m not having my things stolen
I’m not meaning to see insensitive but what do you mean by he’s special needs?
My husband has asperger’s and the best way to get him to understand when he’s not is to just be straight up. Give him the exact reasons, don’t sugarcoat.
But before all that be sure this is something worth speaking up on. Reconnecting with someone doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll be friends doing stuff together and all that. They could just be catching up and decide to continue keeping up with each other on Facebook. It might be wise to wait to say something until he tries to go hang out with him or invite him over. Then you have every right to voice your concerns.
People saying he’s lonely or needs male energy you don’t know if this man has more friends then that? But i agree with Brooklyn set boundaries if you can. Just tell him how you feel uncomfortable with his history. You never know what a person is capable of
My husband has a friend who isn’t the greatest guy has charges and is in and our of jail but he keeps that kind of life style away from us when he visits my husband. He actually is a really nice guy just stuck in the street life.
How can u keep a gr o wn man frim speaking to someone he knew long before u
Talk w/him about safe boundaries, for him and you. You don’t want this old friend reconnecting for the wrong reasons. Best of luck!
Hes a childhood friend I’m sure your husband is mature enough not to involve himself in his friends activities and who knows record or not he couldve changed
Your judging someone on their past which is wrong
You sound controlling…sounds like you throw the special needs around and wouldn’t doubt you tell him he’s special needs…your husband is not a child and a friend will not cause you to lose nothing your husband don’t want to lose…you cannot blame others for ones actions
If u have children I would absolutely not permit him around your family.
Give the guy a chance. Meet him in person. He might become a good friend to you also. Life is crazy.
Doesn’t sound like this friend of his wants him to be around. Be straight up with your husband how you feel and maybe invite the friend over one night and see how things go. They haven’t been friends for along time and people change and some for the good but some for the bad. He’s got a long record so just be careful.
I do find this all very concerning and I absolutely understand where you are coming from. You need to be blunt with him and show him everything you have found. Speak to the police and see if someone could maybe talk to your husband and explain this guys history. Your husband is vulnerable and it’s amazing he has you to look out for him. Good luck
Special needs or not … If he’s old enough and capable enough to have a relationship with you … He’s old enough to pick his own friends.
What if things were the other way around ?? Would you feel the same???
F that … Just be straight up esp if yall got kids… No way people like that would be welcome in my house near my children … My house my family my rules 🤷 sorry boutcha luck 
press on
Maybe he wants a friend, maybe try to get him involved in something where he ma meet some potential friends. Print out the records…they should be public knowledge and show then to him. If you have kids (not sure if u do) you’re funnna have to be straight up w him
Be honest and upfront. Do not beat around the Bush. People with special needs would rather you be blunt and honest because that is how they perceive information the best.
Also when you say, “my husband is special needs,” that labels him. Don’t ever say that around him because it will make him think that defines him. I’m just looking out for you all. Not being rude.
For example if he has autism, " My husband has an autistic disorder," or “my husband has a mental illness.”
Not, “my husband is mentally autistic.”
See the difference?
Sometimes feelings has to be hurt ,to get the point across
I would set boundaries especially if you have children such as friends not welcome in your home. Husband can go hangout with him elsewhere.
I’m on the fence about this one… I’m all for old friends but given the history Idk. You saying your husband is special needs, elaborate? Is he mentally or physically spec needs? That makes a difference. Maybe he needs a friend, I know I do sometimes. Just meet him and if it’s still off then set boundaries… you cant keep your husband away from everyone…
okay I get where you’re coming from where you think he’s bad company to keep I’ve met people that have done horrendous things that have gone to prison and when they come out they are completely different you mentioned that the guy had drug charges abuse charges intimidation stuff like that that can all be tied into the situation he had put himself in at the time and it could have completely changed you don’t know you just see hard facts that are on paper from past experiences and not see the guy he is now I agree with a lot of the women on here that this is a bad thing to do but I also agree that you should actually meet the guy and see if he’s that same person because you literally cannot judge a book by its cover and that’s kind of what you’re doing now. Always give somebody a chance even if it turns out you’re right and he’s a horrible guy your husband will learn from that you can’t just sit there and say he’s got all these past records and he’s a bad person. When everyone’s got a past it may not all be pretty but people change so why not give this opportunity for your husband to see Good vs bad and learn from iy. And as for him having special needs I have family members that have special needs that should have no basis for you to not allow him to try to reconnect to a childhood friend. You should use it as a guideline to help him but not outright try to stop him because in the end that’s not how people learn different situations. Use this as a learning tool for him.
All you can do is present your evidence, let your husband know this makes you uncomfortable and have a discussion. A marriage is a partnership so he should be open to hearing what you have to say but in the end, he is an adult and will choose his own friends.
Thats one person not needed in yas life… especially around your house… with or without children…
Wife: better than the CIA and FBI 
anyways, tell your husband about everything
Mine has people on his fb page that he was friends with back in the day. He says, they’re good people we’ve known each other thirty years. I’m like no, you knew each other thirty years ago. Difference. Men are weird
Had an issue similar like this… your husband will have to learn on his own that this person isnt really good news. Pushing your point will only cause a guy to be stubborn and do the opposite.
Better to be hurt with an ugly truth than a pretty lie. You have to keep your family safe and unfortunately not everyone who comes and goes are meant to be stay in your life forever
Ye I completely agree with u. I would just straight up tell ur husband ppl like that are friends for the wrong reasons and friends dont respond nor treat ppl with respect. That’s not a friend
The friend’s response doesn’t sound like they are getting together soon. Your husband added the other fake friend request then deleted it. I would not worry. For all you know he may live across the USA somewhere so it could be just FB conversations if it ever comes to that. Allot changes in 30+ years.
Honestly, men that beat up women have zero respect from me. If you have kids I would never let the “friend” near them or the house. Sometimes you have to be blunt to get the point across and hurt feelings but try going out more (maybe double dates) so your husband has an opportunity to make a new friend.
Suggest a group of guys get together because he might listen to another friend without taking it personal. Also they can be a source to see if the “friend” has reformed. Do not make an ultimatum, you are not his mother.
He is going to do what he want to do… I would do my best to be supportive and def keep an eye on them, to be sure the friend is not going to take advantage of your husband. You mentioned he’s special needs and I’m not sure what you meant by that but I would just keep an eye on things. To protect him. If you feel something bad is going to happen, or if he’s taking advantage of your husband, I would sit down with him and just talk with him about it. Maybe set up boundaries.
I. Can understand your concerns . it seems thst your husband has a friend that is questionable to say the least . as for the message thatvis open to interpretation . on messanger /fb it is hard to judge a persons intent . it could have been harmless. You would not be wisecto insist that hubby not reconnect with with his friend . that might make you look bad and domineering . a less than desirable trait i would voice my concerns and make sure that the friend is never alone with you or your husband since your hubby has some issue that is unclear .
My opinion is to explain to him is that people go through hard things in life and sometimes they change. Explain to him that his friend would have to go through a change of becoming a better person. I am not trying to be mean but we are trying to create together and he might become a problem for us to do that. Give him a hug and just talk as best as you two can together. Communicate so he can understand you. Hurting his feelings of course you dont want to but expressing what you truly feel what your husband is most definitely what you should speak up on.
Did no one read that her husband is special needs and therefore can’t and probably won’t see his friends true colors anytime soon?
Explain to him your feelings, that his friends past makes you uncomfortable and that you worry his xyz past may jeopardize what you have. It may take a few times but it will click.
I am a paraprofessional for a child on the spectrum who has a hard time understanding things like this. It’s an ongoing lesson for us
Unfortunately you can’t be his wife and his mother. My husband has an acquaintance I can’t stand. The guy uses my husband for whatever he can get and when my husband can’t accommodate him, he gets mad and pouts like a 2 yr old. But its HIS friend and I keep myself out of it. My husband will see him for what he is one day and I won’t have to worry about it anymore. Just keep an eye on your checkbook in case this guy starts borrowing money
I have a lot of family members that have gone to prison etc. Honestly the only way they will ruin what you built is if you let him. He can still be friends with him just let him know your worries and tell him how you feel. I’m sure your husband would understand
Maybe your friendship can help turn this fellas life around. Try compassion. Give him a chance. Set boundaries. Stick to them.
Gotta let him find out the hard way. How is a bad friend going to ruin your entire marriage? Is it made of cotton?