I am not religious but my husband wants our baby baptized: Advice?

keep in mind that if he is baptized, dad will also ask for 1st communion (8/9yrs old), then confirmation (13-14 yrs old) .
Talk to your husband, not a biggie , the child can always change his mind.
but i feel ur upset because u were not prepared for this at all even though u knew he is catholic or orthodox, but also because his mom is pushing him to do this :thinking: it’s gonna be a long marriage if ur in-law runs his decisions
in the end try to keep the peace, so when u need a sitter she will be ready to help, when u get sick she will be there, etc.
Your hubby needs to learn to stand up in front of mom, that will create lots of friction in the marriage … i don’t think u realize

This is your child…it is growing inside of you…the child will be born of you…your decision should stand…its not the grandparents child…their religion should mot be forced upon you either…you dont need that stress while your pregnant…talk with them and stand firm with your decision…

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Do a dedication instead of a baptism. That’s more about saying that you and your close friends and family promise to raise your child well.

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I am not religious as well. My children aren’t allowed to be baptized. It has nothing to do with us. If they chose to walk that faith I’ll let them choose so freely and happily. Don’t follow tradition just to please someone you ain’t even fucking. If he protest tell him the baby can be baptized if he himself proves how important his faith is. Tell him to go to church for 1 whole year. Or even 3 or 6 months. Tell him to live by the words of the bible. Tell him to show you the type of adult he wants your child to grow to be. If church is truly that important he shouldn’t NOT be attending. Boy bye.

I will tell you that this kinda became an issue with my daughter (now 30) when she was young, as she grew older it became a topic of conversation among her and her friends. We didn’t baptize her. Her Aunt is a RC Nun and I found out at some point that she actually baptized her (on her own) unbeknownst to me when she visited us. I had no issue with it honestly ( it was many years afterwards that I found out) and in all honesty it did make my daughter feel comforted just a bit.
I say let it happen. It doesn’t hurt anything or anyone. And it just might end up one day a topic of conversation among friends. JMO for what it’s worth. Your call totally however.

This is entirely your desicion between you and your husband the mother n.law can but out. To have a baby baptized is fine but what harm can a baby due besides it doesnt matter your child.can change his or her.mind later in life. So u sit that mother down and tell her but out Good luck

my parents both are Catholic, well my whole family is. my siblings and I aren’t baptised because my Mother said in the Bible people got baptised with their own will when they wanted to devote their life to God and a baby can’t make that decision.
if you nor your husband are religious there’s no point.
it’s your child.
I’m Christian btw.

God is important and it doesn’t hurt him support your husband

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Let him do it, just let him know if he wants it done, he has to plan the whole thing.

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Some people are being unnecessarily unkind here. It is a big deal. The family knows you aren’t religious, Yes? The wedding wasn’t religious. Your S.O understands even if his parents don’t. Have a private talk with him, on a good day, weigh the pros and cons. Grandparents are important too, your village, your family. But ultimately it’s you and him. Period. It can’t hurt but sometimes raising a baby is a bit of a battlefield and this is one of many small battles. Choose your words and argument wisely but stand strong.

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If you’ll need a C of E secondary school later it would help yr child to get in. Being baptised later is v embarrassing for child. Hatchings matchings + dispatchings are very tradition marks of passing in family life.

I’m not religious either but really…what is the harm in it? If there is no God then no harm done-your baby got wet in a church…but…what if there is a god? I guess it’s kind of better to be safe than sorry. I was raised Catholic- I did all the pivotal ceremonies and when I got to be 18 I decided that the Catholic religion/church wasn’t for me.

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I wouldn’t let any in-laws nor family force you to do something you don’t want to do & he should be man enough to back you up. Religion doesn’t make you a good person. How you treat others does & I’ve seen many judgmental church goers & supposedly Christians don’t judge.

My husband was dying & my mother in law forced baptism. They spelled names wrong & to this day I couldn’t tell you who baptized them. Her greed kept paperwork, but I wasn’t into it anyway. My kids are now grown & none go to church. Santas more real! Everyone is someones santa. That being said I’m sure I’ll be attacked with my view. I say do whatever is individually right for your own beliefs, but never allow religion to be forced.

People keep implying in their responses that you don’t care about baptisms, but your post clearly states “i am strongly opposed to this.” If i was in your shoes i would feel betrayed by my husband. He might have been raised religious, but it clearly wasn’t important to him when it came to your wedding. Why is religion important now? Because his mom says so? Why would he value her opinion more than yours? That question would be the root of my betrayal/hurt feelings. I think the people commenting on here with “what will it hurt” or “shut up and do it for them” are being hypocritical. Their arguments emphasize valuing other people’s opinion while at the same time they’re telling you that your opinion doesn’t matter. They’re fighting for your husband’s right to decide (and it should be a decision the both of you agree on) by crushing your right to weigh in on the decision. Instead of debating whose opinion matters the most, try asking these questions: Why does the grandmother want a baptism? If she’s catholic, then she will understand that a baptism is a holy sacrament dedicating the baby to being raised according to the beliefs of the church–something you are not willing to follow through with. Would this catholic believer really be okay with lying before God and the church? Does she think God won’t see through your insincerity? Is she pressuring her son for the baptism out of concern for the baby’s immortal soul or out of selfish desires to appear like a devout catholic woman? An unbaptized grandbaby does not make her a bad catholic grandmother. She can still love and pray for her grandbaby and help raise the grandchild with love and morals. Is the grandmother motivated by a desire to experience a milestone? A lot of people are “culturally” christian without believing in the faith and go through christian ceremonies because they are considered “the norm.” If she wants a celebratory milestone, maybe suggest a non-religious alternative. It could be a small ceremony between friends, family, and neighbors where you all come together and welcome the child into your lives and promise to raise it to be a good citizen. (Similar to a baptismal promise, but without the religious aspects) instead of a white baptismal gown, the baby could be dressed in your favorite color or a color that symbolizes the values you want the baby to grow up with and share. Overall, i suggest talking to your husband about any hurt you might feel and surprise at his seemingly sudden change of heart regarding your child. He doesn’t seem to have expressed interest in this before, and he’s not a practicing catholic, so can he explain what changed? Remember you’re a team and you want to find a compromise that will make you both happy because you love each other and the little life you’re expecting.

Eh no big deal to me my daughter’s dad wanted to baptize her because of his family and I was fine with it 🤷

I am a very strong Christian, but I also have very strong convictions toward religious freedom. This should be your child’s decision. I believe all the information should be given (age appropriate) and when the child decides, go from there. For any Christian to shame another for a baptism later in life doesn’t fit with Christianity values to me.

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In our church we dedicate our baby back to God. We dont do baby baptism because it is man made. However, we believe in after being saved, when you as an older person and know the difference between right and wrong, and you confess you sins and accept Christ into your heart ans life, we do a baptism. I dont think that you should listen to your mother in law because she has her own beliefs and you ans your husband are the parents of that baby. That child, when he/she is older should make that decisiom for themselves when they are older and understands.

A baptism or dedication is a declaration that you as parents will raise that child to know God and to provide information and guidance to foster a relationship between the child and God. If this is not how your going to raise the child then don’t do it.

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So what can it hurt.! I’m not religious but to keep the peace with his parents would be good for everyone ! It’s all a big show really.! He or she will never remember it.!

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Non of my 3 are baptized. We are not a religious family.I was asked by my ex’s family if they were going to be and I point blank said NO! If when they turn 16/18 they decide they want to be then that’s their choices and I will be supportive of their decision.

If you dont believe in it then dont do it. It’s not about keeping the grandparents happy it’s about the child. Ask your child when they are old enough to understand and if your husband dosnt agree with waiting then send him back to his mammy. Hope you get through this :slight_smile:

I personally would and I’m not Religious at all. But if my Spouse was and wanted them to be. He has a choice in his kids life also. I’d Let the kid be Baptized and move on. Really not a big deal in the end of it. :woman_shrugging:

Nope, you are not in a competition, you and only your husband has say!

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Wow, so much to do about alittle water and some prayers.
Baptism is used to protect the innocent soul of the baby, incase it dies. If your not religious, and ultimately refuse your husband’s parents this little thing, then I hope you have better sence not to ask them for any damn thing in the furture. It has not a damn thing to do with your committing your child to a church. It says more about how you feel, and how your husband’s wishes don’t need to be honored by you. His feelings don’t count.
Sometimes, being a wife requires sacrifices, big and small. You fight the big shit, this little shit ain’t nothing. So have the party, what’s the worse part? A little water on the head, and gifts? Please. Pick your battles better. Or else I see you being unhappy all your days.

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I was Christmas as a baby and my parents weren’t religious, they split up when I was 5 and I have never gone to church

It’s bot going to hurt anyone to have it baptised. Plus the family all come, meet the bub and have cake.

Get the baptism. It can’t hurt.

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So my husband isn’t religious either but I am and he let me baptize our son. If you live him you’ll let him do something he believes in. As my husband said It’s just water and some words what can it hurt.

Baptizing a baby has no benefits in the religious world. Why they think babies need to be baptized is beyond me. Wait till they reach the age of accountability and then see if they wanna be baptized but make sure they fully understand it first. It’s quite the commitment.

If its not s big deal leery him have it. It’s not hurting you in any way.

Speaking from experience you married into a slippery slope that may slide straight into pure unhappiness. Marrying into a super religious family when you arent (or one of another Faith than yours) is some sketchy territory. Mine ended in divorce. You absolutely must sit down one on one with your husband and discuss everything from child raising to death and write down what y’all want and where you’re willing to compromise. His mothers influence on him is a given. She’s what he’s known all his life for decision making. And most men will stick to what mommy says unless a very valid reason not to arises. In parenting all decisions must be made together the final say in a religious family is the husband. So he may very well end up overriding most decisions if they don’t go with the faith he was raised in. Let them plan it let them have it. Doesn’t mean you have to attend.

You are getting ready to be a parent. The main purpose of being a good parent is guiding your child through the challenges of life. Understandably, you are not religious. Is it because your parents didn’t care enough to take you to church or give you any understanding of any religion and so you don’t want your child to have it either. Sounds like you need to grow up a bit. It is your husband’s child also and if he feels this strongly on having the baby baptized you may need to bend.

wanna hear your thoughts abt this🤔 Febi Rave Rivera

I am in this exact position now, my son is 9 and isn’t keen at all but because it means so much to their dad I’m going ahead with it. My confusion is with everyone’s comments saying it doesn’t effect you or is no harm in being baptised, but what I struggle with is myself as a parent is now lying and saying that I allow my children to be part of the Christian faith and I know he won’t be going to church and practicing the religion, it just feels like a scam