What would you do if you’re not sexually attracted to your spouse anymore? I’ve been with my SO for almost 4 years. We are 15 years apart from each other (He is older). He is a very handsome attractive man but sexually ever since our miscarriage, it isn’t there for me anymore. Fairly quick after our miscarriage, we got pregnant again. Emotionally I wasn’t ready. I know relationships ain’t only about the sexual stuff. We have great chemistry, and our relationship is good, most of the time. Mentally I don’t think he is good for me; he would say differently. There is a lot more to our relationship that he would say there is. He’s put me through one hell of 4 years. Honestly, I should have run the first few months we were together. Thing’s changed, and thing’s happened that I didn’t see before we got together, that I can’t seem to get past. I’m emotionally drained. He is an amazing father, though! I would never discredit him on that. He’s a very, very sexual person always wanting something; he is super attracted to me, he can’t come by me or walk by me without touching something on my body. Sometimes it gets a little too much. We have intercourse, maybe 2-3 times a month. We are in our 3rd pregnancy; our 1st daughter will be two years old soon. 2nd pregnancy we lost, & currently 3rd I’m at 23 weeks. I would never go beyond our trust & betray him with anyone else. I was and am not a big sexual person, but when we do have intercourse or even foreplay, I see myself just wanting him to be done after the first 20 minutes. He can go for 1-2 hours. I don’t know if this feeling will change or come back, but it’s been nine months already. I don’t know if I should tell him I’m not sexually attracted to him anymore or wait until after our child is born to see if it comes back. I’m at a loss. I love and care about him very deeply and don’t want to hurt him.
Maybe be patient a little longer? To be honest i would not be into it after 20 minutes.
Why it take so long . Wtf
I’m sorry but this is total bullshit. Holy cow. You have this big of an issue with him then go to him telling him how you feel. It’s not that hard.
Pregnancy changes alot about you physically and mentally. Dont make any quick judgment calls yet. My drive dropped dramatically when pregnant. I just didnt have the energy for it. But be honest tell him your just not feeling it lately.
If you don’t want to have sex, tell him no. If you don’t want him to touch you, tell him not to touch you. Pregnancy hormones can 100% make you disinterested in sex, and that’s ok.
Wait till after the baby is born. Hormones change alot with being pregnant. An after a miscarriage it’s understandable y u wouldn’t feel up to having sex. Just give it some time an see what happens
Go to a date with him, have a day or two to rest with him. Have someone to watch the little one while you two have fun . Maybe you are just stressed and overwhelmed
Id say wait it out. Pregnancy changes your hormones so much. If after the baby is born and you cant rekindle the flame, then it’s time to cut ties.
My only advice is to be open & honest w/ him about your feelings.
Consider getting a therapist or marriage Counsoler.
Ask for a hall pass and he can have one too
Honestly it’s probably hormones and exhaustion. Also, after having a child hanging on me ALL DAY LONG the last thing I wanted was my partner to touch me even more. I just wanted some time to myself to refresh. Now that my kids are a little older I’m back to my usual self.
Honestly, if you are saying you should have left after the first few months and the last 4 years have been hell, why are you wondering if you should leave because of sex. If you want sex again is the other stuff gonna change? Makes no sense!! Try counseling but it sounds like you already know what would be right for you. Good luck.
I would wait till till baby is born … pregnancy could have a lot to do with it.
Could be the pregnancy hormones. I will admit though 1 to 2 hours? Maybe you just need to be open and discuss it with him.
I felt the same way about the not sex drive attractive just while I was pregnant as well but it did come back a few months after my child was born just have patience
I’m sorry I can’t and won’t be with some I’m not sexually attracted too. Nope
If you enjoyed your sex life before your child was born, it could be depression from your lost pregnancy and hormones from your current pregnancy, I suggest you talk to your husband and your doctor.
Some of these responses are shameful. It surely is due to horomones. Please talk to your Dr. What you’re experiencing isn’t abnormal. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Having a miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through. And everything about the body is chemical. It sounds like you’re in your head too much, I know what that’s like, even that can kill libido. Please reach out to your dr, there are things that can be done.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks and it was the worst hell Ive ever experienced so I understand. Also HATED sex during my last pregnancy. It was such a chore but I did it to please my husband and tried to shield him from my lack of interest. But I was just so tired and in pain all the time, and he figured it out and backed off. My 2nd son is 3 months now and things are back to normal. Give it time honey.
Girl hormones can make you hate sex period. They can make you feel like you don’t even wanna be touched or looked at in a sexy way. I would wait and see if things change. If you don’t wanna have sex tell him you aren’t in the mood. Or try role playing?
I’m not a sexually actively person either and I could probably go the rest of my life without sex - I need to feel connected on other levels to even WANT to have sex with my husband. Honestly, my last pregnancy just killed what was left of my libido. Personally, I’d give it some time bc pregnancy can affect that and especially if you had a miscarriage before this pregnancy, it’s definitely effecting that. Talk to your husband though - your feelings are valid.
I had the same issue when I got pregnant after a miscarriage. Not that I wasnt sexually attracted to him but with all the hormone and body changes and birth control I just had no sex drive period. I stopped birth control and my sex drive has come back. Took about 1.5 years but it did come back. Just try to find other ways to connect and have intimacy without having sex and try to wait it out.
Be upfront and honest, as hard as that is but you will thank yourself later. If he truly loves you, you guys can communicate and decide what’s best to do. People always forget how simple just talking to someone about the issues can help resolve them and possibly bring you closer.
Just be open and honest about your feelings. Communication is important. It sounds like your going thru a depression which is normal for someone who lost a baby. I hope things get better.
I would recommend to speak with your doctor about this. There can be other underlying mental health issues that may need a little attention. What you’re going through is common among many women. Again, start with your doctor and maybe consider couple’s therapy as well. Don’t give up!
2-3 times a month girl… no wonder he cant keep his hands off… try 2-3 times a week
It sounds like there’s more to it then just you not physically being attracted to him anymore. I’m extremely curious to know what your age is, especially considering he is 15 years older then you and how old were you when y’all started dating. He sounds like a creep and it sounds like your once young and easily impressionable mind is growing and maturing and you see him for who he is and you are no longer attracted to him but disgusted by him. I think you need to start gaining your independence and planning your escape.
1-2 hours? Holy shit.
I think pregnancy can really zap the drive for some people and it’s worth talking to your doctor about. There’s treatment routes available.
Its the pregnancy. I was like that for months. I justtt started having enjoyable sex again like 3 weeks ago lol just be patient. And make aure hes patient too
Marriage is by no means easy and there are times when you just don’t wanna do it anymore, no matter who you are,how much you love them and no matter how long you’ve been together. Hormones can do some shitty things to us but please don’t allow them to make a decision that you may regret for the rest of your days. First and foremost though I think your doctor/OBGYN should be your very first place to start getting some help with getting through it all.
It sounds like your having pregnancy hormones. I would be honest with him about how your feeling. Maybe talk to a therapist to just to sort the feelings out.
It’s the hormones…complicated by the miscarriage…no time to mourn the loss before you got pregnant again…give it some time after the 3rd baby arrives…
This could mean you both need the truth and take a vacation to find each other again .the things that got you together in the first place . Sounds like depression you both need to get away
It’s hormones I had the same issue. 2/3 times a month is fine.
I am in the same boat. I had a miscarriage in July and am now 12 weeks pregnant. The stress of worrying about the baby and having another miscarriage has killed my sex drive.
I’m 8 months ppd and I’m going through this
When I had a miscarriage( years ago) I greaved so bad. I did get pregnant within 6 months after miscarriage. I know now I did not give myself time to greaved. I was beyond worried with I was pregnant with 3rd baby that I couldn’t enjoy sex or pregnancy. I decided to go to therapy about a year after my 3rd was born. I just couldn’t get past my feelings. My therapist helped me realise I was still greaving and my hormones didn’t have time to recoup. She said your body goes through process both mentally and physically. Mentally your angry at yourself and your spouse. Your angry that your spouse didn’t greave and acted as though he didn’t care. In reality he probly greaved as much as you. He just didn’t realise the mental results of another pregnancy would have on you. An in all honesty you probly didn’t either. You really need to talk to him and a therapist. Believe me it does help…
Have you considered you may be suffering from symptoms of Postpartum depression? It happens more often than we acknowledge or aware of. Good men and good dads to their children are hard to come by. He seems like one to you. You know yourself best and maybe talk to a doctor if you can. It’s ok and it’s normal to go through what you’re going through.
How old were you when you got together it sounds like you have just had enough of him and see him for what he is are you prepared to leave him do you have a back up plan get things in order before you have this conversation with him be safe and stay strong
Your 23,weeks pregnant and he expects you to have sex with him for hours oh no I couldn’t do it that’s too much
Let’s not forget she said she went thru hell with him the first 4 years no you don’t just walk away but if you have given your all and nothing has changed then you have to do what’s best for you
Tell him you want more head .
My midwife said a sign of postnatal depression can be not finding your partner attractive & wanting to leave, she said it happened to a friend & once her friend got the medical help everything was fine again.
You have been through alot, the miscarriage and now your pregnant again. I went through a depression when I lost a child.
And your hormones are all over pregnant, and with him having he’s hand all over you it can be very overwhelming I would talk to your doctor and see what he suggests and you could tell your husband its a turn off having hes hands all over you its rude and inconsiderate everyone has boundaries.
I didn’t want to be touched when I was pregnant. Give it time.
This could go either way. It could be the pregnancy or it could be that your maturing and still respect him as a person but don’t want him as your lover because you don’t like him. For him to be 15 years older than you and to have put you through hell speaks volumes!!! Being with an older man should be much easier! He is wiser and more patient and calm. Or at least he should be… To me it sounds like he may be a creep. And of course he is so sexually attracted to you! Your flesh is 15 years younger than his! If he is such a great dad then he has the ability to be a great partner… Maybe try to identify the key aspects of what is turning you off about him… Are they nit picky things or are they character flaws that you don’t want to live with? Like I said being with an older man should be easy and relaxing and you should feel taken care of…
When I was pregnant I didn’t want to do anything. I hated my boyfriend trying to touch me or do anything. It all came back after I had my baby
I didn’t wanna be touched at all during my last pregnancy. Then we welcomed our 2nd baby girl at the beginning of October n now I can’t keep my hands off of him lol
It seems like you have some things to work out on your own. Maybe seek counseling. And if your open to it and he is together. Also take time to have one on one time
No don’t tell him!!! Omg if you have any love for this man do not tell him and figure this shot out. Get to a doctor and tell him/her… it’s probably a combo of things hormones, depression, exhaustion.
When we r pregnant we can smell a different pharomones on our man
Also when we are on birth control it’s a different smell
The smell is a chemical reaction in the brain…attracts the partner and the pharomones scent is invisible scent…sometimes u can smell especially when pregnant or ovulating or on period
Men pharomone scent is usually vanilla or a musk urine smell.
I know becuz I studied attraction in college for my psy degree
Anyway…many think our attraction comes from sight…how the person looks
But in reality it is the pharomones…in scent and taste…literally a a kiss is a taste test
It is recommended to have a make out session
And if u can tolerate that…have sex
WHILE NOT ON BIRTH CONTROL
Because the birth control causes are pharomones to change…tricking us into thinking we are attracted
Wear a condom when sex.
Anyway…our pharomones are searching for the perfect match and it for the purpose of procreation…looking for "opposite immune systems " becuz to give baby best chance is to give stronger immunity which then means opposites attract
Have u heard opposites attract?
It means opposites immune systems
But people have taken it as opposite personalities.
So…when pregnant that is our truest example of what our sexuality interests sets in
…its going beyond …with memories that he put u through hell
It’s the pharomones scent that u r not attracted to anymore
It might be that his soap or cologne he is using is enhancing the scent u repulse
Reminder this scent is an invisible scent to many
Have him change soap deodorant detergent cologne
Many women have been repulsed by there husbands by the scent
Many women do not want to. Touch when pregnant
I think u r goong through post pardum depression and need help
It takes time to get libido back
I know how u feel
I dealt with that
My ex I couldn’t stand his scent…it was vanilla…cologne was enhancing the smell
Especially when pregnant
But he was a jerk so I lost all interest in him
I was pregnant and was very much attracted to my fiancé his scent was not vanilla thank God!
I’m very sensitive to senses and I can detect the scent…it can linger on clothes…
But I had a great sex life while pregnant
Even after a miscarriage we had a great sex life
But he didnt give me hell
I gave time to heal and got pregnant 1 yr later to conceive.
After my baby born I had no interest in sex drive
I think it’s the hormones
It takes time
Now almost 2 months later post pardum depression is less to none and my libido is back
Were still attracted to eachother as were 15 yrs ago when we 1st met.
Counseling can help sort out
Also giving it time
I’m still saddened by my loss but it doesnt dictates my life
Sex can be healing and a wonderful way to bond
Although some older men like to drag it on becuz they want to impress us women
I think if u just told him. That u dont want long sex sessions
Also remember that he still loves u and desires u and has a sex drive even u don’t
That’s ok to not be on same page
Talking bout it
Even just crying grieve
Art therapy really helps
I would say its hormones along with having two year old they are loads of work. It can be hard to be in the mood when you feel yuck and have already had some all over you all day like toddlers can be. Just give it some time and talk to him
I hated being touched with all 5 of my pregnancies… he was revolting hah… and smelt and i got cranky so much…
Could be just a hormonal thing…
When i hit my second trimester, my libido became non existent. Just give it it a little time.
I think if you lose respect for him you stop being attracted to him. Suggest ways he can earn your respect back if this is the case.
I would wait no sense messing, up your marriage with that your hormones are raging it’s very hard to find a devoted man that’s
Divorce is awful. Your situation doesn’t warrant divorce. Perhaps more information regarding the 4 years of Hell he put you through that you chose not to share would shed light on your entire situation and I’d feel differently.
U have been through ALOT. plus u are pregnant and dealing with those hormones also. DO NOT tell him that at this point. I would talk to your doctor about how u are feeling. I hope u get some help and figure this out. Good luck mama
Is there any ways anyone can message admins ? I understand people need help but there are other groups for this. I literally feel like the people running this group could care less about what the followers have to say
I would talk to your dr about depression. Also seek counseling for yourself. It’s not good to feel this way no matter what the issues are. Please definitely talk to your dr.
You need to go to private counseling, not something to air on public media. None of us know you, or your lifestyle and this is too deep an issue to get into here Honey. But please do get some help. You need your head on straight before this little angel is born. Start by counting your blessings and then thanking God for them!!
Tell him that way you either work things out or you don’t but if your not attracted to him why keep bringing babies into it? They going to be put right in the middle of it all
When did this become a damn support group???
Honestly yes this should have been put in a different group this is about holidays. But some of you are fucking rude. She had the balls to say something that’s been on her mind for a while. Why the fuck cant people be supportive anymore.
I like the support questions. I like knowing there are people out there with the same issues… But as a whole community what gives if it isn’t about holidays get over it if you don’t like it don’t comment or simply unfollow.
As goes the writer… if you’re not attracted to him it could be just because of the miscarriage and the current pregnancy. You could tell him and he might wanna know. Maybe it’ll improve your relationship or maybe not. But whether it does or doesn’t is on the both of you. Or try to find things that’ll make it interesting again
Speak to your doctor about postpartum depression. It’s common.
Seriously, unfollowing! wth does this have to do with the holidays?
Dr. Ruth paging Dr. Ruth
Whoever runs this page sucks as bad as the content they share.
I’ll be praying for u and your husband cuss u know I’m in the same spot with my wife and let me tepp u it’s hard and I go day buy day but hang in there may God be with u
If you go on the page there is a number you can call…
Aren’t* not ain’t. Isn’t this a holiday page?
Tell him to go find a side piece. And don’t get mad when he does.
To everyone complaining about this page if you dont like it unfollow …its just that easy
Seriously take your problems somewhere else. Out of here My Favorite Holiday
Well 1st you have to ask yourself if you truly want your relationship to get better. If you truly love this man and can’t see yourself with anyone else I’d suggest Couples counseling. You keeping this in and not being commutative is what’s hurting most. Only when you both understand each other and can hear each other’s feelings can the healing process begin.
You’re pregnant,give yourself a break.Womans bodies go through alot during & after pregnancy.If youre not back to normal a year or so seek counseling or go to your doctor before breaking up your family.
To everyone trying to bash the woman/mother for expressing her struggles at the moment, get your own head out of your butt and stop being so rude just because your behind a phone screen. This is a real person, and yes this may have not been the best place to reach out to but maybe she’s just at a draw and really didn’t have anywhere else to vent or ask for advice. If it’s that big of a deal, DONT READ THE POST, UNFOLLOW THE PAGE or try to be a decent human being and NOT a rude fuck!
However, to the mother, I just want to reassure you, your not alone in feeling this way, especially currently being pregnant as well as recently going through something so horrific, I am truly sorry about your loss… A loss so great definitely plays a major roll not only in a women’s physical health but her Mental and emotional as well… plus to add on to everything, your pregnant so that just heightens all that is already going on within/internally… Yes I agree with some of the previous comments suggesting reaching out to your doctor or Obgyn and voice these feeling your experiencing… and also another possible suggestion might be, have you considered maybe scheduling an appointment with a marriage councilor? To have the opportunity to have a sit down with your husband in a calm cool and collect setting to voice you current struggles/concerns? That way your allowing him a peak behind a veil in which seems you have had for a little while now, so he can see how your feeling and you guys can come together as one to configure the best possible solution? Also, Just given a light back story that we did get, I can safely say through this pregnancy you should not being stressing yourself or even feeling stressed or worked up! I know while being pregnant also, at least I know I experienced this, but having a hard time with self image and self love and this lower to no sexual drive towards your husband could possible be a result/reflection of what you may be feeling inside… So that would go back to maybe speaking with a doctor or counselor…
If you see this I really hope you benefit from it, even if it’s in the slightest of ways! I don’t know you but I pray you have a full, strong and healthy pregnancy and delivery! I pray you find the peace and answers you are in search of for your current battle and I just want you to know you are strong, beautiful, highly favored, extremely blessed and loved unconditionally❤️