In my opinion divorce wont solve your problem. You then will still be doing things alone…you say hes a good husband so this one thing is his flaw…? We all have flaws…and that would mean you also have some. Do you feel your flaws have no bearing in the relationship?. Might I suggest the book the Power of a praying wife…prayers for you and your family…seek God for the strength and answer on what you need to do.
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Something needs to change but marriage is for life. God blessed your marriage if hes a great husband and father you need to change whatever is hindering your feelings toward each other. There is a block NOT and end of path. Maybe try thinking back on why you got married to begin with. Your vows you promised to him. His not wanting sex is a sign of being extremely tired/stressed/depressed/over stretched. Him not helping seems selfish but that’s not ALWAYS the case. Could be idk but just saying. Divorce should be the very last thing you think of(actually really not at all but certain circumstances because of God’s view on marriage) especially when your spouse needs you as much as you need him. 
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If he has a night out with his friends, you take a night and be with yours (unless youre like me and don’t have any, then you go do something by yourself).
My husband works on the boat, he’s gone from 4-6 weeks and home 2-4. And with that he works crazy shifts so sometimes when he’s home, we don’t even sleep in the same bed. And with him not being able to sleep on a normal schedule he’s is trying to find side work to deal with the bills so is mentally and physically, exhausted. So normally I’m the one initiating it.
In my opinion, it doesn’t seem like you need a divorce, you just need a break. Make a contract with him, or just don’t initiate it and wait until he says something, when he asks, tell him, I’m just tired of being the one to start it so I waited for you.
When my husband wouldn’t help with the stuff that needed to be done around the house, I would ask once, then if it still hasn’t been done I would just tell him " done I guess you’re too busy watching tv, I guess I can take out the garbage while I cook and deal with the kids, thank you for helping " I know it’s passive aggressive, and most people don’t recommend it, but it got my point across and made him realize I had other things to do and he eventually started doing it without us fighting.
So again… I think you just need some alone time. Hope it helps.
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i think she might be a rookie lol, when we get married everything is sugar ones we hit 5 yrs of marriage we see all the bad things we couldn’t see before, lol they were there though it’s just us that couldn’t see it at that moment 
… Ones you have a while with the husband you’ll know that this can happen often in some households:woman_shrugging:t3: but idk to each their own. i been there if not currently in that situation but I’m in that phase that i don’t want to be bothered. I want to go out alone and have a time for me atleast to watch TV shows without him bugging me.
I’m sorry you are in this situation. Marriage is tough. I don’t feel I have advice for you at this moment but I would like to hear what others have to say.
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Maybe it’s time for both of you to take some time off from work go to a marriage counselor & take a vacation. It’s called Life & it could & has put a strain on both of you. If both of you have the weekend off make plans to get away for the weekend. Just you & him. Seek counseling first.
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All those same things would still happen if you left and you’re still alone doing them . He’s not to exhausted for Friday though. The children young? They might know you guys are not in a loving healthy marriage and that’s not great. Not accepting bad behavior or neglect is perfectly reasonable. Talk with hm when you’re both not angry. It’s a lot to work out. Council? Separate, keep schedule 
Suck it up buttercup marriage isn’t a hallmark movie If he’s not a drunk or beat you be happy with what you have. Others have it so so much worse.
You can’t change a person. You can only change yourself and in time you changing will cause a natural shift for him to change. What is his love language? There’s always going to be things that bother you about a person. There’s no such thing as the perfect partner and if you divorce over some flaws he has then who’s to say you’ll find someone with different flaws that also bother you and could possibly be worse in fact. The grass isn’t always greener. Water your own grass! If he’s faithful, provides, isn’t abusive then anything else can be worked on. Focus on his positive qualities and don’t let the negative overrule. You even said yourself he’s a great husband except for a few things. I’m sure you’re also a great wife… except for a few things 
.
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It takes two working on it to make it work…you are doing all the work…hes got it made…quit mothering him…you teach people how to treat you…have yourself some girl time…take care of you!..
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I struggled about divorce for many years. We did get divorced, but promised we would do well for the kids. 10 years later, we are both remarried, happy and are friends. My kids can’t imagine us together and love our spouses and have a step brother and sister they care about. We actually see each other on holidays due to mutual friends. Life is short.
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Talk to him tell him how you feel. He isn’t going to read your mind. Why do u want a divorce. Are u exhausted? You think it would be easier in your own. Hmmm communication is key. Why are you set in divorce thats the question here. Maybe take some time apart for a couple days and think about it. Maybe u both need to spend a night out rekindle what you lost. I’m so sorry good luck
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If it were me, I’d have a separation. It’s possible that he needs a good dose of time without the person he so clearly takes for granted. It might cause him to change his ways. If it doesn’t than I wouldn’t blame you for getting a divorce. Have you two considered couples therapy?
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I would encourage you to try to get marriage counseling. It sounds like you love each other. These are some big issues, but they might be fixable if you both are open to changing things for the better
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He has some one else. What you do about that is totally up to you. You have women intuition and you know when something else is going on. So make your on decisions about where you go from here.
If you run him through the mud like this publicly, I can only imagine how you treat him at home and with friends. We are supposed to lift our spouses up and help make them better. He’s only going to think he’s as great as you treat him. Sure, you do the cooking and cleaning…who doesn’t. Moms do mom things and dads do dad things. When my husband doesn’t feel respected, he definitely doesn’t feel like being intimate. We’re told to reverence our husbands and they are to love us. How often are we truly lovable? This to me seems like you’re seeking validation for a decision you’ve already made.
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I could’ve written this!
This sounds wrong, but I look at worse problems than mine. I.e. Domestic abuse, marital trap or toxic relationships, etc.
So mine would seem like a piece of cake. So I could hang on.
Doesn’t seem like you need a divorce but therapy.
Have them rule out depression.
Marriages are difficult sometimes, rough patches come and go, how worthy is it for you to stay in it?
If you are happy more often than you are upset then your marriage is worth it.
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This isn’t something random people on the internet can answer for you hunny. Talk to him, think about what you want.
I guess I’m just a different opinion than some of these comments. I don’t see the point in being married to someone you have to mommy. I don’t see the point of pleading with someone for affection. I would separate for awhile. I’ve been in your shoes and I put up with it for 10 years. At this point you’re just resenting him. That doesn’t change if there’s no change trying to happen between you two. Him changing shifts would be the last straw. He’s not a partner he’s your oldest and biggest child.
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My mom always asks me and 6 siblings when we’re in a new relationship these 3 things. 1: does it feel right 2: do they take care of all of your NEEDS 3: be the one you can’t live without. Not the one you can live with.
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I would ask for a trial separation. You are already handling every thing any way. He is just a large child at this point. Don’t mommy him. Just tell him you aren’t happy and life is too short not to be happy. Then do what makes you and your children happiest <3 Y’all will be ok.
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I don’t agree with ignoring your need for sex as what’s been mentioned in the comments here. Your needs are JUST as important as his. Do what brings you peace and happiness. Keep your children’s feelings in mind though. Tread lightly with that, but your needs are absolutely important!
Maybe he needs a physical some of the things you mentioned could be health related, lack of interest, always exhausted. Has he has his testosterone checked? Also I suggest counseling since you have kids you kind of owe it to them to try everything before you head for divorce. Best of luck God bless
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If this is your family life, how on earth can you say he is a great anything???
Because he brings home a paycheck??? I don’t get where the “great” comes into play for you.
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Make the best of it. You said he’s a great husband much less father
While you’re not asking for a lot, I personally don’t think it’s enough to get a divorce. But…something definitely needs to change if you are that unhappy. If you even have a thought that your marriage is worth it, work on it. The grass is not always greener & all that jazz. Worst case, give yourself a “date”. If he hasn’t come around in x amount of time, do what you’ve gotta do.
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Are u unhappy? Sounds if u are…remember to be content and u will a better mother and a happy woman…I wont compromise on my happiness…
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Do you love him ? And is your family worth fighting for ? Do the work give it 100% and i bet you will eventually get back what you put in. My grandma said lose your self in service of your spouse ,if you want love show love.
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Try marriage counseling. It takes both people and compromising to make it good and last. I hope you guys find a way through this.
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Marriage is for life. Pray and pray. Seek wise advice. It can be fixed if both are willing to fix it.
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Does he take you out how about getting a sitter and have a date night.
I hear all the good things you have said about him. In today’s times it’s so easy to walk away. Sounds to me he is doing the best he can. If sex is the only complaint, but a damn toy.
Marriage is forever they say. But if youve tried everything and your constantly at roadblocks your happiness is important
he wants a different shift so he can dump you he doesnt want to pay child support get a good divorce lawyer
My husband isnt the normal kind of affectionate. But he has autism. We just found out a few months ago. Maybe instead of faulting the man see if theres an underlying reason why. Or just get a divorce. I mean why do people feel like total strangers are going to have the answers?
Marriage is hard and you have to work on it everyday. To me your problems are fixable so my suggestion would be to go to marriage counseling.
I am not a big fan of divorce. I say if you love someone enough to say I Do and put that much effort into it than you should put that much and then some into tour marriage. I also suggest marriage counseling through your church or another agency. Also try the love dare off of the fireproof movie. Highly recommended it we did it and it has done wonders. Best of luck
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Not too tired for his friends .
Excuse me…very immature selfish man
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Happiness is very important in a marriage !! That’s all I’m gonna say about that …
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Counseling, think of you and your kids happiness im married no kids intimacy very low
Don’t know what I’d do, other than seek counseling. I know I wouldn’t depend on facebook for relationship advice.
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Are you his wife it his mother? Not trying to be rude, but… I’d stop doing so those things and see how he treats you.
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Looks like your man need a time out. Let him be with his friends. Let him do the things he love. Let him be himself.
Sounds a lot like my in many ways…
I was married 7 years and 4 of those were extremely unhappy. I tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t work. About a year ago I decided I couldn’t take anymore. In saying that my ex became an alcoholic 4 years before I left, he began being abusive, and the final straw was he attacked my child so I left. Before the final straw I tried everything to fix our marriage. The problems you are explaining don’t seem that bad to me so maybe try marriage counseling before you call it quits.
thats a tough one…I’m curious to read the comments
If you don’t like the situation you change the situation!
Divorce him men never change once they hit a certain age
How about tryiing counseling.
He may need to get hos testosterone checked. That can make him very tired and not into sex. Try that and see before walking away.
Mindo Hill these are some of the things I read and learn from,we human and henceforth can learb from one another.
Communication is the key
Hey I never treated u like that I’d treat u like a queen because u r to me…
So, you have a man that works hard, provides for his family, is a good dad, and you say, he’s a great husband. But he’s too tired from working to have sex. I think you’re crazy! Hard working men of his kind are hard to find! So, he likes a night out with the boys. That’s normal. Most women won’t allow it. If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, go for it! But, be prepared for disappointment after disappointment! Good men are hard to find!
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Why don’t you both see a marriage counselor? If he won’t go, go alone. I would do that before throwing in the towel. (I’ve been married 50 years. Best to remind yourself why you married him in the first place.
My husband went 8 years without sex after my hysterectomy. Never complained never strayed. Marriage is so much more than sex. If you didn’t love him nothing he could say would make you stay. His lack of libido could be a medical issue. Have him see his doctor and have his testosterone checked. Get counseling both for yourself and as a couple
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Don’t get divorced for things that can be fixed. I wouldn’t drag your kids through that. Go marriage counseling. Say you get divorced over that then later on you will start to wonder if it could have worked because you divorced over silly stuff. Trust me as a divorced woman I know
Try counseling, but try several until you both find one you both like
Start off with a seperation with an open mind to either outcome. It may give him a chance to have to do it all himself and he may grow to appreciate your efforts OR it will show you that he has completely clocked out of the marriage and he isn’t open to even trying so if you tried you would only be wasting your time.
Hopefully all y’all need is a break.
It’s sad when a marriage/relationship falls apart.
Sidenote: I watched the marriage story on Netflix it it’s the saddest thing to go from best friends to the complications of divorce.
Good luck
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Is it possible he is depressed? My husband suffers from depression and finds it very difficult to muster up the energy to do anything besides go to work. If you still love him maybe it’s something you could discuss with him.
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I would separate for a while and see if it motivates him to do what he needs to do as your partner if not then yes. Divorce. You cannot he the only one working on the relationship while he is not.
Sorry but what use is he to you. You’re doing all the giving while he takes. Difficult with children. I’d try a separation. Couldn’t stand to live like that.
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Sounds like it’s a one sided relationship and he’s not willing to make any effort to change. You could always try the shift change and see if they in any way helps things, there doesn’t sound like there’s much to lose there except it’ll put even more on your shoulders. I agree a separation might be a good thing. Not necessarily a divorce, just a separation. Maybe it’ll make him realize he needs to participate in the marriage and family life you’ve created together.
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Marriage is hard!!! Most things in life worth having are. Last year, I was the one not putting in the effort. My husband stood by me. I would have fell apart if he had not been my backbone. I was not motivated to be the partner he needed me to be. Yes, it got ugly. We both realized that the fault was not just mine, nor his. It is a constant work in progress. An ever changing, continually evolving process. I’m not the same woman he fell for. He is not the same man that I fell head over heels for. Needs change, bodies function differently. Mental health plays a huge role in those things; on both partners. I know it was the factor that neither one of us noticed, until it was almost too late.
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If he doesn’t want a divorce I’d ask for couples counseling and also ask he does personal counseling because it sounds like depression or something else is going on. Wish you both the best .
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Read The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. It’s also a podcast.
Maybe your relationship needs this shift change for a while. Maybe give it a try and see how things change and if you both like it. IF you do end up liking it, maybe you guys are trying too hard in your relationship or maybe he just isn’t the 1 for you. You could also try marriage counseling and see how much he is willing to change for your marriage.
You say he’s a great husband. Why? What makes him great? List off the things that make him great and the things you can’t live with. It may sound unemotional but it’s a starting point. Then try to work on the things you can’t live with. If he’s not willing to work with you then there’s your answer. Marriage takes work but it has to come from both parties, not just one.
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My husband and I are going through the EXACT same thing. Like to the T. I told him we needed to do weekly counseling or I was out. So far so good.
if he is not abusive you should stay. everything will work out pray because GOD does answer prayers.
Sounds like he wants to switch shifts, but you don’t. I wouldn’t either if I were you. He’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn’t want a divorce but will give up time with you & the fam for more sleep, but won’t sacrifice time with friends? I’d tell him exactly what you want him to do and let him know you’re leaving if he doesn’t follow through.
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Maybe you should go to marriage counseling.
crap. does this ever sound exactly like my boyfriend. i’ve also been on the fence. weird.
Maybe his testorone level is low. He should get it checked. It happens alot and ppl are not aware and it causes breakups from lack of sex drive. If its low ur really exhausted and have no sex drive and even bad mood. My uncle went and they gave him a shot to increase his and he was like a spring chicken. All happy had energy and my aunt said hes all good in the lovins dept. Im just saying. Its worth checking. Dont divorce him without checking for underlying causes cuz honestly men love sex. Period. So if hes not into it theres a reason.
Separation could be the key to your issues tho 
Try joint counseling, then you both can decide if your marriage is worth saving. If he doesn’t want to go with you. Get individual sessions, to keep your piece of mind.
He’s seeing someone else
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Well you signed up for it , till death do you part, or just tell him you bout to bang one of his friends
Maybe see if her needs some testosterone, this sounds like my son on law. Testosterone made a world of difference.