I am newly pregnant and feeling disconnected from my baby. We have a child who is much older and has been an only child most of her life. She wants to be a sibling in the worst way. The thought of starting all over again frightens me more than it excites me. I want to feel connected to my baby. We suffered a miscarriage about a year ago. The new baby has almost the exact same due date. It’s been alot mentally. Looking for advice.
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I know it’s not the same situation but still. I have 5 children. Oldest with a prior relationship, other four with my now ex husband. One of them was a result of him raping me. I felt very detached from her for the first few months. It went away a bit after seeing her on the ultrasound, but even then, I was very depressed. It all changed when she was born. Everything about her was perfect other than how she came to be. I don’t know your situation but I know that if it’s not ideal, it can feel like adding a life to that situation is a horrible idea. But I can honestly say that more than likely, you will get through this and love this child just as much as your other. If not, don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Some things are just beyond our control. Take care of the baby the way you know you should and try to give them as much love as you are capable of giving. Remind yourself that even if you feel detached, the baby didn’t ask to be here and still deserves to be loved. Please don’t take that as a judgment as I again have been through something similar. And now I have the most spectacular 12-year old in the world and wouldn’t change a thing.
Stop over analyzing, I delivered a little boy to early he didn’t make it, I got pregnant about 4 months later, I didn’t feel connected but then I realized that this was a gift and a gift that would love me unconditionally. I enjoyed my pregnancy from then on.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am pregnant and feel disconnected from baby: Advice?
Embrace the gift given to you💝
I had a similar feeling throughout the early parts of my pregnancy. I wasn’t with my son’s father anymore when I found out I was pregnant. And even though I was happy to be having a baby, I felt a bit trapped. But once I felt him kick. And I could feel him growing. My love and excitement grew as well.
It gets easier as the pregnancy goes along. Your mind is trying to protect you incase you have another loss. My rainbow baby will be 15in a few weeks and I was the same way. By the time I hit the 3rd trimester I was fully connected with her.
This will be your rainbow baby they will being you joy
Sounds like pp
Talk to your doctor
i felt disconnected from my baby my whole pregnancy. when he was born that all changed.
I’m same way I have a 19.5 year old toward the end of Jan 2020 I had a miscarriage… Hardest thing ever I had wanted more children all those years to be given then taken away like that it was something I didn’t know if I’d ever make it out of the darkness then about a month and a half after the due date for that baby passed I found out I was pregnant again… I was so scared that something would happen again the whole pregnancy… more towards the end I finally hear or there was able to enjoy an ultrasound or the baby’s movements but most of the time I was so separated from the baby I didn’t know if I’d be able to feel for or love this baby the way he needed and deserved to be loved… Let me tell you they put a mirror at the end of the bed so I got to see everything instead of just the pain and focusing on pushing I got to see my son actually come out of me and make his entrance into the world… And the second they put him on my chest it’s been a love so strong so amazing… I can’t even explain it but I’m in love with that little boy and would do anything for him and to protect him… I know from experience it’s hard because you just have no way of knowing anything… But I wish I wouldn’t of spent my pregnancy worrying and stressing of what may happen and just been able to enjoy the pregnancy… I hope you are able to relax and focus on you and the baby and the joy of the movement’s I wish the best for you
Maybe it’s because of the previous miscarriage…maybe you might be scared to connect with baby because maybe you have thoughts of ‘what if it happens to this one too,’ and you’re just afraid to go through the emotional loss a second time… it could be that…
Ur panic of wat was is robbing of da journey u r in now,calm down ur body needs dat nd focus on dat bby of urs
I felt this way my entire first pregnancy! Never did a gender reveal, never went shopping for her (my mom threw me a baby shower thank God or I wouldn’t have had anything) didn’t do a maternity shoot. Didnt even announce my pregnancy until I was 5 months… I didn’t want to be a mom. I wasn’t excited or happy. But when I saw her everything changed. I went from a woman, to a mother and when she looked at me I knew she was my purpose in life ! She’s 10 now and my little bestie! We do everything together…shes never had a baby sitter her entire life. I want her all the time. even when she’s outta school in the summer she’s with me at work and I don’t want to share her with anyone
I can understand your fear
I had 2 boys 11 & 9 a step daughter 7. My husband and. I decided to have one of our own.
I got pregnant rt away. We were so excited I couldn’t believe how easy that was.
Sadly 6 weeks later I lost It. I became sad, depressed and angry.
Anger = Fear.
Once I understood that I was ready to try again. Got pregnant right away. Didn’t expect that.
I keep my feelings at bay. To afraid I was going to loose it too. I felt guilty for that.
The kids were beside their self.
Months went by and I began to feel the baby kick.
That’s when I started to feel closer. It was its was of communication to me.
I don’t regret my feelings. It was a way to protect me from from a second heartache
You will soon get over this. If your baby is communicating with you do it back. That is your moment.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am pregnant and feel disconnected from baby: Advice?
Its fine. You cant see it. Perfectly normal
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Well it cld be u dnt want to get ur hopes up and miscarry again…y’all to ur doctor, a friend, spouse or join group where others experience this situation
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This is perfectly normal.
I had the same with our only child.
Please talk to your OBGYN/Midwife/Doula/Dr about it and be open with how you’re feeling.
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I went though a very similar thing. I lost my first son and then got pregnant again 5 months later. Through out my pregnancy I felt very disconnected to my baby. I was in constant worry as well. But as soon as I gave birth to him and seen his little face that all went away. He now my little mamas boy and I don’t know what I’d do without him. Hang in there
That will all change once you deliver and get to hold your precious baby. It’s hard to be connected until you hold them.
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Had 1999–1990 son then daughter yes it was like starting over ;”) would do it again if I was younger !! Both c section n one tubal pregnancy in yrs in between tube n 2 1/2 month baby removed was starting rupturing , still thankful for my 2 — yrs they r apart but luv dearly !!
It’s all normal my son is 10 and I’m 29 weeks with baby #2 I had a miscarriage 5 years ago and this baby and angel baby have similar due dates not even a month apart it makes me nervous but now that I’m further along I’m excited for my bean❤ itll get better
Maybe grief over the lost child is delaying bonding with the one you’re expecting. You may need some kind of support - a counselor ?
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Your disconnect may have more to do with the miscarriage & fear of getting attached & suffering again. It happened with me & I have three rainbow babies. Once you’re past the critical point, you’ll find your fear will ease & start to enjoy the pregnancy.
Sending hugs.
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The connection will come eventually! I wasnt connected to my last pregnancy and I wasnt really connected til she was almost 2 months old. My fear started easing after the 26 weeks viabilityif bornpremie. As i have a 14 yr old and a 6 yr old and ive had so many losses in between. 2 between the first 2 and 10 between the 2nd and 3rd child. And one of the losses were an ectopic that I almost died from.
It’ll come! Hang in there momma and dont stress over it! Stressing is the worse thing!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am pregnant and feel disconnected from baby: Advice?
Reach out to your OB or a therapist and tell them how you’re feeling. Trust me. They can put you on medication or guide you towards the right counseling. You’re very high risk for Postpartum Depression so it’s best to get it under control now.
Going without treatment will lead to worse depression and will cause further issues with bonding.
I’m 34 weeks & I recently had to get on medication for my depression and anxiety. I finally grew the guts to tell my OB and she was very helpful!
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Just take your time mama! It will come to you. It’s a huge change mentally/emotionally and you’ve endured a miscarriage.
Talk to your Dr and see if there’s any help they can offer.
Sending love your way
I went through this. I lost my baby at 15 weeks on may 13th 2013 . My daughter who is now 7 was due may 13th 2014. And what’s even weirder is my first baby was due around the same time my son who is my second child . Within a few days of each other .
I felt very disconnect to her . Still do at times .
But try to think of it as that baby’s soul coming back to you 
I felt this with my 2nd baby the most for many different reasons, I even considered adoption, but as soon as I had seen him and held him, he became my entire world just like his older brother.
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give yourself some time, mama. being newly pregnant can make it kinda hard to be attached especially after a miscarriage. i had ONE miscarriage and never was able to fully allow myself to feel anything til i’d make it in the second trimester and even then it would be hard. but maybe once you start feeling baby move and you hear the heartbeat it may help make you feel some attachment. i’d say if by then you’re still feeling completely cut off and detached then maybe consider counseling or medications from your doctor that can help with depression which could cause that as well. good luck mama 
don’t be hard on yourself. this is completely normal for a lot of moms, you’re not alone!!
All I can say is give it time. I have a 6 year old an got pregnant with twins! Much of my pregnancy was unhappy stressful and no connection. The day after they were born was when the love and connection really hit me. They will be a year old next month an have brought so much joy an to think at one time I had the exact opposite of joy for them.
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You probably are deeply afraid of smoother miscarriage, and are not allowing the attachment dye to not wanting to to through that loss again.
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My oldest from a previous relationship was 11 when I found out I was pregnant with our birth control baby. My oldest was so excited. I was completely nervous because my boyfriend and I had only been together for a year, it was a complete surprise, we never really had in-depth conversations about having kids and here we were. I was very depressed throughout my pregnancy. Not because of the lack of connection but because of everything thing else. In your situation, do you find it hard to connect because your waiting for the shoe to drop and possibly lose this pregnancy as well? I think regardless of our situations as different as they may be, finding a support is so important. Definitely talk to your OB if you feel comfortable. If not, reach out to a family advocacy center. They are a great resource for local services in your area.
I felt the same way I have an almost 6 year old son. My whole pregnancy I didn’t feel like I had a connection to my unborn child I didn’t like being pregnant I felt so uncomfortable in my own body I just wanted pregnancy to be over. When I have birth and came home from the hospital the small one on ones with my baby and older child I got more comfortable with the idea of 2 kids. Some days I think back to how having one kid was easier but I always dreamed of 2 kids and that’s it. My family is complete.
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If the thought of having a baby and starting over again why d id you not use protection
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with me second. My oldest is almost 5. It was hard but after the baby came I realized I do have enough love to share and the way they love each other is enough to make it worth it. Prayers u feel better
I had felt disconnected with my son when I was pregnant since his father had took advantage of me one night, I was considering everything that was available but I’m glad I decided to keep him. The moment that he was born nothing else mattered but him and my girls. Give it some time it’s perfectly normal and if you still feel disconnected after birth you can talk to your dr about it. Best of luck mama
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This happened to me but both had the same due date I was freaking out till I made it pass my 5 month mark but she was as healthy as can be an is 13 now
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am pregnant and feel disconnected from baby: Advice?
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Eat well. Sleep. So physically you are good. Go to a nice nature, peaceful place. And just be. Have a conversation with a counselor. But dont get stressed. Just relax and take care of yourself. Maybe you need a little grieve time. And then you can look forward to a new tiny baby to cuddle. Your older child is going to be a lot of help and it’s going to be a breeze. 
I felt much the same way about my pregnancy. But the minute I laid eyes on my baby girl, all that went away. I wish you that same kind of reaction to your new baby 
Please speak to your Drs. It will be different but your much wiser that’s life when you get comfortable it kicks you in the butt.
But deep down you must have hoped
God answered your prayers Check with your gyno
Really, a baby is a blessing. If u need help I am here
I had a different situation that made me feel like I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about my youngest son… But when I had him… I fell in love. I was worried I wouldn’t love him like i loved my oldest. I was dead wrong. Give it time mama. Make sure you take it easy on yourself. And bond with your kiddo when they come. That sadness from your loss may still be there but your lil one had nothing to do with that. It’s gonna be ok.
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You have A LOT going on right now. Just breathe! Allow that to be your only responsibility but feel everything alternately and all at once. I wish you #LoveAndLight Sis
With time you will feel that connection. Don’t stress it. Hugs to you 
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When that baby is born you will feel so much love for him/her that all those emotions will disappear.
Count your blessings. There are thousands of woman out there that have not been able to get pregnant no matter how much they have tried.
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ObGyn offices usually have referrals to family counseling, social services and other resources. The healthiest pregnancies are those which the expectant mother experiences a sense of well being. The mental health of the mother goes hand in hand with the physical care, and is equally important.
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you might find it easier to feel close to this child if you can see it on ultrasound and see and hear it’s heart beat.
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I had a super similar situation with the first child being the only child, then the miscarriage, then not feeling quite as excited, and as others said I think its a defense mechanism. I was always halfway expecting bad news at appointments. Once she was here, I instantly felt that same sort of connection as I did with my first, but still struggled with feeling like she might be taken away.
I miscarried too and was very disconnected from my son till I felt him move for the first time. Like I had no feeling towards my bump, didn’t care when people brought it up and honestly hated how sick I was. Then I was sitting on the couch and I felt the first little kick and saw my stomach moving with him rolling around and I lost it. I started crying and caressing my stomach. I instantly fell in love. Sometimes it takes that kick to show that they are real and they are thriving in there for you to feel that connection.
My daughter will be 10 by the time our son is born this November. I’ve had one miscarriage & I know that is what makes me feel so disconnected, although I’m 21 weeks and it is getting better. I feel like if I put my guard up & don’t get too overly excited, nothing bad will happen.
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Get the 3d ultrasound. Even if it costs extra. Wish I had because it would have made me feel so much more connected.
I think it will come in time but if you still feel this way in a few months please talk to your doctor. Feeling this way during pregnancy can lead to postpartum depression after delivering.
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It will come. My oldest was 9 when I had my second successful unplanned pregnancy and now my daughter is 7 turning 8 and well another unplanned pregnancy that I personally didn’t want. I WILL HAVE 3 only children and it scares me too but I will say with my second daughter by the time I gave birth I felt connected
You definitely have a ton on your plate and I feel for you. I have a 21 yo and a 6 yo so I can relate, but no 1 situation is the same. Take it minute by minute. You’ve got this!
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Losing a child is the hardest thing… first of all I’m sorry for your loss… secondly I do believe if you give it time these feelings will pass… to be less complicated I think what you’re dealing with right now is PTSD from the miscarriage… I felt the same way with my daughter when I first found out I was pregnant, I had lost at that point a total of seven and had no actual live in kids of my own so it goes without saying that I didn’t feel like it was OK to be connected to her if she was just gonna not be there…Give yourself a chance to heal
Start talking and reading to ur bub. Very hard after a miscarriage. Not wanting to get attached. I had 2 boys and became pregnant and they have massive age gap. I have 20 yr old 18 yr old and a 7 yr old. Wouldn’t change a thing
Build a bond. Choose a nickname. (precious or stinky butt)
Each time you take your prenatal vitamin, forego a beer, finger baby stuff or read advice, TALK to Stinky & say you are doing it for her, you want everything to be right. Yes, often the talk will be in your head. Be purposeful. Maybe even read some favorite kid books to her as your body changes & you prepare. Precious already is a new & unique individual. Your relationship will be too.
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It sounds like this disconnection can be a defense mechanism after your miscarriage. Especially with the similar due date. I was terrified my entire pregnancy when I got pregnant again right after a miscarriage. I was afraid to make plans and prepare. My recommendation is to take a deep breath, and take it a day at a time. Hopefully the farther along you get and the stronger baby grows, you can feel more attached. Either way, that baby is here now, and will be able to hear you before you know it. You can start talking to it.
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It can happen whether or not you’ve had a miscarriage. I’ve seen stories from a lot of new mums who said they didn’t feel connected at all to their babies during pregnancy, but that changed the second they were born. I can see how it would be harder though, mama. Push through, it’ll be so worth it
I didn’t till I seen him move on ultrasound. I had 3 miscarriages and mine had the same month as due dates . It was hard to believe that it was real and I was afraid that it was going to be taken from me at any moment. I’m still scared . Don’t feel bad and don’t give up at some point you will connect.
I honestly wasn’t that emotionally connected during pregnancy. It came in waves, I was suffering the after affects of a mental breakdown, had a lot of problems and pain during my pregnancy which made me not enjoy it as much as I wanted to. Soon as my rainbow was born I had the overwhelming love towards her. Fear doesn’t help, I lived in stress and worry even past 12 weeks in case I lost another one. You can push through this, it’s all worth it in the end! Take one day at a time.
I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, my daughter. We had tried for years to get pregnant again and I had finally gotten to a point where I felt ok just having one child. Then I found out I was pregnant . I was definitely trying to protect myself in case something happened but by the second trimester that went away. Now, my daughter is almost 15 months and I never knew how much I needed her, until I had her. It’s hard starting over again but so worth it!
I am about 37 weeks pregnant i had a miscarriage about a month before this pregnancy and I felt disconnected and worried something bad would happen. But once he started moving and growing it got easier.
Be open and talk about how you feel. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. You may have early signs of PPD. Just stay aware of how you feel and if it continues when baby is born see a doctor to get you going on the right medications to get your mind healthy again. Best of luck lady!
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When you start feeling baby, or getting your bump, would that help?
I have a Sonoline B baby Doppler where I can listen to my baby’s heartbeat at home. I know the correct way to use it & distinguish the different sounds (there’s videos on YouTube that teach you). My OB gave me the okay & said it’s safe to use.
I would recommend buying one and listening to your baby’s heart sometimes. I love it & it makes me feel so close to my little girl! 
If you are having symptoms of depression, please speak to your dr, you can take certain medication during pregnancy to help you.
I lost three in in one year and when I got pregnant with my youngest it took me until about halfway to start feeling attached and excited. It wasn’t my first miscarriages but it was the hardest. Give yourself the time you need to adapt. Grief does not have a time line.
I had a hard 3 pregnancy. You will never regret giving your child a sibling, and bringing a another child into this world. My 3 rd child was my greatest gift to me n my family. It was worth it.
I’m so sorry ur going through such a difficult time. But rest assured, many people go through this. Myself included. Huge age gap between first and second kid. Lost some pregnancies. And then, my then bf didn’t want the baby and it caused a huge fight and alot of stress. But I went ahead with the pregnancy anyway. I suggest starting setting up the nursery. I think as time goes on, and u see more ultrasound pictures, u will get more excited. And once u hold that baby, well there is no other feeling that compares to it in the world. Try getting ur older one excited about it too. U may find the contagion, although may not feel/be real at first, will soon become real. Perhaps try purchasing a few baby items. My last baby (10 now) wasn’t planned, didnt know if I/we wanted 
, and she is the best thing we could have ever asked for! I think in the end, all will be fine with u. I truly think it’s a combination of things that has u worried. But if u give it time, I think u will see, it will all work out. Baby steps. Literally and figuratively. I wish u luck.
Wishing you all the very best hope you can get help. Praying for you
Honestly I know more who didn’t feel connected than I know ones who did. I feel like this is actually more normal we just don’t talk about it. Your feelings of worry are valid especially after having a miscarriage and I want to give you kudos for having the strength to even try again. You can talk to your doctor but you have to be completely open with them.
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I went through 3 miscarriages and had a stillbirth from 09-12 and then got pregnant with my living child who was born in 2013. My living child’s due date was the same exact day as the due date from my stillbirth, she came out 2 weeks late though. I didn’t accept the pregnancy until after I had her, I was too scared I was going to lose another baby. I went through the motions but I never connected with the pregnancy or accepted the fact that I would have a baby to hold after. I took prenatals, went to the doctors, and made sure I ate right but I otherwise didn’t acknowledge my pregnancy or buy anything until about 2-3 weeks before she was born. Now she’s a crazy 8 yr old and we couldn’t be closer
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I had the same thing happen to me I get disconnected until my son was born. At first I felt like he was an alien 
or something. But I seen how much he loved me and I loved him unconditionally. It sometimes takes time. I hope you get through this. Have a wonder day.
I totally felt possessed by aliens with my first pregnancy, 
but once in my arms, I fell madly in love with my baby.
But do seek counseling. Dealing with a miscarriage has its own type of hellish grief, and you need help to process it so you aren’t afraid to bond with your new baby in the womb.
Anyone thinking of having a baby and have a child that’s 7 will be 8 when a new baby arrives? Now this makes me nervous.
God never gives us more than we can handle…my story new hubby and I were together 3 years i got preggers at 37 did not want another baby felt beyond disconnected was not happy…asked God why because my big kids are almost grown…contemplated abortion but just couldn’t murder an innocent…had my Amiliyah she has down syndrome, so spent the first month not really getting to hold her or skin on skin or anything so still a disconnect…dad stayed home I went back to work still kinda not into the whole new baby thing then bam 9 months old open heart surgery for her it shifted my entire life and I realized never had I wanted anything more than to hold and love this beautiful daughter this amazing gift God bestowed upon me in his infinite wisdom and mercy and I feel closer to her than any of my big kids because she needs me she wants me shes my snuggle bunny best friend sometimes it just takes time and the realization that God is in control and your child was sent to you for a reason beyond your comprehension just have faith you got this momma praying for you
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I was the exact same way. When I got pregnant for my second my son was almost 5. It was just him and I for so long. We did so much together. I had a miscarriage right before getting pregnant. And I struggled to get a bond and close with my baby. I felt awful for it. As the pregnancy continued I had moments where I felt connected but I still struggled. When my son was born it continued for a month. And then the bond was there and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. It turned out I had postpartum depression. It gets better! But you should consider seeking a therapist.
My son was 15 when I had my daughter. I felt so scared about starting over. I thought I did not want anymore children but now looking back I am so happy I changed my mind <3