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QUESTION:
"I don’t know how to do this but I have a question on how others would handle the situation/ what to do. Me and my friend got pregnant at the same time but I miscarried 3 weeks ago at 13 weeks. She just found out the gender(she’s 16 weeks) and wants me to help her plan her baby shower. I’m starting to resent her and have been avoiding her. Tonight she told me to move on and that she really needs my help. What should I do/ how should I handle this? How have others handled this type of circumstances?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Move on from her if you tried telling her how you felt and that’s what she said she’s not a real friend."
"This is a tough spot for you both. She still needs her best friend. You need to work through this season. I personally would sit and think about this for a while, I wouldn’t plan a full baby shower but I’d go and bring her a small gift and leave when it was time… I’d ask her to give you space because your hurting and she’s happy."
"Ew & you consider her a friend? No matter the years as her friend her lack of empathy & compassion is enough for me to cut ties."
"The only moving on you need to do is from her. I’m so sorry for your loss."
"Maybe move on from her… One never really gets over the death of a child whether born or not… She should be extremely thankful that she is carrying a baby and that baby its alive and well"
"Let me start by saying I am so so sorry for the loss. Take the time to grieve and take extra time to take care of yourself. That’s key. Next, Do you value the friendship you have with this friend? If yes, put your feelings aside and be there for her and do it without reservation. Be happy for her. That doesn’t mean you can’t still mourn your loss but resenting her doesn’t make sense. Unfortunately it happens. I remember miscarrying when me and another coworker and my SIL were all pregnant at the same time. Two of the 3 of us miscarried a few weeks apart and my SIL was a false pregnancy. Right after I miscarried, a coworker/friend found out she was pregnant after endless tries and fertility treatments. She didn’t want to tell me because I had lost the baby but my mom told her she should, knowing it would make me happy. And it did. I got to be happy for someone else and it helped to distract me from my own sadness. Sadly she also miscarried later but being there for her through it all, meant the world to her. Life is too short."
"I am so sorry!!! That is very insensitive of her. While it is in no way her fault your baby didn’t make it to Earth and hers is still healthy, that is a horrible way for her to respond to your loss. I would tell her that you are not in a place of being able to help her and you would appreciate some distance."
"Simply explain to her why you can’t do it. If she cannot understand your feelings, then she is not a friend."
"What kind of friend would tell you to “move on” after losing your child? Take some time to care for yourself and to grieve with your husband–you have both suffered a huge loss. Your rather self centered friend needs to back off. I am so very sorry for the loss of your little one."
"Let her know you’re happy for her and wish her the best but you need time. Especially given how close your due dates would be. Let her know you would love to help but for now you just can’t and as your friend she can surely respect it"
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