And my heart really goes out to you I have a 12-year-old autistic ADHD child and it is very trying sometimes. Trying to get her into a routine is really hard even her being almost a teenager. Trying to get her off of her phones that’s all she wants to do and it drives me absolutely insane and then I get hell whenever I ask her to do something. I’m a single mom my dad has helped me raise her from birth her father is not in the picture he died when she was two. But my heart goes out to you I know it can be very frustrating just don’t give up on him every kid deserves a shot and I do believe medication and counseling would be a big help. Maybe getting into some sports or some other activities find what he’s really interested in and then go with it
You used the term “blended family” but you dont like one of the ingredients that gets dropped in your blender every 2 weeks, well he isnt a clove of garlic that somebody dumped in your fruit smoothy, he’s a boy with structure and some behavior differences, try pouring love and empathy over him
Sounds like High Functioning Autism and ADHD… And if it is, your partner is prob on the spectrum too which is why he isn’t seeing the same issues with the behaviours as you’re… I’d get him accessed personally.
Give that kid some damn Adderall
Why you don’t just say son? We don’t do step, bonus, added, combo, either ur mine or ur not.
I think talk to his dad one more time about it… yes u agreed to be a helping hand but he still needs to step up to the plate. He can’t tell him that’s not cool. He should have gotten more than that.
Sounds like he needs some psychological attention. Get him a neuro psychological exam and see what they say. We just did this with my son and we are at the next stages which for me is behavior therapy. BCH wants to check my sons heart before medication which I am totally ok with, with our family history. DO NOT JUMP RIGHT TO MEDICATION! Please. I cannot stress this enough. Medications have long term affects when children take them consistently. Get him an exam first and go from
There step by step. Obviously he may need a med to focus and what not but don’t just ASSUME it’s ADHD. Everyone and their mother has ADHD in this world lately. It’s not always the case. My son has Anxiety with DCD (Developmental Cognitive Delay). Which is the reason he is having trouble focusing at school and home. Also I used to work for young children with disabilities such as autism, Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc. If he leaves without permission, a good way to relax a little about that is to put alarms on the doors, so you know whenever it is opened. For running through a parking lot, they have wrist bands you can attach to yourself and your kiddo so they don’t bolt on you. It’s called a Zooawa Child outdoor safety hook and loop wristband. Sounds like you need more safety equipment. I have dealt with children who bolt, leave the house, ground in the middle of a store, parking lot, literally anywhere. I have worked with deaf, blind, behavioral, medical. Actually the child I had that was deaf would also bolt on me!! That was fun! Not. So we had to come up with a solution so we didn’t lose him and could also communicate with him because he is deaf! I’m telling you those wristbands can be life savers!
From one stepmom to another. You are probably treating the child as your own as much as you can but reality check for people whom are not stepparents; he’s not your actual legal kid and it should never be put on the stepparent with 2 living active parents in child’s life to discipline this child alone. It should be the parents, especially Dad on Dad’s time that handles that and you just reinforce whatever Dad chooses to do. If Dad refuses to or work with you on an appropriate consequence to negative behaviors and tries to put it on you then you have a partner problem and not a 7 year old kid problem. While I agree this kiddo may have underlying conditions that you can look into with parent’s permission of course it may also be as simple as Dad choosing how he parents because he is parenting out of guilt or feels he needs to be the fun parent due to whatever kind of relationship he has with the ex. In other words is he trying to fight parental alienation by being the fun no consequences parent because ex tells kiddo inappropriate things? We don’t know. You gave a snippet of what is going on and people in blended family situations would understand it’s never actually that easy to blend if the biological mother and father do not have an amazing co-parenting situation. If they do and this is happening and you have a decent relationship with 7 year old’s mom, reach out to her and express your concerns and see if it happens to her too and work together to help 7 year old son out. If that relationship is volatile then obviously not an option and you have to put it all on Dad’s shoulders. He needs to step up and be a parent, a good one on his own and you just help out at your leisure. That is truly the beauty in being a stepparent you get to step up and back as necessary and let his biological parents figure out how to affectively address his behaviors. You get to have a more relaxed special bond with your stepkids due to this and you’ll be amazed at what they’re comfortable talking to you about vs their biological parents. In the end though your husband this child’s father needs to hear you and acknowledge the issues and work on them with his son. Maybe he doesn’t see the behaviors as extreme as they are because he was like that which means they both could be on the spectrum or have ADHD. If that’s the case his Dad should handle it for sure because he knows what added trauma to his life growing up and may not want his son to feel that way. None of us on Facebook can fix this for you though. Only your co-parenting relationships with Dad and Mom will be your saving grace as this little boys stepmom. You as a stepparent are limited to controlling what your home is like on your time with him with his Father’s parenting style since he’s the parent. If these issues happen in both homes then both of his parents need to address it together to provide consistency in both homes with stepparents clued in for the extra help. If not an option then you and Dad need to be on same page and until you both are you do have the right to set a boundary of I will not take care of our 7 year old son alone until you address the behaviors in a way that it’s not a repeated behavior or we agree on how we would like to address these behaviors on our time with him effectively. Family therapy helped our family a lot in understanding the different roles in blended families and helped all of us communicate better. You’re truly not a wicked stepmom for your concerns and exhaustion. Blended families are tricky and just as diverse in circumstances as any other family. If you ever need an ear of support highly recommend mom/stepmom groups with fellow women who are both. If you’d like to DM about it I am also happy to listen. Hang in there mama what you’re feeling is valid and the solution will be how Dad wants to address the behaviors that you can support. If Dad chooses to continue as is you hold your boundary of okay but I nor my children will be caring for 7 year old son without you present as it adds so much stress worrying about harm coming to him without Dad being present as 7 year olds behaviors are in fact not typical of a 7 year old child. When my stepsons were 7 they never ran away or just left parties just because. They always stuck with us or let us know where they’re going. They still do which I love about all 3 of my stepkids for because they’re setting an amazing example for my daughter. Wishing you nothing but the best mama on your search for the best resolution that will give you peace of mind but only you and your partner can do that for your family.
“Kids suck the life out of you” … I couldn’t get past that. Why do you have so many children if that’s the way you feel? Really sad 
his him seen by a child psychologist. sounds like adhd
Unpopular: leash him in public. Period.
I’d also got him tested & even talked to social services for help with treatment. Therapy too.
Why does he have a game system?
He shouldn’t have anything at this point.
Personally, I’d find ways to bolt lock everybody’s door so when they leave, her can’t touch their stuff either.
This is serious behavior & either dad wakes up or DSS will get involved. One more call to police & they could take him.
When dad is home, you & the other kids need to leave a few times. Maybe a weekend trip? Let dad be alone to deal with him a few times & see what happens.
Go on holiday with your kids for 24/48 hours.
Dad will learn
You’re not married. Why buy in to this?
If it falls on you, start disciplining him like you did with your kids. Start taking things away, put HIGH locks on the doors so he can’t leave, take his bedroom door away, etc etc
Ask in front of him who wants to go out to dinner, ice cream fun activities and if he says “me” say “no because you haven’t listened today”
Do not marry someone whose child drives you nuts. I always swore when I divorce my ex-husband who had a son who was a pain in the rear end that I would never date anyone with children again because it was so stressful. And I stuck to that and I am a lot happier with my husband now he has no kids.
Either be all in or all out!!
Take him to the doctor and see if something is wrong
I know I am going to be labeled a horrible person here, but I bet a good old fashioned spanking when he is in your care and a few harsh words would get through to him. It sounds like he is “playing” you and pitting you against his father. I am not saying to beat the child, but just enough to let him know who is boss, he may end up being grateful that you care enough to do that.
Take him to the doctor
Man, y’all aren’t even married yet, imagine how it will be once y’all are.
Some kids are harder than others… would you feel any different if it was your bio kid? Would you just walk out or give up on him then?
My youngest, and only boy, is VERY DIFFICULT. Only 3, but so much harder than my other 2 kids… it’s fking exhausting
but he is still my child and i can’t just give up …
with all that being said, some serious discussion needs to happen with your husband. He needs to step up! Be present and aware… he is slacking and it’s putting too much pressure on you. He is the one that needs to get his shit together…
you need a mommy vacation 
Sounds like he’s blissful and happy he’s found him a surrogate ?!?
Sounds like ADHD. Have him evaluated. My kids are totally different kids now that they’re on the right medication. Does he act this way at school too or just at home?
Mam, I know you love them, but, but you need to ask them to leave and go find other living arrangements. This will not change, unless you do “tough love” and make the father step up and get this child help. It sounds like he may be severe ADHD and has no boundaries.
Ask the fiancé and son to leave your home ASAP. Fiancé is using you. 
God put you there in this boys life for a reason, or him in Yours… With that You as Mom sit DAD down with a structured plan of action and activities for this particular son… Make Dad have a whole Day of Bonding Time… You and everyone else make other plans for the day! Then you and Dad make a Dr appointment to have him checked out for any chemical unbalance … My BIL used to be like that and it was simply a chemical unbalance to milk and bread… it would make him hyper as hell, but a Mt dew would put him to sleep…
Get him checked for ADHD. That’s literally what my son did before I had him evaluated. That’s your step son so you have just as much responsibility to him as you do your bio kids. What would you do if your kids were doing what he’s doing?
He definitely needs to go for an evaluation. Sounds like hes having troubles. My son is adhd/autism and never sits still
Discipline the kid like you did your kids. Spankings or groundings or whatever. Sounds like his parents have let him run wild with no discipline. Doesnt know consequences of actions. Talk to dad about sharing in discipline duties.
Sounds like you and him need to have a sit down again and you need to decide if this is what you want from life with him
I’d bet the kid does have ADHD but dad should be the one stepping up not you yet your not even his step mom yet and this is putting strain on your kids too and you
One sided parenting when you’re not the birth parent is harsh ive been through it as well. Keep disciplining him like you would your own and it makes all kiddos see its all the same level. Have you tried a reward system too? Like if he listens for an hr and if he does he gets a star on a chart and after so many stars you can reward him? Sometimes reinforcing the positive helps cut out the negatives
Also take the games away if that’s what is fueling the fire. Either take the plug so the game is still there and let him earn it back. You just need to put that foot down sometimes too and say no this is it and these are the rules and everyone needs to follow the rules. Have a good sit down with the whole family to really make the dad and 7 year old see this is the way the house needs to run.
Not good. Whole situation needs intervention. Not fair that you’re deemed the bad guy and ur partner being a lazy @rse in denial. Defo get help - doctors, r/ship counselling, everything/anything. Don’t put up with it. Insist that changes are made. Wishing you all the best. <3
He’s not your responsibility. Tell your boyfriend you’re not his babysitter. If your bf has to work on his assigned weekends tell him he needs to modify visitation because you are not going to babysit. When it’s his weekend take your kids somewhere. Be gone the whole weekend. Hell either learn to be a father real quick or pay the consequences . Either way it’s not your problem. He wants parenting time he takes care of him.
Don’t bash me, please.
But, it sounds like this poor youngen might have ADHD or ODD. I would gently suggest to dad that you get him assessed. If it turns out that’s the problem, that’s ok. They will work with him until it gets under control. Just be patient.
I would have him see a good pediatrician that specializes with ADHD …this too shall pass. Maybe you are the one that can guide him into a productive life.
The problem here isn’t the child. It’s the father. I understand that you try to discipline, but that falls short when it’s only one parent in the household handing out the discipline. You can’t correct/punish him for doing something wrong when his father is just “oh, whatever”.
Is his biological mother in the picture or is he in your home full time? Because if he’s in your home full time, it all falls to the two of you. If his biological mother is in the picture then all parents should be working together. Honestly though, one way or another, whatever you say/do, is going to be pointless but you and your spouse aren’t a united front.
You talk like that because he is not your son.
Have him checked for adhd. He needs meds and discipline
Sounds like autism and adhd and lack of structure and discipline
Speaking from experience here with my own almost 7 year old son who is on the spectrum and ADHD… we went through the same thing almost to a T. He is now on medication and doing so much better. I would definitely talk to his pediatrician about sending him for an evaluation. In the mean time limit sugar when you can and cut out ALL red food dye from his diet. You’d be surprised by what all has it in it.
Treat him as if he were your biological child, what would you do if he were?
Get him into a pead and have him assessed. It’s tough, I hope things get easier for you and the family!
You’re allowing this to stress you out. You STOP reacting to his behavior and stay out of it, force the dad to do his dad duties!
Move on , that little boy needs and wants a mom to be there for him no matter what or what he does, if you can be the mom he deserves then move on so dad and son can find a mom that will treat him like he’s hers
I think if he was your biological son,you wouldn’t complain like this.