Bear with me here. We are a blended family. It is myself, my 16 yr old daughter, my 14yr old and 12 yr old sons, my fiance, and his 7yr old son. I’ve been a mom for 16 years and have been through every stage between birth and 16. Kids suck the life out of you. I’m so very thankful that my children are self-sufficient. The 7-year-old, obviously, is not so much. With that being said, he is also extremely hyper. He needs a lot of redirection, discipline, and someone to constantly be on watch with him. I feel like that is always falling on my shoulders. ALWAYS. When I was with my kid’s dad, we were a team. But now, it’s like my kids, and I are constantly on hyperactive 7-year-old duty while dad is blissfully oblivious to him. We have had deep talks about this on more than one occasion, and it’s like he doesn’t get that this boy is stressing us all out. We love him to death, but we cannot be the only ones who keep him in check. He sneaks out of the house when no one is looking, runs through busy parking lots, hides in the store, lies, and just does random things that put us in full panic mode. The worst was a dad at work, and the neighbor invited all four kids over to play with her kids, so I decided to run to the grocery store. I was gone a total of 25 min and got a phone call from my neighbor that 7yr old was missing. The police got involved. He walked out of her house, went home, climbed through a window, and was playing video games in his room. Dad came home from work and was just, “oh hey dude, that’s not cool, you can’t do that”… It’s pretty much his response to everything his son does. I feel like I’m a prison warden. I hate it. I cannot relax when this kid is around. I’m constantly on guard and on high alert. I love them both so much, but I just feel like I’m not cut out to be this boy’s mother! Help!
Where is his mother. Sounds like he is not your normal 7 year old
It definitely sounds like little man has adhd or add or both my step son is kinda like that and he has both adhd and add
that is not your son and you should leave parenting him up to his father. Stop stressing out over it
If you don’t think you can handle him or think you not cut out to be this childs bonus mom then you need to leave. A child doesn’t need someone around who constantly feels like they’re a prison warden to a child because you’ll end up resenting the child more than likely and that child doesn’t need that. This child seems to have adhd or odd.
Go see a GP and get a referral for a paediatrician and psychologist.There’s more to this then hyperactivity…This is my 7 yr old son to a T whose ADHD as well as my 2 daughters
My son is like this, from a brain injury at birth. Always busy busy, terrible sleeper, NEVER BLOODY STOPS 
Affects his cognitive ability, impulse control and attention etc. All the stuff you’re describing to the T. Most people feel he’s pretty “normal” but extremely energetic. A lady once stated, while in the checkout queue,that she hoped I had good meds ( for me ) to help me cope… 
we’ve worked so hard to get to where we are. Others have said they noticed things having a child with special needs themselves and say ADHD/Autism ( specialist told me these things can be linked anyway and often show up after brain damage down the track) We haven’t pursued a diagnosis yet, I’m doing natural/brain training and diet based therapy and it’s been working…slowly. I feel for you all and the Dad’s blissful ignorance is neglectful and damaging because it’s a disaster waiting to happen basically. With kids like my son they are drawn to risky behaviour and need help early on so they don’t end up in a life threatening situation. Just know this is not normal, it’s not just you.
My first was a breeze, my youngest has broken me many times. I don’t want to say that a previous brain injury is the cause of course, there could be many reasons but I definitely relate.
Just know that things can and do improve and maybe a specialist will be able to help give insight. My son often gets stressed/anxious because while he’s only just turned 6, I think he’s becoming aware of his challenges and it hurts my heart. Please take your needs seriously, you all need support. The constant stress and high alert could burn out your adrenals.
Not only do you need to do a cut and dry talk with the bf. But also that he and the child have therapy. The dad needs to become more aware of the child’s behavior before it turns into a Rebellious child and not just a rambunctious child.
Raising two boys 16 and 7 right now both have very hyperactive adhd and sometimes it’s just plain h*ll to get them to just stop talking for 3 seconds for I can clear my head. They also love to push every single boundary sat in place.
Don’t get married. You need to move on , it’s not fair to your children because eventually the 7 year is going to grow up and you and your fiancé are going to have lot’s of issues and you will not live in a happy home! So get out while you can.
That boy needs your love now more than ever please don’t give up on him
How long has this relationship been going? I have an 8 year old with ADHD and it may take more than just you and your kids to handle this situation. The child needs structure. Consistency. Reward him for good behavior, even if it’s small. Let him know what he’s about to miss out on or just missed out on and why he couldn’t have it for negative behavior. It will take him far longer than other children to get used to the blended family and it’s no surprise that he acts out. It takes all of that time to build trust, expectations, and love. He’ll have to believe with his whole heart that you’ve decided not to give up on him. How are his grades at school? The doctor may be able to help but that’s ultimately up to Dad. Also, if he’s too much of a burden just leave now because these kids already feel like a burden to everyone already. You have to really want the family enough for it to work out down the line.
You’re not his mom but I would try reaching out to her if dad isn’t doing his part.
Just leave. Quit putting yourself and your own kids thru that. You all deserve better. The boyfriend is taking advantage of all of you - putting his responsibilities off on you guys. If it doesn’t piss you off for yourself then it sure as heck should piss you off that he is doing this to your kids. Leave him with all the responsibility in his lap. Your kids should be your first priority. If the relationship is causing stress and unhappiness for them then that should be enough for you to want to move on. You owe your kids that much at least.
Talk with your partner about your concerns regarding his behavior. Let him know how you feel about the situation, don’t hold back. I wouldn’t let my bonus child’s behavior be a determining factor towards my relationship with my partner. There could be a deeper rooted issue happening with your bonus-son that hasn’t been obvious to you or your partner. Change affects children, more than what the eye meets. Communicate with your partner regarding the issues you’re dealing with. I wish the best for you and your family. Here for you❤️
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.At this rate,your relationship won’t survive.
Once my daughter became a certain age I knew that I would never date a man with small children because I wasnt willing to become a stepmum/mum again.
That is honestly the decision anyone makes when choosing to go into a relationship with a parent.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to be the one solely responsible for raising this boy, but you won’t change the dad so it might be time to leave.
My stepson was like this when he was younger. It was hard. I’ve raised him from 2 to 16. We spent lots of time at different drs counseling. He was diagnosed with adhd odd rads depression. He has been on meds for years. It’s not an answer or a cure. It takes time and work. I’ve gone to every dr appt with him counseling appt. We have had our ups and downs. He’s been on a good path now for a few years now that he’s older. Maybe you guys need to speak to his Dr.
Like others have said it sounds like ADHD, I’m not sure of the dynamics with the child’s mother but this kid needs help and discipline.
Perhaps you could speak to the child to see why he is doing it and set some boundaries and guidelines. My 9 year old has adhd and they need structure, routine and ramifications, so he knows the rules. 
It was a package deal. You need to respect his parenting and their relationship. Love the boy and don’t talk of him as a burden because he’s a child and that’s how he is dealing with 4 of you shoving in his life. Be mindful or leave
Hey momma.
You don’t have to leave. Us stepmoms tend to make use of the NACHO method. Nacho baby Nacho problem.
Step back and let the father take care of his son. That’s the best you can do to protect your mental health. You don’t need to feel like a prison warden because he is his father’s child and the father needs to discipline him. And if he doesn’t want to uphold strict rules and strict discipline.
Step back and NACHO. It’ll be the best thing for you to do at this point.
Take note that NACHO is only used when you as a Stepmom run out of options and can’t cope anymore. Leave the parenting to the father from this point onward
I was diagnosed with ADHD at that age and I acted just like that. Plus it was a struggle for me to have a step parent because I wanted my moms attention. It will be ok.
My own child was like this…however you need to sit back and let dad handle this when he ard…I would go upstairs or go out and enjoy my day…psssssh
Although you didn’t give birth to him, you are his mother when he is at your house. You married his father and If you feel you don’t want to handle him or deal with him because of his behaviors which he will most likely grow out of (speaking from experience) then you need to leave all together cause I know damn well if my husband was feeling this way about my son and not wanting to be around him or accept him as his child then he would be gone. It’s not fair to the little boy for him to be singled out as if only the other children matter. So again, no you’re not his real mother but you are his mother. Take the time, and love that you claim to have for him and use it to guide him in the right direction or get him into counseling. But if you can’t accept him, I don’t see how your husband can accept you tbh.
If you can’t take it tell the father it is time to man up and care for his son or you’ll have to choose to leave him then he will have no choice BUT to step up and do it. The cops being involved is bad enough already. If it gets worse and child services get involved it could be even worse. So you are going to have to make a choice to stay stressed and deal with whatever comes, or give his dad the ultimatum of fix it or you will leave. You still have a choice.
It sounds a lot like my oldest who is extremely ADHD. He was my first kid so it was just our “normal” but no one else could watch him for more than a few hours at a time and he would drain the life out of them 
I didn’t understand because every time I told anyone he was draining the life out of me and that he wasn’t like other kids legit everyone’s response (who hadn’t actually been around him) was always “that’s boys for you! 
they sure are crazy huh!” 
got him tested and put on meds and now he doesn’t have to be hovered over 24/7 to make sure he’s not climbing the walls.
Sounds like dad just has accepted that this is his “normal” and that’s why it doesn’t stress him out. You on the other hand have seen how normal actually is and that why you are stressing. Get him tested and put on meds. He’ll feel better because he won’t always be in trouble and feel everyone stressed out, you’ll feel better because you get some of your life back, win win. Just don’t over so it on the meds. He shouldn’t be a zombie, just tolerable
I have no advice because I have never been into a relationship that involved a child like that just grown children and I would never let anyone have a say about my child who Is now grown I hope it all works out for you
Been there and done this.
That was a living nightmare. Their Mom abandoned my husband and her kids. There was a lot if hostility from the one step daughter. But we worked thru it. I soon learned the hard way that it all boils down to RESPECT. He doesn’t respect you. The bf that is. He’s doing things the son is seeing that is disrespectful to you and has decided to TEST you and the boundaries. He knows Dear dad doesn’t give a fig what he does. In the mean time he’s enjoying putting you thru Hell. He knows it’s wrong. He’s not stupid. It’s not over energy. He a spoiled little brat that know he can get away with murder. Until your "love " starts showing you respect.he will continue. In the mean time. Send him to Moms. Make an ultimatum. Moms or no wedding. See what he says then. Btw. Y’all all need therapy. That little boy has issues. It wasn’t until my steps Mom came back and took them that hubby began to see the light and apologized to me. They were still a part of our life. They just lived with Mom. We have been married 29yrs. 27 have been bliss. . Don’t drug him or medicate I mean. He don’t need that. He just needs someone to sit and listen to his problems and know that you love him no matter what and will always be there for him. He’s young enough to train but, not physical punishment. Try time outs with "talk time ". Let him open up. He will. He’s a bit confused emotionally. God bless.
Bless your 
. I chose to leave this. Was so hard as i love this man. It was best decision tho. I was creeped out by his kid. I have 2 sons, i didnt know how to deal with this child. Honestly his dad needed to get off the comp and spend time with him. 1st kid to ever punch me in the face. He was mean with my animals too. He hit his brothers alot, his dad would just tell them hes 3 so he doesnt know better deal with it. Thats kindof when i knew i needed to leave. I raised my sons with boundaries, this child has none. I care about them so much tho it was the hardest decision ive ever made. I felt like i would end up disliking this child tho and thats not fair to said child so i bailed out.
Can’t remember if this is allowed, but this page helps a lot with blended families.
Maybe the boy is acting out because he feels left out with all the new siblings? Feeling his dad has no more time for him because he has a “new family” and he doesnt fit in?
Sounds like a call to attention.
Maybe think on that.
What is your husbands take on him possibly having ADHD? Has that been brought into yalls conversations?
Try to keep record of major things he has done or is doing. Especially the ones that have put him in danger. Go back with your husband calmly and try to talk to him again. Let him know this has become unsafe for this sweet baby and something needs to be done. Maybe even get a professionals opinion. Then decide from there. Doesn’t necessarily mean medicate if he is against that. But working as a team for more structure and age appropriate discipline. The big thing is working together.
I spent 10 years in a similar situation. He ran away, he would steal things, hide things. He had a constant attitude and always told us how bad he hates being here. He made everyone absolutely miserable. Nothing I did was ever good enough. No present I bought, no birthday party, no Christmas presents. I remember when his grandfather died I hugged him and he recoiled and demanded to spend the rest of the time with his Aunt. He turned 18 in September and over Christmas break announced he was moving in with his Aunt. It has only been two months but the relief and the peace in this house has been an eye opener. I should have never forced myself on him for so long. I hate to say this but a decade of my life and my kids lives would have been so much calmer if I would have sent him and his daddy packing years ago. I felt it was my responsibility to try and raise him and I was always the bad guy and his daddy the fun one. Every bad thing always got placed on me.
Has the kid ever been tested for anything to me it sounds like he could had adhd and get him help like therapy and what about sports
truthfully i would leave, because your kids don’t deserve it especially if the dad isn’t doing anything to help you.
He’s a step son. Yes you can be a mother figure but not his full time mother (and your children) while this dad just relaxes and does nothing.
I’m no doctor but definitely sounds like ADHD and you should reccomend to his parents to seek counseling for the child’s best interest. I know its alot but honestly he can not help himself he needs someone to help him give him therapy structure and a schedule.
ADHD. My oldest is on Dyanavel and it works for her. My 4 year old used to be super bad but her and my oldest are independent. Also, I could never be with a man who doesn’t care about his kid like that 
I’ve been single almost a year and deal worth 2 hyperactive kids by myself lol
Sounds like ADHD AND lack of parenting on dad’s part. If Dad isn’t gonna parent, why are you stressing yourself out with his son? Just some food for thought
Sounds like ADHD. My son acted very similar at a younger age. Began with therapy and meds. Helped tremendously. I suggest getting him evaluated.
First and foremost that has to get on board and then you need to go in talk to his pediatrician have him tested and is it possibility he may be high autistic or he may need some medications he may need counseling you better get on it now cuz it sounds like as he gets older he’s going to escalate there is a reason why he is doing all this it’s the biological mother involved or are you the biological mother you should not have to be the warden but most women are the disappearing but maybe it goes beyond just behavior I would definitely get him tested and see if there is a medical or mental reason why he’s doing the things that he’s doing and then he may need a very structured program a routine accountability like a chart made where he has to be accountable for his actions and but he earns good behaviors and gets rewarded trust me my husband and I had a child like this for 3 years wasn’t easy but the more structure he had the better he functioned if you’re this frustrated how do you think he feels
What is his behavior like at school how does he function there does he said in his seat and listen or see all over the place you really get him evaluated sooner the better dad has to engage
Get him tested from for ADHD now! My son did most of those things, struggling in school and behaviors at school once he was diagnosed and I put him on medication he’s so much better! He doing so much better in school which his self esteem is going up as well and I don’t regret my decision to put him on medication. Get him tested
Your problem isn’t the 7 year old, your problem is with his dad and his poor parenting. You need to have one of those hard conversations with his dad. The 7 year old behavior is a result of dads parenting… start at the root of the problem. The 7 year old is only a child, dad is an adult. People are so quick to slap labels on kids and start medicating them early… kids are naturally full of energy and curious. They just need guidance, but so many are raised by virtual babysitters (YouTube and video games). End rant
Well first of all he needs professional help because he obviously has adhd. Second that’s his father’s job but you should push him and remind him to make those calls to get his child some help. Third if you feel like you can’t be a mother to a child it’s totally unfair of you to stay in that relationship. It’s not fair to you or your kids and it’s nit fair to that child and his dad yo have a women that doesn’t feel she can be the child mother. If you want to marry this man you need to address that too. You would end up bitter and hurting tbat poor kid if you get married when you’re not ready. Now it’s ok to feel like that right now but you need to see if things change when he gets help and if you feel like you are in it for the long haul. It’s really hard having a child like that. My so was EXACTLY like that only way worse. It’s not easy. I didn’t choose my son. I HAD to get through it because he was my son. I had no choice but there were plenty of days when I felt like I wasn’t able to be his mother. I felt like I wasn’t equipped to do it. When I learned how to handle my autism and adds child and how to communicate with him in a way he understands we were able to get through those very difficult early years. I needed help too. Your boyfriend needs to get in this asap and you and him should also be going to his therapist and getting some relief and help to deal with him. There are resources out there for parents. The dad just needs to get on board. I hope everything works out for your family. And don’t listen to these haters with their awful Comments. You’re doing your best and you want to make things better. That’s what matters.
He’s 7… he’s most likely adhd, and most likely seeking attention, but…. “I just feel I’m not cut out to be this boys mother” well then get out now cause that kid at 7 deserves someone who’s going to give it their all no matter his behavior, unconditionally…
ADHD. Sounds like my nephew.
Does mom live close? If he is there on dad’s time, dad should be the one responsible for him. When he is with mom she should be responsible for him. I’m not saying you can’t be involved, love him, or be there, but he isn’t your son. Thats why is split between the mother and father. Your not his built in caretaker. Especially if he is doing these things and they don’t check him out for ADHD or put their foot down with his running off…etc. If it was me, I’d tell them both its their son, figure it out. That’s just me, as I wouldn’t want to be responsible if something happened, for them both to come back on you for. Then your the bad one. They are his parents…
Firstly sounds like his son may have a deeper issue here. Maybe adhd. If so, he will need to see a paediatrician for diagnosis also medication is not a magic eraser but it can really help those of us who have adhd 
Also, I would stop doing everything. Dad needs to take some responsibility here. Yes you are together but that is his father. He should be the one tackling the hard parts if anything if he won’t do it as a team. Not leave it to you and your children. X
I know how overwhelming this is. How physically and mentally exhausted you feel. You have to start with dad. You have to get through his thick skull the toll his lack of participation is affecting you and your other children. If this situation continues as it is you’re going to create lasting damage to the other kids that are picking up his slack, and it’s not their responsibility. He needs to understand that you’re starting to feel resentful and that it’s going to ultimately end your marriage if you can’t find a solution.
You can’t do anything to manage the 7 year olds behavior without the two of you both working together to re-enforcing the rules of the house. Rules that you expect the other kids to follow needs to be the same for the 7 year old…
As for the ways to help the child I would do some research to see what you can do to help him manage his hyperactivity. I know his diet plays a big role, as well as activities that help him get his wiggles out. There are a lot of good resources you can use to help you navigate this, use them!!! Good luck!!
Nacho him… not your kid not your problem… dad needs to handle him.
Search step mom groups there’s a few I’m in n they help great
Aaannnndddd…you didn’t know the child was like this before you married his dad?? I mean, or did the kid just turn bad overnight?
My friend’s son used to do that at his dad’s house but never with her or at school. Talk to the school and see what he’s like there. My friend’s son hated going to his dad’s house because he felt like an outsider. His step brother and sister lived there full time. It went from his dad to a house full of people. He was acting out partly out of sadness and partly out of desperation. The dad didn’t do anything because he rarely saw him so he wanted to be the cool guy. Everyone went to group counseling and everyone ended up happy-ish.
If my 7 year old snuck out. He wouldn’t be sitting for a week. Video game systems would be in the trash and me and dad would be having a serious talk. You’re lucky child services didn’t involved.
I had sympathy for you until you said “this kid” and you also knew you’d be his bonus mom when you accepted his father as your husband😒
Drag dad to the pediatrician/therapist to get the little one diagnosed for ADHD, ODD, Tourette’s, sensory issues, whatever. Then get behavior therapy and appropriate meds (may take several tries to find one that works best).
Drag your man to parent-teacher/school counselor conferences. What do people at school say about his behavior? Do they have any techniques to calm the 7-year-old tornado or any recommendations? Maybe call in advance to clue in docs, evaluators, teachers about oblivious dad so they can address that issue diplomatically.
Couples counseling easing the dad into individual counseling as to what he’s doing to his kid by being neglectful. Read parenting books together, take parenting classes. You could learn ways to stress less and let go of perfection and unrealistic expectations too.
Have other parents and friends talk to him: those with “normal” kids, those with ADHD kids, those who’ve had CPS intervention. Not only to discuss what’s involved in parenting these kids, but how early interventions help and to show there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone had stories about my wild and crazy boy growing up, but we kept working with him and he got a chemical engineering degree, has a successful career and just got married.
I feel so bad for you and your daughters and this little guy who I’m sure knows he’s a burden and doesn’t know how to curb his impulses. Adjust your expectations down. Get him involved in sports, the arts scouting and religious activities. The Unitarian Church is good if you don’t have a specific faith or aren’t particularly religious. Share the burden with coaches, scout leaders, dance/art/music instructors, Sunday School teachers and others to give yourself a break. Karate was helpful at this age too—any martial art is great for focus & self-discipline. Send dad to be the sports/scouting/activity parent. Gets son out of the house so you and daughters get a break, the boy learns something positive and gets positive reinforcement and burns off steam. The arts help him express and process his emotions when he can’t put them into words.
Put flip locks on the doors of the house up high where he can’t reach so he doesn’t run out, and locks on cabinets with dangerous things. We had one on the oven door so he wouldn’t open it, climb on top & then climb on the stove and countertop. Use the back burners on the stove where he can’t reach.
Catch him being good as much as possible, and stress it’s the behavior you dislike, not him. Hold family meetings to discuss problems and have visible chore charts for desired behavior. Everyone has chores (dad’s could include more supervision of his son, holding son to consequences or taking son to activities) and gets gold stars or check marks with rewards for achieving a majority. My son’s included tasks of daily living (brushing teeth, getting dressed, going to bed) with extra stars for “without a fuss.” Make sure there are things on there that are sure “wins” so your son gets some gold stars every week.
Incorporate lots of structure and variety. When he gets home from school he jumps on the mini trampoline for 15-30 minutes, does homework for 15 minutes, follows an exercise video for 30 minutes, then 15 minutes of homework then help with household chores (put that excess energy to work!) like vacuuming, setting the table (maybe with only the non-breakable stuff), dustin, changing sheets, putting laundry in the washer and dryer, and scrubbing the bathtub or sink, Then send him with dad to the playground while you & daughters get a break, then dinner, then 15 minutes of homework, then a walk as a family with him on a kid leash, then 15 minutes of homework, then bath/shower, then story time. You or dad read a page and then he reads a page of a simple book at his level. Add in activities (karate, music lessons, scouts), and try to keep sugar and processed food to a minimum.
Work with therapists to find acceptable ways to fidget and self-soothe. Stress balls, quiet popables that are like bubble wrap, and spinner rings when he has to sit still.
Where is the rest of his family like mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. in all this? He should spend time with all of them too. We had to tell son & daughter they couldn’t run and tackle grandma and grandpa because they were old and they would break, but my folks would take the kids into the city and walk them around museums and other attractions until they were exhausted. They loved riding the metro and escalators anywhere. Also they were able to take the kids to after school violin lessons while we worked. Active activities and being in nature safely were always big hits. Look for programs and festivities at parks, libraries (free!), and recreation centers.
Recognize all successes as these kids have so few. You sat still for five minutes! You didn’t have an outburst at the park! You sat through a whole TV show/video! You set the table without being asked! Always look for the positive.
You take yoga, meditation, Tai chi, relaxation classes so you learn to stress less and take things in stride. It’s good for the rest of the family too if they want. After dealing with my kids, nothing phases me and I don’t stress too much and can roll with the punches better than most. Is he bleeding? Profusely? No? It’s OK. If things get broken, remember it’s all just stuff. If he’s running around like crazy, maybe it can be channeled into a sport that will get him a scholarship. Don’t panic. Deep breaths. See the humor.
Put away half his toys and some of his clothes and rotate out the ones in his room periodically to limit his choices. Keep organization simple and visual (shelves, bins, instead of drawers). Let him have something (pillow, bean bag chair, squishmallow, punching bag) to punch and scream into when he’s angry or frustrated.
Let him speak first in regularly scheduled family meetings about what’s bugging him, what he’d like changed or have happen. See if he can come up with some solutions—ADHD kids tend to be really smart and super-creative.
My son could sit still to watch TV for hours and could spend hours with LEGOs. Sometimes they can hyperfocus with certain activities.
Good luck! I hope for everyone’s sake y’all can work this out.
Oh, put a magnet on the car he has to touch until you’re ready to hold his hand in parking lots. If a kid leash won’t fly when on walks, have him match, jump, hop, spin, walk sideways and backwards and on tiptoes to keep him from running off.
So absolutely the dad needs to step his game up. And your children shouldn’t be responsible for helping either of you parent this kid.
If you feel like kids suck the life out of you, why did you date someone with a younger child?
Not all parents want to yell or be mean to their kids so maybe that’s his parenting style.
This child is crying out for help with no ears to hear him. Find some ears that hear him. Therapy. Maybe God made the rest of the kids easier so you only had the one real challenge.
For starters, you knew what you were getting into when you started going with the child’s father. Second, clearly the child has some deeper issue going on that he can’t express or work through & his behaviors are a result of that. It appears you & your husband are clearly not on the same page about the child. I suggest you communicate with your husband about the child and support the child as in seeking therapy rather than bashing the child
Where is his biological mother? Does he live with the both of you full-time?Your Roll in assisting his dad to handle this can be contingent on those things.From there someone needs to ask his pediatrician to get him tested. Some of the things he’s doing can be dangerous, I am a firm believer that if you are left in charge of a child you do absolutely need the ability to set boundaries for him as well as making sure he understands there are consequences for actions.
Sounds like my 8 year old son. My son is ADHD AND ODD. just try your best momma that’s all you can do. Redirect, guide and teach. Try to get medical help if you can. Whatever you do and this is probably the most important don’t ever give up on the boy. Always just love him.
All I’m hearing is “my kids are perfect and I expect a 7 year old to act like a teenager.”
Bro, he’s 7. Chill
You married him. I am sure he has had this condition since he could walk. Also don’t you think it’s hard on him going between homes? You give him rules and constituency. Sit down with both parents and get on the same level, and get the boy some help. If the parents don’t get on board then I suggest you go your separate ways. Having a child with ADHA/ ADD isn’t easy. My son was ADHD. It’s very hard for them in more ways then one.
didn’t read this all & couldn’t, If the 7 yr old is hyper, I would ask a few things, Is he outside playing, riding his bike, etc after school? What is he eating for breakfast, all of those loaded with sugar cereals or something with a whole lot less sugar? Does he eat a lot of fruit or candy for snacks? And I could go on & on. My son was hyper, except for how long he slept at night or at school, in which he was quick, & sat still, But put him in front of a TV, which wasn’t very often (only when it was raining outside,) since he preferred to be outside riding his Big Wheel. He didn’t eat any of those sugary cereals, Cheerios or oatmeal, no sugary snacks except for 2 cookies a day, the rest was fruit, which yes, is loaded with sugar, but a lot better than candy. I had him tested because the school stated he was immature & never listened, He either was looking out the window all day or drawing, even though he rarely got any wrong answers on anything he was told to do, He was hyper, but Dr couldn’t figure out why he slept as long as he did or wasn’t disruptive in class, He wanted him to be put on Ritalin. I refused, He did grow out of it by 5 or 6th grade. But I did watch his diet with process foods, red dyes in food, etc, A lot of research back in the late 70’s. If your ‘bonus son’ is hyper he wouldn’t & couldn’t sit still playing video games. But if he is acting bad & doing bad things, there is more going on here, then him being hyper
Maybe this child is used to being able to do as he pleases and it’s time for some serious rules and consequences where is his bio mother is she not in the picture here this also could have alot to play in his actions it sounds like he is trying to push the envelope see what he can get by with this all sounds like it’s new to him I say some family therapy is needed and some one on one therapy for the child ask the school teachers hiw he is in school my daughter 10 is super hyper at home but the teachers say she is the best behaved child in any of their classes but at home it’s a total opposite can’t get her to comply with homework or anything that isn’t soccer or basketball so we have started a behavior chart and when she completes things she is supposed to do and she has no behaviors she gets rewarded wether it be a trip to the store or anything else she may be interested in doing at the end of each week we see how many gold stars she has gold is the best star lol and at the end of the month she cashes in the stars for something she may want to buy or something she may want to do like trampoline Park since we started this her behavior at home has done a 180 sometimes they need time to adjust to their surroundings also if he is used to just him and dad and hasn’t had a mother figure around consistently then he could be reacting to that as well he may feel like this lady is coming in taking over and taking his dad from him think like a kid
You say you feel like a prison warden. You are not dealing with a criminal convict, you are apart of the upbringing of a 7 year old boy. A little boy who is saying, see me, hear me, love me, please accept me for as I am. Brake the mindset and mental barriers you’ve ascertained. Play family bonding activities, go on nature walks together and embrace it. If you can’t bare the thought of spending time with him, you don’t have the privilege of being a step-mum and should be single.
It sounds like my son when he was that age and he had ADHD and ODD
All these people saying “you knew how he was when you got with dad”…what if she didn’t? We don’t know that his mother didn’t just start allowing him to be around the dad. I really feel like we don’t know the whole story. At least she’s coming to us for advice, but she’s not coming to us for judgement.
Please have an assessment done on this child. Sounds like adhd/autism.
Starts with his diet. You’re not his mother and it’s clearly not stressing his dad out. So cut out all sugar, red dye, yellow dye and add protein. Cut back screen time and add physical activity. Add consequences. I did not say spank. I said consequences. You can’t preach and remind a child to death. Teach him every action has a reaction. Teach him to help around the house. Not slave labor, but help load the dishwasher. Fold easy laundry. Keep him busy.
If it’s too much for you and you don’t want the responsibility of looking after him, you have to tell his dad that.
Unpopular opinion because everyone seems set on vilifying you here… You should not suddenly have complete responsibility for this child dumped on you. What did his dad do with the kid when he went to work before you guys were together? Obviously he didn’t just leave his 7-year-old home alone. I I say redirect this whole situation so that Dad is responsible for the care of his child and that leaves you free to build a relationship slowly with his child and be his step parents rather than suddenly being thrust 100% into the mother role.
It will probably be really annoying for a while as you’ll just have to turn a blind eye for a while. But DAD needs to take back over
I’d talk to my husband and let him know these things aren’t acceptable. That he needs to actually discipline or correct his son’s behavior and it shouldn’t fall on you. The kid may be “only 7 years old” as many people have stated but this isn’t how 7 year olds behave. There may be an underlying issue, but my guess is it’s from not actually being disciplined or made to behave over the years. He thinks he has free reign to do as he pleases.
He sounds like he needs to be tested for ADHD or he needs more time to burn off some energy, but I’d start with him being tested he must be having issues at school so get them to write you a letter for the pediatrician and talk to dad once you have the letter that way you won’t be the only person talking about his son maybe he will listen
He’s 7. Sounds like he needs a lot of love. I know he’s not yours but well you married the guy and now his kid is yours. Time to start treating him like yours. He needs a lot of Love. Stop comparing him to other kids. They are all different. Focus on him…maybe you’ll see a difference.
Sounds like he needs a medical intervention. If dad doesnt listen or believe there is an issue…i would pack up my kids and have a weekend away and let dad deal with him all weekend.
Why is the 7 yr old treated differently by u and “ur kids”? Maybe if u stopped looking at the kid as an option like u dont have to deal with him if u choose other wise…its not a choice I’d suggest u start treating him like one of ur and see what happens!!!
It sounds like he has ADHD. You’re describing behaviors that are impulsive. ADHD kids require a LOT of structure and everyone must be on the same page.
Find a therapist who specializes in ADHD and similar disorders. They can help you understand how his mind works and provide tips for managing it. Best wishes.
My stepson is the same way but guess what i do ?? Hmm i give him tons of love one on one time and i don’t constantly discipline him he needs love he needs attention… He has adhd sometimes it gets hard but i love him as my own and def. Dont treat him any different than my own at all or look at him different either maybe you should re evaluate yourself and how you think of him…
This child needs tough love from Dad & possibly a psychiatric diagnosis & counseling. Do whatever you can now to get him back on a good path
Sounds like dad never had the opportunity to take care of his son by himself. Make plans with your older children on the weekend and leave 7 year old with dad. You are not married to his father so you can’t do anything but make sure he is safe.
Counselor and psychologist is the way to go. That counselor is your middle man between u and child. It’s usually once a week. They can refer u Psychologist for meds, and u would see them about once every 6 months. This counselor can keep an eye on your kids behavior. Give him coping skills. Give u advice, and even bring dad in. U can have a whole family meeting with counselor once a month, even.
Get out now, it will only get worse
People judging her but taking care of children is mentally exhausting. She even keeps saying she loves him but it’s exhausting. My own 6 year old is like this and sometimes I feel just like her. Then comes the guilt trip for feeling like that. My son has ADHD its mentally and physically draining. I literally cry every day because I don’t know what to do and how else to handle it. It’s okay to love them but at the same time feel exhausted of dealing with the constant behavior.
It sounds to me like he has ADHD. My 10 year old has it and this sounds a lot like what my family, he, and I went through. There are three types of ADHD. One being the impulsive/hyperactive aspect, one being the inattentive/distractible… and then the combination of the two. My son was diagnosed with the combination. I was very hesitant to put him on medication for this but I am so thankful I did. He has improved greatly and he also feels a lot better. He was suffering from depression and lack of sleep because of his ADHD. Looking back, it probably did start closer to 5 but I just never knew what I was dealing with and brushed it off as a kid being a kid… as he got older more problems came from it and he was making very irrational decisions and getting into trouble. He started Strattera (not an amphetamine or controlled substance) and he has been thriving and doing so great. His teacher noticed, our whole family has noticed and so has he. He did a complete 180 and I am beyond thankful it’s working for him. Maybe set up an apt with your local mental health professional or a dr and discuss options. They will test him and confirm or not confirm whether it’s ADHD but it sure does sound like it. Best of luck
Get him to a doctor and don’t leave anything out!!!
Have him evaluated. It sounds like ADHD. My daughter has Autism and was like this at that age so it probably wouldn’t hurt to get an Autism evaluation done too. My daughter was actually put on medication for her anxiety but it’s also used for kids with ADHD and she’s been so different but for the better.
Sounds like he needs some ADHD medicine…
My almost 4 year old acts out …she screams cusses and climbs unstable stuff all the time …she tells stories about people being mean to her(gives the crazy dramatic scenario) and plays like I’m the bad guy. Not for attention from me but from others (i.e. she gets attention from my s/o because she says I bully her) maybe he just needs attention from you …try just being his friend instead of the warden
This boy sounds like he needs to be tested an evaluated for ADHD with the proper physician that specializes in it.
Medication will help him if it’s this.
Or maybe he is really seeking love+attention from dad is why he’s acting out?Being away from Mom now?
It could be his way of saying he really wants to be with his mother?
Either way,he really needs to see therapist +dr ASAP.
I know it’s not treatment, but I’d put him on a kiddie leash in public just to keep him safe. People can judge all they want. Safety is first priority. You can work with him on behavior too, but it’s going to be hard to do that if he gets hit by a car
Dad has not had enough time with the son so maybe dad should spend a weekend with the boy so he could have first hand knowledge of what it’s like and also father son time is important maybe that’s what the child needs
I’m probably going to get bashed but he probably has adhd and needs meds. Hopefully you can get dad on board. Good luck
Coming from a bm and sm myself, you are not the kids mother. Time to nacho the behavior n bs n let dad take care of it
Sounds like ADHD. Physical activity can help a lot. A trampoline, basketball hoop, tossing a football, etc. He’s still really young. In my experience, they get better as they mature, but ADHD kids tend to be behind, usually by a couple of years, maturity wise. Lying also comes with ADHD. They do it before their brain can control the impulse. How does he do in school? Teachers noticing anything? Get him evaluated and hang in there.
What’s the kids diet like?
Have you had him checked for ADHD and maybe he needs some counseling with the dad especially