I really need some advice. I am 26 weeks pregnant living on my own with my boyfriend supporting ourselves, and I don’t know if I should let my mother and sister in my baby’s life. My mother and sister are both drug addicts they have been for YEARS my mother has been one most of my life and my sister followed right in her footsteps. I know she doesn’t have much time left living the way she is she’s 51 and still lives with my grandma she wants more than anything to be apart of my life and pregnancy but I’ve almost completely shut her out of my life. I’m scared to let them in his life because I know the hurt I’ve been through with them. I can’t let it happen to him. My boyfriend’s mom is ready to be a good grandma, and my grandma is ready to be a good great-grandma. I don’t know what to do i feel lost.
Just flat out no you will lose you child
let me clarify some some people are going to nitpick if something happens you could lose your child with them being in the picture
Pretty sure you know what to do, you just feel guilty keeping your baby away from people who have a foothold in your life 
Your child’s safety must come first
Coming from an ex addict. My step daughter basically pulled my head out of my ass. Im also a forgiving person. My thought would be maybe you let them both come around ONCE to meet the baby. After that they have to be clean in order to see it. It could be nothing changes OR it could help maybe get ur moms head out her ass and ur sister follow suit.
Tell them they have to get clean and stay clean with drug test if they want to be around him maybe it will help them to get off drugs and if they don’t do it then it’s on them and you have nothing to feel guilty about you have to do what’s best for your baby
I’ve been in the same situation for about 11 years now. My mom has been a addict my whole life. I have 3 children and 1 otw and she isn’t in any of their lives! She doesn’t even remember my one year olds name… I don’t let her in my kids lives and she doesn’t try to be. It has worked out for the best bc I don’t want my kids feeling the hurt and disappointment I felt as a child.
My parents do drugs so I cut them out Completely of my and my sons lives. Told them that until they are clean we will not speak.
It’s shit but would you walk into a park, see a drug addict put the drugs and needles etc in their bag and then let them communicate and interact with your kid?
I would suggest you offer her this…if she wants to be a part of your life or ur baby’s life she needs to get sober. Maybe let her have one short visit after he is born and tell her if she wants more she needs to get sober. That may be the kick she needs. If she chooses to not get sober don’t let her visit again
Addiction should never come before family, Hell to the No! They are obligated to make a change in life choices
That is a hard NO. You only owe your child the best life. Introducing him to drug addicts is far from good on any level. Tell her in no uncertain terms what it will take to be a part of her grandchilds and your life without any regrets!
I always say if they are toxic to YOU they are toxic for your baby.
Or
If you don’t allow them into YOUR life, you don’t change that when a baby comes into the world!
Don’t feel guilty for keeping your child safe. It’s perfectly acceptible to keep toxic(and yes, drug addicts are VERY toxic, no matter what your relation is to them) people out of your lives. It would be a hard no from me.
Don’t do it girl. It’ll cause both you and your baby more heart ache than it’s worth especially when your child grows up and gets attached to them!
No you could lose your child and they might even harm him
If she wants to be tell her to be clean for a year . But no under drugs !
If she isnt willing to get clean she does not want it more than anything
As a mother your number one job is to protect your child. If they get treatment and can stay clean maybe you could revisit the issue, but if not it is not healthy for you or your child.
Not a chance if they choose drugs over you and your baby. If they get clean and stay clean its a different story x go with your heart and do the right thing for you all x
No. I was in the same situation, and my mom did drugs and was an alcoholic. She was clearly not able to be stable in any shape or form around my child so I did not allow her to see my child…protecting your child should be your number 1 priority, not their feelings. My condition was enter rehab and be clean for 3 months then I would consider allowing supervised visits. Still hasn’t happened. She hasn’t seen my child in almost 3 years and she’s never met my now 9 month old.
Well good, if she wants more than anything then tell her to get clean before you show your baby that life from the get-go
Nope I shut my father out of our lives because he is a meth addict and doesn’t want to change
Do what is best for you. If she is going to be toxic for you then don’t allow her in. Also make sure she is clean when around you and your child
If she really wants to be a part of your pregnancy and baby’s life, then she’d make the effort to clean up her life. Same for your sister. Until they clean up their lives and get sober, I wouldn’t have anything to do with either of them. Having drug users around your child can cause all sorts of problems. It can also cause cps to get involved. I wouldn’t risk it at all.
I would really tell your Mom how you feel. Keep boundaries but still be in her life some. My mother was an addict my entire life. I rarely saw her. She finally chose to get sober in 2018 at 52 years old after being an addict for decades. She died 9 days shy of her one year sober date. I hate that I don’t have more memories bc we didn’t go around her. Don’t enable her but don’t stop loving her. Have faith, she can change and be there when she does!
As the child of addicks Please do not subject your children to that!!
You don’t owe either of them anything. Your mother made her choice by choosing drugs or her family.
Both my parents were addicts and both passed away at very young ages because of it. My mom never met her grandchildren and if she was alive today theres no way I would of allowed my children around her. My dad met my daughter but she was so young she doesnt remember him but it wad nice for him before he died.
My mom has always been a drug addict as well since well I was about 6. I’m 33 years old now and 36 weeks pregnant. I haven’t seen her in over a year. I do speak to her every now and again but not a chance in hell she will be apart of his life when he is born. You know the disappointment and therefore don’t want your child to and you’re the only one who can protect him. Coming from the same situation I totally wouldn’t.
Not being mean but if her own kids wernt enough for her to get clean why would her grandchild be enough? I say no, unless proven to be clean and sober… you have to think of ur childs emotions as well.
Please DO NOT let them around that precious little boy if yours. My bf and I have not talked to his addict of a brother for 6 years. Our daughter doesn’t even know her uncles name. We don’t speak of him and I’m fine with that. He knew what he needed to do to be a part of her life and to continue to be a part of ours. He chose his path and we had no choice but to cut him out. It doesn’t just affect you, it greatly affects your child.
Same my dad is a meth addict he’s been one all my life. I’m 32 so for decades but neither of my parents try to hard to be in my life and I think it’s for the best.
Your baby is the most important in your life now. Do not ignore your motherly instincts. Do what is best for your child.
Tell them if they get clean and seek help you will allow it… find a local place that can help them. This baby could be a reason to stay clean… but there’s no way I would allow a current addict around my child.
Best thing is 2 say no to them until they are clean. I was an addict and drunk for years my husband and son left me. I finally got sober 5 yrs and my son husband and I are more close then before. It’s amazing. Your the mother you are the only one that can protect your children
I wouldn’t. I’d let them know that should they get and stay clean youd love for them to be apart of his life but until then you have to protect him and yourself. There’s nothing to feel bad about. While addiction is hard to beat, it’s very possible. People do it everyday.
My mom was the same way. I tried so many times to help her get clean so she could see my little one. I hope it all works out. You have to do what’s best for your baby.
Regardless of what anyone might say… you should fully understand that beyond ANY other emotional thought or feeling you might have… If ANYTHING happens around your baby and they are there and someone calls it in, regardless of how you live, you could lose that baby. I wouldn’t risk it.
If they are currently drug addicts then that would be a big no for me. They would have to be clean and have been that way for a while. They made these choices and they have to live with the consequences.
I have custody of 3 of my grandkids because their mother is bipolar and an addict. I allow her to visit her children as long as she is sober mainly because the oldest was having issues in school when not being able to see or talk to her. She is currently in a group home and on her medication and hopefully she will succeed this time.
They need to want to get help for themselves before anyone else! You need to do what is best for your baby, it might be best that they are not in your babies life,only you can make that decision.
My sister in law was extremely addicted to drugs. You couldn’t even talk to her. It was like she was on another planet. She went to rehab and after still took drugs but at least you could talk to her. Then her daughter got married and had a baby (2 now) and it totally changed her. It’s been 3 years now and she lives for those 2 babies. My niece says she finally has her mother back and she helps her on a daily basis. She is amazing. I’d tell them they have to go to rehab before you will let them in her life. Hopefully this diversion will make them straighten out their act.
Run!!! Don’t walk or jog. Run!! Do not let them into the baby’s life. I made a rule that no drugs or druggies around my kids including pot( weed) smokers. The kid will just get hurt in the end just like you did. You can also get into trouble for child endangerment. Take the support team you have that doesn’t use drugs. I mean if they decide to get clean on their own and can prove daily they’re clean then I’d do visits but they have to be willing to do it on their own or else they ain’t going to do it.
Good luck. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always message and it’ll be kept private.
Hugs. No easy answer and no guarantee it won’t be complicated especially if she lives with your Grama herself and your Grama ever takes care of her. It might be easier to allow certain supervised visits as to calm the beast so to speak given her addiction problems she could react badly to being left out completely. Hugs. No easy answer. I understand your hesitance. Hugs
Your baby is first and foremost your number concern. Tell them to seek help and get clean then slowly give them the opportunity to enter your baby’s life. If they choose not to follow your request there’s nothing left for you to do. I hope all goes smoothly for you and your family.
Okay, so my situation is a tad different. I have an older sister (10 years) who is so insanely mentally ill that i do not allow her around myself or my children. She has been harassing me for the last 6 months over it and will not leave me alone. I am on the brink of pursuing a restraining order. I believe that if you truly think someone will negatively impact your kids there is NO REASON to allow them around. Blood or not it doesn’t matter. Your duty is to your children first. Screw anyone who says that your mom and sister have any right to see the kids. I get that all the time and guess what? Dont care. I know what im doing is right, and as cold hearted as it is, i dont care if it hurts her. I would break her heart a million times over than have her negatively impact my kids in any way, shape, or form.
Your main job is to protect your baby and if that means part of the family can’t be involved then that’s what needs to happen.
That’s such a hard situation and I am in no place to tell you what to do my mom was an Addict. Hold Space for your mom and sister if you don’t know what holding space is please read about it.
My mother is an addict. She has only met my daughter once when she was about 4 months old and never again. She lives a life I do not want my child around! She says she is sober but I’ve been told that so much I never know when it’s the truth.
Have supervised visits with your mom and sister and baby.
You would think by now that people would start to somewhat understand addiction. Sadly it shows they don’t. That being said, I say no. If she wasnt able to get clean and sober to be in YOUR life than she most likely will not for a grandchild. If you do decide to let her and your sister see your baby once and than tell them they need to get clean to be in his life, you need to stick to it. Do not feel bad and do another short visit. You give an addict 15 minutes and they won’t stop til they get an hour. I’m sorry you are going through this but happy to hear you have other grandparents ready for their role.
I feel for you 
wishing you the best.
Trust your gut and don’t ignore your motherly instincts that are kicking in right now. You would never be able to forgive yourself if anything were to happen that could potentially damage your baby be it physically or emotionally. I would say if they want to be a part of your baby’s life, then they know what they need to do…but until then, the only person you owe anything to is your child. I know it’s not easy on your heart to not only make the decision but then stick to it but I can’t even imagine the guilt you would feel if they hurt and disappointed your baby in any way, which it sounds like you know is inevitable if they are in your life while using drugs.
My dad was an addict until he took his own life in September 2015. I just had my first child one year ago today and I think about him often…but I also know that I wouldn’t have been willing to risk even the slightest bit of hurt in my child had he still been here and continuing to use. No amount of him begging or “promising” to change would have been worth it or enough to make me change my mind, no matter how badly he wanted to be in my baby’s life. He used to drive drunk with me in the car when I was little and I know from experience with him under the influence of God knows what, that accidents can happen so quickly, even when there is a sober and clear headed person around them in the same room. If you’ve already almost completely cut them out of your life I think it would be much easier to set that hard boundary now before the baby even gets here. You can still love someone while having space and setting boundaries. You absolutely have a right to that and your family does too. I would let them know that I love you and I would love nothing more than for you to be a part of our lives but in order to do that, you have to prove that you’re sober. Not just for one day or temporarily while you’re around us but that you are actively working to change your life long term and can remain sober.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system already in place with your boyfriend, his mom and your grandma though. Lean in to them during this. Let them know once you’ve made your decision and how you’re planning to go about it so they can help support you emotionally going forward. For me there was always a sense of guilt that came along with cutting off a family member, even though I knew 100% that it was the right thing to do. However, the temporary guilt I felt was a small price to pay for the long term peace that setting my own boundaries brought me. You deserve a relationship together with your baby and family that doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Whatever you have to do to make sure you have that, do it and don’t look back. Best of luck to you, and congrats on halfway to meeting your sweet babe!! 
Mama you do what’s best for you and that little boy! I’ve completely cut my father and my grandmother out of my life due to their toxic behavior. My grandmother has met my daughter but has not held her nor will she ever hold her or mean anything to my daughter. and my father had never met her (and I plan to keep it that way) I don’t want my little girl to be subject to them. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance.
I don’t care what your mom do but you better cherish your mama you only have one mama and when she’s gone she’s gone and you will regret it the rest of your life so you better hug your mama and let her be in that baby’s life you don’t have to let her keep it. anyting that let her be in that baby’s life and you’ve been your mom’s life so you won’t have no battery Gratz when she’s gone but
I’m giving you permission to keep them out of your child’s life. It is fair and good to do so. You can always reverse this decision once they prove to be clean and healthy for an extended amount of time (more than a couple of months).
I’m saying it this way because sometimes we know what to do we just need someone to make it okay.
I personally have chosen to keep my son away from my father and the entire paternal side of my family… they are a bunch of crazy toxic individuals and I would never want my son to be hurt by them because his safety and happiness are my main priorities. That’s just my opinion on my family tho you have to decide if you’re willing to give yours a chance or if you don’t wanna risk them potentially causing harm to your child
Don’t let them in there toxic they need to be clean and off drugs which docent just happen you can’t trust them no
u have to thing of your self can u take it
I can tell you from experience with my biological father, I allowed him back into my life after years of him letting me down, being in and out of prison and using, knowing he was still using I chose to let him come stay with us for a bit. It went well for a little while and then sure enough, he eventually showed his true colors once again. Found out he was using, not in my home but would go to people’s houses and come back high, accusing my husband and I and even my children of stealing from him. Had to call the cops on him because he got violent with my husband. This is just my experience and my opinion but you can let them be around but don’t by any means let them have any kind of leverage over you or make you feel guilty for protecting your children. He isn’t in my life now, only phone calls ever once in a while, but addiction is a battle that sadly I believe he will never overcome.
Your baby your rules. Don’t subject your child to that
Hold them accountable
If they want baby un their lives…they need to get clean
U had enough drama in ur life
Absolutely not. If she’s too toxic to be in your life, she’s way too toxic to be in your kid’s. The standards to be in your son’s life should be higher, not lower, no matter how much familial guilt you get.
Drugs. That’s a great reason to not let your kid around someone!!
To be honest i don’t agree with you on cherish the mother who didn’t care enough to get help to better them self’s and you are doing the write thing by staying a way from your mother. If you’re great grandma is a live don’t keep away give one chance to be apart of your life
I agree with other comment saying i d allow but only sober and clean. It will maybe pull them out of this addiction and give will. After that its their choice
No way shoudlnt even be thinking about it of theyre drug addicts. You need to think of long run if a ythin happened to your baby and they were there there would be a high chance of social getting involved and deeming ur child at risk not trying to scare just advise of the reality. Your child is better off without toxic ppl in their life.
You need to listen to your gut. You said you’re scared to let them in. Don’t. Do not let them in that precious babies life. You’re baby is a blessing. & only anyone who has the best of intentions should be in your life & that babies life. Answer one question. If down the road, you left your baby w your mom & sister…Do u trust them? Can u trust them not to do drugs around that baby? Would u trust them not to sell that baby for a fix? If u say no or hesitate to answer u have your answer. (You have a chance to break the cycle of drug abuse in your family. It starts w you. & then you’re baby will follow your example. You are the Mom now. Do what’s right. For him/her)
It’s okay to have boundaries. If you don’t want any of that to be a part of your and your child’s life then don’t let it. Tell them when they have completed rehab and are clean and sober maybe they could then be a part of your life. You need to feel safe with whoever is around, even if it is family. If you’re not comfortable don’t do it.
Much love❤️ be strong
Don’t do it. My mom doesn’t know this yet but any child I have will never be left alone with her. For reasons that I can’t describe without putting my family in jeopardy.
I think only you could answer that question. Personally I wouldnt feel safe leaving the baby alone with them. But why punish your grandmother because she would pretty much be banned too. And there will come a time your children will ask about them, and why they aren’t a part of their lives. It’s a hard decision, only you can make.
I would keep things the way they are, your baby, doesn’t need that, in its life! I have been around many drug addicts, and they are unpredictable with their behaviors. Letting them in, is inviting trouble in. Maybe bring the baby, to visit them? Keep your distance, their drugs control them, and is very harmful to your piece of mind!
Dont and dont talk about it with your spouse or other grandparents they will use your weakness and take that baby from you just because you don’t have moral support. So no and dont appear weak period!
Do you really want your baby around that? Only you can answer that question.
Follow your gut, Mama.
Nopety nope nope nope. Just don’t.
Speaking as a grandchild of grandparents who are major alcoholics…I wouldn’t bother.
You can always tell em you’ve got until the baby is born to get clean, if you’re not then I don’t want you around. If they’re serious about being involved that should be more than enough incentive to get clean, if they don’t then they probably never will.
My dad says he wants to see my son and be in his life. But, he will not stop drinking and he’s a violent drunk. I grew up in that. My son will never even glimpse it if I can help it. So, he is not in our lives. Set your heart on what you know and feel is right for you and your partner and your child and stick with it. Boundaries and lines are absolutely ok when you know it will only negatively impact your child and family.
The choice us yours really. Do what you think is safest for your little family. Put your foot down if needed. As long as they arent waisted when they want to have time then consider it if they agree but if they choose their habit before their blood…stuff them. You and your little family dont need to repeat history and you need to bring up those kids in a clean safe environment. Trust in yourself and talk to your partner. See what he thinks and go from there.
I’d say no if they come and see your baby and they have trace amounts of whatever drug they are using on them it could transfer to the baby and it could be incredibly awful for the baby I’d require them to be clean before they see the baby might even give them reason enough to clean up their act if not I can tell you now they may want to be a part of the baby’s life now but the drugs will always take presidence and you and the baby will become an after thought. Trust me learned this one the hard way with my kids father. My kids were never harmed but they are emotionally scarred from his in and out appearances.
The family you came from is important but the family you created is your first priority! Do what’s best for you and for your kids! It’s not your fault that they can’t stop taking drugs but it’s better to stay far away from them if they’re not clean.
I would say no, I grew up around it and I hate it so much, me and my husband both. So when it came to our children we said if you chose drugs then you won’t be seeing them cause in my experience if there in to drugs they really don’t care about you and will only really use you for money or to steal from you to get their drugs and we didn’t want to worry about the emotional impact it could have on them too
as someone who also has a sister thts a addict. I would say no. I’ve tried a hundred 100’s and she also seems to mess everything up. Drug addicts dont even know what they are doing half the time. they lie as easy as they breathe, and it will turn around and be ur fault if u ever had to kick them outta ur home cause they are to high to be around a baby, they ruin special occasions. In the long run its not worth the headache, for ur child to be around them or the headache you will end up with cause of dealing with them
I went through this with my mother and I haven’t spoken to her in 7 years now due to it. Keeping her away from my babies was the best choice I had made. They don’t deserve the pain I have gone through bc she still acts the same way she always has
I love my family, but I love my children more. I also have certain standards in raising my children, and this would be a huge no for me. I won’t allow loved ones to have that type of negative influence on my children. Unless they got help, the answer would always be no for me.
Do what you feel best for your baby. Me personally I would tell them if they want to be a part of the babies life then they have to get clean and stay clean no exceptions. Maybe it would give your mom a little motivation to better herself. Just my thoughts tho. Good luck and God Bless
Personally, I would keep them at a distance. I would let them interact and visit, but would make sure they’re never alone with baby, driving, depending on in any sort of way.
Your child has a family history of drug use (my family does too) it might be helpful for your child to grow up seeing that people on drugs are often broke, unhappy, in bad situations, and just not living life.
I saw that the people who did drugs were always struggling and causing problems for themselves and others, and decided I wouldnt do any drugs, ever (except caffeine)
To this day, I havent done more than a couple drinks at 21, and have never used any other drug except caffeine. I saw the facts growing up, and realized that partying wasnt worth the possibility of getting hooked (more likely with family history)
If you choose to do this, just remember to tell your child that they are sick, and that’s why they act funny.
You cant change your relatives, they have to want to quite for themselves, and you wont keep your child away from seeing the effects of drugs forever, so I would introduce the reality addiction and drug use in an environment YOU can have control and influence.
I love my grandma, but she drinks a lot daily. Even now that she can’t move I’m still not comfortable allowing my kids around her.
Tough love. Hey clean or no grand baby
Trust your gut! If you think that’s for the best, then it probably is!
No away no drug addict,s around your baby
I am so sorry you have to even think about this!
Personally they’d be told that if they’d like to be part of my kids life that they need to be clean for minimum of 6 months before being around my baby. Kids notice a lot. It’s ultimately your decision but I personally wouldn’t allow it IF they’d be actively using. To me it’s too much of a risk for several reasons and not just for the baby but for you also! You will worry about your baby even if they’re not around and if drug addicts are near your baby you’ll worry even more and trust me with a new baby you won’t need added stress! You have too choose what is best for your family especially the baby. That decision is most definitely between you and your bf but just remember that even parents can be toxic. It’s very hard when it’s a parent or sibling but sometimes you have too choose the safest route even if it means the harder choice. Good luck and congratulations!
Get clean/ fat finger
You know the answer already…just keep doing what you are doing…
Separate the fact that they are your family…would you let strangers who use be around your son? Prob not…so even though it hurts, this is the same thing…
Let your mom meet the baby and tell her she has to be clean if she wants to continue to see her grandchild. If not id give her one chance.
Hell no , she’s been that way her whole life why subject your baby to that unhealthy situation
We have a few of those in our family. We don’t see them often enough for the kids to form any kind of emotional bond. And we keep it that way for that reason, so if they go off the deep end my kids honestly won’t even care. Haven’t cut them out completely as it isn’t necessary. But they have never been unsupervised with the children, and we only get together 2-3 times a year.
You shut them out for a reason…Don’t subject your child to the very reasons you put them behind you yourself.
don’t let them in your life the babies wouldn’t be safe with around