I am terrified of pregnancy after what happened: Advice?

So. I have two kids. When my baby was about 6 months old I learned I was pregnant. Was told I had a miscarriage. No labs were ran or anything. About 10 days later took another test. Positive. Immediately went to the ER because I knew it was ectopic. Well I couldn’t bring myself in to get the bad news. Went home. But I knew something was wrong and a previous ER visit around my “ miscarriage” because I felt really… off. Like a doom and gloom type feeling i could not shake. She said it sounded ectopic which is why I knew that’s what it was after the second test came back positive but diagnosed me with an early miscarriage. I Had no hope of a viable pregnancy when I went back the following night and forced myself into the ER because doctor don’t always listen to intuition. Treated like I was crazy, lord you should’ve seen the ER doctors face when I walked in with a self diagnosis completely sure. Well I was right. I was transferred for surgery to another hospital. Sent home because said hospital didn’t see the pregnancy… weird. 2 days later went and had an ultrasound in office and bam there it was. Free fluid and everything. Had surgery following morning. Lost my tube. Cried. Angry. Can’t talk about pregnancy with anyone. Don’t wanna hear about it. Just cry a lot if it’s brought up. Got on birth control because I can’t bare the anxiety that I get when I think about becoming pregnant again. It genuinely terrifies me. It was a really traumatic thing to go through. Well… yay for birth control right. Wrongggg. My daughter is now almost 10 months old in a week. And took a test last night which is literally just a couple weeks after my period and either I have line eyes like bad or there’s a shadow there which literally just took me straight back to how my ectopic began. And now I’m freaking out. Can’t concentrate on anything other than this one test that has a slight shadow. I feel like I’m insane and I don’t know what to do. Idk if I should even mention the shadow to my doctor because I’m afraid of another misdiagnosis. It’s not that I never wanted another child originally wanted 4. it’s just I’m terrified of pregnancy now. I can’t get the baby back that I lost. And I can’t move forward either. I think about it all the time. How my youngest and the baby were set to be 15 months apart. And it’s just a devastating thought for me. I’m so sad. And now I might be pregnant again. On BC. The Nuva Ring if that makes any difference. So do I just have line eyes :eyes: because I’m extremely paranoid or do I just need therapy. Idk anyone who’s had an ectopic anywhere. Just me and I don’t know how to process. And I don’t know how to feel if I’m pregnant again without having a doom and gloom feeling. I take meds for adhd. I started smoking again from stress. Im on anti depressants… just overall not coping the greatest which makes me even more paranoid if I’m pregnant that it’s automatically not going to be okay. Idk… thoughts? Should I tell my doctor?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am terrified of pregnancy after what happened: Advice?

Please call your doctor. My first son passed away at 3 days old. I had a full term pregnancy and the doctors thought I would be having a healthy baby boy. I am only saying this because I know it is so hard! I know the scared gloom and doom feeling you have. Please message me anytime :heart:

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Yes tell your Dr hope all goes well praying for you luv…

Tell your doctor and get referred for councling. If you are infact pregnant the stress and anxiety your carrying could effect the pregnancy.

Then don’t do it anymore.

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For goodness sake have a tubal ligation and be free of pregnancy fear.

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I’m so sick of doctors. They just make guesses and prescribe. I think you should just go in and demand they get lab work done. You should also google support groups for that kind of thing. Maybe then you’ll be able to talk about it without having anxiety all the time :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: god bless you dear, your in my thoughts and prayers :pray::innocent::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I had an etopic pregnancy in 2014 tube ruptured and baby passed i found out i was preg and ost the baby all at once. Had to have emergency surgery. I ended up pregnant july of last year but lost it early on im assuming because of the meds i was on. Then ended up pregnant again end of October and now have a healthy almost 2 month old. I know its scary to even think about a possible pregnancy after an etopic i know i was scared it would happen again but just try to relax and take care of that beautiful baby that you do have and if you have to go to a different doctor and voice your concers to him or her.

I had an ectopic pregnancy and yes it is scary but when I got pregnant again I put my faith and trust in God. I would definitely tell your doctor and definitely seek some therapy. Prayers and love being sent your way

If you took the test without missing your period, it would not be positive yet. If you are 2 weeks late for your period, it could be positive. I don’t have much experience with ADHD meds in pregnancy, but most antidepressants are fine during pregnancy. Check with your ob with your specific med, tho, as some can cause harm.

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First off, get a doctor that listens and that you trust. That will help.

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Since you have a history they might believe you better. My ob with my first child didn’t believe me I thought my water broke. My ob and my now ex (father of my child) both laughed at me at my appointment as they said I just peed myself. Months later that was proven not to be the case because I had 1 % amniotic fluid. My ob was so sorry and rushed me to l&d. He wasn’t too hopeful as I seen the dread in many of the nurses eyes. One of the nurses after I questioned enough told me it was possible my baby could be born brain dead because of how little fluid I had. Thankfully my baby was fine and is 16 years old now but since then this ob will listen to every concern I have and do all the necessary tests to make sure I’m OK. You didn’t post the test you think you have line eyes with though so I can’t make any judgement. I’d personally go into an ob office that has all the equipment like ultrasound equipment in the office. I had a miscarriage and the regular doctors were being so vague and unsure so I went some where else and they told me that day what they thought and offered me medicine to help it along. You really just need to be seen by someone who will listen and take you seriously.

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Therapy is definitely a good idea, you have some PTSD.
You need to get a proper test and get it looked into. You might not lose your other tube if it’s caught earlier.
Big hugs momma! I know it hurts to lose a wanted baby, but YOU are important and that baby couldn’t have lived where it was. :people_hugging:

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My first pregnancy was ectopic and it was hard. Your experience sounds worse than mine and I thought mine was horrible. Since I have had two beautiful babies and even tho I can’t say they weren’t scary because of the first pregnancy. All pregnancies are scary, they all have risks. Don’t stress it’s the worst thing you can do for your body. If you need an answer contact your doctor, they will know the best.

Is there a pic of the test?

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I would try not to worry until a test has a definite line. I know it’s hard but I’ve had shadows on tests that were nothing more than an indent of where a positive line would be. Don’t stress yourself yet.

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Yes, get in touch with your doctor right away. And it may not be a bad idea to see a therapist for all of the stress. You may be dealing with some depression too.

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Are you having any type of bleeding? Have them check for a molar pregnancy. I have been through similar. At least have them check your hcg levels. Make them!

In 2014 I was pregnant, before my first appointment… on a Sunday, started hurting/bleeding, went to the ER, ended up passing a baby (confirmed miscarriage) they did vagional/topical scans both to check my uterus/tubes to make sure it was all out, was told to follow up with my OB, did the following day, (Mon)they redone the exact scans, everything was clear. I was still hurting and my HCG levels were still very high, since they wasn’t sure what they were prior to this& the fact the can actually jump after miscarriage, they couldn’t be sure, my dr didn’t like that I was still having pains tho, he explained to me if it worsened or anything else strange to come back in immediately. Ok, so Wednesday went to my other two kids VBS program and still had the pains, a little worse (was gonna call the OB back the next morning) well around 1:30am, I had the worst pain I have ever had, sounded like a train in my head, I almost passed out, was hurting terribly in my neck, shoulders, quickly chest/lung area, couldn’t even move the pain was so bad, the ambulance came quickly and my bp was awful, faint heartbeat, my mom filled them in on previous days, the EMTs worked quickly to get an IV in and put something in it that made my heartbeat register on their machine, my mother and sister were standing outside the ambulance insisting I go to the bigger hospital (30 min away), but the EMT was stressing I may not make it, I am still conscious, know what’s going on, just couldn’t move with pain (it was so bad when they rolled me across the yard in the stretcher, I was vomiting all over myself) he clearly told me that he could take me wherever, but that I was in bad shape and he thought it would be safer to go to the nearest hospital (also a good hospital) to at least try and get me stable, that once stable they could transfer me. He asked what I wanted, I told him “I have two kids in their beds asleep, I want you to do whatever you think is the safest” so, they rush me to the closest, I hear them calling it in, asking for doctors to be on deck ready, female patient in critical condition, ect. The pain continues to get worse, I was literally trying to take tiny breathes of air bc it hurt to breathe. So, of course my vitals aren’t stable, they start checking me, my abdomen FULL of blood, could CLEARLY see the blood pouring, my right tube was ruptured, then clearly seen a baby in the tube (alive and normal) They done everything they could to get my vitals stable, waiting for emergency surgery. Blood transfusions and all, my vitals never were where they needed to be for surgery, my BP was so bad and about to meet, they couldn’t even give me as much as Tylenol, bc they said it would kill me. Finally, they couldn’t wait on Bp to get better & rolled me into emergency surgery. They removed my right tube only. It was the most traumatic experience. So, yes I was terrified, of pregnancy, sex (the cause of pregnancy) was sad for the longest, every time I seen a baby or baby related things. Fast forward to 2021, I found out I was pregnant, miscarriage. Soon after pregnant, had scans, the baby was in the uterus, everything looked good… it ended up not being good, had to have a D&C. Physically way less traumatic than 2014, emotionally way worse. So, yes it’s normal to be terrified. I would call my OB (now) and with your history, they should work you in and check out the situation now to be sure of things. Any pregnancies after an eptopic automatically puts you at high risk. (I was high risk with the two prior to an eptopic) but, they should work you in quickly. They can give you immediate answers and ease your mind. Best of luck to you, also would like to add that if you are still so sad all the time, anti depressants may not be enough, therapy may would benefit you as well! Stay well momma! Your other littles need you!

Maybe a therapist to help you process the fear

You have two healthy children and you seem to want more, is this correct? You are terrified of pregnancy but you planned another to have another baby 15 months after the birth of your 6-month old.

You are now on birth control. I am not clear if you still want to have a third child or if you are mourning the loss of the babies you weren’t able to carry to term. That loss is quite normal. You are definitely entitled to grieve. Plus with a 6-month old, you are very likely sleep deprived adding to your feelings of doom and gloom.p and distress.

Was a scan ever performed to confirm ectopic pregnancy with either one? You need to see a good ob/gyn to examine you and diagnose your likelihood of a viable pregnancy going forward. To get over your fears, address your stress and work with you to stop smoking, you should get yourself into counseling immediately and talk with someone about your fears.

If you still want another child, the kind of pregnancies you’ve had can be painful and can be life threatening. You need regular Ob/Gyn care going forward. Failing to see a doctor and failing to follow up on medical appointments will not make the problem you have experienced go away. Your time with a counselor may include working through your grief, talking about what your ob/gyn has told you and helping you move forward without fear.

Get an appointment with your doctor. Try to worry about things you can not control.

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When it comes to these doctors, you literally have to be your own advocate. All doctors diagnose someone with, is a grand hypothesis; an educated guess.
You know your own body not anybody else. Always go with your gut feeling and don’t delay out of fear. Be your own advocate!

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I had an ectopic the first time I was pregnant and I would say get in touch with your doc. Even if they didn’t believe you the first time they will double check now that you had one! I’ve had three babies since mine and every time they have me come in early now so they can make sure the baby is in the right place!

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My first pregnancy I miscarried. Not much explanation and regret going to that horrible hospital for anything. To this day I have no clue what happened to my baby and why I lost her/him. I was almost 10wks and was ecstatic to be pregnant and having a baby. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mom. It was a huge life goal. I finally had what I wanted and it was all ripped away from me in a heartbeat. It was horrible. I still have issues sometimes mentally over it but I can actually talk about it now without sobbing uncontrollably (and believe me I never cry, I’ve never been one to show a whole lot of emotion especially in front of other people). But I’ve made progress and honestly I suggest therapy or atleast talking to someone you trust about it. It will be hard but it will help. When I found out I was pregnant for a second time I panicked big time because I couldn’t imagine going through that again. And after she was born the PPA was rough. I couldn’t let her out of my sight even with family I trusted. I had to be with her because if I wasn’t there I couldn’t do anything to protect her. I’ve also had vivid nightmares of her being hurt or kidnapped. Doesn’t help that my ex husband kidnapped her last year either. I would wait a few days and take another test. If it comes back positive, call your doctor. I hope it all works out for you and that maybe my story/advice will help you somehow. I know how hard it is but it does get easier momma. Good luck to you and your babies :heart:

I just went through this, in February I had an ectopic and had to have surgery… after three months of recovery we tried again and got pregnant and went in for the 10 week ultrasound with no heartbeat… had to take medicine for a medical miscarriage. I know the fear of having anything like this happen again is overwhelming but what I try to focus on the most is that hopefully someday I will be pregnant with a healthy baby to have my second child. If it’s truly something you want don’t give up, but depression can hit hard with all this so maybe therapy with a doctor who specializes in stuff like this can help you through all that. Wish you the best of luck

Im so sorry you went through that. But I really want to push you to get into therapy and help yourself through it. You deserve to be your best self and your kids deserve a healthy mom! Get into your PCM/OB and get tested seen!

I went through something similar and then had 2 losses back to back before being pregnant yet again soon after with my rainbow baby. I didn’t even want to go to the doctors or get my hopes up because I was surrounded by so much loss and I had also been misdiagnosed. I spent the whole pregnancy in fear actually. Waking up everyday wondering if my baby was okay or if I was just waiting to lose him. But there is hope. I just carried him to term and gave birth last week! :heart:

Yes tell your doctor immediately! Get on the liletta iud it’s more effective

Go to the doctor. If this one isn’t sympathetic and doesn’t listen to your concerns, find one that will🙏

Have you seen a therapist to process the ectopic pregnancy and loss.