I’m a fifteen-year-old and the oldest of five children. One is 13 and he’s special needs, one eight-year-old and two toddlers. We all go to school virtually because we can’t risk my brothers health. Being the oldest, it’s my position to step up and help out around the house. I am also in high school, so I’m trying to balance 8hr lives a day and 2hr homework before bed and leaving the time in between to help out. I don’t see friends or family because of the COVID, and my father supports all of us while my mother does her best to take care of four needy kids. My issue is that my family seems to think it is okay for me to be an adult when it comes to their benefit, and I’m a child when they decide. I’m supposed to watch my siblings if my parents have to go somewhere, which is completely fine because it’s my job as the oldest. But when my parents come back an hour or so later and I try to get one of my siblings to listen, it’s suddenly a problem because I am not the adult. Am I just being irrational because I feel that I never know if it’s okay for me to state my opinion when it comes to anything?
You schould calmly explaine this to them
It’s not your job to be responsible for them ever
First off it’s great that you take that kind of responsibility, it’s a lot to do for someone your age. Be assured none of it is your job, none of it. There’s a lot of situations that parents rely too heavily on older kids. With that being said, talk to them about it and br calm.
It’s not your JOB to watch your siblings but it’s a very nice gesture that you do so to help your parents. My kids are 7, 7 and 9. I would explain this to your parents; that if they expect you to have some authority over younger siblings that they need to see your side of things too. It’s only fair 
You need to voice your opinion that’s a big load to handle and they shouldn’t be leaving you with three kids one of which has special needs. You have too much on your plate
Parenting your siblings is not your job! You need to tell your parents how you feel. This definitely need to happen! You are 15 and should be focusing on school and bettering yourself, not being a third parent when they see it fit.
Wow. Good for you. If I was your parent I’d be so very proud . You have a lot on your plate! I’d tell them exactly how you feel while of course being respectful. ask what their expectations are of you because those lines are kind of blurred.
You are not irrational, your feelings are valid and you have every reason to feel this way. I think they are putting too much on your plate. You are still a child (a mature one but still just a kid). You shouldn’t have to take on that much responsibility. I think it’s awesome that you step in when they need you to but you shouldn’t be placed from one tier to the next in responsibility once they come home. It’s not only confusing for you but confusing for your younger siblings too. Eventually they might feel like they don’t have to listen to you when Mom & Dad aren’t home. I think you should have a discussion with whichever parent you have a stronger bond with and think will validate and understand where you are coming from and feeling.
Your life sounds a lot like mine. Can I just say good job on helping out with the kiddos. My sister which is the baby is in school right now to be an FBI agent every time we get back together she always says thank you for all of the things that I have done to help her grow. At the time I was not happy to have I was mad because it was my parents job. But they will be grateful later. As far as everything else goes I was always treated like a kid until I was her babysitter their housekeeper and the hall monitor LOL. It is not fair and you should not have to go up so fast. Day one of eight children I just wanted to let you know that I understand and that I am thinking of you today. Your feelings and opinions do matter. And you are going to make an amazing parent one day. I now raise 3 kids alone and I don’t know why I did not pay attention when I was a child to how hard it was to raise these children. Use these years of your life as a stepping stone to becoming amazing adult.
All I can say is WOW. I don’t know you personally but just reading this paragraph you seem so mature and very responsible for your age! If you were my child I would be SO proud of you! 
You definitely have a good head on your shoulders & will go far !
Nope just the opposite, as I appreciate your maturity and willingness to help out ,With that being stated you are still a Kid. And in No way as a parent of a 10year old special needs child do I feel its OK for that particular responsibility to be put on you! My advice is to Calmly and respectfully go to the parent you feel comfortable talking to and show them this post, but more importantly the RESPONSES. KUDOS to you for reaching out Kiddo, Your parents are incredibly LUCKY to have such a Team player in their corner. Much love Crosby TX
Ok, so here is my perspective. I am the mother of four. My oldest (son) is 16, almost 17. He is a great kid, really responsible and doesn’t mind helping me out. He watches his siblings (13,11, and 8) if my husband and I have to go out. The two youngest have asthma so we are being careful with covid as well. We do not have to go out every day and we also make school a priority for everyone, 16 year old included! Anyway, because my oldest HAS to watch his siblings sometimes he has what we call “parental privilege”. He knows the house rules and if he is the one to catch one of his siblings breaking them, regardless of if we are home or not, his punishment stands. Which is usually a "timeout in your room for x number of minutes thing. We know that we cannot undermine his authority in front of the kids if we have to rely on them to listen to him when we need him to babysit. It’s that simple. Try talking to your parents about it in a calm way. They should understand.
You are an amazing young person! If your parents are not listening to you try another voice write it all out in a letter for them to read it sometimes opens people up to conversation more
Wow is this post real I find it unlikely that 15 year old is venting on a mamas uncut page if it is then you need to get over it your not a baby anymore and that’s what families do think how your parents feel do you have a safe place to sleep food on the table there are a lot of kids out there that are worse off I get the stress I grew up the same it’s tough but hey life is tough and when you have a family of your own you will understand
Your mum needs to read this post my dear. Or please write down how your feeling; I’m sure she would understand and she would then explain she doesn’t mean to put you in those positions xx
Honesty and communication is key in every relationship wether it’s family, friends or someone you love. Be open about how you feel and you will see and feel the weight be lifted from your shoulders xx
You ARE NOT THE PARENT! They need to step up and take care of you kids. You still ARE A CHILD! You didn’t decide to have your siblings. Yes its ok to watch them once in a blue moon BUT you need to be a teenage kid too. I have alit of children and all of mine go with me wherever I go unless its for a quick trip. But I am the parent not my older kids. Thwy help out only when I ask and thats not very often because they need a life too as do you.
Wow! For 15yr old, you got grammar, spelling correct and in sentences too!
I am impressed by the adult that you will become. As to your question, it’s not your job to parent your siblings. You will need to have a quiet word with whichever parent you feel you can open up to, usually mother will listen and then she go tell father about your concerns. I’ve been in your situation and I now understand how my parents did their parenting🤦:rofl: You can only get your siblings to listen when the parents aren’t there, cos they gave you that mandate. When they are back, you go back to being their kid:blush: so if you need the siblings to listen, you tell a parent🤷 If your siblings are not listening to you when the parents are out, you tell the parents when they are back and it’s their responsibility to discipline their kid (your sibling) as they see fit. I was only seen as an adult by my parents when I left home for Uni.🤦:rofl: My siblings have come to appreciate my part in their raising up (we’re all adults now with families)
You need to let your parents read this! Be super proud of yourself for stepping up, this post alone shows a level of maturity i would love to see in my kids one day!
What a well spoken 15 year old.
Defiantly as others have said you need to tell your parents how you feel, it’s not your job to look after your siblings if a parent is home
Your at a really hard stage in your life. Not knowing your relationship with your parents it hard to say what to do. . Yes your feelings are valid.
Maybe try writing them a letter (old school pen and paper) ask them to respond together in the same way.
Just remember you are their baby boy and always will be until forever.
Its hard to know as a parent when to boss ( saying no to keep you safe) and when to guide ( suggest no let you mess up , then pick you up )
Being the oldest is hard. No matter what the situation is. Just try to be open, honest, and respectful at the same time. If you feel like they won’t “hear” you when you talk to them, write them a letter. Tell them how you feel. God willing they will listen with open hearts. None of this is “your” job BUT they might expect more from you because you are responsible enough to handle SOME of it. If it seems or is to much you need and should be able to talk (or write, which is easier for me) with them. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I was in a similar situation as the oldest. It sucked my brother (the youngest) would say you’re not my mother when I was babysitting. I had to stand up for myself. I also wasn’t allowed to accept paying babysitting jobs when my parents needed me. Eventually my younger sister took over
As youngest of 6 growing up the child n charge was only in charge untill Mum or Dad walked in, then it was a change of shift, and they became the same as the rest of us. I saw it as hard for them but it didn’t stop me being a little brat…sorry Have a chat to whichever parent or both to ask for a set guildline.
Look up parentification it’s a type of abuse.
Where to start…First of all, you are an AMAZING sibling, child, and person!
I am a mother to 6, and I get it wrong a lot. I mean A LOT. Parents aren’t perfect-not even close. I would imagine that they feel great pride in the person you are. But, it’s hard for us as parents to step back and recognize that all the times we should-let alone say as often as we should. Keep your head up. Talk to them. Let them know how you feel and what you need. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
I am sorry that you’re feeling the stress of all of these things. As the oldest child myself, who often needed to help take care of my sisters at a young age, I understand how you feel. Just take a breath and know that you’re doing AMAZING things!
P.S. Did I mention that you’re AMAZING?!
Hello, my opinion is :
- it is ok to feel like your parents are requesting too much of you and it is ok to talk to them about it
- it is not ok to want to keep parenting when the people responsible for doing it are available and willing to do it alone : a prpfessional babysitter (not being a member of the home) should also stop parenting in this same case (while still being in your home after your parents came back).
I jus hope and wish that my kids are mature as you at the age of 15:) u r growing up to be one fine woman!!!
I’m a mother of five. Their ages are 15, 10, 6, 5, and 4. I would never ask my oldest to watch any of them unless it’s 30 minutes or less. Say I’m running late coming home or need something at a store near by. It doesn’t matter how stressful parenting may get or how many children there are as your parents chose to have them so they need to raise them. You’re still young so focus on school work, chores, and fun.
Your parents are home, let them do it. Seems like the rules are clear enough to me, just from what you wrote. U seem to have a good head on your shoulders, so I think you know the answer to this. You aren’t an adult, you only assume the responsibility when your parents need it, therefore be a child when they are home. You are still a child. They set your boundaries and it sounds like you are trying to stretch them. It is to their benefit for you to be an adult at times, they are the parents! Sorry hun, no offense meant at all, but you know why things are this way. Dont fight it so hard. Ask for appreciation if you don’t feel like you are getting it, but you still need to follow the rules in the house you live in.
To be quite honest your parents made u and your siblings so its THEIR duty to care for all of you.
You being the eldest it’s not your responsibility.
I’d try and ask your parents if u can sit down together and talk about how your feeling xx
Your parents have to understand they have children. You are one of them. You are a child and not a coparent. Yes its OK if you help out sometimes. But your siblings are not your children. They shouldn’t put to much onto their child’s shoulders. If they want you to baby sit, you should get paid. They cannot say well I feed you and give you shelter so you should obey us and watch your siblings. No, they feed you and give you shelter because they birthed you and that is their responsibility. You baby sitting and coparenting isn’t right.
My advice is not to argue. Just ask for a family meeting and calmly tell them you are their child, not their caregiver. See if they can come to a understanding with you. Parents after a while think its okay if the oldest siblings take Care of the younger ones. But its not right/fair for the older ones.
You are an awesome 15 year old… Your parents need to take care of YOU and your siblings !! God bless you sweetie 
Be clam and talk to them about it… I hope they will listen. You are stepping up to help them. How awesome you are…
Absolutely NOT. Your a child, PERIOD
As the oldest, I can relate. It’s as simple as “When we’re gone, your sister’s in charge!” That didn’t mean I got to also discipline my little brothers when my parents were home. I was keeping things running when they were working and keeping a roof over our heads. The bottom line is, you ARE still a child, a child who seems very responsible and willing to help out, which is awesome of you! I wasn’t paid for watching my siblings, it was just kind of an assumed thing. I didn’t do it for my parents date nights, it was just when they had to work, so it made sense to me. That said, I think it’s problematic if it is getting in the way of you getting school work done, or if the extra stress is making it hard for you to focus. I think it’s worth talking to your parents about it and telling then how you feel. It might be helpful if you have ideas of how you think the situation would be improved, so it doesn’t just sound like complaining.
Unfortunately as much as ot sucks, that’s the life of being the oldest. I am the oldest of 4 children with 3 younger brothers. Both my parents worked 50+ hours a week so I was basically the parent most of the time when my parents weren’t home. That happened right up until I turned 18 and moved 2 states away a couple weeks later.
No, you are not being irrational. Your parents want their cake and to eat it too. I think you should have an open and honest talk with them. They sound like good parents and I’m sure would be unterstanding of your view point.
As the youngest I can’t relate to the watching of siblings but I can 
relate to the two faced parenting. What I did was sit down and have an adult conversation with them about why they always take back my “status” when it’s convenient for them. Until I turned 21, (I moved away at 18 so this continued for a few years after I moved out too) they didn’t give me the responsibility or respect that I sought after.
My advice to you would be to just go ahead and “assume the role” of parent when they’re gone, but when they’re there- just be the kid you are and let them do the discipline and when they say why something didn’t get done while they’re home tell them honestly “because when you’re home, I didn’t think I needed to be the parent and make sure it got done. I did my part and got my chores done.” But try to watch your tone of voice, saying something like that can back fire with the wrong tone.
Also, please I urge you when you are old enough and ready to move out please don’t let them talk you into staying home for college and taking care of your siblings. They may get comfortable with this arrangement and you need to remember you owe them nothing. Focus on you, get your life together. I wish I would have focused on me and not my family sometimes. It feels weird being 28, and just now accomplishing what a lot of 18/20 year olds accomplish.
Once parents are home you defer to them
Sorry kiddo. It’s awesome that you’re such a great kid and helping out so much!
First off, its not your job to watch your siblings. That is your parents responsibility and it is their responsibility to find a babysitter. Second, if they are saying you’re not an adult to be able to discipline, then you’re not an adult to babysit them.
Stick your ground. You are 15 and still trying to get an education. Worry about that first. Your parents should hopefully understand.
Okay. So I was designated babysitter growing up, and now have a 15 yr old sons and a 1.5 yr old son.
I was given such mixed signals growing up I kinda went crazy about it so I can see where you are coming from.
Now as a parent I go out of my way to make sure my son understands when I ask him to do something or not do something he understands why. I also do not ask him to help with his little brother unless he actually wants to, though I’m sure he would rather not sometimes and does anyway because he is “brother”.
But he knows if he ever feels like I’m treating him unfairly he can come talk to me honestly about it. I don’t know what your relationship with your parents is like but maybe just try talking to them about it? If you’d like to be able to talk to my son about it feel free to message me I can forward you along to him.
Hate to tell ya this kid but that’s life.
Get told one thing and then you get told another.
You aren’t the parent. You are only in charge when they are gone.
That’s an important thing to learn. samething happens at work. You tell someone what to do and someone higher up tells them something different.
Get used to it now and be relieved that when they are home you don’t have to deal with it.
Sounds like you have it pretty good compared to some teenagers who have no parents. No support and have to work and go to Highschool just to survive.
You are having to raise siblings and be responsible for them yet your parents still control you. Completely unfair. They need to choose, free labor from an equal or pay a babysitter to watch all 5 children. Truth is, they are using you and it is not right or fair.
I don’t agree with making an older child do so much for younger siblings. But if they are gonna give you that responsibility then they should let you have a say so with them at all times. Just like I don’t tell my kids they can do something after my husband tells them no.
Kids need consistency, if its your responsibility to discipline them while your parents are away, then you should also discipline them even when they are home. By your parents doing that, its teaching the younger ones they don’t have to listen to you and also making it harder on you to know when and how its appropriate to discipline them. I would definitely talk to your parents and establish boundaries when it comes to this just so there are no more mixed signals. I don’t think they are doing it on purpose, they are still learning all the time like you are
You should be allowed to be a child. Helping the family out is different than doing mostly all of it.
Tell your parents your a kid and need a kids life. Stop giving you mixed messages because they don’t want a payed babysitter. Its forced growing up. Darl you need to be a kid. Sure you help out but it’s not ok for them to take advantage and tell you different later. Make them start paying you to babysit if that’s how they roll.
I agree like Walton’s john boy had privilege as oldest you should too talk with parents you need respect
You are the child you will have enough when u are an adult By all means help you’re parents out but rember their the parent you are the child
When they’re home, they’re in charge. When they’re gone, you’re in charge. You are in charge temporarily, put it that way. The kids do not need three authority figures when your parents are home. Just as a babysitter does not have the authority to make decisions, which is essentially the role you take when your parents aren’t there. babysitters or nannies also spend more time. Yes, they may discipline the child as they’re told to do by the parents, but any involvement after or further is not appropriate. It’s not your job to be the parent. They’re not expecting you to be an adult by making you babysit for that hour or so or helping around the house, although it is a great thing to learn for adulthood. Teenage siblings and babysitters have been doing this for a very long time. I hope I explained it somewhat well!
I would ask your parents to have a sit down talk with you. Explain this to them.
You are NOT be irrational at all. Basically they are telling you to be a kid. They are sending mixed signals and it’s difficult as both the child and the parent. I’m dealing with the same thing with my child. 
I would talk with your social worker at school about what’s going on
I think many are misreading, as this.
The posters issue is that she is not able to discipline or have rules for the kids when the parents are home as well, as she views this as not being treated like an adult when they’re home, but only when they are gone.
She is not being asked to watch the kids 24/7 or to be the parent. She states that she helps at home and watches them for an hour or so if the parents go out.
These so called “parents” want the best of two worlds. Put a minor child, aged fifteen, in charge of their other minor children when it suits them whilst going to “goof off” or whatever, and then treating the OP as a child when they return. The OP should definitely state their opinion, and should the parents disagree, the OP should consider calling DCF.
You absolutely should share your opinion. You have a voice.
Yes…and no.
My kiddos are still young but I’ve seen a similar dynamic with my 2.
A few months ago I was wrist deep in raw hamburger. My 3 year old had somehow gotten ahold of cleaner and was spraying everything. I asked my 7 year old to grab it and put it away.
Typically I would intervene myself but…under the circumstances i needed help.
My 7 year old has since taken to “policing” the 3 year old.
And the 3 year old has started taking the 7 year olds direction over mine.
The other day, the 7year old was fixing to plug the vacuum in, and asked the 3 year old to do it.
I said “no” 3 year old hesitated and then 7 year old continued to encourage it so 3 year old did it.
They both got a time out.
I need my 3 year old to listen to me. I need him to know/understand that I am the adult/parent and what I say goes.
It’s possible that your parents have experienced something similar with your younger siblings.
Now, if it was me, I would have sat down and explained this to you…and if that’s the case they should have done so.
My suggestion would be to just talk to them. Calmly and from the heart. Explain that it hurts your feelings and you’d like to understand where they’re coming from, especially since you do have the huge responsibility of caring for them so often.
Talk to them about it
It’s not your job to care for your younger siblings. Period. It’s theirs. They had them. They are being selfish and unfair to your childhood to make their own lives easier.
I know this sounds probably bad to you but they trust you and take it as a compliment they seem to be raising a wonderful person
Firstly, you’re not alone honey, this ks a story that so many of us have to live. Secondly,i am proud of you for stepping up, and they are too, but maybe they havent voiced that pride. As for advice, you are an adult now, so time to have your first adult discussion with your parents. Tell them you love your family, or how you feel, whether thats good or bad or both, amd tell them you are struggling with being a split person. Take time to rehearse so your points come out clear and assertive without seeming cold. Its all about love in the end. I’m here if you need a cool aunty to listen too x
As an oldest of 6 plus 4 bonus siblings, this kind of brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel. Communicate sweetheart. Let your parents know how you feel. This pandemic is affecting everyone from parents to family to siblings to friends and I am so broken hearted you don’t get to experience adolescence right now. I just want to say I’m really happy for your siblings that they have someone like you to look up to and that you are so understanding of the way life is right now. You are special in this scary world. You’re going to grow into such an amazing person over the next years. Remember to speak up and communicate your feelings to your parents. You didn’t create those children. Let them know you’re feeling overwhelmed. Even us veteran moms get overwhelmed. Let your parents know right now, you’re overwhelmed and it shouldn’t be put solely on you to provide care for your siblings. And if you ever need a listening ear or word of advice, pm me.
And NO, you are absolutely not wrong for feeling like it’s unfair. It IS. SPEAK UP BABY
You are amazing! I’m a mum of four girls, my oldest is only 8, and my youngest is almost 10 months old. I feel like it’s a very fine line with asking you to help, and then having a go at you for continuing to try and help when your parents are home. I sometimes ask my eldest to help out with the baby so I can cook, or shower, or shower the middle two girls. But then as soon as I’m done, I expect my eldest to be a child and do what she’d like to do. As in a don’t want her to be mum, but I do need help when their dad isn’t around. If that makes sense.
U are wise hope ur parents get this, if not don’t be resentful and realize they are humans and unfortunately make mistakes as humans do. Love ya little lady