I am tired and my husband helps with nothing: Help?

I am a mommy of two. Lately, I have been feeling tremendously tired and sad. My husband, the father of my two kids, barely help me with anything, including taking care of our kids. He’s always leaving us to go out with his friends every day for hours. I always tell him to stop leaving his kids and start taking care of them, and he would tell me, “okay, tomorrow I will stay home, I promise.” When he’s home, I realize I was better off being alone with my kids because he’s always sitting and laying around, and doesn’t do anything but be on the phone or the game, and tells me to do more things. He expects me to make him food, do his laundry, and everything else but doesn’t want to help with anything at all. We live with his parents. This story might sound stupid, but I am very tired, and I am starting to hate my life now. Every day, the first thing I would think of is waiting for the day to be over with. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. I feel like he doesn’t care about us and is taking advantage.


This sounds like my first marriage. I decided if i was going to be alone in my marriage, i might as well not be married!! It was like having another child, it was a relief to leave!


Get used to to do the majority of it yourself… I’ve yet to meet a man who helps very much around house or with kiddos!


Start leaving the house twice a week for a few hours first. I mean no one is making you stay. You women give these man boys too much power!

Once he complains then have a discussion. If he can’t see your side inform him which two days you’ll continue to leave per week. He has to take care of his children then.


Give him a ultimatum sit down tell him you either help me with the kids or get out… he made those kids so he has the same


Doesn’t he have a job? You both live with someone else, he has time to be out playing for hours with friends. So who’s supporting you and the kids? Sounds like you have a man child. Let his momma take care of him , move out-and get a job and take care of yourself and the kids. Tell him when he grows up, you’ll talk.


I think this is actually very common, as frustrating as it is. A lot of couples seem perfect or dads seem so involved, but I personally don’t know any couples where the husband does much besides work


I totally agree with Angela C Williams either he helps or he’s out

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It sounds like there’s a couple issues here: #1 being you are struggling with depression- go to a therapist and try and start some medication to help.
#2 is that your husband sounds like an immature douche bag. You should probably leave cuz it sounds like he’s making a lot of empty promises and it’s draining you.


Tell him to get a damn job then… he has no excuses. If he can’t put in some effort then he’s not worth it… father of children or not that’s bs.

Does he work… sounds like he has a lot of spare time.

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Doesnt he have a job?

Why do women stay with men like this… leave… youre already a single mom if youre doing it all. You definetly dont need an adult male child to complicate things.


When hes home just tell him you’re going out :woman_shrugging: what could he say? No? Lol you deserve time for yourself


This was my first marriage. At the time when he left me I thought it was the end of the world. I know now that it was a blessing in disguise.


Wow, you need to put your foot down. He is acting like a teenager and not a partner.

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Damn don’t the bum work? You’re experiencing the symptoms of depression girl. It’s only going to get worse if things continue the way they are, trust me I know. I can’t honestly see ANYTHING positive he is doing for you or your children. It’s time to kick his ass to the curb baby.

Soooo you can live the rest of your life being miserable. Or find someone who treats you as a partner and equal. :woman_shrugging:


My husband is like this to we also live with his parents. I talked with him and told him how I felt.
And now that we’re looking for a place to live it’s gotten better.
It’s hard living with parents and trying to raise kids and also trying to have a marriage.
Be straight up and honest and don’t care who hears any more.
It may be better for his parents to hear your conversation any way so maybe they will talk with him to

Had a marriage like this. He just didn’t want me or the kid. He left me by myself in the hospital for days after birth and sent his sister came to get us. He never helped out always useless and verbally mean. Walk away. You deserve better. It’s not like he’s helping you in any way or the kids

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Talk to him and instead of expecting him to do stuff tell him specifically what you need help with like hey hun can you wash the dishes while I fold laundry

Girl, get those momma bear vibes out! Tell him what you want and need done. Firmly explain to him that those are your expectations. If he doesn’t want to help or meet those expectations as a father or husband, you’re gone. It’s not about “him” anymore, it’s about the family. It’s a team. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself and children. If he doesn’t like it put your foot in a boot and kick his ass to the curb.

hummmm! Quit living up to his expectations. Have that talk: I can do bad all by myself! Set some goals and time limits together and if he doesn’t follow them, he isn’t mature enough. You have choices to make. Maybe with out him.

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You need to ask for some help. Should go see a Dr. This lifestyle may have caused some depression and most certainly anxiety. Which will wear you down as well.
Unfortunately, I don’t see any good coming from this relationship.
If you can go to your parents/family for some help please do so. I think it’s time for you to move on. Do what you have to do, seek out any help you can get, and go on your own. By what you say here, it could not be any harder on you to live alone. Plus your home, your rules, your schedule…adds up to a lot less stress than where you are now. You probably can’t see the forest for the trees right now. But make some moves forward. Slowly take steps ahead to get you out of this rut. And asap get a job … it’s a good thing I promise.

Divorce him. If he can’t man up and take some responsibility with his own children, he shouldn’t be allowed to go out at all! This is not a marriage. A relationship isn’t 50/50 it’s 100/100! 100% is what he needs to give to match what you’re doing daily. Even if it’s just simple tasks and playing with the kids. The kids will end up resenting him if he doesn’t start spending time with them. Talk to him and give him some chores when he’s home. Ask him what you need instead of telling him.

One thing I learned from my marriage… men will take whatever you let them take from you. You have to absolutely stand up and make it clear that he cannot take from you without giving back. You have to draw boundaries. He may not necessarily be a bad man. But men don’t think like women do. If you aren’t willing to set firm boundaries and expectations about how you are to be treated than he will run you over left and right. It’s not necessarily that he doesn’t care about you so much as that he just doesn’t think about your feelings and how he is making you feel unless you be explicit with him. Be upfront and honest. Tell him what you need him to do for you to be happy in your relationship.

Once you have been totally clear with him then he will show you where you stand with him. My husband listened to me, apologized for taking advantage of me and worked to improve. If I told you about my relationship two years ago you would have told me to kick him to the curb. But if you saw where we are now you would see we are an awesome couple. What we had needed was clear communication and firm boundaries.


I hear you… seriously I just don’t understand how guys think this is ok… I don’t care that they work… my husband is exactly like this and I’ve had it… I pile his nasty dishes off to the side… laundry well he’s a big boy he’ll figure it out. I’m just done. It seems Like if they weren’t married they would all have a personal maid’s waiting on then hand and foot… well I got news they are just lazy asses looking for the easy way out. I talk to my girlfriend’s they all say the same… I don’t know what the hell happened to men but they need to stop this shit or they will all end up alone and dirty

You’re in control of your life. If you dont like your situation, change it.


Kick his ass to the curb.

So stop doing for him. No laundry, no cooking, no nothing! Take care of you and your children. Tell him when he can step up and be a better husband and father you will go back to being the helpful loving wife he were.
You pair up or marry to have a teammate, a partner. Not another child to take care of.
Many women do not leave these relationships because one, they’re conditioned to stay,
Two, they’re usually stuck with no financial means and are even sometimes alienated from their family,
and 3 they don’t wanna break up their family. It’s a lot easier to say leave than it is to actually leave.
I always suggest councling before giving up but both partners have to be willing to put in the work. Every person has those things that they need to work on , and counseling will also help communication, listening compromise, and give you both better ways to help each other.


I never had help with my 2 i did it all n he work

Dont like it divorce him

Not ok I really thought you were complaining about him being at work all the time but it sounds like you are raising a teenager. Maybe stop doing wife things for him and I mean no more clean clothes, no home cooked meals, maybe even have the kids sleep in the bed with you so there is no space for him. Stick to your guns and if he doesn’t get the point maybe move out.


You need to START TODAY on an EXIT PLAN.

It will be hard…but YOU CAN DO IT.

Close your eyes.

Imagine just you and your children in your little home.

One less child (baby dsddy) to take care of.

You get up.
Get kids up.

Out the door.

Drop kids at day care.

You to work.
They are SO Happy you are there.
Are THE BEST employee.
Everyone loves you.
You love your job.

Leave work.
Pick up kids.
Get home.
Pull out dinner you prepared last night.

Eat w kids.
Laugh about your day.

Throw clothes in wssher.

Snuggle on couch, watch a funny movie.

Grab warm clothes out of dryer.
All of you laugh.
The kids love to help fold.

You look around.

Your home.


A few toys out.

You and the kids put clothes up.

Brush teeth.
Read w kids.
Get them in bed.
Make tomorrow’s lunches.

Crawl into your bed.


And wonder… why did I stay w him so long.

We don’t need him.
I do want him.

I’m really happy.
The kids are happy.

Sounds good ?




This something I refuse to put up with. My fiancé and I became first time parents 10 months ago! Of course having a baby changes everything but I felt it only changed my life. I simply told him that I resented him and that if things didn’t change with him and if he didn’t start helping that him and I would NOT make it! He loves me so he stepped his game up tremendously!!! He would sleep all day and expect me to stay up and spend time with him all night and then get up with the baby as well. I have to say he has completely changed and now helps more than ever! I guess he didn’t want to lose us!!
Open your communication and give him an ultimatum! If he truly loves you then he will do whatever it takes to make you happy and he will realize he is the one missing out on his kids

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Lots of good advice here. He wants to act like a child, let his parents take care of him. You concentrate on yourself & your kids and he’ll either step up or step out, either way you win. Good luck.

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Listen, I went through this and this is exactly what drove me and my sons father apart and just co-parent. He is NOT going to change! I would really have a sit down and tell him how you feel, what you expect and come to some middle ground with him going out. It’s all about balance and communication. If he does not change, you better off alone and let him continue being a child by himself. Stop doing things for him! You have kids already without adding a grown kid to the mix.

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My soon to be ex husband used to do the same thing (in regards of the not doing anything part cuz we dont have any kids together) he went through 10 different jobs within a year and a half and would always find some excuse to call in or not go while i had to work 2 jobs just to make sure all the bills were paid. I woke up one morning to relaize I was being taken advantage of and was killing myself for no good reason and kicked his ass out and its the best thing I have done recently. I am so much happier and less stressed. Every woman is worth so much more. Always remember that :heart:

You are his other mother. He is lacking maturity. He behaves like a surely teenager. He needs to step into husband and father roles or get out.


It looks like he never had to grow up because he had you move into his parent’s home making them responsible. You can’t control nobody else and even if he starts doing what you want him to do, it’ll still be a problem because he legit isn’t interested in doing it. And you are not in the privacy Of your own home to really stand up for yourself. This is what I encourage you to do. GO TO SCHOOL. Take a course to become EKG certified. Look up what that is. It’s the fastest way to get your foot in the door and work in a hospital where you can work 3 twelve hour shifts, or be part time or per diem. DO NOT WAIT. That’s the worst thing you can do is wait for him to change. Get yourself together and move out to your own place. If he wants to move out with you, he needs to get his shit together, if not he can stay right where he is. YOU make that change and be an example to your kids. You taking charge of your own life is exactly what you need to get out of whatever you are going through. I will never tell someone to divorce unless he was physically abusing you but I do recommend to separate so you can be in good mental health. Life may be hard, but it’s easier when you have sense of control for bettering your situation and having a clear direction heading towards your goals. Good luck

Just feed the kids, say didn’t have time to make your dinner. Just take care of the kids.

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Lay down the law either he stays and helps raise his kids or put his ass out.

No it not on sum men are so lazy x

First thing get your own house, then tell him that they are his kids too, if he would help with them that would help alot

Simple stop doing things for him. Make him do his stuff maybe he will wake up. You do your mama stuff take care of yourself and them kids.

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Give him a taste of his own medicine. YOU leave for the day. Turn your phone off. Make him see what it’s like. And quit doing his shit. You’re his wife not his maid.

Stop doing everything for HIM! He’s not one of your children! He needs to grow up. So many unanswered questions. Like how old are y’all? Why do y’all live with his parents? Are there plans to get a place of your own soon? Sounds like a bad situation all around. Seems like you’d be better off without him…

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Either go on strike and only do for yourself and kids nothing for him or get you and your kids your own place and leave him with his momma

He is just showing you who he is, believe him.

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On a side note, what the F is wrong with men? There are SO many posts exactly like this. Why?! Why do they even think this is acceptable behavior? It’s abuse. Why are men so abusive?


I would write him a to do list, grab your bag/coat and go. Just say “I’m going out for a bit, bye”

It is not ok for dads to check out of life and not help with the raising if the kids that they helped to make. Put your foot down. Alternatively, go on strike. Dont cook for him, clean his clothes etc… carry on doing for yourself and the kids, just leave him out. Then he might realise quite how much you do for him!


Marriage counseling looks to be needed but here’s a start… how about sitting down with him and using I feel statements. I feel tired and sad right now I could really use your help with the kids right now. I have some things I am trying to work on. I would appreciate you blowing off your friends and video games for a little while while I work on my fatigue and depression. People respond better to I statements. If he then does not stop let him know you will start looking into other living arragements or if you would like the home then pack him a bag and ask him to leave.

If you’re not happy with your life you’re the only one who can change it. Sounds like your husband is content with being lazy and you allow it to happen as well.you’re the only one who has the power to decide how you’re going to wake up and feel everyday and if a change of environment would help with that better than you need to do that… Of not for you than your children as well.

Living with parents will do that, time for you to move if yo can, get a job. you are not happy with living arrangement than do something about it.

This is awful . He is using his parents as well as you .
Take your kids & go . If your doing everything yourself you might as well be by yourself .
Is there a reason he or you don’t work ?


Yep that’s what it sounds like to me why are you putting up with that go to your moms if you can get out go away for a bit get away from him

Leave him he’s worthless

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Stop doing shit for him tell him u got 2 babys not 3

The first thing to do is move. You need your own place. He sound like a spoiled kid,or else leave him look for a place for you and your children.