How have you dealt with, not working, and staying at home/being dependent on your husband after having a baby? I have always been very independent, gotten myself everything I have wanted. I lived alone since I was 19 until I turned 22, after that my husband and I lost our daughter at five months pregnant and it took a while for me to bounce back. Months later I started a job at home, and I was very happy with it. I found out I was pregnant with my son shortly after, kept my job a few months, but unfortunately, I found out I have extremely complicated pregnancies, and this put me on bed rest for five months straight; I ended up getting out of my job. My son is almost four months old now he’s exclusively breastfeeding, and I feel so so worthless. Anything I want to get/need, I have to run it by my husband, he’s usually okay, but this still really bothers me. I understand why questions some things I’d like to buy, but I can’t help but remember how good I felt when I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything. Marriage is hard after a baby, and this issue is just making it worse. I want to go back to work, but my country is shit when it comes to breastfeeding laws, and I know this is important for my child, and he was a 34-week preemie. I’m so confused and conflicted because I don’t really want to leave my son.
Can you go back to working from home?
I went back to work wheb my daughter was 5 months because im the same way but then i started kicking myself when i wasnt there to see her millestones and had to see them through the phone 
its a catch 22 no matter what you decide honestly. Thats how i feel anyways
I worked long hours for 20 years and felt like I missed out on so much of my daughters childhood…I promised myself I wouldn’t do that with my son. If you are capable as a family for you to stay home…I’d say do it…they are only little once.
Are you able to work from home again?
I didn’t want to leave my son either but it’s important for your mental health. Not only that, but from my experience, when you rely too much on a man and they feel pressured they tuck tail and run. I work part time, still see my son most of the time, have my own money and feel way better about myself. If you are afraid about jobs and breastfeeding, find a job that will let you work short shifts. They even now have hand and wire free pumps so you don’t have to take a break and pump. They just go right in your bra. Everyone is different but whatever you decide is best for your family, you should never feel guilty for!
I’d work from home if possible! I used to feel that way. I worked at a nursing home and I loved taking care of my residents but I started working 16 and 24 hour shifts and it got in the way of me being a mom. When I quit I felt absolutely useless. I started making a list of stuff to do every day and its helped A LOT. I see everything I’ve accomplished that day on top of being a mom. It’s a huge adjustment and you just have to find victories in the little things. Or if you guys can do it I recommend maybe taking some online classes. You’re not worthless, i promise.
I work part time and stay home w my daughter that way. Maybe find a part time job?i never have to ask to get things that may be apart of the issue? Large items I ask out of respect (which isn’t often) but I don’t need permission to buy a shirt or go to dinner with friends. Figure out what breastfeeding saves on formula and the savings with daycare and say that’s my contribution.
I enjoy not workout full time because it’s not time I can get back so if you can swing it I would say go for it
I relied on my previous husband to provide and then was forced to stay in an unhappy marriage for several years before I was financially able to leave. I’d NEVER rely on anyone to support me and my children again. I did miss things when they were little, but I wouldn’t change it. I think this is a personal decision that really varies from person to person, family to family.
Stay home and work with your baby bean.
It’s worth the sacrifice to stay home. Peace of mind knowing your seeing their milestones first.
Knowing their getting held when ever they feel the need for comfort.
I am a stay at home mom of 4 kids. Not married (by choice) Don’t get me wrong I rather be off being independent when it comes to buying things past our needs.
But I can do that once my kids are in school 
So I tried going back to work, but babysitters weren’t reliable so I made the decision to stay home. I did this for a year. I hated being completely dependent on him for everything, because I was so used to having my own money, it was weird having to run everything by him before buying stuff. Eventually I just went back to school and then went back to work after having baby #2
I went to work after 6 weeks with both my kids. It was wrenching to leave the kids but it’s important to not HAVE to depend on a man for everything in case something happens.
I would put a sign on the ladies room door that said “do not disturb until X:XX time & pump away, pumps affixed to both breasts. It wasn’t ideal, but I made it work. Like when donating blood, drinking a ton of water in advance helps it go faster.
Could you work part time? Could you work from home or do so for the majority of the time? Chances are you will second-guess yourself no matter what you do, but really there are no bad choices, just different ones.
Could you work a couple hours in the evenings when your husband is home from work? Maybe in between feedings so you don’t have to worry about pumping? Where I live a lot of daycares hire someone to come in and clean after they close. Its usually a three hour a night job. Maybe something like that?
Ive been an exclusive stay at home mom for 12 years now. My 2nd pregnancy was so hard that working wasnt an option and it just made sense to stay home with both kids after he arrived. I may not have an outside job but Im the one that pays the bills and makes sure we all have what we need and what we want. Ive never had to run purchases by my husband unless it would really mess with our bank accounts (think 500+ dollars or more). With a breastfeeding baby, why not just take the baby with you when you go out? Most places have feeding areas now, and if all else fails there is always the car. If you want to work then look into another at home type job or start pumping so you have a stock built up if you work outside the home. You have so many options!
If you can afford it just stay home. My hubby gave me an allowance every week to spend on me and gave me extra when kids needed diapers or wipes. I always had a hard time spending money on myself especially when I know the kids needed things so wasn’t really a problem.
Honey change your thoughts! You are doing the most important job in the world~ Birthing & raising a tiny human!
Personally I would try to get that Work at Home job back & stay with my child. Then you have money coming in & you are with your baby like you want.
As far as buying things, & asking, maybe set an agreement that anything under $50 can just be bought if bills are paid & its either needed or a want for a good reason. Anything over $50 you wait until a conversation can be had about it. & once you start bringing in money again, keep the same agreement in place as a "marriage agreement’ & that might help you feel little less like you are dependent on him.
I just started working a few weeks ago, my boyfriend and i decided id wait til after our daughter was a year old to start working, and she is, shes about 15 months and its hard. I hate being away from her so much. My shifts usually arent any longer than 8 hours, but it still sucks. Shes having a hard time adjusting to being home with only her dad during the week (he works 12 hour shifts Saturday-Monday so i always have those days off), but shes doing better slowly. Shes also been exclusively breastfed since birth, and its been really hard to get her to take breast milk out of anything but my breasts, but she eats regular food and drinks juice so i know its not a huuuge deal that she doesnt have it during the day.
I didn’t feel guilty about staying home the first year of her life at all! The cost of daycare would have cancelled out me working full time anyways. My now ex-husband and I agreed to me working part-time versus full time on the opposite schedule of what he was working. It was okay for 3 years. Ultimately we divorced, but at least I was there for all of her firsts, and her and I still (she’s 8) are very close.
I stayed at home and then went back to work and I would give anything g to be back at home. I miss the park, the holding, the quiet moments that are not rushed. I miss the library and how much joy I had with them.
I have gone thru this with the birth of each one of my children (i have 4). First of all, can you find reliable child care? One that makes you feel comfortable leaving your child with them? To me, that is the most important thing. If so, maybe a part time is the answer. Then you can continue breastfeeding (pump and store bottles for use when you are working). You may spend most of your earnings of a part time job just to pay for the child care, but if you have to you have to for your mental health alone. You will feel better about yourself, and at the same time be able to spend an equal amount of time with your child. You will figure things out and juggle like all moms have to do. And dont neglect your husband! He is affected by all this too, sometimes invisibly by most. Once a week try to at least get out for a meal together, without the baby. It may sound unimportant but its incredibly important to the well being of your relationship. And good luck to you!
I stay home with my kids and have never asked permission to buy anything. You’re one unit. Like my hubs always says, my money is your money and vice versa. Even when I worked, I still spent his money lol.
Remind yourself that this is a temporary stage and set some goals. I can understand independence and how it’s been about a year with bedrest to now, but baby sounds like a priority for now. Will baby be ready for part time daycare in 6 months, where you can look to easing back into work? It’s your family, and you must remember you’re a team. Right now (and during pregnancy) your husband picked up the income slack for yiur family team while you handled the difficult pregnancy and preemie care for your family team. Sounds like you’re about ready to consider shifting into a new stage but need to talk to him and decide when, set some plans. Personally after an RSV scare with my baby, winter is an awful germy time for daycare so if given the choice to stay home with baby, I would, but that choice isn’t right for every family. Babies are worth it, but you’ve been carrying the baby load awhile so discuss plans with your husband for the next stage. I will say it’s a big pill to swallow to give up being an independent, income-earning partner to become a mother. Mom guilt vs. individuality is so hard.
Cant you pump. Use a bottle
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I had a normal pregnancy. After I went on maternity leave I stayed home with my now 4 month old daughter. Just started a new job (I’m on day 4 of it now) and it’s hard being away from her for so long but it’s getting better.
I’ve been a stay at home mom for Nearly 11 yrs now, and the one thing I was not prepared for was how hard it was entering the work force again
I have experience as a manger (but that was nearly 11 yrs ago now and irrelevant) and graduated the biotechnology technician program when my kids were 8 and 6 (6 yr old twins) but csnt secure any thing cuz I’m either “too educated” for your average retail type position or don’t have the work experience they are looking for
And that’s something I never considered when we decided I would stay home
I chose work. I needed time away…to be me…to focus on something outside of the family. Maybe see if u can work in the evenings once ur husband is home?? Pump as much as possible during the day???
You don’t want to leave your son, breastfeeding is important. So I’d say you have your answer. Stay home, take care of your boy. If you need to earn extra money to just buy the things you want, and you’re willing to sacrifice the opportunity to take care of your baby, that seems rather selfish to me. My son is 10 mo, breastfeeding still, and I stay home. I’m not going to trust him to the care of anyone else just because I want to make money to buy things for myself. Come on, is it really that essential to your self worth to choose yourself over your child best interest? Sorry if I sound like an asshole, but thats just how I see it.
Work at home . What about taking in a baby your childs age ,so their doing the same thing. Soon be able to play together.
Maybe stick it out untill he’s off the 
you Know and then get back normal
My ex husband told me I was staying at home with our oldest daughter (it wasn’t a discussion, yes that’s a lot of why he’s my ex). In many ways I do not regret it because I was there for all my children until they were school age. I appreciate my time with them and opportunity to stay at home. My ex husband never made me ask for money and also gave me a “paycheck” so I didn’t feel like it was all his money. Only nice thing he ever did. But now that I’m a single mom and have been out of work for so long, I kind of wish I’d worked at least part-time or from home or something. I’m only able to find entry level positions now and that barely pays the bills for me. I regret at least not going to school or something because now that I’m divorced, it’s hard to get a job. Staying at home is challenging especially with a newborn, it does get easier and better when they are a little older (I’d give anything in this world to go back to when my kids were like 3 years old, no school, just going to the park, puzzles, so much fun!) but you should always have a backup plan or find a way to sharpen your skills while you’re at home not only will it make you feel more useful (like taking an online course or something when your baby naps) but it will be a good thing in case you end up needing to go back to work for whatever reason.
Maybe u could get a job where u can take your baby, sometimes they have babbysitters there were u work.
Treasure the time you have at home with your baby. It can be difficult at times and isolating, but never forget you are working! Raising a human being is one of the most important jobs there is! If you did not stay home and raise him, someone else would have to. That being said, you could also work part-time or get your husband or friends or relatives to give you breaks so you can get out and do some things for yourself.
Have you spoken to your husband?? There might be ways to let you feel less dependent. Like you each get X amount each month to spend the way you want. Also, I assume you are taking care of the house as well. Don’t let having a “job” make you feel like what you are doing isn’t work. It is! You just don’t get paid. But people DO get paid for that very thing. And quite well usually.
Also, remember what you give your child is more important than all the money in the world. I waited until my youngest was 17 months old until I went back to work. I wanted to be there for as many of the “firsts” as possible. But if you set a time frame for going back it might help you feel like you are working towards something.
I would stay home with him As long as u can… u will never regret that. They grow so quick more priceless than anything u could buy… If u really can’t take it Work a job opposite your husbands shift so the baby doesn’t have to go to daycare or get another work from home job.
Get a job you can do and keep him with you. Such as a Paper route. Work part time, give yourself some freedom (and some cash) until then, tell hubs you want a personal allowance to spend however you want. No more questions about what you are purchasing.
If it’s affordable what about part time or getting back into your work at home job. I’ve been looking for at home work to take care of my mother but so far no luck.
Me, I wanted to be a stay at home mom since I had my first child. And I was for the first 4 years. Then I became a single working mother of 3. I feel missed out on so much. I also feel they missed out on so much. But I had bills to pay and mouths to feed.
Husband is the head of the house in Gods eyes. The man works the woman stays home to take care of the house an any kids there may be. This is biblical.
They’re only young for a short time. Strengthen your Bond and enjoy him. Work will always be there.
I work from home and care for my son have his whole life and wouldnt trade it. It is definitely not easy but I cherish that I get to be there for him. 
I would stay off as long as my FMLA allows …them back to work. Marriage can get really complicated when money start impacting the household. In society today most households require two. Breastfeeding is allowed at work, don’t make that an excuse.
My advice is to stay home as long as possible with your baby. You and your husband need to come to an agreement that you are a team. Maybe set a limit dollar wise that you don’t need to discuss buying things. You also are not worthless being a mom is a full time job and an extremely important one. Never say I am just a stay at home mom. Trust me I raised 4 and it is a full time job and it only gets busier. Good luck. You need to be happy with yourself but now you are a mom you and your husband need to make changes. Bless your baby. Good luck
you,ll never regret time at home… for the early years
Can you find work from home? Like a broker or something?
Maybe pump your milk so he still gets the good stuff while your at work.
I was a stay at home for a long time, thanks God for my husband he was always providing and he liked when I stayed at home because he knew that i took care of the things at home and our kids. Don’t feel bad, nobody takes very good care of your child other than yourself.
Why don’t you work from home again?
Babys not that old that it cant be done.
I went college fulltime had two children and a newborn while going through my divorce. I didn’t have any support either but I managed once my baby was 3 months old I pumped and nursed and went to work and school fulltime. Its possibly you just have to want to do it.
You are doing a job too! He shouldn’t make you feel like you are dependent on him. You are a team! What is wrong with men these days?
Just find another work from home job or go back to your old one.
I completely understand your feelings. Try first just getting out of the house and doing something for an hour. An hour at the gym, or running, or just a walk. Make sure you are getting exercise. You could also try doing little things for people you know who might be supportive enough of you and your feelings to allow to you come clean their house or do laundry or babysit for some money of your own, as well as ways to feel useful and productive out side of being a mommy. Maybe even being able to bring the little one along if you will need to feed. Even 5 ppl willing to pay you 20 to come out once a week will give you some breathing room and plenty of time to continue breastfeeding and bonding.
I agree with above from the two ladies. And you’re definitely not worthless! You are a Mother and babies and children need their Mothers a lot. They need their mother’s time and love in order to grow and thrive.
You can always go back to work but your son is only a baby for a year. You CAN’T get that time back. If you can sacrifice some things to make it work DO IT!
Enjoy your time with your child. They’re only small for a little while. Your husband is dependent on you. To care for his child and yourself. You can return to work at a later time. Don’t look back and wish you had spent more time with him.
Your child is only little for so long…you can always return to work, but you cant get his infancy back. Set up a budget with your husband. You’re allowed to spend so much money without having to ask him, regardless of what its for… or something to that effect.
I would spend the time with my baby. I have had the privilege of being able to stay with my youngest, however I wasnt able to with my older kids. Its definitely not easy to feel like you are dependent on someone else but being with baby I feel out weighs it. It’s time you will never get back. They are only little for a while but work will always be work.
In the end you have to do what is best for your mental health. If you are miserable not working, baby will feel that.
Maybe you could discuss with your husband about having a monthly spending budget just for you. Does your husband know how you feel? I think it’s important to talk about it together. I am a stay at home mom for thirteen years now. I have a monthly spending budget just for me in which I can do what I please with it. I even have a separate bank account for it so that I don’t end up overspending from our joint account where all are bills come from.
If you decide to stay home make sure…MAKE SURE…like one THOUSAND percent sure that your husband is on board with that. You might end up 12 years later to someone still throwing it in your face every once in a while.
I’d say right now you’re hormonal. Postpartum breastfeeding and trying to stay bonded to your baby. Stay home for a bit and then given you have good childcare return to work.
I hate asking for money too. I was the same very independent and not use to asking for things I want or need. It’s been the hardest part of staying home. I do know this is temporary and when the kids go to school I’ll go back to work. So I’m ok with it for now.
It’s hard to accept but if you love your man you should trust in him to provide. If you feel baby needs you you should stay and try to find peace at home. Its not easy for sure but you both chose this life when you decided to have kids. You have to do everything for them when rhey are young and they wont be young for long. Keep your head up!
You’ll never get this time again i think if you go back to work you’ll regret it when hes a teenager and is more independant of you and youve missed the lovely baby toddler years
If you can afford to stay home with your baby…do it. You’ll never get that time back. I had my daughter at 34 weeks as well. Was lucky enough to be able to take 9 weeks off of work. Went back part time. But it didnt last long. I was working 2 jobs and barely spend anytime with her by the time she was 1. Now I just work a full time job. She just turned 2 but I’ll always wish I would’ve spent more time with her. Unfortunately for us it’s just not something I can do. So I’d say if you can, then do it. I’m definitely aiming to be a SAHM if we ever have another.
I’ve got 3 girls… I was able to stay home with them the first few years of their lives… we struggled financially, but we made it. Husband knew how important it was to me to be home with them. They’re only lil for a lil while, enjoy it while you can, Momma. Talk with ur man, y’all can make it work!
Give your son this time please. At least until he needs the company of other children. While he’s an infant, he needs you and you two need to bond, tightly.