I am unsure how my daughter will do with her dad...advice?

My ex lives in Florida and I’m in New York. my daughter is 6. Court ordered even years she doesn’t go down there till the week after school ends and comes home a week before school starts , even years he has Christmas break and odd years he has 2 weeks in the summer. My daughter hasn’t seen her father since he moved and I don’t know how she’s going to handle it. He works and is going to be leaving her with her uncle or step mom or grand father to watch her when he’s at work. She does have ADHD and ODD and takes meds and sees a therapist once a week. My daughter doesn’t like when her routine gets all changed up. I’m bringing her down there in February to see her father for his wedding. We will be down there for 4 days 3 nights and he only wants her to stay with him for one night because his fiancé wants time with him the night before the wedding and the night after there wedding. I’m my daughters comfort person and I just don’t know how she’s gonna handle this whole situation


Well your daughter’s life is definitely going to change. Reassure her that she is still going to be loved and taking care of by both of you. Let her know that you are a telephone call away if she feels scared or confused. Remind her that her family is growing bigger and there are many exciting times to come


Is there a way you can give her a cheap cell phone so she can call you and FaceTime you when she’s nervous or having a rough time getting the hang of things or when she just misses you?


Maybe spray some of your perfume on a favorite stuffy for her to hug and smell if she gets anxious. And you will be close if she needs you. Try not to hover and let her set her pace.


It is what it is!! It’ll become a new routine that’s all!!! And if you are a good mom, you’ll encourage her relationship with her dad!!!


I went and filed for a custody modification. My special needs child’s father hadn’t utilized visitation in 5 years. Now if he wants it he had to come to my state and he can’t take my son farther than 25 mi from my residence.


Special needs kids desperately need routine and schedule kept. It’s concerning. I would take child day before wedding. If he want her for lunch and a visit fine. I would take her to wedding and then return home. He needs to come and visit her in the area where she lives. That will matter a lot to her in familiar area. Take her to a park, zoo, restaurant she knows etc. As she gets older it will be easier probably to visit him where he lives. My opinion.


It will end up being a routine. This is how you start new things


Well first since your daughter has a read reason in her medicines and other things like that it should be brought up in court like he can come up and visit her and stay there or maybe she can do a zoom call with the therapist and get her a phone that she can use to talk to you or call you and I would ask maybe the courts if it gets too hard for her are you allowed to go pick her up and explain the situation or even talk to her father if he really cares he will work something out that works for her

You need to keep track of all the times he has forfeited his times with her. He doesn’t see her ask for modification. Have these relatives agreed to this?


Love some of these answers and others are ??? Unfortunately this is another outcome of family division. To suggest that the child should not see the father because she doesn’t handle change is selfish. This should of been thought of before she had to handle the changes the split up caused. There’s also an underlying issue with mum excepting dad’s new marriage and using this as a pawn towards visitation. Was anyone considering all this while splitting up, going to court and custody fighting it has it become more of an issue because someone is scorned and want’s control? Figure it out for the sake of this child, she desperately needs both her parents.


Ummmm, as much as it sucks as the mom. Encouraging your child to have a relationship with her father is important. You never know she might welcome the change of a cold ny to a warm Florida. It might even do her adhd some good. Sunshine makes a lot of people happy.


Unfortunately she is going to have to get used to the new routine but honestly I would ask/push for dad to treat this marriage like the old days and stay apart from his soon to be wife the day/night before so he can prove to her that she is his main priority and just because he is marrying someone else doesn’t mean that will change. Also I agree with the other comments saying to get her a cheap cellphone she can always contact you from that is limited in what she can do aka make calls and texts only to people you have added so she always has a way to contact you and communicate if she is overwhelmed. I’m sorry but after children get involved they become #1 especially if parents split and their needs need to be accounted to an extent! It’s not fair to your daughter that his new soon to be wife feels like she needs the night before the wedding to be with him rather than his child. They are going to have more than enough time without her since she is primarily with you and he needs to make sure to show her that she is still one of the most if not the most important person in his life! Just from the little bit you have posted it seems like the future wife might be jealous of time spent with you daughter and that can be a major red flag moving forward if she doesn’t understand the importance of him being there for her!


I would not let this happen. She is to young to be going to another state with a man she hardly knows and then staying with uncles and friends while he works. I’m sorry but that does not sound like a good situation.


The soon to be wife saying she doesn’t want her future husband’s child there is all sorts of red flags😡


be available

they should fall into it naturally, grandparents are especially helpful

Are you sure this isn’t just all about you?


☆▪︎☆☆Anonymous: ☆☆▪︎☆
I’m trying to understand this post.
When was the court order issued? How long ago???
Was the Father living in New York or the same State as you at the time the court order was issued ???
He hasn’t seen y’alls daughter in how long???
6 years??
If this was issued years ago and he never persued his rights then go back to court. .
If he moved out of State AFTER the court order was filled… Go back to Court…
If y’alls daughter has special needs seek therapy advice and her Doctors advice use that information in court.
This whole thing is off.
If Y’alls daughter has not seen her father in 6years then the court has provisions in place that makes him spend time with her getting to know her and her him Before she goes off with him anywhere.
There is too much information left out on this post too give you full opinions or advice. I don’t know if it was writing errors or just not stating it. Please seek legal advice. I am all about Mothers and Fathers seeing their children but if he hasn’t been her life then there needs to be time to build a comfortable relationship between the two, i would not be comfortable sending her off with her dad as he is a stranger at this point to her and him leaving her with other men especially and she doesn’t know them either. Please seek advice from a Attorney and her therapist and Doctor ASAP and file a motion in court. Best wishes.


Sometimes it’s the family members that can do the most damage do you trust them alone taking care of your daughter if you get my drift. I don’t think it’s right at all to leave daughter with strangers like that the dad’s even a stranger correct no way no ma’am they’re wouldn’t be lengthy overnight until a relationship is established first maybe I’m comprehending your post wrong but I wouldn’t be sending my child to a dad that she does not know let alone other family members that she does not know that are supposed to watch her and she has medical issues no ma’am


Would not like uncle, grandfather babysitting her while dad is at work …daycare I would recommend not no man watching her .


Could you present your daughter’s medical diagnosis and maybe a recommendation from her doctors as a reason for this custody arrangement to be reconsidered since he hasn’t even bothered to see her much this far? 6 is such a baby and she’s essentially going to live with strangers while her dad works all the time and she barely knows him as it is.


To bad it’s not your call! I hate moms like this, your gonna end up destroying his chance to have a relationship unless it’s your way or the highway. Courts need to lock moms up like you for being mentally abusive to the child and the dad! Get a life. The only reason your mad is cause he left you for being a dog in beat and controlling I’m sure

Take it one step at a time. Don’t over think what might or could happen. Make the best of each opportunity. Trust God to help you doing this hard transition.

Try not to project your fears into her. You both have got this! Encourage her and bring the positive things to light. Everything will go fine.


Encouragement. Give her all the encouragement she can get. The thing is you have a child with a man that you aren’t with any longer. That doesn’t negate his ability to be a parent. Talk the trip up and make it sound fun. Be there when she gets back and allow transition.


She will be just fine. Encourage a relationship with her dad and his side. Speak positively about the visit. Your words and stress about it can alter how she feels about it. Keep yourself busy when kids gone at first it’ll help you.

I think it’s important for her to know the rest of the other side of family. I think she will be ok


She’s old enough to talk to about it. I would suggest that dad continue her counseling while he has her.

I spent the summers in another state with my grandparents. I was super attached to my mom. I called her every time I felt like I missed her too much.

Letting her know she can do the same might help some!

She deserves to see her dad, especially considering the fact he even wants to. All things take time and patience to get use to it. She’s 6, never mind the mental health problems, she’s a literal child and needs to get use to it. It’ll be hard at first but keep to the routine and it’ll get better.

1 Like

You should encourage this and dont show your feelings infront of her xx kids have a right to see both parents even if you dont want this x talk it through with her whats happening so she knows and reassure her xx

1 Like

It’s their wedding,of course they want time together alone. Young children handle this better than adults. Just do your best explain her home schedule and ask they try to maintain it as closely as possible. Her reaction to all of this will reflect your feelings about it. Wishing you all the best.

1 Like

My ex has moved a few times. When our visitation was set he lived in the same town, then he moved 4hrs away… making it so we met in the middle. I was told if he moved further away I didn’t have to follow it anymore. He now lives 2 states away and I do not have to make any arrangements for him, if he wants to see the kids he has to come here.
If circumstances have changed since you set visitation maybe have it modified?

Go to court and change it to where he has to come to you. And was it court order she had to go to the wedding and did you have to
Pay for it? Go to court and fight it so that he has to come to you and that it is in the best interest of the child.

Help the child have the relationship with that side of the family and go from there. My oldest has asperger’s and from day one I had to look at every situation and think how it would be addressed as time goes on. At 6 there is alot of giving in to not shaking up schedules, not handling change well, etc. I found the best way to address adhd, add, ocd, asperger’s, etc was to look at how these conditions would be accommodated later in life, and the reality is that they won’t. I always took his needs into consideration but always went into the situation without using them as a cause or reason. Make this a good experience, give your child confidence, and make it a good opportunity without being the one to suggest that because of adhd or other issues that it’s going to be a negative experience. If and when you see issues that are causing a problem will be the time to try and accommodate them. These kids can be over diagnosed and then issues evolving from those diagnoses are often reactions from suggestions that we dont realize we are placing there. They hear everything, they understand more than we notice, and they can either become anxious or learn to use it to control situations. It’s hard when all we want to do is protect them, to make harder choices to push them towards normal and not enable. So many times I wish I could’ve done this or that different but I have no regrets for pushing my son to overcome his differences created by asperger’s and adhd


If she sees a therapist, can’t you get medical documentation saying that much of a change in her routine would be detrimental to her health and get a change in custody agreement

Unfortunately it’s hard on both ends… both parents have rights. It’s hard on kids, but it’s Court ordered you can’t do anything about it, just be as positive as possible.

Well this is a tough one. Too much for mom and child

Hey, even at 6 one needs to learn even slight changes in routine is life.


File for visitation modification!! Especially if it has been a long while, since she’s seen him. I mean, he should be complying or have it changed.

It won’t be routine until it starts happening. Will there be bumps in the road sure… but we can’t remove a whole half of her family bc we’re scared it might not go well at first bc of change. I get it we don’t want our kids to be uncomfortable or to struggle but that is how steps are taken. Even with our neurodivergence kiddos. Make it a positive experience. If kiddo even gets a hint that you are stressed and struggling it will make it harder for her. Talk about it with her team about preparing her for this schedule ahead of time. The dad should be included as well.

1 Like

Why do you and her Dad live so far apart? Was it a choice that either you or the Dad moved? I am sure it will not be easy for her but it is reality that she needs to spend time with her Dad, of course you will be worried but try not to let it show as she will pick up on it. Talk with Dad about your concerns, perhaps the week she goes down to start staying with him you could take a week off and take care of her while he works then she goes to his home each day when he gets home so it’s not just a sudden and total adjustment all at once. It is quite understandable that the stepmom wants time with the father the night before the wedding as that is generally when there is alot going on–rehearsal dinner and other wedding prep and of course the night of the wedding is totally understandable as well. I think that is better than dragging a child around to all the things that are happening which most likely the child wouldn’t be interested in and would get tired and cranky.

1 Like

I would use her therapy time to help her talk about the change she is going to face soon. I encourage time with her father and a bit upset to hear his fiance soon to be wife is going to be dictating the time as im sure he is currently living with his fiance and having all kinds of time but when it comes to his own child he hasnt made an effort to see her? Have they at least face timed? I wouldnt allow a visitation unless he is. And your daughter being able to face time you as much as she needs will be vital if visitation is kept. But overall it sounds lime he has a decent crew for care waiting for her there and i bet she would have a great time. Personally that overnight after the wedding sounds too much when this would be her first visit there and so much going on already. Change is good and i would encourage her so. But ease into the visits and stays and not after the wedding.

i can’t even read the whole post because i can’t get past the “even years” thing.

like wtf does that even mean?!? and why am i
the only one who had an issue/problem with it?!? :thinking::face_with_monocle:

I definitely wouldn’t go out of my way to take her to Fl

The wife is gonna have time with her husband for a long time she needs to quit being selfish and let the daddy be with it’s baby that’s already a red flag for me.


If she becomes to much he wont ask for her back

Talk to her. Ask her… Then go from there!

Please …Please have talks and discussions with her about appropriate touching! I know people are going to read my comment and act like Im some crazy person BUT it doesn’t matter just talk to HER about private parts and etc! I dont care IF STAYING WITH FAMILY OR NOT! Im not accusing anyone just instill in HER the importance of this…:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I would be asking her pediatrician what he or she thinks. then talk to the judge

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Sounds like the step mom’s selfish and the dads irresponsible for the fact they haven’t put any consideration or thought into planning around your daughters disorders. I think they are in way over their heads and you’ll end up having to come to the rescue. I’d definitely get started on a modification in court for the custody agreement.


Is the court aware he moved? That he is in FL? Contact courts before sending her and let them know he moved.

Some of these comments are horrific ! This mama is probably struggling with her kids diagnosis and since she has there daughter every day until her daughter goes to her dads. No one knows what this mama is going through mentally or emotionally.

1 Like

Your not your daughter’s comfort, you are her drug dealer.

Wow can’t you tell people clearly don’t like their children having a relationship with their dad on these posts :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4:


If he’s not taking care of the kid what’s the point of parenting time? Just to take her away from the only parent she trusts & everything she knows? I’d ask her psychiatrist &/or therapist their thoughts on this arrangement.

Doesn’t really matter what u want or think. U have to abide by the court order. Kids adapt quickly. Give it a shot. She may need this to break out of her bubble. Ur just anxious and it’s effecting ur kid.

1 Like

I wouldn’t go 4 days, he’s having her one. So you go for that. No point taking her to be left with people who don’t know how to help and comfort her

1 Like

Does your child have a tablet? If she does, have a conversation with dad & bonus mom about possibly setting her up a kids Facebook messenger. That way, she can audio and video call you when she would like, and it wouldn’t be commondeering their phones to do so. Or if she doesn’t have a tablet… perhaps talk to them about possibly setting a specific time of day for you to be able to call and talk to her. While yes, it will be a disruption to her routine… making sure she will being able to keep in contact with you will probably help tremendously. On both ends. She should also continue zoom appointments with her therapist while she is there with them. You need to have hope. You chose to have a child with this man, now you need to have hope that although you two are no longer together, that he will be a loving, attentive father like you imagined years ago. Give him a chance. You didn’t climb ontop yourself and get pregnant, ya kinda had his help in that situationship, lady.

1 Like

Sounds like his fiance is a jerk!!!