Just do what’s best for the kids and honestly I would pay child support to at least show I’m contributing… at the end of the day he is taking care of them, and I wouldn’t have anything to say to him besides about the kids that will lay off a lot of name calling - when you stay focused on the prize
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Personally I wouldn’t agree to changing their names. Maybe if they are young, like not in school yet I would but honestly I would just leave their names alone. But as far as anything else sounds like there’s a lot of back story that’s unknown here. Truly sounds like you need to get a lawyer.
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Hyphenate the last names.
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Have you thought about getting your POWER BACK by working harder to change your situation?
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you dont get to decide where child support goes. my child support goes into my account with my pay check an no one tells me what i can or cant do with it 
if bills are paid an kids are fed you get zero say
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I don’t understand if they are his kids and he has stepped up and is taking care of them then why cant they have his last name?
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Personally my kids would have my last name. Let him take u to court for support, u will feel better about urself noing u are helping to support your kids at the end of the day. But no way would I change your kids last name. Let them decide when there 18 or older.
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The name game is the least of your worries right now…get custody of your kids.
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Don’t change their name!
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Even if he does change their names doesn’t make you any less their mother. Also when the get older as some people I’ve known have changed their names back to what they wanted.
I say keep your name… If he really wants to change it. Money can at any time… And things can change quickly… They are still your kids 
. At the end of the day their last name shouldnt matter if its real love…
I hope you’re smart enough to be putting that CS in a savings account. Not being financially responsible for your children will always backfire. Check with a lawyer on the name change.
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It costs money and seems senseless. I’d keep the names the same. Not to mention all that comes with name changes. If it was decided they have your name it was for a reason. Regardless who has “custody.” Didn’t seem to matter before, why now?
I hate when ppl say they don’t want to pay child support bc it’ll go towards the wrong things 
you’re reimbursing for what was already spent on your kids.
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You don’t have to agree. If he starts calling you names etc don’t engage. Warn him that if the name calling and derogatory comments continue the conversation will end. Stop the conversation right there if it continues. You don’t and shouldn’t have to put up with that. Set boundaries. If he takes it to court there is a very good chance the judge will grant the name change. Be prepared to offer a compromise of hyphenation.
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So he has the kids. You aren’t paying child support plus you won’t give the kids he is raising …his last name? Wow. You are a speacial kind of selfish.
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don’t do it if you don’t want to limit all conversations that are not productive,and when the name calling comes cut the conversations immediately each and every time regards what’s it’s about.Let him know when he is ready to have a real conservation and respectful conversation you are here and you will not tolerate his disrespect from now on create boundaries and level of respect that you want for yourself and stick to it.I have been there.
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I would probably leave the names as they are, start paying child support and then work out yourself so that you can start having joint custody of them. The kids would want that more than any name change.
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Inner judgemental me is saying: u already have no custody, stopping child support isnt going to help or make it better. Also if i were you their name would be the last thing id care about, how bout focus on trying to better ur situation and gaining custody?? He already has them full time, stepping up to the role… Why shouldnt they have his last name? Hes gotta be doing something right…
Non judgemental me says: discuss with a lawyer.
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The kids should have had his last name from the beginning
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You guys aren’t married. Hyphenate it. His name first and yours last.
Start off by paying child support for your kids FIRST.
THERE’S NEVER A REASON NOT TO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT THE KIDS YOU HELPED TO CREATE.
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Doesnt matter where child support goes. Your kids live there. And he can use that against you if he decides to take them fully away. If your trying to gain them back child support is something you need to pay to show you can support them when the. Time comes. You need to stop worrying about where the money will go and get yourself in a better situation so you can get your kids. The last name isnt gonna mean nothing. They his regardless. The kids can change it later. Or he can legally change it if he goes for full custody. Id work on my situation and use every postive thing to get myself in a better situation… Start paying for your kids so it wont be used against you
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Why dont u get ur shit together so u can get your kids back instead of worrying about a damn name change. Plus u shold be paying cs because him and his wife are fully supporting your kids right now
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He’s Dad.
He’s involved.
If he is willing to pay for it let him.
Also if he pushes it in court a can legally make you change it.
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my question too you is why didn’t the kids have his last name from the get go or have your last name and his together.
Keep their name the same they know their name already it’s too late to change it unless they ask for it. But if they are primary caretakers it’s easier for them to have their dad and stepmoms last name. What you need to do is worry about either getting the kids back or paying child support. Don’t worry about the stepmother cause in the end she is still using it on their family which yes include your kids. You don’t know how she spends the money or if she even does. I’m sorry but we’re only getting half the story and your side doesn’t make much sense other than you’re not their caretaker and honestly have no say if you aren’t with them more than twice a week.
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Not enough back story. The child support issue is the same complaint that every parent that pays says. Is there a question about a roof over their head? Electricity? Food for them to eat? Clothes on their backs? If not I’m gonna venture to guess it’s going to the children. Is there a way to improve your situation so the kids can be with you? Sometimes we get lost and don’t know how to improve our situation and paralyzed by fear and frustration of not know how. So hard to give advice to you on this one. I have to many questions to begin to try to point you in the right direct. However legal always consult an attorney. Most places have legal aid if need be.
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Personally I don’t think last names matter they’re your children with or with out your last name he has custody of them I would change them it’s not a big deal … you need to be paying child support and not caring about his partner the children are looked after
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Sounds like you’re just coming up with excuses to me
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Seriously I’m divorced from my ex husband, remarried, have a kid together etc and he calls me every name in the book and then some. Grow up. Pay your dues and help him support your children, even if it doesn’t go on them get cashier checks or whatever and mark on them child support and there’s proof that can be looked up and documented. So he calls you names and such else , a person only has power over you if you let them. I’m a survivor, not a victim
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He’s your ex so who cares if he insults you. Yippy shouldn’t care what he’s thinks unless it’s about your kids. As for child support, they may not be using the exact money you’re giving them for your kids but they are raising them and using their own money for your kids so you should just give it to them. Either way you’re supporting your kids. And you should be. How bout you ask your kids if THEY want their name changed and act on what THEY want.
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Change it hes the one caring for them and start paying child suppoer
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Regardless of the name change, he will still continue to verbally put you down. Get on your feet, and pay support, as long as your children are clothed, fed and a roof over their heads, that’s what matters… Get your act together, your children need you.
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How about instead of giving them money buy things the kids need? Get money orders made out to the light company? Pay their lunches at school? Make sure you keep receipts. The one month my daughter lived with her father I paid more in child support them he did in the 5 years she was with me. His wife used it for her nails, getting her hair colored and eating out. And no she did not spend one penny of it on my daughter.
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Any name changes to children older than 5 is confusing. When they are 18 let them decide. Till then, stop letting your ex mentally abuse you. No matter what he says you are their mom, you have rights, and let a lawyer show him. Doubt it gets that far most bullies stop with the shit when you stand up for yourself.
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Sounds like you should be worried about doing something that will actually benefit them like paying child support or finding a suitable living situation instead of worrying about their names
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A surname does not give a parent any more rights/advantages over a child. My son has his fathers name and he has been in my custody since birth…I really hope your situation changes. It sounds like a name change should be the least of your concerns.
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Get ur shit together
Get ur kids
Block the narc
U shouldn’t even entertain talk
Just deposit cash on the account
Don’t get concerned about how or where it goes just do ur duty
As you figure out how u gon get ya kids back
You trying to please a narc man means u might be co-dependent
fuck names they dont put food on the table let em be called whatever get ur act in place woman.
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Why is there even a need to change the kids names? Sounds like a power struggle between you two it has nothing to do with the children, they aren’t going to care what their last name is they’re going to care about who’s there and who’s not, just leave the name alone seriously and focus on being there for and taking care of them. A name is a stupid thing to be focused on. if you or dad aren’t going to love them any less whatever their last name is leave it alone, and if either of you would you shouldn’t have those children anyways.
Well I dont know about that but get it together and get your kids back that’s the best advice I can give becuz kids always need they mother
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Every parent on child supports go to argument is that it isn’t going to the kids. I guess it’s a risk you have to take because he’s caring for children he didn’t make alone, you owe him financial support. And verbal abuse is not an argument for anything, your issues with your relationship don’t necessarily mean anything for the kids. As far as name change, if they are old enough to understand it should be up to them. I don’t really think it’s a big deal. My oldest has my last name and my youngest has their dads last name. But if the parent that is actually caring for the children finds it important for them to have their last name, I think that’s whose name they should have if they are young and don’t understand yet.
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You’re worried or the child support money is going. Come on woman get your head out of your ass. Unless you’re paying an exorbitant amount for child support. Your husband and his current wife are probably putting a much larger part of the bill. Back in the 80s my ex-wife was wondering where her $19 a week was going for three girls. Hell I couldn’t feed three girls for $19 a week. But yet she is worried about me and it where I spending the money for child support.
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You can set up a bank account in your kids names and I’m not sure who you talk to but you can request receipts to prove its spent on the kids only and as far as their last names take as long as you need, and youll know what to do your gut will always lead you true just listen to it and no one else stay strong and remember God is simply a conversation away he didn’t bring you to it to not see you through it stay strong and keep your head mom you got this and I know you’ll make the right choice whatever it is good luck and I’ll send some prayers you way love
He’s the father, their names should be his anyway. Hopefully your situation improves so that you can have your children back and won’t need to worry about that.
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If you have reservations about it then don’t. It can be done down the road if necessary. And it sounds like he is a bully so he will always complain about something.
You pull your head out of your butt and do what you need to do to get those kids back, or you need to walk away. If they are taking care of them and it’s to the point that they want his name, makes a person wonder what the rest of the story is.
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If you arent planning on getting custody back let them have their fathers last name. Pay your child support there is no excuse to not do it.
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Don’t do a name change, there is no reason to.
Keep paying child support.
Work towards better living conditions so you can have children live with you or at least have shared custody.
Don’t engage in verbal or written arguements.
By reacting back you are enabling the control to continue so work harder on yourself for the kids.
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So don’t change the name, or better yet, ask the kids what they want and then do it. but still pay child support, especially if its court ordered.
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Get off social media. Stop being so dependent on what others think. "Hence asking complete strangers how to be a decent human being " grow up
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Tell him.to fuck.off sounds.like a dickhead 
If you aren’t supporting you kids then you aren’t responsible person. Sorry but they are both of your kids and since he has custody then you should be doing something. I also don’t understand why you aren’t trying to get your kids back. I’m sorry but I couldn’t handle being away from my daughter. And don’t say I don’t know I had to go back and live with my parents with my daughter so I have experienced hard times.
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Trust your heart. No name changes
If they live at his house than even if she uses your money to get her nails done her money is keeping a roof over your kids head 
How old are these kids? When I married my husband I gave my then 8 year old 3 choices 1.keep it my maiden name, take her dads, take my husbands.
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Does he provide clothes food and a home for them? If yes then the child is used on the kids. Honestly if he wants he can have their names change with or with out you agreeing. Yes it would be through the court but just because you are bitter doesn’t mean the kids shouldn’t have their fathers last name
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I have 3 kids,5 grandkids.and What does your heart ,way at ur gut say?? Been there ,done .Not exactly in some areas…but still damn sure wen I named my children ,I did it for a reason. I also paid my child support off in full. There really should have been confetti! A gold star …something? I was very proud.And that is a real confidence booster…!! Just saying ,walk tall aproud sister!!! You can do whatever YOU think u can. Much love,hippie gramma
It’s not your business what they spend child support on, the same as if he was paying you for the kids.
If he is the sole caretaker of the kids, let them have his name 
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Grow up and get you life together
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You need to stop with the ME ME ME crap! He has RIGHT to have his kids carry HIS and THEIR last name. What is wrong with you!
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Names aren’t important! I hyphenated my daughters and it’s a pain in the ass lol. Keep your child support logged, you know he is at least providing food, shelter and supervision. Do your best to get back on your feet ASAP and get those babies back! Good luck hun xoxo
He is their dad and is stepping up and providing for them go thru with the name change and quit being petty… or yall can do hyphenated last name…
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What do the kids want? How about letting them decide when turn 18 and take all of this pressure off you while taking away his power concerning it. Make wicked stepmother feel embarassed about being married to a man who kids don’t even have his last name. You surely had your reasons for not giving them his surname at birth, so take it away as a talking point altogether.
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Not sure how he would have control over you by having his children have his last name? 
It’s not that big of a deal tho name change him asking is pathetic end of the day not while your still involved with your children don’t do it and do whatever the hell it is to get them back no way in hell would I ever allow this to happen or lower myself into a position to allow this to happen sounds like his trying to wipe you out and your allowing it usen your current situation his gonna gain full control very soon you need to get your kids asap nothing in this world will ever stop me being/parenting my kids I’ll never give that up fix yourself stop being a me me me get off your ass and be a mother you allowed this to happen it’s all a choice…
To answer your question: Anybody else would be getting themselves together so they could spend time with their kids, not worrying about self-victimization and petty things like a last name.
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Don’t do it unless it benefits you and your children. Is it going to make it harder for future issues? I’d really think about it before doing so
whats more important? your kids losing your name, or the stupid ass names he’s gonna call you? Put your big girl panties on and fight.
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If he proves paternity it dont matter what you want he can change their last names and has the right too
child support should be spent on the kids period.
The bills, food and THEM… not no dumb ass womans HAIR AND NAILS which can wait for her damn pay check… Sick of seeing women say that shit " oh i can spend it on whatever I want"…
Makes me want the Child support office to force proof of what was spent or force half to a savings for the child until payments are done…
What a ball bag. Get yourself together n don’t change their names
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Do what’s best for your kids… if they happy and excited to have Dad’s name etc don’t puss out now… I’m sure they’ve felt let down enough already… do your damn part no different then wld expect any other absent parent to do…
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Well, for one I’d pay my child support. What he and his wife do with it is on them. Its YOUR responsibility to pay it. Period. If you notice the kids are not taken care of and they aren’t providing you can file with the family court and maybe have something done about it. But if I was you I’d get my shit together and my kids back. But that’s just me.
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Well his wife cant be too bad a lady after all she is now raising kids that arent her own…and you sitting her trying to work out ways to stop the name changing …grow some balls get your shit together and bring your kids home if thatz what you want or support the father and the wife too do best by the kids .
Be a great co parent if you cant be a full time one…
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Do what you feel is right.
He’s still their father regardless of surname.
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Get yourself together, get your kids, and get away from him.
You don’t even have custody and you’re yapping about a name change?
#Priorities
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Listen if your gonna get ur shit together and get ur kids no do t change the ladt name, down the road its gonna be hell of a ride for u, but if you have no Intentions of changing, then u need to leave them be pay ur child support move on
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I wouldnt do it… hes doing it to completely cancel you out & play happy families with his wife… dont show up to that show up to something thats going to give you stability to get your kids back
This pisses me off so much,as if he’s not paying for clothes, food etc for your children. Are you saying they’re going without? Pay up and stop being a deadbeat!
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You dont get use the Mom card when you’re a deadbeat mom. Let them get the name change, or hyphen it.
Dad is taking care of the kids? And where are you? Oh wait complaining about his wife. Get your life together.
The fact you had a lame excuse for not paying child support, deadbeat! Pay the support. The name change is not a big deal, only to you because of your issues.
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If youf kids arent starving or needing anything then they are supporting your children the money you are supposed to be paying is to reimburse money already spent if you sre not in their lives or paying child support then you have no right to get in the way of anything aldo if your not paying child support you have no right to claim parent
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What they spend money on it not your concern. They spend money to feed, house, cloth, the children every single day! If someone gets their hair done or but a new pair of shoes that is not your buisness. Pay your child support and don’t blink an eye about it. Also if the kids are already on board and things are already underway, don’t let your ego get in the way.
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You sound fantastic. Pay the child support for your kids already. Work on yourself. And if your kids want their name changed, let it happen.
Why not hyphenate both last names? Also buy your kids what they need with the child support to avoid debate. Really you don’t have a say on how he spends it, as long as your children are well cared for. That should be the priority.
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As a step parent that had custody of her stepdaughter, I have personal experience with this. She had her mom’s maiden last name and it was awkward for us and her. Her mom remarried so then she didn’t match either parent. If they are living with their dad then let them have the same name. I’m sure it’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s less confusing for them.
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I believe, even with out marriage the children should always take the father’s last name… unless your all willy nilly with your legs getting knocked up by a random stranger.
Best advice… get yourself a mediator through your AG office, whom handles your child support issues… it’s no cost, truly you don’t have to talk with him directly… stick to what’s right for kids… and pay support and visit with your kids, because your kids are thinking about mom and us time… Not who is spending $ on what (that’s grown up matter)…