I’ve never been the way I have with my spouse with anyone else. I let my guard down and built a home with him. I’ve always been insecure and only had one other guy make me feel beautiful. For five years, I’ve been trying hard not to let things with my spouse bother me … it’s my weakness. My insecurities. I know him. I love him. I know what he likes. But when I see the woman he looks at, I feel disgusting. I’m not exactly a pretty girl and very much a vulgar tomboy. I have no understanding as to why he likes me. I’m used to guys being infatuated with me, but the feeling usually fades. I feel so gross in my body when I know he will not look like the gorgeous girl with the wicked body. I thought eventually I would feel better, but I don’t. His words of reassurance do nothing for me. He’s treated me great. He loves me. He compliments me. But I know I’m never gonna be the girl he brags about… about how pretty I am because I’m not. I love him sooo much. But I’d almost rather be single and lusted after than be the familiar one, the one who doesn’t get looked at… after the honeymoon phase fades, I always get to feel like a piece of furniture, and I ditch. But I love this man. Five years and two kids later, I can’t seem to get over my insecurities, and I’m hurting both of us. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I really just want to feel good about myself. I don’t know how to do that in a relationship. I’m never gonna be like the girls he looks at. I’d rather be by myself than feel this way with someone. But I love him. I love my family. Please help.
If you can’t accept his love for you, you may need to try therapy. You got a man who loves you and y’all have kids together you need to look youeself in the mirror and love who you see staring back at you, and deff want to take care of that and not let it rub off onto your babies.
I could never actually find the right words to say this, but I felt that with my entire being. 
I don’t know how to help, but sending you big warm hugs.
I feel this to the core.
You need to see a therapist. This is deep and your insecurities could ruin a great relationship and strain the relationship your kids have with their father. It’s worth fighting for and figuring out.
I feel like this too (I’m ugly lol) I bet others see you so differently than you see yourself. I’ve had people tell me they are ugly and I’m like “wow I think you are hot!!” Maybe some therapy might help. Your obviously do it for your husband 
Girl I suggest counseling! It’s exactly the resource for a question like this! What your feeling is happening to many of us, but talking to a professional is the way to go. Also sounds like you may be a tad stubborn based on your post, so maybe try and focus on forcing your self to see things from his view, because right now your pretty stuck on your feelings and opinions, not the ones hes trying to show you. Breath and see a counselor. I promise it will help
I’d recommend counseling for yourself
Men look, women look, curiosity is life. Having confidence in yourself and your relationship is key as well as communication!!! And try spicing things up and being blatantly honest about your likes and dislikes to best please each other!!! It’s not always about them wanting other women!!!
And definitely not trying to be disrespectful or hurtful! I’ve been there and trying my best to help from experience!
Wow, been feeling the same way about my relationship. Thanks for sharing.
Sounds like you have a good guy. You need to seek therapy, and fall in love with yourself. Know yourself and like yourself. Do stuff for yourself, especially things that make you feel good inside and out. Maybe gym, yoga, church, a makeover, reading, meditate.
Get some counseling. He should not have to continually reassure you. It has to be exhausting for both of you. There will ALWAYS be people that are better than and less than you feel you are, physically or whatever it is…for your whole life. That is the reality of life. YOU ARE WORTHY of love and happiness period. Quit shit talking yourself and except that HE loves you. QUIT COMPARING yourself to everyone else. No relationship is ever going to stay in the lust faze. You know what the MOST sexy thing about any woman is? CONFIDENCE! Any man will tell you that. Work on that and it will change your whole life. I promise!!! Build your self confidence. Own your self worth. HE WILL NOTICE!!! Quit the shit talk and get busy!
You need to get into therapy. It’s your self esteem and not him. Its only going to continue to get worse.
O honey. I know this has been said but therapy… It is a life saver
I REALLY feel you there, except I’m single and feel like I will never find someone that makes me feel beautiful or wanted as I don’t even want myself. I really hope you learn to love yourself like your husband does…
I’m waiting on cognitive behavioral therapy to get myself out of some of my black and white thinking and negative thought patterns. Hopefully you find something that works for you and truly helps you enjoy what you have <3 cheers mama and keep pushing on! You’ve totally got this.
Girl!!! Get a mirror and everyday tell yourself you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are loved. Listen, first- don’t give a shit what anyone thinks… but this sounds like it’s a you thing and your definitely insecure. You need self help counselor for sure!!! 2nd- you have to love yourself and be confident. Confidence is a trait woman definitely need in this lifetime. All these media Hollywood dimwitted whatever don’t help us. 3rd. Your insecurities can actually make him think less of you. Yes it’s nice to be complimented but he shouldn’t have to coddle your self esteem.
Girl- own who your beautiful self is. We get one life… live that shit… we all have days we feel horrible about ourselves in one way.or another. Men and women always look and admire, that’s ok… hell we are not dead… My motto is, if he don’t like it, someone else will love it!!!
Coming from another vulgar mouth tomboy wife lol
You have a family! You’re married! And you’re saying he loves you too much? Get help for your insecurities, before you ruin your marriage!
Your heart must be beautiful, he sees your inner qualities. We all notice even the beautiful car drive by, doesn’t mean we get to own it.
I want you to listen to me and listen to me good, okay? I used to think JUST LIKE YOU. Lots of men have told me this, the first IRL woman they had a crush on was a buddy’s mom or their mom’s friend. An average woman with a mom body. I don’t know ANY women who swoon over male models, yet assume their man does? I bet you would never talk to another woman like you talk to yourself. That negative self talk is just as harmful as saying it to a kid when you talk to yourself like that. You slowly erode your own self esteem and self image and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Watch the Secret, meditate, take a bath, get a therapist but, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF. I solemnly swear that it makes a HUGE difference.
I felt like this, i had been in some bad relationships with a lot of abuse. I thought I was ugly and worthless. I went and got therapy and worked on changing the way I saw myself, I told myself a few things a day that I liked about myself, things I was grateful for, eventually those likes turned to love. Don’t focus on what other women have, focus on what you have and what you bring to the table. Loving yourself takes time and a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it. Your husband loves you, your children love you so what’s stopping you from loving yourself?
He chose you to be his partner for the rest of his life. What you look like on the outside is not important (I am not a pretty woman and a bit over weight) but it’s the heart inside that’s more important. Please try to see your self as a unique beautiful soul and not eye candy. Sending lots and lots of love 
It’s hard in these times but treat yourself dye your get new nails start going for brisk walks or a jog xx
Find a therapist, they can help you deal with all these feelings.
So basically, based off of everyone’s comments to her, I need therapy too. Noted.
Wow u need serious help
If u dont feel good about yourself do something for yourself. Start working out. Get your hair done etc. Dont feel sorry for yourself u sound like a beautiful person. Do something for yourself
Oh hunni you need to seek help so you can talk to a professional about how you feel and then learn to love yourself
Time to see a wonderful therapist who can help you work on your automatic negative thoughts about yourself They can teach you how to rewire your thoughts to being healthier/ more balanced! Do it for you (and him and those kiddos)! You deserve it.
You need therapy and a weight lifting/yoga/running routine stat.
The issue is you and not your husband. Get in to some therapy/counseling.
See a therapist and personally I felt this way for a long time and one day I decided to join a gym and after a month or 2 a had started to feel really good about myself. It wasnt that I was overweight but my therapist said lack of exercise can effect the way your brain perceives the image in the mirror.
Sounds like you have a great man who is trying to bring you up in life. I’m sure he means all the compliments he says and who cares if you aren’t like the typical girls he looks at, he is with you not them. Please seek some therapy before you ruin a good thing and please start believing him when he compliments you.
Try this, for 30 days, list three things good about your self in the morning. At night list three things did that no one else would notice that are good about you. Only rule you can’t list the same thing twice. To hold you accountable tell someone what you doing .
You need to focus on making yourself feel secure. The reason his words aren’t doing it for you is because you need to be the one making yourself feel secure. Work on self love. You may not look like a supermodel but he obviously loves you and thinks you’re beautiful because he’s your husband. He chose you, over every last person in the world. Your idea of beauty is clearly different than his.
Think of the people in your own life you love and adore and could never replace who have never been stereotype models or expected to be one. You love them. A grandmother or your child or your own husband. Do you acknowledge a man can look nice but still not care whatsoever if your partner looks like that? You can. I can. Sounds like he can.
There is very little black and white in the world. Embrace yourself and understand yourself first the rest will fall into place with therapy and his support.
Many “ugly” women are gorgeous in hard to explain ways and even cultures where its exalted. And all kinds of interesting couple out there. Hot women, ugly men and vice versa. Love and marriage has very little to do with what you look like, and somehow you need to work that out for yourself.
Therapy!!!
You cannot lay your happiness, self-esteem or body image on your spouse , partner or anyone else.
Those are things we have to work on internally because that is the past coming back to interfere in your current. You can’t allow that. Don’t let past hurts, hurt the present, Because your partner does not deserve to pay for another’s past mistakes.
I think therapy is good for everyone not just those going through a difficult time.
You are WORTH the feeling you’re rejecting. Our insecurities as women run deep, but this is literally affecting your quality of life. Do something today that makes you happy, but I agree with the women before me… you should talk to a professional about how to handle these feelings. You are WORTH IT.
I went through this! I seeked therapy! I am getting better.
Ask yourself this, if you see a beautiful woman do you look and appreciate her beauty? If you’re husband doesn’t show interest in beautiful women there’s something wrong. You need to feel beautiful about yourself and remember who’s bed he parks his boots under. Build your own confidence, outer beauty is a fleeting thing. All men look, some are just more discreet about it.
Talk to him. My husband has known from the beginning (we were friends who fell in love) how insecure I am. He saw my exes hurt me. He makes it a point to call me gorgeous at least once a day and pop into the bathroom for a booty squeeze every time I shower. He wants you to feel good about yourself, and if you tell him that compliments and random booty squeezes would help boost your self esteem, I am sure that he’d be thrilled to comply. Remember to compliment him back, he deserves self esteem too.
You need to see a therapist. And you need to stop blaming him for the way you feel when by the sounds of it, he’s not doing anything wrong.
Therapy mama! For real! It will dig DEEP down why you feel this way and train your brain to love yourself and to think differently! Seriously it was my life saver. If I could could wrote this myself
Get up right now and go look in the mirror. Tell yourself you are beautiful. Beauty is about what is inside. Not all of us look like models. While they may have a pretty face and body, they lack often in personality and intelligence. True beauty is what is in a soul. The thing is though, it is harder for people to love us when we don’t love ourselves. If you can’t bring about self love then maybe a therapist can help you realize your worth. You are just as beautiful and worthy of love as anyone else on the planet. In your own ways. You are supposed to be unique. There is only one of you in this entire world. Think about all your awesome personality traits and celebrate those. Don’t ever put yourself down again.
You need to go to counseling for yourself lovely lady. Also, I’m going suggest a book for ya, it’s been a great read and has helped me see myself different, it’s call “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It’s insightful and helps you retrain how you think about different situations, mentally, physically and so on. Don’t beat yourself up, he clearly loves you by what you’ve said. Please read that book and get yourself a good therapist you feel comfortable opening up to.
You’ve got to learn to love yourself. None of us are perfect. When you love yourself you’ll see why he loves you. Look in the mirror and love you. Tell yourself your beautiful. You’ll start to believe it 
Sounds like deeply rooted trauma from your adolescence. It’s crazy the things we don’t realize that we’re said/done that cause this type of thing. Seek some help from a therapist. It helps SO much. Self-help seminars or books are a great start too. Unless you do the inner work you will continue to feel this way no matter who you’re with or where you go. You don’t want your kids to feel that way about themselves either. Hugs to you
“When you exercise, it increases endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline and endocannabinoid – these are all brain chemicals associated with feeling happy, feeling confident, feeling capable, feeling less anxiety and stress and even less physical pain,”
I hope this helps
https://www.google.gl/amp/s/www.cnet.com/google-amp/news/ways-exercise-makes-you-happier/
You should go talk to a counselor. You need to learn to love yourself first and feel beautiful in your own skin. You cannot rely on others, even your partner, for that validation.
My ex told me I was beautiful all the time. Made me believe it. He never looked at other women and never made comments about being attracted to someone else. Everything seemed perfect except he was lying the whole time and turned out to be gay. It seems like your man is willing to talk about it and trying to reassure you. I think it’s normal to be physically attracted to other people, maybe he shouldn’t bring it up as much as he does but as long as you don’t think he’s cheating on you it sounds like a self esteem issue. If you don’t think you are worthy or beautiful you’ll never believe anyone else does.
I understand these feelings, I have the exact same ones. But my husband does everything he can to reassure that he loves and is attracted to me. Its hard to belive him, but you kind of have to, to be with someone completely. It would really be helpful for you to talk with him about your inscurites because, you may think he doesn’t know how you feel, but I promise you, on some level, he knows. That’s important in a marriage. I also really think therapy for yourself would help. You seem very down on yourself, and that can eventually leach out to other aspects of your life. I know you love your husband and family, but loving yourself makes you happy in a way that they can’t.
Agree with previous post. Get help. Its clearly your issue. Its important to love yourself
You need some therapy and you might need to look into Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, there’s even a test you can take so you can talk to your doctor about it. I hope you get things worked out so you can see yourself the way he sees you.
First - We are our own worst critics. Body dismorphia is very real. We don’t see ourselves in the mirror as others see us. What you think you see isn’t necessarily how anybody else sees you. We’re so used to our own faces that it gets incredibly hard to recognize anything except what we think are flaws. I’ve seen a size 2 woman call herself fat in the mirror. I’ve witnessed drop dead gorgeous girls tear their faces apart with words. The most beautiful woman you can think of looks in the mirror and thinks “ugh… why does my ------- look like this, I just want to be prettier.” Just because you can’t see how beautiful you are doesn’t mean the rest of the world is blind to it.
Second - he loves you. He’s good to you. Don’t create problems where none exist. He sounds like a fantastic partner for you, and I know struggling with self esteem is a giant hurdle to overcome, but you absolutely have to recognize that those two things (your relationship and your personal struggle with self esteem) are separate entities. I also had this issue with my own husband, despite him always being incredibly supportive and positive and hyping me up. Seek counseling and treat yourself to a snazzy new outfit. Work on getting comfortable with yourself and quit making comparisons. Start complimenting yourself in the mirror. You can start small… “wow, my skin looks good today” or “my outfit is really cute.” If a negative thought creeps in, try to shut it down and find another thing to compliment.
Third - remember that love is more than physical appearance. Despite everything else he loves you because he loves YOU. We might lust after a pretty face temporarily, but love is a biological connection that has no eyes. You’ve bonded with them right down to their soul. You fall in love with their humor and their compassion and their ideas and their company. People are more than just their bodies.
I hate when guys are lusting after other women constantly and over do it. I don’t think it’s ok, I think they need to control themselves. no it’s not normal but people seem to make it normal because they are guys 
. But he may have an issue if he can’t stop watching porn or if he can’t stop making statements to other women and making you some how feel less then them, that’s a problem. He might love you but it’s not ok for him to be making you feel so insecure in the relationship and I hope he steps up and tries to prove to you how special you are to him or you will loose interest. And that’s just facts. If you were lusting after sexy guys all the time, he would feel like shit too. On another note it’s ok to acknowledge beauty. I don’t agree with your husband going out if his way to acknowledge sexy women all day long, every day though. It’s unattractive and can ruin your love. You want to be the one in his eyes and I think you deserve that.
You need help. You sound like a beautiful person , but you are beautiful too .
Yeah, my hubby married a short, white girl. But he thinks Elvira is the bomb. Also Grace Jones. You cannot get much more opposite than me. But just because he admires doesn’t mean he wants. He also likes expensive sports cars but wouldn’t want one even if he could afford it. Nice to look at but too much. I apparently am just enough. I suspect your hubby likes you well enough. You are the one he chose. He might enjoy a show doesn’t mean he wants to join the act. Let it go.
Gotta learn to love and like yourself
I feel this way so much!! But I try really hard to think about the fact he’s choosing to be with and stay with me! Not just for awhile but for the long haul. Choosing me over the others. There must be something great about you that’s he’s choosing to be with and stay with you!! Counseling is a great way to help your confidence. Positive self talk every day!
every women feels some sort of way about themselves.u don’t deserve to be on ur one no one does.and u think ur not this beautiful girl but u are.u made men and u have a man a good one.u need to be more positive in urself .us lady’s lack it.men do the same.u are beautiful he choose u and loves u.get some help u deserve to be happy and ur kids deserve to see it.u need help with ur own confidence u lost them along the way but u can find them again.x
Yea therapy needed before u loose what sounds Luke the real thing
Loving yourself and knowing and excepting love from another fall to you. For you to help yourself, this does not fall on him to prove anything! Sounds like ,fromwhat you’ve said he’s a pretty good guy! You yourself have called out a pattern with your partners… talking to someone to key.