I am upset that I won't ever get to have a natural birth again: Advice?

I recently gave birth to my third baby. My oldest two are 11 and 8, and I had them naturally. I thought I was done having babies, and when I ended up pregnant again at 32, I was ecstatic. I was so excited to do the whole labor all over again, as it was something I thought I was done with. When we found out the sex of the baby, my husband and I decided we would have one more child after this to try for a boy (we have three girls now). So when I went into labor on Christmas Eve, I was so ready and excited. I got to the hospital, and I was at 6cm and ready to go, and then the doctor pulled the rug out from under me. The baby had flipped breach, and I had to have an emergency c section. It was the scariest day of my life. I cried the entire time. I feel like a failure. We don’t want to wait for the 18months my doctor says I have to wait to get pregnant again in order to try for a VBAC. So if we want to have a son, I have to consign myself to the fact that I will NEVER have another natural labor. I will never feel my baby birthed into the world through my body. And that makes me so sad and so angry. And I know I should be grateful that I have the ability to have children in the first place when so many women don’t have that. If it was you, what would you do? Would you wait the 18 months, or would you just deal with knowing you have to have another c section? Am I wrong for being upset about this? I love my baby and am so happy that she is here and safe, and the doctors were great. It just wasn’t what I was expecting when I went into labor.

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I would wait , give that new baby some time to be the baby ! && give that body time to heal , some serious damage can be caused by having babies when the body isn’t healed !

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Yes… wait and heal… and than heal some more… and than go talk to a professional about your feelings…

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Be happy you can have children, who cares how they are born if they are healthy…

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You’re only 32 💁. Wait the 18 months. Its better for your body anyway.
And having a c-section doesn’t make you a failure.

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Your feelings are valid. You are valid.
If you wait long enough, the more likely you’ll be able to have a VBAC.
Please allow your body to heal from the Csection so that you can have a healthy pregnancy again.

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I would wait to give your body the healing time it needs. Also, all labors are different and may not be what we thought. Doctors need to do what is best for the baby and mother. Don’t be so hard on yourself, there is no shame in having a c-section.

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U sound selfish as fuck…

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Women are dying in childbirth in Africa due to lack of medical care.

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There is nothing about having a c section that makes you a failure. I had 2 c sections and I’m not a failure. Been pregnant 6 times and have 2 kids. Be grateful you can even have babies. There’s ALOT of women who can’t at all. How they are born shouldn’t be an issue as long as mother and baby are safe. :roll_eyes:

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Your post is unbelievable selfish, immature and shallow…
Wake up, and grow up…

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You have three healthy girls in about 3 years try for another one four is plenty these two ahead of me are right for some women think their baby machines good luck

This is actually pretty disrespectful.

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Having a c-section isn’t a failure as a parent. You have a healthy baby girl. It doesn’t matter if it comes out of your vagina actually comes out of your stomach it is what it is.my daughter’s first child was a C-section because he sat sideways the whole entire time. You have healthy children it doesn’t matter how you have them

Some people never get to have a child natural delivery or c-section. No matter how desperately they might want children. Maybe it’s your hormones talking, I sure hope that’s the case because the whole goal of any pregnancy is a healthy baby! I’ve never been in labor, both my babies were c-sections and if I have another it will be a c-section, I don’t have a choice. Maybe step back and really reevaluate your priorities and goals. In the whole scheme of things your big concern is actually pretty trivial. Be thankful you can have children at all, plenty of women struggle and can’t. Be thankful you do not know that heartache.

This is one of the most selfish things I think I’ve ever read on the internet and where in the hell would you think that you’re guaranteed a boy for your next child good luck with that honey… and having a baby is not all about you just so you are aware of that… what part of emergency C-section did you not understand there really wasn’t a choice in the matter

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Having a c section does not make you a failure. I had one and it made me a mother to my beautiful son. You make it sound like a c section is so taboo. :angry::angry::angry::angry::angry:

I git you love your kids and want more but having a c-section doesnt mean you cant have natural birth. Plenty of women do. Accept what the good Lord gives you. Wth

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How about just be grateful you have a healthy baby?

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At least you can have children :+1:

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First world problems :joy:

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I had 2 natural births and my son was an emergency csection after his heart was having issues. I wanted a 4th and waited. The 4th never happen in a way it was a blessing in disguise. My 2and child ended up diagnosed with diabetes and a host of other autoimmune diseases.

I ended up with adenomyosis and endometriosis and had a hysterectomy in September. When they biopsied my uterus the found my c section never healed from the inside only the outside. A 4th child could have caused a rupture. I lived with pain for 11 yrs after my sons birth that explained it.

Everyone is different let you body heal I know I didn’t take it easy and paid for it.

This was annoying to read.

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I also think this is very selfish!!! Be grateful you were able to have even one child!!! My daughter is 35 and can’t have children at all…ever and all she wanted is the ability to have atleast one. It devastates me daily the pain she feels! Enjoy the ones you have and stop being UNGRATEFUL!!!

Jesus, Ya’ll getting all triggered over this ladies post ? I have had 2 c sections. didn’t feel a bit like a failure, didn’t feel like I lost anything… but she DOES feel this way, she didn’t disrespect anyone, she didn’t bash anyone for having a c section… Fuck you people are savage…

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Wait the 18 months and then maybe you will have a boy the natural way you wish for. In the mean time, enjoy the little girls you have been blessed with and be thankful.

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You are not wrong to be upset about this. These are your feelings and they are valid. You got a shock to the system and had to deal with a circumstance you hadn’t considered. I can see that you are grateful for the safe arrival of your latest daughter by the tone of your post.
But this was the wrong place to ask the question. People will sit in judgement and not even bother reading your whole post.
Give yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Your body and emotions are all over the place at the moment. Take a breath and make a decision in your own good time, the only people whose opinions matter are yours and your significant others.

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There is. NOTHING wrong with having a c-section… I have to beautiful boys…

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Look if you have never seen 19 kids and counting then you need to watch it cause that woman is proof that you can have plenty of vaginal births. C sections and VBACS all mixed together.

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you did not fail. You got your baby out safely. Take 18 months to let your body heal. There is a book Vaginal Birth After Ceserean, written by Nan Kohler that may provide some encouragement. Nan once had a midwifery school in northern California.

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Sounds like you just need to go talk to a psychologist about your troubles. Sounds a bit like PPD.

You’re not a failure for having a C- section and there’s really no reason why you should be mad at yourself for having one. Would you have rather had the baby vaginally and and caused you all kinds of health issues for you and/or your baby since she happened to be breech? That wasn’t your fault and it certainly wasn’t the baby’s fault.

Going against or even thinking of going against your doctor’s advice and trying for a son, which is absolutely not guaranteed, is not the smartest decision. What if you have another girl? I’m sure you’ll love her anyway, but what if you feel resentment toward that baby or your husband because you didn’t birth a son?

Furthermore, if you do happen to get pregnant again and you have to have another C- section and you STILL don’t birth a boy, are you gonna continue to birth babies until you do get one? Wtf? Let it go. It is what it is and be happy with what you have.

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This is disrespectful to all the mothers who have had nothing but c sections . Why dont you worry about more important things sweety no matter how a child is born dosnt make you less of a woman or mother!

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What is the problem with a C-section versus natural birthing? Does it make you less of a woman or mother? I had my two children by c- section, and it never crossed my mind that it was abnormal or whatever! I was so grateful that my first baby and I lived and that this procedure was the reason why!!!

I had children by natural childbirth after having one set of twin daughters by C-section

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Thank God you have 3 beautiful and healthy children!!!

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Y’all gotta delete this

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The c section was the easiest thing about my high risk pregnancy! It was not planned and I was given the opportunity to have one earlier in the week and I turned it down. What a foolish decision it was! No matter how your baby got into this World, mothering begins the moment you begin loving him/her. Birthing is just the mechanics. Being a Mother is a lot more and then some.:heart:

🤦 fuck you… Thats all i have to say people out here begging to have a baby any way they can and ur being a little bitch cuz u have to have a c section !! All three of my kids were c section i was just happy they were healthy happy little bundles of love

Geez. Big slap in the face for people who have c-sections.

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You should be grateful you are able to have babies. I cannot. This upsets me to hear someone complaining about this. I would love to experience finding out I’m pregnant and feeling my baby move but I never will. Learn to be grateful for what you have instead of being selfish.

The fuck is wrong with you people? U come on here to just shit on someone who already feels bad enough and wants support and be able to vent? U should all be ashamed of urselves.

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Be happy that you still have option to give birth period…some ladies want to have kids but cannot or there are couples struggling to even get preggos…

Look at what you have and be happy!!!

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Girl bye. I guess I failed twice then with my two boys. But guess what? My coochie isn’t all stretched out.

I had 5 csections no natural for me…i dont feel like i failed 🤷🤷

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Some of the shit that actually comes out of people’s mouths never fails to amaze me.

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Ive had all csections but i kinda get what shes upset about, i never had the chance to push a baby out, she did, this one didnt go as planned so she was dissappointed… She could also be having some baby blues… You never know…

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Is having a natural labor really one of the most pressing things in your life?? Focus on and enjoy your children, not obsessing over how they came into this world!

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Get your tubes tied and be done with it

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You are 32 hardly too old to wait. You didn’t fail having a c section it was what was best for your baby. Look on the positives you have way more.

You have experienced natural birth and have 3 kids now. Be thankful you can even have another safe pregnancy. At this point if you want another either wait or deal with the alternative. I say be thankful you have a choice. Many dont get that privilege

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Oh honey I understand your feelings, but remember C-sections are STILL births just a different way. If natural vaginal birth is that important to you give your body time to heal and let God do the rest

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Other women should be so lucky and your bitching about a C-section. I was lucky enough to have my daughter 16 years ago and had to have a C-section because I didn’t go past 7cm. I was told I couldn’t have children. I haven’t been able to have children since and you complaining about be a failure cause you had a C-section. Imagine feeling like a failure because you can’t have kids.

Be thankful that you can conceive hun😢

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Count your BLESSINGS

Just wait the 18 months so you can be good and healed, and you should be able to vbac. I’ve known people who did fine with less time, but give yourself time with the baby you got now.

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I can’t imagine how you must feel, but I’ve had 4 c sections, I have all girls, and went through my moments of feeling “bad” for not having vaginal births, not having a son…But after my 4th I was advised to have my tubes tied, that any more pregnancies would be risky and life threatening…I think you should be thankful that you are able to get pregnant again…I pray you have your boy! God bless❤️

You do know that you could have 300 kids and they might all be girls. That’s up to you if you want to keep trying and trying for a boy but if that’s the only reason you’re having babies I’m not sure that’s a good reason. Also someday might make the girls feel unimportant because you wanted a boy. Good luck with whatever you decide to do though.

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Think and read your post before you actually post it. There are people who can not even have children, be grateful for what you have.

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I had a c section with my first daughter. All my others 4 in total were all v back.it is possible.

Had both mine c section- medically no choice my blood pressure too high seizure risked dr said :”( next pregnancy tubal 3 months almost n rupture started ;”( not any more babies,feel thankful n glad you got to experience natural birth!! Bieng taken 2weeks early both c sections my breast milk none zero ;”( couldn’t experience natural feeding either ,

your coochie wont mind

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Who said you couldn’t labour naturally again?
You had a section for a reason that is specific to that pregnancy not something that is a given to happen again.
You probably need time to talk to your doctor and debrief over the events of your last delivery. Itll help you move forward shoul you have another.
Waiting 18mths is recommended for scar healing but tbh few people wait! Your risk of scar rupture after one section is the same for someone who is having their first baby.
I wouldn’t worry right now. Enjoy your baby. When your ready speak to your doctor about debriefing.

C section or vingal birth you still gave birth to a child wait the 18 mo not to be able to have a vingal birth but to heal and rest

I have several friends and family members who have waited … read that again… waited YEARS, because they had to try EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN to get pregnant. Many of them only carried their baby for 8-16 weeks before WAITING AGAIN to try to get pregnant. They would have given anything to be able to get pregnant and have a baby, no matter what delivery they had. So count your blessings, take the time to recollect your thoughts and priorities.

And just another thought for you to process… someone who adopts… does that make them a failure or less of a mother because they didn’t vaginally deliver? :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage:

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Congratulations!! I would take the doctor’s advice. I had my last child at 36yrs. He was a healthy baby boy. Waiting 18 months would put you around You would be around 34yrs so thats still pretty young! :smiley: Do what your body feels is right for you! Good luck!

I think that last sentence sums it up. “It just wasn’t what I was expecting when I went into labor”. Seems like it misses the mark to me there. I’d start with that.

I had only one child and it was via c-section. I understand the feeling of failure, however, my advice would be to be grateful you got to experience a natural child birth and don’t beat yourself up.

I’m a C-section mommy… and this is so offensive and ridiculous. My son was breech, hence the C-section. And the only thing that matters to me is my childs safety. I’m tired of reading stories that make C-sections seem less worthy than natural birth. There’s reasons why some of us have had to have C-sections.

I had a c-section and it does not make you any less of a woman because you dont have a vaginal birth! That pisses me off. My daughter was breech so making sure she came out alive was all I cared about. Women should really stop caring what they want and caring what is best for their babies.

Talk to your doctor about the risks. Understand why they need you to wait. Seek counseling services. It is a blow when what you expected can no longer happen.

Yes wait the 18 months so you can try for a natural birth, time flys you’re still young. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I had planned for a natural birth and my baby cake early so I had an emergency c-section I don’t even remember the cut I am so in love with my son. I don’t care how they get here as long as it is with the 10 toes and 10 fingers and healthy :joy::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Having a baby is having a baby, it comes out of your body regardless… front door or side door. I didnt realize one less of the other?! Granted I’ve never had a c section, just a failed epidural with my first, then all natural with a sunny side up baby (absolutely not in the birthing plan…BEGGED for a c section, and they wouldn’t do it. My tubes were tied after THAT shit show!).

Either wait for the opportunity to have Vaginal delivery or don’t wait and have c section it’s pretty simple :thinking::ok_hand:t4:

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My feeling is that children come into our lives by three routes, Vaginally, by C Section and through Adoption and neither one is superior to the other. But that’s MY feeling. You’re entitled to yours but my belief is, you’re using energy that should be saved for your lovely family. Let nature take it’s course and if you’re to have another Vaginal birth, you will. If not, then a C Section is not the end of the world…again, MY feeling and MY belief.

I’m trying to be empathetic but after stillbirth, recurrent miscarriage, infertility treatments for 6 years, and a miraculous c section birth of my miracle child, I’m struggling.

Honestly, I’ve felt this way. All 3 of my oldest girls were c-sections and ii felt completely robbed of the natural birthing experience. And ii dilated to 9cm with my first daughter. Felt her pushing her way down and everything. But her heart rate was dropping and ii was in labor for forever, so they had to do an emergency c-section. Now I’m pregnant with my 4th girl :sob:🤦🏾:rofl::joy: due to be delivered via c-section May 22nd and ii cannot wait! Lbvs…im just ready to get this pregnancy over with. I will say this though… And ii dont mean to come off rude…but if you’re not gonna wait the 18 months, just give yourself time to accept the fact that you’ll have to have a c-section because with hopes for a boy your 4th time around, if you find out its another girl, you don’t want to deal with gender disappointment on top of being frustrated with having to have another c-section…trust me!

Y cant u have a natural birth? I had an emergency c section with my first child, and I had 5 natural after that.

Some of these responses are really ugly and judgmental . She is allowed to grieve the loss of the way she wanted things to be ideally. She also may be dealing with some hormonal issues since she just had her baby. I personally would wait the 18 months at least to give myself time to adjust to this new baby. Be blessed.

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U guise realize she probably has ppd and your not helping with ur nasty comments

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I had two c sections. Never gave birth natural. Sometimes i wish i could have just once. But that was the hand i was delt. I know it feels like to wish to give birth natural. But i am so blessed to be able to have my two children. The feeling will eventually go away as you take care of your child. Im just glad mine came out healthy and strong.

I had c-section and I felt incredibly cheated. Three years later my second daughter (eight lbs) was born vaginally. Fourteen months later, as a surrogate I had a c-section for timing purposes. Nine years later, I gave birth to my son vaginally. So indeed it is possible. My experience is that older docs stick with the once a c-section always a c-section. Younger more new age docs are not going to say definitely you have to have that c-section. So the eighteen months is to make sure you are not going to RIP open your scar tissue when you deliver vaginally after a previous c-section. My last delivery the doc, who was about a hundred years old, told me it would have to be a c-section. There was no way I could have him vaginally. I did. It took thirty hours of labor, but I did it and he was the doc that delivered him. So, if you want that natural, vaginal birth follow the doctor’s orders. It’s not just your safety we worry about. It also the safety of that beautiful angel you are bring in to this world.

You were lucky you could have 2 natural births. My first, she’s 8 now, was breached so I had no real choice other than to have a c-section. I was geared to have a natural birth but things out of my control happened. I still birthed a beautiful healthy girl. I have recently had my second, another girl, & tried VBAC but my uterus wasn’t playing the game, so I had to have another c-section. I tried but unfortunately it didn’t happen. Again I have a beautiful healthy girl.

Even if you aren’t willing to wait 18months so you can have another natural birth, I would. You honestly don’t want to tear your scar/cut with having another baby too soon. Otherwise more complications could arise.

It may not be what you expected when you went into labor, look at it in a different light… did you give birth to the most beautiful and healthy baby? That’s all that matters.
I’d listen to the doc and wait

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I had a c-section and was pregnant less than 3 months later and I had her naturally. There’s no rule saying you have to have another c-section, even though you’re definitely not a failure for having one.

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I had an emergency section; never had a choice, t hat being said you need to let your body heal if you don’t then you probably will have a section; healing inside takes time; if you want a nat birh again then heal, and breath

I had two c-sections before having a natural birth. You didn’t fail at all. You had the baby. Giving birth is what you set out to do and that’s what you did. It doesn’t matter in what way you gave birth. You did it! Yay you!!! You might want to wait to have another baby until you are healed and ready for another. It takes a lot out of you being pregnant and having a baby and especially a baby born surgically. It is a strain on your body and also on you hormonally and emotionally. Give yourself time to be the best you you can be before you make the decision to have another baby. I wish you all the best.

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I went thru 53 hours of hellish, fullblown labour (3mins apart for 53 hours!!) and the epidural didnt work! I dont understand WHY any1 wants to go thru that more than once!!

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Man, all 3 of my kids were c section. My first son born in 07 was emergency c section. Had my second son 11 years later in 2018 he was planned C section. Now just had my Daughter December 15th planned c section at 33 years old. She is my last as I have been sterilized now. I dont feel like I have failed at all. We all have “birthed” babies no matter how they come out. We are all strong women.

How about the ones who can not have c-sections or natural child births… Who can not get pregnant at all? People like me who read shit like this and think my God lady at least you get to wake up on Christmas to excited kids ripping open presents and holding your babies right after you had them and decorating a nursery shit I will never get to do. So your c- section means nothing I am sorry lady but that is small business by comparison

I think you should talk to your Dr to get your hormones checked, & for post partum depression. You are spending an exorbitant amount of time fixating & grieving something that was done to save you & your child’s life. Instead of focusing on what you “lost”, change it to focusing on what you gained. Later on down the road, you are going to look back at this & regret the time you threw away by worrying over this, instead of cherishing the time you have with your husband & children.

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As someone who has been trying to Get pregnant and dealing with infertility, I would love to have just one baby. Struggling with infertility is a REAL problem… Not being pissed because you have to have a c-section. At least you’re able to get pregnant and have a child.

wait the 18 months then if it’s so important.

I am the baby of an emergency c-section. I have two younger siblings who were all born “naturally”. I get that you are upset but who told you that you couldn’t? As already has been stated be happy with what you have as many would be more than happy to get pregnant especially if they are struggling. Just wait and see but don’t think that just because your baby or any other child that you have is delivered by c-section that you are a failure but do watch what you say because many woman are never able to conceive

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I just after 4 kids got to even know what contractions for me would be like… I wanted it for 11 yrs… First was emergency… Sec was emergency… third was scheduled because my second was so traumatic there was no way to have a natural birth… This last one I went into labor and almost lost her and myself because of it… Moral here is wait give your body time to heal… Also screw you for feeling like a failure… for some ppl it’s the only way we get to bring our babies into the world… And it ain’t a walk in the park either fucking way… It is offensive to some moms who will never experience having a baby naturally… And fr those of us who have to heal from MAJOR surgery just for a our babies.

Why is it so important to have another child so soon?

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I wanted a drug free natural vaginal birth for my first child in 2008. Unfortunately for me due to circumstances, i had an epidural assisted C-section birth. And in 2016 i had a epidural assisted c-section birth for my second son, also due to circumstances. And i do not feel like a failure cos both natural and c-section birth is still BIRTH. One is as God intended and the other is an emergency birth procedure. End result is the birth of your child. Wait. Dont wait. Your choice. However, in my opinion, you should wait for many reasons. Time for your body to heal. For your body to recuperate to accommodate another pregnancy. Time for your baby to first have enough time with you before another baby demands your time and resources. Time to mentally and emotionally adjust to your scarred body. And you have time to wait as you are young.

This is the dumbest thing I’ve read all day :roll_eyes:

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🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 the 18 months isn’t the wait for a VBAC. your body takes longer to heal after it’s been sliced open & can jeopardize a pregnancy if you’re not all the way healed…

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I felt your pain with my first two babies, both were emergency c-section. I had my third and that had to be a c-section as well. I never got to experience vaginal birth. I wanted to but I guess I just couldn’t. You should be thankful that you did get to experience both and what’s important is that you deliver a healthy baby in the end. Having a c-section is nothing to be ashamed about and technically still coming out of your body. Plus, you can wait 5 years and still face the fact that you will end up with a c-section anyway. You should never expect to have a delivery the way you want it, you just have to hope it does.

Wtf? Kids aren’t LOL Surprise Dolls. You (hopefully) aren’t thinking clearly.
Get knocked up again against your Dr.’s advice or don’t. Whatever you decide won’t impact the likelihood of conceiving a son. Your husband’s sperm decides that. I understand you love giving birth. It’s beautiful. But a c-section is still giving birth. Honestly- you sound batshit right now. See someone about PPD. For your sake and the sake of your newborn.
And- think long and hard about popping out kids for the sake of a specific gender. I shudder to think of the resentment placed on a child if you don’t get what you “want” after “suffering” through another c-section. :flushed::roll_eyes::pensive:

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