My daughter is eight years old and has always said she doesn’t want a sibling. I just found out I’m pregnant, and I’m terrified she’s going to hate me. I’m happy about the pregnancy but afraid she won’t think I love her anymore. Has anyone dealt with this before, and the older child come around? I know newborns take up a lot of your time, but I’ll still make one on one time with her too. How do you help the older only child cope with the fact they’ll no longer be an only child?
Include her in every step but don’t push it if she’s not into yet. She’ll come around. Make her feel special about being a big sister.
Include your daughter in everything to do with baby! And make sure she knows just how much she’s loved! Plan girls days before and even after baby gets here!
Let her help decorate new baby’s room etc etc! It might be rough to start but I’m sure she will come around-I have lots of friends this has happened to!
When my 3 daughters (1 bio, 2 step) found out we were pregnant, they were apprehensive. Then when they found out it was going to be a boy, the: 5 year old cried for two days and said she hated it and the 7 year old “ran away” (climbed under the kitchen table for a day) and then refused to speak to me for awhile. Now, that little boy is their prince and they adore him. Kids get over these things… she just needs to know you still love her and will make time for her after the baby comes. And make sure you give that to her.
So I was in the position of your daughter, I was a little older though. I was pissed and not happy at all. My mom tried everything. She even let me help pick his name. I had a love dislike relationship with him when he was born. I made it clear since I didn’t want him I wasn’t going to help. But then again he was mine and I was protective over him. We were pretty much both raised as only children as I moved out when I was 16. But I love him so much
Include her if she shows a desire. Don’t force her. She’s never had to share your attention. So be inventive…
We told my 8 year old we were having a baby, and she stormed off. Ran to her room and slammed the bedroom door. She had a full blown melt down. A few hours later, she came out and wanted to see pics and know more. She now has a 9 month old baby sister and is WILD about her. I’ve never seen her so happy. We have a 5 year old boy, too. But, she came around full swing and says often that having a sister now is the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
I know from my personal experience of my parents having their 2nd when i was 8. And it was very upset. So used to being the only child then bam another kid and it was a BOY lol… I got over it eventually… But wasnt until he was like 4… Nothing you can really do unfortunately. If she isnt feeling it then allow her to feel that way. But also let her know shes always allowed to help.
She will get over it. Mine did
Bring her to appointment if they allow u to have her in tbe room unless a c section make her feel it’s her baby as well
Personally, I’m a tough love parent. I told my older 2 (girls) that they were getting a little brother when they were 8 and 9. They really didnt want another sibling. I told them to suck it up and they were going to love him no matter what! And sure enough, when he was born they fell in love! Then I gave them another little brother last year and they are getting another one October this year! Lol they are older now 11 and 12. But they still love all their brothers!
Point is, shes just a kid! She probably doesnt know what to feel about the new addition because she’s never experienced it before. And for most kids, new is bad in their minds. Till they see baby and get to hold baby and kiss it and feed it, then suddenly baby is good! Especially girls, they have that natural mommy instinct! Lol makes baby just like a doll!
Dont stress it, just let time do its thing include her when she’s up for it and let it go when she’s refusing. She’ll come around!
I’m going through this now except I have a 5 yr old daughter and I’m 30 weeks pregnant with another girl, I have told my daughter it’s our baby, brought her own Lil diaper bag for her Lil sister, included and asked her opinion on clothes and nursery decor, and me and my husband has made sure to tell her every chance we get she is not getting replaced and we love her big it has helped
My kids are 12 years apart and my oldest did not want a little sibling… But after the fact they get along better than i could have hoped for.
I was 8 when my sister was born ,I wasn’t happy that she was a girl,bit when she was born and I saw her the very first time I remember it so clearly ,I had this over whelming love for her,big sister mode kicked in and stayed ,loved and protected her fiercely. It will be ok don’t stress
My 9 yo learned we were having another sibling (he has two younger brothers) he didn’t talk to us for 2 weeks!! It was ridiculous! Day two I called his teacher to see what’s happening at school and to let her know that he isn’t talking to us, that I’m pregnant and to let us know if he says anything we would need/like to know.
Finally after 15 days of him ignoring us and refusing to talk more then the absolute minimum, he asked if we knew if the baby was a boy or girl, how much longer till baby was here, and if we had told his little brothers yet…
Fast forward two years him and baby sister are the best of friends.
Hope your experience is like this, maybe hard at first, but now there is so much love in their relationship that they are practically inseparable.
I was 12 when my mom and stepmom were both pregnant at the same time. I felt like my world shattered because I was hit from both households within two weeks of each other. My youngest brother is 23 years younger than me. I’m really close with the sister from my mom’s hour as we were raised together, and a few months ago, we celebrated her 21st together! So there’s hope that by the time the little hits 21, they’ll be alright!
She will have 2 stop being a brat an get on with it, it’s happening so it’s tough
So you’re catering to your 8 year old ! No wonder she rules your life!
My son was 13 when i got pregnant, he found out from finding a letter i wrote on the computer for our realtor to buy a house, he cried😑 but when i had my daughter, he loved her so much!
She’s use to being an only child. She will get over it. Jealousy will play biggest part. Give your oldest plenty of one on one time every chance you get. Let her help with new baby. I had my son help pick out baby clothes, toys, names, went to sonogram. After my daughter was born he helped feed her and play with her and now they are so close even with the age gap.
Sorry who’s the parent? You are. She’ll get over it, just try and involve her in things with the baby.
My sister is 9 years younger than I am. I don’t think I really cared. I had 2 older step brothers and a little brother I seen every other weekend. This one I wouldn’t get to escape from lol my mom always said it was like having 2 only children, we rarely fought because I was old enough to go away with friends and keep myself busy. I didn’t have to worry about her stealing my things, she was too small for them. Now 30 years later I’d be lost without her!
Omg who’s the boss in the house
I’d let her know. I have a coworker in her late 40s that still recalls the dismay of her baby sister coming home “can we return her” “switch her out with another one this one cries too much” thankfully she let her know about her baby brother she learned her lesson the first time around. These sisters grew up to manage our main store here. They’re closer than close can be. I have faith she’ll come around even if its rough at first
Good thing you’re having another, only child’s are the WORST.
Let her help you pick things for the babys room and for the baby. Make her apart of the ultrasounds and every aspect. My two girls are 10yrs apart. My oldest didnt want a sibling at the time but she loves her little sister! They’re almost 2 and 12 this yr. She will come around
My daughter was upset when I told her I was pregnant with my last child, she cried. When he was born she absolutely loved him and just wanted to be with him and was a little mommy. They are still very close although they are 14 years apart.
Dude, what a bunch of rude, sourpuss bitches on here. I can tell those are the moms that say no to everything and their child doesn’t like them and they always want to be with their dads. Lol Ignore those hags. My husband and I have a (at the time) 8 year old daughter when we got pregnant with our son. She was excited but very upset too about us waiting so long and having her a sibling. It is totally normal for the older child to be upset. They have been the center of our world for 8 years! Change is scary. She loved her baby brother when she first met him. It was a big adjustment but after about a year (corona virus was hard for her too so a lot of changes and it took a while for us) for her to come around and not always he jealous that sometimes the baby takes more attention. Make sure to involve her in the pregnancy a lot. I had my daughter help me a lot with caring for her baby brother so she could feel important too. She loves helping feed him, bathing him, etc. It is a lot of change to get used to, for both you and your daughter, but I promise if you include her in everything and still make one on one time with her, she will fall in love with the baby. Good luck to you.
My son is 8 yrs older than my 2nd… I actually Incorporated him into the pregnancy and even let him name his younger brother! He’s amazing with him I was so worried and it came out better than I could have asked for lol especially with my oldest being on the spectrum
She’ll be fine. My kid was the same way. She’s 17 now, and all her younger siblings were her best friends at one point lol
I just had my baby on the 17th. My oldest daughter turned 7 on the 1st. Oldest’s dad passed away in 2018 so it’s been me and her since she was almost 4 She was absolutely against me having a baby. But as the belly grew she really grew a bond with baby, and now that she’s here I couldn’t have asked for a better helper. We keep telling her she has to help teach her little sister all the things she already knows.
The attitude has been a little more feisty but I keep reminding myself it’s a huge transition for ALL of us! And occasionally she has asked if I still love her the same or mentions how lucky this baby is to have a dad (my boyfriend loves her more than life itself) but all of those were expected!
It isn’t her call. At eight, she should be able to share the spotlight.
So what happens if she finds out and hates you? U gonna not have the baby?
I was 5 when my mom got pregnant with my brother and she said the whole time she was pregnant I told her I was throwing my brother in the garbage but as soon as I seen him I was like awwwweee I love him,she said she asked if I still wanted to put him in the garbage and I said no. Me and my brother have always had a great relationship. She may surprise you once she sees that sweet little baby.
Our son is 5. He’s been the only child for the last 5 years. So very spoiled by family and us on the odd occasions.
I don’t think the realisation of having another brother will fully hit until baby is old enough to play with his toys
We have included him every step of the way, he has picked out outfits, felt him move and always asks to feel him ( he was funny about it at first) each week I show him how big baby is on my app.
We have told him he can help get his baby brothers clothes ready for bath time and he can lay and play with him on the floor when home.
When my daughter found out her dad was having a little boy she was so upset for ages as she doesn’t want a brother. I let her cry it out and be upset, but she will have to come around eventually.
Not up to her. Good lesson to learn…world doesn’t belong to them alone. She will be fine.
Let her go to the drs appointment with you
I was almost 8/9 when my mother had my siblings (they’re 14 months apart) I was happy, though it was stressful for me at the same time, change can be hard.
Keep her included, take her input on things like the name, nursery decor, etc…
It will just be an adjustment for her, but she will come around.
Explain to her that no matter what you still love her just as much and nothing not even a new baby would change that … I was 18 when my baby sister was born I didn’t like it that much cause it felt like I was being replaced but I got over it and I still love her and would do anything for her or my brother.
An 8 year old really doesn’t have a say so
She will get over it and love her sibling more than either of you know
My daughter will be 13 soon I felt the same way I was so worried about her feelings. She is so happy now. The first day she was sour about it but now she has her baby sisters ultrasound hanging on her mirror. She can’t wait to be a big sister. I make sure she’s included in everything. My maternity pictures & baby shower I made sure she was very involved. It’s been just us two for so long it will definitely be an adjustment. Everything will work out for the best though even if it takes some time
My step son was 8 when I got pregnant. He never wanted a sibling. He was sad when I first told him but I involved him in everything. He was the one that got to reveal the gender. I took him on a mini vacation to a hotel with an awesome swimming pool, camping trips etc. just the two of us. Then the baby came and he’s been good with it. I catch him playing with him. They adapt, you just gotta be there for them.
I don’t get why everyone is so hateful on this page. No matter what the question, there’s always so many laugh reacts and people being so rude. This is such a normal concern most parents have when they are going to be adding a family member. No wonder these are all anonymous.
My grandson is 9 and he was an only child, only grandchild and only great grandchild. He has a 6 week old baby sister and he is in love. No jealousy at all.
I’m 9, 10, and 16 years older than my siblings. It was hard when they were all young. Now that we’re older we’re closer.
…Is the 8 year old the parent?
My son was 11 when I got pregnant with my daughter he was upset at first but he is an amazing big brother just give her time and include her and reassure her that thus baby isn’t gonna take away from. Yiur relationship
If she doesn’t come around after a few weeks, family counseling.
My mom had my brother when I was 8. I was so in love. Both of my brothers are now my best friends in life. Even with the age gap. Yes, there was a little jealousy and attention seeking however, my mom always made a point to still do things alone with me. Made me feel special. Don’t forget that and everything will be okay!
I had my son when my daughter was 7, she was excited at first and that changed quickly. She did get jealous but it’s super important to make sure you make time for her. Also try involve her in any way you can to make her feel included or helpful. It will be a new adventure for both of you, but I’m sure she will come around!!!
Tell her. She’ll get over any disdain she may feel at the moment of being told.
Jesus, I’m glad I’m not some of your children with the bitchy comments. It’s a question for advice, not saying the child rules the house or whatever.
I dont kno… if my kid told me she didn’t want a sibling and was pretty adamant about it I wouldn’t be selfish enough to do it… because its what I want and her feelings don’t matter .
She will love the baby when she sees him or her.
Ahhh, shes going to have to get over it because that’s not her choice to make…she is 8, explaining to her that having a sibling wont change the fact that you love her more than life its self, it just means you are going to love someone else as much as you love her…I’d say an 8yo saying they dont want a sibling is being spoilt asf…
Include her! Let her pick out colors for the room, blanket colors, show her how her favorite friends or tv shows have siblings, let her help.
She may be upset in the beginning but she’ll come around
You talk to a professional
My 7 year old was iffy about it to at first. She actually started acting out because she has adhd and her routine got messed up. She also doesn’t like sharing me lol I actually am in the process of trying to put her through counseling just to have someone to talk to. Also you should definitely check out Slumberkins they are stuffed animals that teach children of all ages how to properly handle their emotions. There is one in there for changing family or something like that. It’s a huge help. They come with great books and affirmation cards that help them better understand the big feelings they feel. Good luck momma!
I was an only child for almost 7 years. Then my parents had twins. Lol. I was resentful. I called them it and itette. I ended up being a 3rd parent, babysitting after school, driving them places to take the car on the weekend, etc. Now I’m mid 40s they are late 30s. We are as close as we could be living across the country and across the world. I resented them as a kid. I would do anything for them though, then and especially now.
So this was somewhat me. I was eight and half when my little brother was born, while my mom was preggo I did everything I could think of to make it be a girl (cause at 8 I thought I had that power ) and made it known I would not like a brother (I have 3 older brothers). When my mom delivered my dad called to tell us it was a boy,I was completely devastated cried so hard and when my mom could have visitors I told them I didn’t want to go I didn’t care. I was so mean to my mom for a few days, wouldn’t come near her when she was holding him, even told her she needs to put him back where he came from and try again . Finally my mom wouldn’t not be holding him when I was there. Eventually I came around to having another brother and even helped out with him. Sorry for the long post but give her time she may change how she feels
I was 7 when my parents had another child. At first I wasn’t happy as I was the little girl… Once he was born, I fell in love and helped my mom whenever I could. When my other brother was born a year later, I did the exact same thing. Just involve her as much as possible and she will come around
My 8 year old made a for sale sign when her brother was born. 3 years later they r best friends
I don’t think that Children should be involved in adult decisions.
I can’t give you advice because my two were close in age but I wonder if there’s books you can read to her that would put a positive spin on her having a sibling, or books on how to tell her. Btw. Congratulations ! A new baby!!
Include her in everything she’ll be OK
Yes, tell her you need her help. Let her make some decisions getting the nursery ready etc. include her as much as she will be. My first did not want a baby sister only a brother. She didn’t say one word ageist her baby sister and was happy.
My daughter was 9 when i told her i was pregnant again and she lost her shit completely. We reassured her that nothing would change and she can be involved and help as much as she would like. After some space and time she sat down with us and had a chat. Fast forward to having the baby, she absolutely adores her, i am expecting again and she can’t wait.
My 11 year old son walked out the front door and said “he needed a minute” when he found out he wouldn’t be my only child…
Now look at them. He is her biggest protector. It will be ok.
Include her in everything that she possibly can for 8 years old but I wouldn’t tell her untill you have had your 12 week scan and before baby is born ask family and friends to get her a little something aswell as the baby so it doesn’t be all about the baby all the time but she is 8 years old a child not a adult its nice you thinking about her feelings but she will come to terms with it I have 3 kids just shy of 3 years between my first 2 and 4 years between 2nd and 3rd xxxx
My son loved his sister once she was born
Oh i had this with my 11yrs and 16yrs.
The 16yrs went “off” like a bottle of pop.
Calmly reminded them that i was tbe adult making adult choices, and they could make their own decision when they turned into an adult…
Told them it was tuff and their lives wouldnt change and they didnt have to have anything to do with the baby, but to remeber how that would feel if they had a sibling who ignored them and didn’t show love to them
Took my 16yrs to the gender scan and she took down the gender so knew before everyone else and arranged the balloon popping for the other two.
All the kids are excited about the baby coming now they are over the shock.
My kids are excited about spending time with me because i get maternity off and iv worked all their lives
So, my advice is let them have their tantrum. Dont rationalise with them as you cant rationalise with upset people. Give it a couple of days and ask about a gender party, and dicuss the childs fears and all the positives
My son was 16 when I got pregnant again on his brother,last thing he expected to hear but now 7 yrs later they are so close,best brothers,buddies,have their moments but wouldn’t change a thing,they will always have each other when I’m gone at least,your daughter is old enough to understand things can change and life does too so she will be fine,your the adult anyway and parent so you tell her the way it is now!!!
A child should not have a say if u want to have more children thats ur choice not theirs.
She will get over it
She will probably change her mind
U need to reassure her she won’t lose time with you. Also discuss some things with her of her responsibilities as the big sister when the baby comes. Make her apart of buying clothes or things for the baby (let her chose). That way she will not feel left out.
You’re the adult, not her. She’ll get over it. Enjoy your new bundle. Like said previously… help her feel included, just don’t force it. Let her do it on her own.
My 11 year old was not happy when he found out we were adding another baby to our family. Baby number 8. But once he found out I was having a girl his whole attitude changed and they are inseparable now. Kids adapt and get over being upset about stuff pretty quickly just keep her involved. Never make her feel excluded
My son was 11 when I got pregnant with my daughter. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was already struggling with it. When we told our son he had an all out temper tantrum…screaming i don’t want a brother or sister I like being an only child… he wouldn’t look at me, talk to me… he wouldn’t eat dinner that night… the next morning he wouldn’t eat breakfast… still wasn’t talking to me…I sat down and wrote a note to his teacher… telling her of he was not acting him here’s the reason… I don’t know what that teacher said to him… but when he got home from school he was a completely different kid… then I took him to an appointment with me where he could hear her heartbeat and he was instantly exciting… best of luck to you…
Include your daughter in the baby shopping and setting up baby supplies and stuff like that. After baby is born continue to keep her involved. Everything will be OK.
So I’m 8 years older than my sister and I told my mom the exact same thing lol a lot of these comments are hilarious “She’ll get over it” and all that.
Some don’t, I’m 20 years old to this day and I STILL don’t like my sister in fact we both hate each other.
My mom tried to include me in everything but there’s a difference in affection.
We had our good moments where she’s my world but for the most part I don’t like my sister.
To add though.
You can’t make someone like their sibling and she may warm up who knows but either way She’ll be fine enjoy your pregnancy!
Well when I was nine mind you I had a two othere sister’s . when I found out my mom was going to have another baby I cried I didn’t want one more but when she was born I loved her n wanted to help with every thing now she is 21 n I’m 31 n she is my baby lol
She’s 8. She doesn’t get to decide if she has a sibling or not.
It is completely possible to make time for your older child AND a newborn if you make sure that you take that time.
She’s also old enough as well to be a helper to you and that gives them a sense of importance, so long as you don’t make it a thing where it’s expected that she help, but that you are appreciative of how much of a big girl she is for helping
She can get over it. You’re the parent, its you and your husband decision to add to the family. But in honesty I’m sure she’ll live her little sibling.