I really, really need advice and have no one else to go to. Can you post this anonymously? This might be a little long, but I have a 17-year-old sister who is, without a doubt, a narcissist. She behaves/speaks like she does no wrong, and like the world owes her everything. She takes and does not give. She says the most hurtful things; for example, she told me I’m a bad mom because I don’t have a father for my children (single mom) and that I’m “pathetic” that I live with my mother at the age of 23. She’s completely toxic. I am not able to have a civil conversation with her without her pointing out something I do wrong or blaming me for her problems, and I cannot confront her about my feelings because she turns it around always to be something I did to hurt her. In February, this will have been going on for two years with me constantly trying to be nice only to have her point fingers at me. I’ve run out of patience, and I’m tired of biting my tongue. I’ve gotten to the point where I told her to stay away from my children and me as well. I’ve told my family (they think I’m rude) that I don’t want my sister around my children. My sister acts this way towards me IN FRONT of my kids - in my opinion, that’s teaching them to disrespect their mother. We cannot be in the same room without her giving me dirty looks, making insults and telling me I’m to blame for everything that’s wrong in her life. She takes no responsibility or accountability for any of this. If I confront her about the things she says and how it makes me feel, she will deny that she said it even if it was only five minutes ago. I’ve decided to put her on the list of people who are NOT allowed at the hospital when I give birth to my daughter in April. Am I wrong for cutting contact with her and keeping her away from my children? Is it wrong that I don’t want her holding my daughters or having any involvement with them? Am I overreacting to “typical teenager stuff” as my mother puts it? I don’t think I am; I’d just like other’s opinions on this or to see if anyone’s been through anything similar. Thanks in advance.
My mother is a narcissist. I read this book Disarming the narcissist that was $15 on Amazon. 8 reccomend reading it and using the tools it gives you. It has greatly improved my relationship with my mother.
She is childish is what she is. She can make you feel inferior bc she found what works. Simply put, move. Get your own place & stay away from her. I’m not saying she’s right bc she’s wrong to be this kind of person but she won’t change just bc you want her to. She may change when this attitude gets her no where. At the end of the day she’s still a minor. If you don’t want her around you or your kid it’s YOUR job to find a place and move out. & It sounds like it’s 2 years overdue. I realize it’s not easy. I’ve been on my own since 4 months before my 18 birthday. I finished out highschool while living on my own and working a part time job. There’s help out there if you need it. Might sound harsh but your sister is who she is. Only way to stop encountering the abuse is to move out. Seek other childcare options and don’t interact with her. & Also… Moving out and getting your self together takes away a huge part of her ammunition towards you and may force her to look within and you being removed from the situation gives you the chance to be straight with her. “What is really the problem?” Be blunt. And if she chooses to lash out rather than answer simply walk away. That’s not what I asked and until you have an honest to goodness answer I don’t have to listen to this.
My sister use to be angry at the world when she was 15 and 16 and she would say some hurtful stuff and of course I would say some smart remark back because I stood up for myself my sister has never been this bad tho and now she is 18 and since she became 17 she started to grow up and I could finally talk to her without it turning into a fight. Maybe give it time but until then do what is best for you and your children don’t worry about others feelings
Hash it out if u must… But grow up, get over differences bc once they r gone, there r no do overs… My sister and I had issues… I made damn sure we made amends before she died 3 months ago.
You need to do what is best for you and your kids. I’d do the same as far as keeping her away from your kids. Don’t worry about what others are thinking. It’s only you and your kids that comes first.
She’s just jealous of you. Just smile at her every time you are around her and that will make her madder.
If she truly is a narcissist. Age has nothing to with it.
You dont want to deal with and adult narc. Trust me.
Good thing is once she turns 18. Its fair game. Whoop her ass.
Is this now an advice column? Surely there are other places to ask this?
Sounds like you have a jealous sister, hmmm might want to move before it gets to out of hand, but I think thers,a a lot of jealousy to
Well, she is young and still a minor in her parent’s home. You need to figure out how to get your own place. Did you just split with your husband while pregnant? I’m sure you coming back with a bunch of children has disrupted the serenity and flow of the household she is used to and she’s probably resentful. And now you’re adding a new born. If this was her nature before you moved back, maybe she just doesn’t like your lifestyle and doesn’t know how to express it in a healthy way. You need to take a step back and see what it is you’re attributing to the problem. Teenagers can have bad attitudes and mood swings. Hopefully she’ll grow out of the way she expresses her feelings. Bottom line is you need to get your own house.
Family or not…she’s TOXIC and does nothing for you and/or your children. Love her from a far. You DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN to anyone. Others and/or family will talk shit REGARDLESS! You don’t have to tolerate her disrespect, rudeness, behavior.
Some of the things she is saying is true. Why are you having children with no father and still living at home? Perhaps she has some anger toward you for bringing the changes into her life she didn’t ask for. You need to get your own place so you can live your own life. Oh yes, although I had a four year young sister and she was a pain in the butt, we became good friends later in life.
Run!! You’re doing the right thing to cut her out of your life. I havent spoken to my 2 sister in 5 years because thsts exactly how they treat me. Its hard and first and guilt will eat you up but slowly those feelings of guilt will be replace with peace and self worth. You’ll be a lot happier… I know I am. Good luck and I wise you strength through this journey.
True that there is always two sides to every story. But we are hearing your story. You are seeking advice here. You sound fair to me. I think that it would be in the best interest of you and your children to find support and potentially housing outside of your family. Maintain whatever relationship you want to with them, always being mi dull of the mental and emotional health of yourself and your children. Otherwise you may need to set up some healthy boundaries considering the negative effect that these a relationships are having on you and your children.
No you aren’t. I have an older sister who was like this my entire life. At the age of 37 I finally decided I’d had enough. The last time I spoke to her was 2013. The last time I saw her was 2015 and I’ve never been more at peace. Sometimes you have to cut the ones out of your life that cause you too much pain, even though you love them very much.
I have a BIG feeling your momma wants you gone!!! Cause if she letting your sister say stuff to you it’s probably everything your momma wants to say to your face but doesn’t! You need to get out fast and handle everything on your own. Better for your sanity and your kids.
Cut off all contact. You don’t need people in your life like that. Doesn’t matter that she’s your sister. She’s toxic to you and sets a horrible example for your children. I had to do that with a sister too. She blames all her problems on others. I tried for many years to help her, only to have her crap on me over and over. My mother would just say, “This too shall pass.” I told her no, it won’t. I’m done. It’s been years and my life is much more peaceful without her in it. And that’s HER loss, not mine.
It isn’t typical teenage stuff. I know exactly what you mean and I don’t blame you for any of the decisions you are making. She is to toxic to be around your kids if she can’t even respect you. I had a daughter that is the same age and she acts the same exact way. She has to see two counselors one being a behavioral specialist as well. Her mind has to be taught to look at everything the right way. She needs help big time.
Correct, you do not need to be disrespected in front of your children. Actualy, you should not be disrespected at all, be anyone. It sounds like she is resentful that she has to share, what she feel is rightfully hers, with you and your kids. Personally I would get my ship together and move out and make a respectable life for my kids and myself. ( Which I did, single mother of 3) Which makes me wonder, what have you been doing to become an independent mother? I got a grant went to college, got a job, paid for a house, bla bla. Take charge if your life. Do not rely on mom and dad or some ‘man’. Set your own destiny. Show those kids how you can step up. Never let anyone come in and try to run your world.
I certainly don’t know all your circumstances but I don’t believe I would be having anymore children until I was out on my own. You need to get control of your life and move on leaving her behind
I had two people in my life that were the exact same way. The only thing you really can do is just walk away from it. You have to emotionally distance yourself and keep very limited contact with her. The more limited, the better. Sadly, I have yet to see one that changed for the better.
There’s always two sides to every story. Why does she treat you this way, have you done something to her? If I read this correctly you have been trying for two years to be nice, really? Your story is way too one-sided and frankly your teenage sister doesn’t even come close to the definition of a narcissist. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself before you cut your only sister out of your life. Why doesn’t your family support you if she truly is a narcissist?
You are justified in your feelings and we don’t know why you live at home and why you have multiple children without a father, but you don’t really have a leg to stand on in somebody else’s house. When I don’t like an environment, I leave it. No judgment, but the only one responsible for your happiness is you. Other people’s kids are sometimes annoying. Especially if you don’t HAVE TO deal with them. Just saying…
Personally speaking I would move out if I could.And You can decide who you want at the hospital when you give birth,the hospital has to comply…My husband had to cut his father contact with him, from all the time t o some of the time when my husband started having health issues,
Google "How to deal with a narcissist family member (or sister). Lots of good articles. I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my children 
Time to move out and run your own household. It might not be easy, but you can do it if you want too!!!
Question? Does she live with you, are you still living at home? You need to move on, get a place for you and your kids. Toxic people just bring you down, make you miserable, your kids will see this and in turn be miserable with you. You don’t want that. Be a single mom without her and tell your mom to step the F&$& up and be a mother to her child.
Oh my gosh you are not wrong she has no right to talk to you the way she does especially in front of your children you are 100% right when you say she’s narcissist I wouldn’t want her in the hospital when I gave birth either who wants a negative energy around when it’s when that time happens and I definitely wouldn’t want her around my children either whether your family likes it or not it’s your decision and I would stand by it
Best thing to cut her out of your life but someday she will come to you and she will realize all the mistakes she did and that she need her sister after all. God will make the way.
Your feelings are yours, if you feel she shouldn’t be around your kids then don’t let her,get a recorder so you have back up. Praying for you
Take the step…no door closes that another one opens… be the strong woman your kids need you to be…never be afraid to ask for prayer along your journey. Good luck, God bless 
Im so sorry! I have 2 sisters the same but 1 has 3 kids and is a yesr older then me and acts like she better mother then me and will throw in my face how I have a kid with an older man. But wont let anyone say shit about het bouncing from place to place since she had her 1st at 16 and how she dont got custody of her oldest daughter. I completely cut her off! Well and my other sister becuase she on them drugs bad. Send me a private message if you like and ill listen to you with out judging you! Just focuse on you and your chuld love
You must not put up with that kind of behavior . If your sister wants you in her life , she can earn it . Yes some is teenager crap . But you don’t have to be spoken to like that .
Teenagers can be awful and very judgemental. She’s a teen, your an adult shouldn’t have to say more than that
Maybe, just maybe, it’s time you put a roof over your own head.
Maybe, just maybe, she has just cause to be irritated by your presence but because she is 17 has no idea how to constructively manage her anger.
Sounds like she hates you because you are having kids in your mom’s house which is her house she’s 17 but now has little kids running around getting in her way all because of you… she may be rude but did you ever think about your little sister before you changed her life too?🤷
You have left a lot of information out of this story. Do you work? Who watches over your children if you do? Has a lot of the responsibility of raising your children fallen on your mother and younger sister? It’s time to quit having children until you’re able to provide for the ones you have with a home of their own and let your younger sister enjoy her teenage years in her own home. You can do it.
I mean really who cares why she still lived at home or why she is pregnant again, at the end of the day that little girl has no business talking or treating anyone just anyway. That house they live in belongs to their parent’s not them so that child needs to respect the fact that her mom has more than 1 kid and has grandkids. Sounds to me like she is jealous cause you and your baby’s are getting all the attention. The sooner you move out the better unless there’s a reason your staying
Sounds to me like she has a problem and it’s NOT you
Best to avoid contact with her before she poisons your children’s minds
It’s time to pull you big girl panies up and move out of your Mom’s house and leave your sister to her own devices. You and your kids do not need to be in that toxic climate. MOVE OUT
i have a sistet just like yours she literally stole my son she then sent me adoption papers in the mail. he had cancer and told my son we didnt care about him would not let us see him and told us if we came anywhere near the house she would put a restraining order against us. i dont know what my son thinks. his wife is controling and manipulative so her and my sister are just alike. then they told me my son was dead which i found out was another lie.
One word - transference. She’s obviously got her own issues, whether she admits it or not. She’s still immature and can’t recognise or deal with it herself. You’re taking the brunt, unfortunately. This doesn’t excuse her actions though. Let her know that if she’s respectful, she’s welcome - but ONLY on those terms.
You do not need to b disrespect in front of your kids but y does she trears you like this if its possible than sit with hr and hv a table talk to resolve the issues which she is having in hr mind
All 17 year olds are narcissists!
Toxic is toxic. Family or not.
I would get my own place asap!!
I know this rodeo very well… I understand completely
Nope def toxic. Id stay away
No your not wrong! Some people related or not are just toxic.
NO NO NO & NO. U r absolutely right!!!
No you are not wrong. Be happy without her
Bet who is getting you pregnant? U r pregnant n going to v a baby in April? U said u ve kids? How many ? Probably these r things U need to straighten out, ur sister thinks u ve made poor choices n decisions in life n u r not a role model for her. Pls look inside n do better.
I’ve never met a 17 year old girl that didn’t have narcissistic tendencies… 
it’s the age, and the time she’s growing up in… and idgaf if she’s ruled an adult legally at 18… she won’t actually be “grown” till about 23. Buckle up buttercup it’s gonna be a long ride.
I don’t blame this woman. I have had to cut many toxic people from my life. One being a sister. You have to do what is best for you and your family. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Your life and kids are yours. I just wish in my case people would let my son rest in peace and keep my other kids outta their mouths.
As for her living at home with her own kids. Gf there are ways to be on your own. If you dont want the nut case around, do something about it. Get your own place where you can say who can be around and who can’t.
They are human vampire
Nah I have five brothers and the younger three all used to be that way . Two still are 
people change though . I was horrible at a point …but they have to be willing to change. .
Sounds like you have a serious problem. Your sister is definitely disgusted with your behavior and isn’t afraid to tell it in typical 17 style. Suck it up. Try to move out of your mother’s house before filing it up with even more children.
Don’t listen to to me but I’d beat her MF ass. #imjustsayin
#1) Move your grown ass out your momma’s house.
#2) If you can’t afford to raise your children on your own, STOP popping out babies.
#3) Your sister sounds like she’s had enough of you. That may NOT be far fetched.
#4) If you think it’s so bad, leave the situation. Your sister is 17, YOU are grown. Nothing is preventing you from separating yourself from the situation.
#5) It’s a vagina, not a clown car. Just because you’re ok with the kids being raised without a father, doesn’t mean that your children don’t deserve a father. It means that you’re selfish. Get someone that can be a positive male role model. If not baby daddies, a new partner or a gay best friend.
#6) Your kids didn’t choose this life, you chose it for them. Start acting like a mother, not a spoiled child that doesn’t get along with a sibling. Knock it off.
#7) Grow up.
She sounds like a spoiled brat. You don’t need that BS. If she doesn’t treat you well then walk away. She’ll figure it out, most likely when she needs something. If she doesn’t, oh well, her loss. You’re not her mother, her attitude shouldn’t be your problem.
She’s acting like those who feel they are ‘entitled’ and a complete Moron. Just stop communicating with her and stay as far apart her as you can. Do NOT allow her around you or your children. Basically, just cut her out of your life. Focus on your children.
Your gonna hear and say alot of shit! Growing up especially with siblings mixed with boys and girls that’s the fun part you take and you give! Equally without fear root for them or against its learning all out who you are as a person ! Let them worry about themselves! Blood ties are good or bad learn how to deflect from whatever dosen’t fit your personality!
Haha!!! Wait till yours are teenagers. Tell her you love her and she is enough and to take her toxic attitude some where else. 17 is a hard age.
I cut my sister completely out because of her toxic behavior amongst other reasons but as far as my kids go they don’t have an aunt except my sister in law so you do what is best for you and your babies
What kind of things does she blame you for that is wrong in her life? Is it anything that you do play a role in? How many children do you have without a father in their life? Does that matter to her for a reason? You’re an adult and at 17 she’s still a child and needs to live in your parents home so having no contact is nearly impossible. I am being devil’s advocate because it takes two people to have an argument. What does she say or do to you to create such a rise and push your buttons? If she wasn’t getting a reaction out of you then would she continue to do it? Why does what she says or does bother you so much? Just things to think about. Without specifics it’s hard to give sound advice. I don’t think people just agreeing without all the info is good advice for you. Maybe what you want to hear or what feels good but there has to be more to this. Did you get along before children? So many questions…
I have an older brother. I love him very much. But he is a narcissist as well. I’ve not spoken to him in 3 years. Sadly they don’t change and are incapable of understanding anyone’s feeling but there own. They can be toxic and angry. I’m 36. I tried my entire life to be there for him. But sometimes you have to step away from the toxic. I miss him. But don’t regret it.
I agree with your decision. You have to seperate yourself from toxic people regardless of who they are. Teach your children the right way to act & to respect others by your actions and love.
Do what is best for you and your kids. You are totally right about how you feel and what you want to do to make your family happy because you and your kids are your own family aside from everyone else you’re related to.
Nope your not wrong shes disrespectful…i have 6 sisters and half of whom i had to cut off, your sister had alot of growing up to do, she has no idea what its like to walk in your shoes thus she’s very judgemental, but sooner or later shes gona get a taste of her own medicine
You’re never wrong for setting boundaries. And I say this with the utmost respect, fuck anyone who tries to make you feel differently.
I’m the oldest of five, and regardless of our age differences … I would beat the shit out of one of them for doing that to me. But that’s a toxic trait, too.
Sounds like a teenager crying out for help. Counseling?
Maybe she is a little bitter that you and your children are there …maybe she is a little disappointed in you . If you had your own place and not together in the same home maybe she would not be as bad . Or is she like this to everyone?
Stand your ground momma💙
Your not in the wrong to do so. I would have knocked a sibling on their ass for doing that in front of my child.
In my day,we called those people, spoiled BRATS. That’s what she is. It’s all about her. Everything is about her and what she wants. She a taker, not a giver. She will never change. Save yourself.
No you dont have to be friends sounds like she will dig her own hole in life though
I’ve cut my mother out, and we are talking about cutting some of hubbys family members out too.do what’s best for your family. Sounds like your sister hasn’t matured or grown up at all. I had my son at 16. No way in hell would I dare disrespect a mother in front of her children, your sister needs to learn she did this to herself, and there’s a time in her life where honestly, the bad shit, the good shit, depends on what choices she makes. It’s not on you, what’s on you is taking care of you and your kids. Shes young and doesn’t understand life like you do. It will come, she just needs a reality check, and not being welcome in the hospital might do it for her, might not. Good luck with everything but, I feel like you’re in the right for cutting her out. Maybe one day she will want to see her family members and change her ways. But let her dig her own grave, you tried for 2 years you said, it’s time to give up and let her figure it out on her own. Always put your family’s vest interest first. 
Tell her to KISS YOUR AZZ!!girl your doing wht you can for your kids ignore her she’s not invisinble. Karma has no dead lines.live your life wt out drama Mom🌹
She’s upset u are living there and intruding on her time with your parents as they are prolly focusing their attention on u and ur kids rather than providing the attention she needs or deserves
One thing I know about nascisits is that they have very low self esteem and they make up for that by acting like their the best thing in the world. I feel like your parents are absolutely enabling this behavior which will absolutely cripple her when reality hits. I dont care if shes 7 yo 17 yo or 37 yo that kinda behavior is unacceptable. And your parents saying it’s just a teenage phase is bullshit. It’s a mental illness and should be treated as such.
She needs to be held accountable for her destructive behavior or the real world will whoop her ass and leave her with nothing.
You have a family to raise. You’re a single mother and you’re doing the best you can. It dosent matter what you’ve done it’s what you’re doing that counts.
If you’re pregnant that abuse is not good for you or the baby and I strongly recommend you cut that brat out until she can learn to behave herself. You dont need that stress.
If I were you I’d look into trying to move out and be independent. Try finding a roommate if you’re afraid you cant handle two kids on your own but mama you gotta get out of there and cut your losses. Your children are far more important then her immaturity and your parents enabling.