I believe my boyfriend of 3 years is a functional alcoholic.
We’ve been together for about 3 years now, and have a daughter together, she’ll be 2 soon. He’s always been a drinker, a beer or two at dinner here and there, the usual, which I’m okay with. When we go down to visit his family, he gets drunk to the point he usually blacks out and starts doing stupid things, for example, the last time he broke a mirror off his brother-in-laws vehicle because he was being stupid. His mother passed away last year before Christmas 2019, so 2020 was somewhat a rough year for him and it still shows on him, so I understand his reason for drinking, it’s his way to cope. He’s not the type of guy to talk things out, communicate, sit down and show emotion, etc. He keeps it all bottled up pretty much, and drinks every weekend he’s home.
He goes so far as to buy ciroc, jack daniels, hard liquors, for 40, 50, 60 dollars…and he’ll gradually drink the whole thing in one night and go and buy another bottle of something else the next night, and does this until he goes back to work on Sunday. (He’s an over-the-road truck driver, so I don’t know what he drinks during the week while he’s gone, but I do know if he has any alcohol or substance in his truck, or gets pulled over with anything in his system, he could basically lose his job, license, and throw his whole career away. I’ve mentioned this to him before, and always ask him why he would jeopardize his career…unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to phase him.)
I know he drinks a lot because every now and then, I’ll clean his car out for him, pick up all the garbage, and in the backseat on the floor and in the trunk, I’ll pick up anywhere from 20 to 30 different bottles of whiskeys, liquor, alcohol, beer cans, etc. and confront him about it.
I’m pretty certain at this point my family also suspects something is off about him as he sneaks drinks in pop and juices and drinks around the house and also while I drive. He gets very defensive when I ask him to put the bottle in the back, not to do that, etc. and he pretty much laughs it off when he says it’s “just a sip” and “who’s going to know”. Whenever we go out and he lets me go into a store by myself, he sneaks off just to buy a bottle and drinks at least half of it by the time I come out (if I find the bottle, I usually tell him he needs to sit in the passenger seat and let me drive because now he has alcohol in his system, but he always swears up and down he’s just fine and can drive, but that’s not the point.) He also gets very defensive when I tell him I’m driving now.
Another huge factor is that he never gets receipts when he goes places but I know he’s been there when I check his bank account and see the 30-50$ charges. He deliberately drinks these when I run into a store he doesn’t like going into, he sits out in the vehicle taking sips while our daughter sleeps. He still does not see this as an issue, but to me, it is. Can anyone understand why? Having an open bottle in the vehicle, driving around, and our daughter is sleeping in her carseat in the back.
I also know he LIES to me about what and how much he’s drinking, like last night. He was gradually drinking a small bottle of fireball, little did I know he already drank a bottle and put it down the hallway (and I know it wasn’t there because I was just down there yesterday prior and it was not there, so i Know he drank that and lied to me saying he only drank a small portion of the other bottle.) I’m not stupid, and he tells me things acting like I am, and I’ve told him this before and he always tells me, “Then why do you let me act like it?” Almost makes me feel like he’s trying to blame me for his drinking. He doesn’t take his drinking seriously because I know that if he were to even have a small amount in his system and he were to randomly get pulled over and breathalyzed, he’ll lose his entire career.
We’ve always had a somewhat of a bumpy relationship, and always try to work it out, but I have made it very clear that for any reason if we were to ever not be together, it would be because of his drinking. He hides the fact that he does, he lies about it, I’ve caught him in the act of spending loads of money on alcohol, and he has never tried to change it. For all these reasons, I believe he is a high-functioning alcoholic. He has a great paying job, manages that with no problem, has a great social life, a perfect family life, etc. and he acts like it’s no big deal. All the while, we live with my parents and we’re on the search for a place to rent or potentially buy, we also have a vehicle in both of our names, insurance, and bank accounts and credit cards and we’ve built up so much to come this far and at the time when we are looking for places of our own, I’m questioning even doing that with him because of this. I’ve tried quite a few times to sit him down and talk with him, but he’s not the type to do this. He’s never been this type; he just gets angry and leaves.
I’m honestly at the point of having no idea what to do and since he gets upset when I talk to anyone about this, or any problems for that matter, I don’t talk to anyone about it except him when I try to approach him about it. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you deal with it? What am I supposed to do at this point when we’ve already built so much together and this is my breaking point with him? I can’t just tell him to pack his bags and leave because then he won’t be able to see his daughter, but he also doesn’t have any place to go and I take care of everything for him while hes gone during the week for work. He’s such a great guy, he takes care of us, pays all of our bills and even takes us out when he can, but this is my absolute breaking point and I’m lost as to what to do at this point.