QUESTION:
"I want to leave my husband, but I don't know where to start. We have been married for seven years/ together for ten and have one daughter. I'm not happy anymore. He's not abusive. I literally just can't stand being around him. We haven't slept in the same bed or have had sex in years, hardly even kiss. I feel like more of a roommate, maid, and nanny while he's out living his life and making his dreams come true. To top it off, I'm still in love with my ex, who is still in love with me but lives in a different state. The problem is that I have been a SAHM with none of my own income our entire relationship. I hate confrontation and have no idea where to start the divorce proceedings since I have no money of my own. I feel completely trapped and alone and don't know how I'm ever gonna get outta this crap marriage. Please help!"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"The grass isn’t always greener. Find happiness within yourself first before you end one relationship and start another one. Sometimes we have to put our children’s happiness before our own. Things to ponder on, sending best wishes and prayers."
"Why did you leave your ex? Since you hate confrontation, when things get tough do you give up without facing the problems? Life is going to be hard sometimes no matter where you are or who you’re with. I suggest counseling for you to get to the root of how you deal with conflict and difficulty. No one can “make” you feel happy or miserable. That comes from within and how you react to/deal with things."
"I’d start by getting a job first and foremost so that you’re able to stand on your own two feet and take care of your daughter."
"I would get a job, start seeing a therapist or seek counseling and cut out the ex completely. You have been in a relationship for 10 years. Take a beat to get established on your own before you jump into another relationship or even consider one."
"Girl get a job! Get your ducks in a row! File for divorce! Live life to the fullest! But I wouldn't be running from one relationship to another! Sounds like you need to find yourself before getting in a relationship. Just my opinion!"
"Remember this other person you think you’re in love with still has changed in 10 years so have you. If you aren’t happy you may just remember the old feelings you have for them doesn’t mean it will actually be there. I totally understand not being happy but Leave for you and your own happiness alone. Not with someone else."
"I would highly recommend trying to save your marriage first. You’ll have problems with anyone but it’s how you work through it and come out better on the other side that matters. Maybe counseling would be a huge help."
"Sounds like it’s yourself you’re not happy with. Get out, go to school, get a job, daycare. Work on making a better you and you’ll be happier than waiting on a man to fulfill your life."
"The grass is only green where you water it."
"Do you have any marketable skills? If not, look into adult job skills training through your local unemployment office. Then get a job, save some money, and make an exit plan. Life is too short to stay in a marriage without both partners being committed to making it work."
"At some point, you need to express how your feeling. Write a letter and maybe it will start the conversation that needs to be started."
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