Caught my 12 year olds Facebook account she hid from me on her school computer,knowing I do not allow her to have. What’s an appropriate consequence for this. If it was my mom who found it, she would have grounded me from everything under the sun. I want to handle this appropriately and not overly, since even though she went behind my back, she didn’t have anything on there for concern.I did deactivate it and told her she won’t be using her school chrome book at home unless it’s next to me(she use to use it in her room when she is doing homework)44
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It baffles me how every one says don’t give consequences. If there are never consequences, then lessons are never learned. Be a parent. Yes, talk to her. Tell her about the dangers and explain why she can’t have it yet. I would also consider grounding her for a moment due to lieing and hiding and disobeying. Too dangerous. I rather be over protective than sorry
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If she didn’t have anything concerning I would open the discussion to having one. If you try to keep her from it there’s a chance she will make another and do a better job hiding it from you. Wishing you all the luck because this is a hard one.
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Good for you. My daughter did the same and we grounded her. Being sneaky and defying rules should come with consequences. I would also have a conversation about the reason you are concerned although they think they know everything at that age so probably in one ear and out the other, lol. My daughter is 25 now and she say’s she wouldn’t allow her child to have a social media account at that age and that speaks volumes to me.
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Just let her keep it no harm done
I honestly think you did the right thing. Some online safety conversations and with how calmly you handled it, can open the door to her bringing any unwanted situations to you more willingly without her being scared of getting yelled at
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You didn’t find anything concerning, is the child a normal good child who causes you no worries else where, I would just speak to her about safety. As long as you have full access to account is it really a problem. Shes probably uses it to chat to friends as messengers free to use. I don’t think it deserves a punishment as may make her sneaky in future. Teenage yrs can be a mess, tread carefully and pick battles Wisley.
I think that you should talk with her…let her know that its not the right time for her to be on FB…when she is older she can but with parental controls and you doing a check frim time to time…she is at a very tender age…so be cautious…don’t argue…you want to be close to her so that she doesn’t hide things from you in the future…hope this helps…there is so much more you can do
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So instead of being ur parent why not give her some space
As a parent, I cannot tell you how to raise your child. But as a mom of a 19 yo, 17 yo, and 7 yo, you have to allow them to thrive and become who they want to become. Aside from your guiding hand and advice, they will learn from observing you. What she is learning is not to trust you with any personal information. Allowing her to have access to social media is your choice but your daughter is living in a different world than you were at her age. Sit down with her and come to an agreement. You don’t want a sneaky 15 yo who gets advice from her friends.
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I would be more pissed and concerned bc she did it behind your back. That’s a huge problem.
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Time to discuss issues that come with being on the internet the “ once it’s up there it can’t be erased “ talk
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Both my boys are in their 30’s and married… but kudos to you…I would never allow my 12 year old or 13 for that matter on social media without all the parental controls,…I’m 53… sometimes facebook is a creepy place…I actually know people who allow their children to have Facebook pages…need more mama’s like you…
Not internet or devices unless she’s with you and you can monitor what she is doing!
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I personally don’t see the harm in it AS long as you have access (due to creeps) I’d set strict rules about social media and have her watch at least 1 TRUE story about a girl being abducted because of the internet.
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Your 12 year old and her friends are likely more computer/internet savvy than you’ll ever be, educate and compromise to avoid rebellion
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I would give consequences for the lying and being sneaky about it.However,I would sit and talk with her and maybe come to a compromise.Maybe only family and friends she knows but,you can monitor her usage.
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I’m a mom with 3 teenagers and I’m trying. Some days are wins some are major Ls, I was very strict in social media and usually they find a way anyways, but i also always find out. Im still trying to navigate it myself but this is what the internet told me so hope it helps. 
Here are a few steps you can consider taking to address the situation appropriately:
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Stay calm and gather information: Take some time to gather all the relevant information about your daughter’s social media account. Understand why she created it and what her intentions were. This will help you approach the conversation with more clarity.
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Have an open and honest conversation: Sit down with your daughter and have a calm and respectful conversation about the discovery of her social media account. Express your concerns about her going behind your back and violating your rules. Listen to her perspective as well, and try to understand her motivations for creating the account.
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Discuss the risks and responsibilities: Talk to your daughter about the potential risks and responsibilities associated with using social media at her age. Explain your concerns regarding privacy, online safety, and the importance of adhering to rules and guidelines set by parents. Help her understand the potential consequences of inappropriate online behavior.
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Set appropriate consequences: It’s important to set consequences that are fair and reasonable, taking into consideration the severity of the situation. Since she did not have anything concerning on her account, you may choose to focus more on educating her about responsible social media use. For example, you can restrict her access to the school chrome book at home unless supervised, as you have already done. You can also establish clear guidelines and expectations for her online activities moving forward.
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Monitor and guide: As a parent, it’s crucial to monitor your child’s online activities and guide them in making responsible choices. Encourage open communication and let your daughter know that she can come to you if she has any concerns or questions about social media.
Remember, the goal is to teach your daughter about responsible online behavior and help her understand the importance of trust and open communication. By handling this situation in a calm and understanding manner, you can build a stronger foundation for future discussions about technology and online safety.
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Talk to the school they should have controls and blocks on it. My kids can look up even puberty puberty without I sending a flag to the teachers
I would just install parental controls on any device she has with access to the internet…the world is a scary place and it’s better to be proactive than to wish you had been. I feel like punishing her might make her more likely to rebel…I would just start with having a discussion about why you don’t want her to use it and showing her real cases where scary things have happened. She needs to actually understand why you are concerned and not just think that mom is overreacting or not being “fair”.
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This isn’t teaching her how to be responsible, this is teaching her how to be more sneaky and deceptive. I would be horrified if my girls reactions were “don’t tell my mum” instead of “get my mum, she’ll know what to do” for those times she’s messed up.
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Take all electronic access away until she can be trusted to make better decisions.
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U deleted the account,not much else to do in my opinion
My kids didnt have social media until 15 or so and i had to be their friend on each site so i can see content they put out. Also we discussed not to post schedules, activities they are in or school shirts so they cant be located (also turned of gps tag on their pictures). They only one i wont let them on was tiktok.
So I made a MySpace behind my moms back one night at a sleep over (the first and only one I was ever able to have.) And when she found it I just got more sneaky with it. Created a whole new one. Would use friends phones to check it. Anything. At one point my best friend would log on to it, make a post for me and update me on what’s goin on. I’d really talk with her and compromise on something. Yes consequences bc she lied but she’s gonna do it with you knowing or not. At least if you know you can monitor it.
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I’d be asking the school why it’s not blocked for one. 2- she’s at the age where telling her she can’t do something will make her want to do it more. Explain the dangers of social media. Show her stories about young children and social media. Explain why it’s unhealthy for mental health at her age. Lay down very clear rules after explaining the dangers. But certainly ask why she’s able to access such sites on her school Chromebook.
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Why would the school not have a block on their chrome books? I think I would address that with the school as well.
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Yall need to remember being a teenager? They figure out ways ESPECIALLY WHEN THEYRE TOLD no. In my opinion giving a little goes a long way to avoid sneeking. Idk maybe im the odd man out. This is how kids live now. I honestly don’t see telling a kid they can’t have access. It’s an internet world out there. They can have social media. Educate them and You get all their passwords.
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Make her do a paper on the dangers of the internet. That way she’s researching first hand the reasons you wanted to keep her safe
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What I would be upset about
Was she did it behind your back
2 of my grand kids aged 15 and 13
Are on Facebook snap chat and kids messanger
So they can interact with their friends and family members
All you can do is teach them about
Social media safety
Chances are your 12 yr old has friends that have social media on their phones , tablets , laptops and notebooks
As long as you monitor their usage
(Without invading their privacy)
And your child will be more comfortable with discussing things with you
Back in the day when I was that age (so many many many decades ago)
We didn’t have electronic devices or internet
We used to get up to enough mistuive and trouble
Just hanging out with our mates
Even more so for me as I grew up in a small community where every parent knew where every kid lived
Trust me often my parents knew what I had done before I got home
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She would lose all electronics
Give over let her be a child
You already answered your own question why should rules be different for this new generation smh!!!
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your child your rules, I don’t have advice on the consequence- but I do think your climbing a no end hill. the world is full of tech, shell be exposed to so many platforms of social media and will do it behind your back more. she probably see others at school with it, wants to fit in, see what the hypes about, etc.
if I were you I’d allow it under certain conditions. their are aps now that aid in parents monitoring, which can protect her from scams creeps etc, allow it at certain times where she is in the same room or close by, and encourage healthy and open talking about what she’s into on it. I really do believe if you don’t, she will sneak it again.
but if you help guide her to navigate proper and safe use, it might help her not feel the need to lie to you about it.
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Please explain to them the dangers of using social media at their age! So many creeps out there and so many dangers.
Maybe watch videos about it with her.
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Yeah teach her how to be real snicky. She is doing what kids her age do, trying to fit in.
I think a balance of both is important. I think it’s important to know we will check devices, but only when there’s concern to. I’d maybe take them for the day. But not permanently. My kiddos don’t have social media, because frankly they can’t handle it. I do allow them to have certain access to things like tiktok, BeReal, etc. But as a School Counselor SnapChat is not something I will ever be on board with. But on the ones they have I can monitor them. You could explain the age required to have Facebook is 13 (I’m pretty sure) and let her know she can have one when she turns 13 after demonstrating responsibility and good choices on electronics until then.
If you over react now, you’ll end up preventing communication later. Many of her friends are likely on social media already and she’ll be feeling left out. I allow my daughter, who is 13 now, to be on Facebook but everything is friends only, she’s not allowed to add anyone and I manage friend requests. I have access but never actually get on her account. The best thing you can do in my opinion is start teaching her about internet safety and how to properly use it under your monitoring now so she isn’t hiding it from you and doing something you don’t like later. I’m very very heavy on ensuring my kids know that the minute you put something out there is the minute you lose control of who can see or read it. If it would embarrass you, don’t do it.
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Frankly she will keep making accounts, teach her internet safety. Things like not putting her real pictures up, not sharing her phone number and address, not allowing video conversations, and most importantly only having friends that she knows in person or family members. People lie on the net (big shocker) and the 12 year old girl she thinks she is talking to could be a 60 year old sexual predator. Tell her you are worried about her safety. I would give extra chores like cleaning the bathroom, and laundry for 2 weeks for going behind your back. Allow her to keep it, under supervision until she learns safety.
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She’s 12 not 7. You’re overreacting. Put parental controls.
Get off it yourself they are influenced bc it seems intriguing to you… kids these days do not use Facebook at all they actually make fun of the fact that we use it.
Is this what “parents” result to now asking how to discipline their child online…
Why don’t you send her a message on fb 
Weird, none of my kids school chromebooks allow facebook
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I’m shocked that the schools chromebook even allowed her to do that. I have a 12, 13, 16 and 17 year old. I know how you’re feeling. I didn’t want my children having anything like that either. The children want to keep up with friends. I talked with my children about only having people on their accounts that they know in person. I randomly check it also to make sure they’re following my rules. I also am that parent that out of nowhere will check their phone. I stay on top of them about the dangers of others that they don’t know. What pictures are allowed on social media and what is not. She is just wanting to keep up with friends. She’s not meaning to hurt you. Speak with her and do what I do and randomly check. Don’t close her out from her friends and keep her in a bubble to herself cause I’m sure that’s what she feels like. Have you asked her why she wants it? My oldest sister has a 13 and 16 year old and she also monitors like I do. She is a strict parent (more than me) but I follow her steps cause her daughters are so respectful and amazing. If you didn’t find anything concerning, let me tell you…THAT’S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! With today’s world I give your daughter an applause for that!
We took away internet access unless for homework. We didn’t have to take away everything under the sun because everything works on internet no internet no tv phone tablets etc!
I personally informed the school that my child was getting on things that weren’t allowed and the school updated the blocker on her Chromebook but we also made rule at home no Chromebook without close supervision and only for homework!
Have a conversation about why you don’t want her to have it. She is growing up and needs to have knowledge. We live in a scary world with predators everywhere. If she understands the risks more, then she’s more likely to respect your wishes.
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Whilst I agree that banning her would likely cause her to be more sneaky, there are terms and conditions for social media, that being nobody under 13 is supposed to have an account. At least to my knowledge.
Talk to her, explain that and exactly why those rules are in place, there’s plenty of documentaries about why as well, though some of them may be too hard hitting. Offer compromise, but ensure that you will always have direct access for the time being.
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When caught my daughter doing things she shouldn’t, I took all electronics except her TV for like 4 months. Maybe it was excessive but she learned her lesson. When she did get her phone back it was on the strictest parental controls and she has screen time locks. I am a very relaxed parent except when it comes to the internet. Too many kids out here offing themselves because of cyber bullying. Just because you didn’t find anything of concern doesn’t mean it wasn’t there are some point.
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Isn’t this what growing up in these times about? Thankfully you didn’t find anything concerning. Can you not let her have it but tell her you’ll be monitoring it?
I wound up taking her iPhone away and getting her a phone w no internet access she can only talk n text on and that was months later for lying. Grounded her for over a month. I called the school about this because I found out she was on their computer as well. They should have those sites blocked and restricted I made a big stink about it. They want to eliminate books and give out these computers at least put walls up for this type of thing
She’s almost a teenager better get your skates on😆
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A heads up, the more restrictions and limits you put on a teenager, the sneaker and better she’ll become at lying. When she’s older she’ll rebel. Why not have open communication and be flexible on some things? Gain each others trust?
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Telling her she can’t have any social media is only going to make her do sneaky stuff behind your back. Have a conversation with her about the dangers… but maybe you should consider letting her have one… make her connect with you… get her password so you can log in and check it… but you have to let her prove she can be trusted… and you have your learn that you taught her well… we raise our kids to be able to live on their own. But if we don’t teach them and trust them what do they learn… you need to have an open line of communication with your kids… if she couldn’t talk to you about having social media… is she going to talk to you about more important things? Pick your battles mom… and have faith in yourself.
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Install parental controls
As a girl who was once her age, I can tell you that getting things taken only made me more sneaky, show her videos and reports of what has happened to kids her age that weren’t careful on the internet, maybe tell her when she’s 13 she can have one back but you will be monitoring it.
I think FB is not a big deal. Control it and supervise it. This is the same as when we were younger and there were pagers or cell phones. It’s the times.
May sneak. Tell her the bad things that could happen
I have my kids watch to catch a predator and unsolved mysteries occasionally to remind them why I’m cautious and they need to not be stupid and sneaky.
Ours made a YouTube account and posted a couple of videos (nothing inappropriate). We took away her iPad and Chromebook for a month.
If she has a Facebook she could sit her child up with a child’s messenger account as a compromise to give the child a way to communicate with friends. The child can only speak to people the parent adds to them or approves. They can’t post anything publicly. Then mom can sit up rules for said communication and the app and times she can use it. And with Chromebooks you can actually lock down the accounts from a parent account.
Otherwise I feel like the deactivation of her profile a nice education session on why she isn’t on social media the risks and whatnot with her being 12 and the fact that she now has no privacy with her computer is punishment enough.
If you exacerbate a punishment with a ridiculous amount of grounding and whatnot then you will surely just make her hide her secrets better in the future. Besides the punishment should always fit the crime.
This is the reason I hate that schools give kids computers. They control it. They can even track your child to see what they’re doing or they take it. But parents don’t have any control over them.
Id be talking to the media department. Ask them to block social media. You deactivated the page you know of it. I bet she’s replaced it already & has accounts on other social media sites. Inform teachers that the Chromebook will not be used at home. If they give assignments they need to give enough time during school to do it.
I would have a long talk with her about the dangers of social media and online bullying. There’s a movie about it. Though I can’t remember the name. But from personal expierence. My Facebook got hacked bad. This person logged onto my Facebook. Posted pictures of penises. Told everybody I had aids. Talked literal crap about a girls baby she was pregnant with. Had people looking to jump me because of it in town. There’s people who never spoke to me again because of what they said to them.
And all I could do was watch and cry because I didn’t even have a phone at that time. So by the time I had found out about what was going on. It was too late. It was the worst expierence and i got on a computer and deleted everything. Apologized to the girl and her family: she miscarried and i got blamed for it even years later. Got called every name under the sun. And it wasn’t me. It was someone who was pretending to be me.
So for me. I would have a really long talk about the actual dangers here because literally. Death threats. The whole 9 all because an evil person hacked my account. I had to get advice while this person was having a hayday on my account to log everyone out of it and change my password and still. Everytime o open this app my heart beats so fast because I’m terrified of this happening again and I’m 28. I was like 18 when it happened.
I feel like there should be some kind of consequence, but maybe explain why you’re scared and offer a compromise?
When I was maybe 10 (child of the 90s lol) I was in AOL chat rooms. Wasn’t supposed to be, for obvious reasons. I had an adult pick up on the fact I was a kid, and private message me threats that if I didn’t comply he’d hack into my computer and all this shit. I panicked, ran to my dad. My dad delt with it, I got less of a punishment because I came to him and told him the truth. (My dad always gave lesser punishments if we actually admitted to what we did wrong) after that I stayed out of them.
I was still allowed to explore the net to a point, but my dad had administrator privileges on his computer so all of our sub profiles on it could be accessed, pictures looked at or even change our passwords on us. He had full control the entire time, he just let us believe we had that freedom. I willingly went to my dad for help, not knowing I would of been busted anyways.
It’s a slippery slope. Maybe do something like that, or make it so she can only have friends and family on there. If you let your kids have some (not full) freedoms they may surprise you and willingly come to you when something happens.
If they feel like you’re just going to yell, scream, and otherwise go totalitarian they may just learn to hide shit from you better.