So my girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Recently I need to use her phone well, when I picked it up, I saw a message from her previous love interest—a girl whom she has sex with and was talking to exclusively before. We have had a discussion about this girl previously. We both agree not to talk to her or include her in our lives due to feelings and such. Well, I check her Snapchat, and sure enough, she has been messaging and Snapchat her. I then search her Facebook history. She has searched for the girl and had also had messaged her on FB asking how she was and even using a pet name for her. I am heartbroken. I gave up a lot to be with this girl. I feel used and lied, too especially considering I just paid for our kitchen remodel two weeks and bathroom remodels last year. It technically is her house. So if one of us has to leave, it gonna be me. I feel she should have said something before I remodel the kitchen. I feel taken advantage of. We don’t fight. We get along pretty well, so I don’t understand what need this girl is feeling for her. Especially cause my partner experiences paralysis and doesn’t have sexual urges. Which I deal with. Furthermore, this other girl has lied to me about a previous encounter that didn’t happen the way she says it did. So I have no trust in her. Am I wrong? Am I overreacting? What should I do? I haven’t even told her that I know yet…
My advice would be to start by asking her about the message you saw when using her phone and see what she has to say about it.
Yeah it hurts to be lied to. But now you know your dealing with a liar. And now have even more trust issues. I would leave. Put the new cabinets up for sale!!
I would leave if I were you. It’s just not fair to you especially since you seem very invested in this relationship and she clearly isn’t. It’s never easy and it sucks to find this stuff out but it could be the best thing to happen to you in the long run. Just remember this feeling you’re feeling now is temporary. I’m so sorry
I think you should cut your loses and leave. Take what you can, try and recoop some money and move on.
Ask her about it and stop putting money into her home .
Tell her you already know. Give her a ultimatum.
Ugh. I hate people who don’t have a faithful bone in their body.
The bottom line is you have to ask yourself if she is worth it. Is she worth working through this or is this your line in the sand.
For me, it would be my line in the sand. I don’t do well with people who lie to me.
In any case, only you can answer this question for yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to think about and she has a lot of work to do if she wants to keep you.
Don’t pay for anything else I’d you’re thinking about going. Make sure you have a separate account she can’t access and save up what you can for a while and then get gone
Count your loss and leave before you ate scared for life.
Betrayal is a deal breaker… time to confront her head on with what you know.
Take apart what you did in the kitchen and leave.
This honestly sounds like socializing with an old friend…yes an ex but turns out they make way better friends…maybe see if you can be included in the friendship an not keep any secrets keep things open…its ok to have friends who are fond of without more than feelings
Between the lying. & the fact that you guys have already supposedly agreed that this girl was not to be messaged, talk to etc. but she went behind your back anyways I would be done. See if she will give you a check or something for the $ you put into the the house. It sounds like physically she is with you but emotionally & mentally she is somewhere else. & that is completely unfair to you.
Take the cabinets and appliances down when she’s working and sell them! Then leave her! That’s ridiculous
As someone who’s been taken advantage of, please leave. You deserve better. Snapchat doesn’t save anything so you would never know what could have been happening. I know it may be hard but your happiness and sanity matters also!
If it’s even salvageable now, I’d tell her you need complete and total transparency from this moment on. Maybe couples counseling. Or counseling for yourself since it sounds like you’re not ready to leave her yet. In the meantime, try to talk to her about all the home improvement you have done and ask for at least half of it back, maybe in small payments. Good luck.
If you have to post on an anonymous page, it’s time to go
Let her go stop paying for her stuff have a separate account if you want to stay incase she kicks you out
Shes lying by omission, and that is a huge problem, especially where it comes to trust. You can’t trust your gf and you can’t trust the previous lover. She needs to choose. Either she’s all in, or all out. There shouldn’t be any connections to her past if she’s looking toward an actual future with you. That door needs to fully close and stay shut, or it’ll never work. The fact that y’all have had this conversation at least once before tells me she doesnt think you’re serious. She thinks you need her more being as you live with her. In this case, don’t set boundaries you aren’t willing to commit to and see through. You gotta follow through with what you say will happen and be 100% prepared to do it and then do it. Even if that means walking away. In the meantime, gather receipts from the kitchen remodel. Figure out how much you paid and be prepared for small claims court if you have to go that route to recoup that money. Dont spend anything else on updating her house in the future, until you know this relationship is on solid ground. Be smart. You’re not a doormat and you deserve a committed and faithful SO. REMEMBER THAT.
Let her know you know and then talk it out. Start a separate account and start saving to get your own place.
Tear up the kitchen and the bathroom and get goin. It won’t get better.
You’re not overreacting. It’s time to leave after confrontation
What you allow, will continue
Why would you remodel her house not yours. People are such fools. Tell her u no but get what u can from the house and leave.
Even if you both manage to work things out, when the shit hits the fan will you trust her? I’ve found it very hard for the other person to regain my trust. It wears a person down and puts thoughts you may not have had otherwise in your head. When things get tough you may be looking for the other shoe to drop. Even in easier times it’s still in the back of your mind. All yourself if you can handle that. It may take a lot of soul searching, but it needs to be considered. Are you willing to invest more time and energy into a relationship you may constantly second guess.
Basic bitches! Ppl suck
Kiss her ass goodbye mate … everyone deserves honesty and loyalty,you DESERVE better!
You a have roommate not a gf. She’s using you that’s why y’all don’t have sex
I’m so sorry. Love yourself enough to walk away
doesn’t matter what she says or what she does your ever guna trust her again and that right there is the deal breaker… MOVE ON before things turn ugly
Yes love yourself and walk away
If you have been together for 3 years then you would be entitled to at least getting your money back for the Reno’s doing a settlement after break up.
My advice is to leave, people will only lie if you allow them too and if she’s hiding this she is most likely hiding more.
Bottom line. Forget about the cabinets and the bathroom if you lost your trust for her then you might as well walk away. Short of extensive couples counseling nothing either of yall ever do will fix the broken trust
Take your loses and move on
Taker her to court over the remodels you’ll get your money. And honestly confront her what she did was wrong. Break up and leave
Leave and take your new appliances with you.
Just pack up and go. You want to sue her then do so. Once a cheater always. She is hiding that, she is hiding more
You should move on because you have zero respect for her - regardless of her choices that doesn’t make your snooping “ok”. My guess is your relationship is lacking in communication, trust, respect, and boundaries. It will be WORK to fix but it can be fixed - however - I would only suggest that if you are willing to change your not so healthy behaviors as well.
Kitchen and everything aside- it boils down to the fact that they are willing to risk your relationship over speaking with an ex. So they have got to go. You deserve better.
Sit her down and confront her and see where her head is at. If she seems to have no remorse and tries to make up excuses then just leave.
Believe a person when they show you who they are the first time!!!
Leave, you deserve so much better!
I’d leave and be taking the kitchen and bathroom with me flog it on fb selling site
Know your worth! No trust, no future sorry x
Count your losses & leave she has proved herself unfaithful
Just leave n stop being stupid!
No trust = No real relationship.
Leave set up home somewhere else then sue her lying cheating ass for money owed
Talk to her 1st see what she says tell her to tell u the truth u already no but say you want to hear it from her.maybe you can regain your trust and love .it ordepends what she says .
Nope. Run. You guys already set boundries and shes willingly broken them. Byeeee
Learn from it and move on. We all been there
Boo hoo… your on Facebook behind her back talking about her and asking others what to do about her. Try talking to her first. Both of you need to grow up and just talk your problems out between you
Get out now! You deserve someone who will be open and honest with you!