Satan is alive and well seeking who he can destroy , seek the Lord’s way and he will never lead you down the wrong road ! God Bless you , you will never be sorry following God’s Truth. Read his word ,The Holy Bible . praying for you !!!
Then leave …he deserves a good faithful woman …ffs…a whole stupid story because you hold on to him set the poor guy free why write in with stupid question? Leave he deserves way better…
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This Man deserves love…you seem selfish and very immature…get over being selfish let him find a real woman that would be in love with him. How old are you? 16? 
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You already cheated and there is no excuse for it. Do him a favor and leave like he should have done before.
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Please let me talk to u from past experience with a user and a POS, the only reason u feel like u want him soooo bad is because it is human nature to want something u can’t have. U will long for this person but only time will get u thru that. Just know there will come a point where he reaches out to u,but avoid him like the plague… it won’t b easy but if u reciprocate his advances in the future it WILL cost u more that u r willing to lose I promise. As for us husband falling outta love with someone don’t happen over night and u won’t find ot again over night but u just need to make him understand u boundaries what u can live with and what u can’t and u have to b willing to stand up for what u need… Good luck and it will be hard but your marriage is worth saving u just have to find a happy medium!! Take care and blessed be!!!
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Sounds like you need to work on yourself first and find love and contentment and fullness with yourself…… you will not have a need for anything from an outside source and from that point of view you can truely decide what you want and also change your perspective and be able to move on if that is what you want, first love yourself…. We all do in anyway…. We just don’t know it necessarily because we rarely realise that each thing we do for another out of Love is either something you are doing for yourself indirectly or directly or you are lying to yourself about the fact that you want to do it out of love for them…. The truth is we only love ourselves…… and to be authentic in who you are and what you want will set you free…… do you really judge yourself for what you did? Whats the truth deep inside, all believes set apart? Find the truth and realise how much we lie to ourselves and start loving yourself consciously
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Sounds like you fell in love with the things you lacked in your marriage more so the guy you had an affair with! Playing with weak feelings!!! Shame on both of you for doing you’re forever partners that way!! Of course the wife was a problem ,of course he loves you & of course he wants to have a baby(future) with you that’s what they all say to get you in bed ,that’s a liar for you!..he couldn’t tell you he had a good wife , he was just a cheater & just wanted to get a piece of a**!! Could he? Both willing to engage knowing you had significant others tells a lot about how dirty you both are ! I have a soon to be ex husband like him & he lives with the mistress & is her problem now & I’m grateful I’m living in peace…I make zero contact !! Be grateful that wife hasn’t hauled you up in court for alienation of affection,some states do have that! You’re husband sounds like a kind man & he may lack in some areas , but he’s not cheating on you or abusing you & seems to be willing to take the extra steps to fix what’s needed… he seems to love you if he’s willing to forgive you for being adulterous…be patient as habits doesn’t change over night. And work on yourself more cause truthfully the problems more you than you think …Continue counseling & get more closer to God! Stay faithful !! If by next year things haven’t shifted how they need to so you can both be happy in your marriage & you still feel the same then as you do now atleast be a decent human & explain to him that you desire more & it’s not him it’s you & you want to be his friend & legally step away…
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You should leave. Why stay if you don’t want to. Work on yourself and don’t be with anyone else for a while. And it sounds like you love the idea of your ex. The grass is always greener. If you actually had a real relationship with him you might not feel this way.
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I am a wife that was cheated on by my husband and the pos trash chic was married also… and I’ll tell you I was a great wife my husband was a pos also just like the dirtbag married thing he messed around with I feel bad for your husband maybe you need to stop thinking about a married man and start thinking about your own husband and stop being a home wrecking pos…I’m still waiting to get ahold of the home wrecker that was around my husband trust me I’ll run into her manly looking self and it won’t be nice… stop being trash
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I think you may be confusing love with lust.
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Didn’t necessarily deserve it? Nah he didn’t deserve it whatsoever. Leave so he can find someone actually worth his time
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Wow, you cheated and are blaming him for it. Good job lady.
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Honestly I feel like your holding your husband back you need to be selfless here and let him go! Their is a woman out there who might enjoy doing his hobbies with him and actually love him if you don’t love him it’s time to just let him go. Also, you will cheat again your bored in this relationship and when the chance arises you’ll do it again. Time to move on and I would try counciling on just yourself too because you need to learn to love yourself first before trying to search for a new man to love you. You’ll cheat again in a new relationship once that man starts to not spend time with you the way you want him too so you’ll go back searching for another man to give you love and affection. As far as the other guy just leave him alone he said he wanted his wife and work on things let them figure out there marriage every time you try and contact the wife knows it’s destroying them he clearly chose his family so let him be.
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Move on…he deserves better and so do your kids. Sorry but once a cheat, always a cheat. Home wreckers is what you are and that’s what you did. Before laying with someone else their is a thing called DIVORCE. In you vows you promised to love and honor, be faithful to him. Not lie, sneak around and cheat. Then play victim. Least he has hobbies. Maybe instead of running with another, you should have been home with him and your kids. Go to the park, family movie, and working at bonding with your family to get a stronger bond. But your out playing house with someone else’s husband. Did you ever once stop to think about his wife and family? Maybe she loved him! And beings your not happy in your marriage , she has to pay your price. Sure your ex guilty too, but you knew he was already married. So make sure you hurt her as well. Pathetic. No sympathy here.
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If you wanted to have fantasies with your husband, you would have went to the store bought some lingerie and some toys brought them home and gave the kiddos to your a babysitter for a couple hrs. And had fun and let go…it doesn’t sound like you really made a real effort…yeah communicating only goes so far… you need to actually show what you want maybe should have surprised him. When we’re married we get stuck in living the mundane be spontaneous with your husband instead of cheating. Maybe he is bored with you ever think of that?
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You’re already done. Just not physically.
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You were used, be honest with yourself. You got feelings with someone who would never leave his wife, just tell you all negative about her so you think he was leaving. Divorce your husband let him find an honest women he can trust.
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Try going out on dates. Give the kids to your parents for a night try to reconnect try to help him with his hobby. There must have been something that drew you to your partner try to find it again but stay away from your ex he’s an ex for a reason
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Love isn’t just a felling it’s also a choice.
You made the choice to love him, you made a choice to cheat on him, you made choices and now you need to live with the consequences.
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You didn’t give up with the other man you continued to reach out to him. If you were really invested in your husband you wouldn’t have continued contact with the other man.
It’s time to stop being selfish and let your husband go be great with someone else.
People tend to lose more respect for you for being sneaky the way you are. Try and save your dignity, be honest even if it makes things harder for you.
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That’s a lot to unpack. Imagine for a moment how your husband must feel. If the table were turned. That is a lot for your husband to work through and you still aren’t invested in the marriage because you want “closure” whatever the hell that means. You’re half assing therapy and any attempts to rectify the damage you’ve caused by still investing in the relationship with the ex. The closure was the end of your affair. That is literally closure if your looking for validation about the affair and why you’re not good enough for a man you describe as a loser you should leave because you’re continuing the affair even if it isn’t physically happening and he won’t contact you, YOU are still having the affair while claiming to work on your marriage but no actual work is being done on the marriage honestly because YOU are trying to pacify your husband by bullshitting him and lord you don’t even understand how cruel that is. Take it from someone who has been on your husband’s end. This is fair it isn’t right and it’s absolutely disgusting behavior out of you. You cannot justify your affair no matter how bad the communication was between your husband and yourself it’s never acceptable. Quit selfishly trying to continue to manipulate the situation and hurt your husband and kids even further. And before you go getting into a new relationship do some honest work on yourself before you destroy another human with this behavior. I have absolutely no sympathy for this whatsoever there’s zero justification for what you are doing and no fixing your marriage when you’re more invested in a loser ex that is married and decided he didnt want you anymore. I cannot put into words what your husband must be feeling here and my heart breaks for him and the poor babies stuck in the middle suffering for your selfish behavior. Grow up and fix yourself before you leave an even bigger path of destruction in everyone’s lives.
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You need to be single.
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You need to leave your husband. He didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and now lied to and lead on thinking that you love him when you don’t.
You need to work on loving yourself.
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Life is not a fairytale but you are a cheating whore!!
Not to be rude or mean but if you cheated and you are married w also a married man men like to talk pretty just get what they want and move on you probably not his first to cheat with sounds like he knows how to talk and you fell for it . And as for you if your not happy and you tried your best sometimes its better to move on before it gets worse
Nobody deserves to be 2nd choice for comforts
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Your husband deserves better. Not everyone has a high sex drive, so if your husband couldn’t meet yours then get some toys, they’re relatively cheap and won’t ruin your relationship. You want closure from this other guy because you’re seeking attention for sexual validation… You should not have hooked up with your ex because you already knew where it would go (nowhere), but you did anyways, and if you truly cut it off with him then you wouldn’t be reaching out to him (multiple times) still, you’re just selfish, and your exes partner didn’t deserve what you and him did either, the fact you knew he also had a girlfriend says a lot about your character- that’s disgusting and karma will not be kind when she gets around to you.
I think we focus so much on chastising what happened rather than giving advice on the situation at hand. It’s clear people in this thread have been cheated on and instead of focusing on advice are opening those old wounds in their responses lol.
So I could go on about my opinion or offer advice. It sounds like emotionally you were done with him prior to cheating (husband), living in a “roommate” situation is not healthy for either of you or your children. I also think what anyone one in this thread has failed to acknowledge is he put you second to things he loves too, it may not have been a person, but things/hobbies were more important. Not saying cheating on him was the answer, but that’s the story that unraveled here. Maybe he loves you, but if he’s not willing to put you before those hobbies then he doesn’t need you as much as he says he does, he sticking with what’s comfortable.
For the ex, you two had a situation you both identified with, that feels like a connection, but that’s all it is. If you two did try to be with each other, that thing that connected you would eventually wear off and likely lead to resentment of lives that were destroyed in the making of that relationship. So consider if you had moved forward what do you think that picture would look like, how do your children look in this picture? I agree with you, he used you and nothing more.
My advice and I’m not going to degrade you, that’s a tired dialogue. Let go of the ex, you want get closure, remember why it didn’t work the first time.
You tried therapy with your husband, it hasn’t worked, maybe try some date nights, but if it still doesn’t work out, move on. Kids need stability but they also need to see a healthy relationship, even before the cheating it doesn’t sound like there was a healthy relationship to begin with. It may be better for the two of you to go your separate ways and close the chapter on marriage, begin a new on as friends.
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Poor guy, he’s getting played, big time
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You need to let your husband go so that he can find someone who will treat him the way he deserves and will be faithful to him. For the love of god, stay single so that you don’t wreck another person’s life. I couldn’t even get through half of that. Gross
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I think you are describing your best friend and not your husband. About the fling with the ex, just block him. He clearly used you and said all the things you wanted to hear to get laid.
You need to spend some time alone and move out with your kids, or, break your marriage/separate.
If you are doing couselling and the chemistry and the relationship is not there. You cannot force it.
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What’s the reason you are staying with your husband? Maybe you are actually the one who is “comfortable”? As far as the person playing games: it’s you. The other guy had no commitment to you, & it doesn’t matter what he was whispering in your ear while "getting it in " You, however, made a commitment to your husband. You broke that commitment & basically are saying there is nothing you feel for him in regards to a partnership. So you know your answer. You cheated, you feel nothing in the partnership of your marriage. You leave.
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I didn’t even need to read your post. Your first line says it all and you already know what needs to be done. You’re only seeking validation of what you’re feeling.
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Sounds like you just need to be single. Your man deserve better and I hope he realizes it soon.
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Why do cheaters always think they deserve closure 
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Leave. Period. End of story.
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You are the one who isn’t committed to the relationship, not him. Consider what he must be going through, being with a woman who cheated and has love for another man. You need to leave and let him find someone who is willing to love him. You are the one who broken vows and put your family on the back burner. You shouldn’t pretend to love someone enough to “make it work” just because he’s your safety net and comfort zone. That isn’t fair.
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Wow…OMG WOW. No one con you, you did exactly want you wanted to do & that was to have a affair with this man, He was married & you supposedly were in a committed relationship. But the question is now, just what are you going to do. You don’t love the man you are with, so I would say, leave for his sake & yours. Don’t introduce your kids to any man anytime soon, Go out have fun, do whatever you want, but keep the men away from your kids until you find just what you are looking for
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Wow just wow. Leave your husband so he can find someone that loves and deserves him. You already cheated on him and you’re still spending your time trying to get ‘closure’ from your ex. Do you really want closure or do you want him to give you another chance. This post just sickens me. Your poor husband and kids. Go work on yourself
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Marriage counseling to inject a dispassionate third party in who can help sort things out for y’all. While you’re looking at your marriage, focus on improving yourselves as separate people. After a year of working on yourselves and your marriage, make a decision to stay or split.
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Let that hubby you’re with go find happiness with someone he deserves it sure isn’t YOU😐
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I dont have any advice but I don’t think you’re in love with the other guy, I think you’re in love with the thrill of it.
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Wow!! Selfish in your feelings. Leave your husband and let the man find true happiness. He’s is the one I feel sorry for. You need closure from a married man that used you? You allowed yourself to be used and deserved every bit. There’s no excuse to cheat. Leave if you’re truly not happy. You’re wasting your husbands time and playing with emotions is playing with fire. You’ll get burned sooner or later. You loved the excitement being with an ex that already has someone he “loves” … You expected him to leave his family and you leave your family to live happily ever after? Sounds like a fairly -tale to me. You need to love yourself. I hope your husband finds a good wife he deserves.
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This is Becky your cousin my brother in law is trying to find a good woman his wife passed away in May of this year
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Put yourself in his shoes… Would you be ok if your partner cheated on you and told you he had no feelings for you? I think it would tear your heart apart! Why don’t you pack your stuff and leave? Your husband doesn’t deserve to be treated like crap and you need to focus on yourself instead of keep on hurting him. Take time for yourself.
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Hopefully your husband divorces you and goes and finds him a real partner. You are seeking a life is greener on the other side while your grass is dying because you ain’t watering it and working it.
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I feel bad for your husband and kids honestly.
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I really think you should divorce your partner for his sake, even if he isn’t the best partner in certain areas, no one deserves to be cheated on. You could have left, no one made you do anything in this situation. You are the one that made the vows, you made the choice over and over to have an affair, it wasn’t just a one time thing. You are not in love with him, so do him a favor and leave. You should have left before you ever considered an affair. I would very much consider therapy and staying single until you figure out yourself. A red flag that shot up to me was the talking about sleeping with another man to his face before it even happened, why would you say that to him? That is so incredibly damaging and imagine if he said that to you. Did you ever ask him to go to counseling beforehand?
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I read to the sentence of “we have a relationship with God”. If that was the case there is no fear of the Lord. It’s time for you to bend those knees in prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede because a spiritual battle needs to be fought and that’s the only way. You’ve allowed something to enter into your home, relationship, and you. It’s ultimately up to you if you truly want to save it but as it seems from the get go. You want validation. So then, leave him because you’ve committed a sin that sets him free from judgement. I hope you can repent and find the Lord once again.
Now my worldy opinion would be similar. Let him go because he deserves better. You are not truly willing to fight for your relationship. Since you keep letting those desires consume you. GL
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The other guy blocked u and before that he used u and also told u he’s not interested. I think I misunderstand when guys say I love u. U don’t know what love is. U do t need closure. U need to stop feeding into the pipe dream.
Ur love language is physical affection and words of affirmation.U still love ur husband. U should be working on this relationship and learning and doing eachothers love languages. To fall back in love with eachother. The fact he took u back says a lot and it’s gonna take work. Ur not gonna fix everything in a week or in a month. Teach him how to love u.
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Maybe she should put more into her relationship with her children. Spend your spare time doing things with them and you may find you will be too tired to think about your fantasy world. Above all else you are a Mother and that can be the most fulfilling job you will ever have. You may become more attractive as a person to your husband. Who knows.
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Girl. You got your closure. When he said he wasn’t leaving his wife and didn’t want you anymore THAT was the closure.
As for your husband, just leave him alone, he’s trying to live a happy life and you’re out here making him look like a fool. Walk away.
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Y’all are being mean by bashing this woman. No one is perfect, and she knows she messed up big time.
Girl, you know how this needs to go. Leave him. Let him find his happiness, and you go find yours (but not with this other man lol.)
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Sometimes we can do all the right things, but the damage is irreparable, and it’s too late, and you can’t fix it.
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Okay, it really sounds like you’re trying to put the blame of YOUR CHOICES on to anyone but yourself. That needs to stop NOW! You need to be brutally honest with yourself. Are there things about your partner that you don’t like or care for, sure. Did the other guy say the sweet nothings you wanted to hear, ya. But ultimately YOU and YOU alone made the decision to cheat and its not your partners responsibility to make you feel better about it.
Even after your partner knew and forgave you, you still contacted the other guy to “get closure”. You were in the wrong, no matter your excuse why. Your partner forgave you and you still betrayed him yet again by trying to contact the other guy afterwards.
“He didn’t NECESSARILY deserve it”… No one deserves to be cheated on for any reason what so ever. Not giving enough attention, nope. They cheated first, nope. You’re young, nope. You don’t know if you love them, nope. You’re not really into the relationship and he’s just a “seat warmer”, nope. Ect… there is NO “deserves” no matter how much you want to shift or share the blame of your infidelity.
Do you truly love your partner? Only you can answer that. You may think he’s a great person and great father but that can’t always make us IN LOVE with them.
When you are truly, undoubtedly, whole heartedly in love with someone you love them not in spite of their faults and short comings but because of them. Those things that annoy you and drive you insane about them, if you looked to the future and they were gone completely to never return those things that annoy and irritate you are the things you will miss the most.
For the sake of everyone involved you need to leave and not be in another relationship until you can heal yourself and your own insecurities that brought you to where you are right now. Seek therapy for yourself and be completely vulnerable, raw and honest if you really want to make things work, either with him in the future or a future relationship.
As for him and his hobbies and putting you on the back burner. If he really is putting you on the back burner and not giving you the intimacy you need or not putting forth an effort to try then maybe you two are just not right for each other.
Now again being completely honest with yourself, are you asking for too much? Does he have a busy, exhausting, hectic work life? Does he have a lot going on in his head, and his hobbies are his only escape? Are you trying to get every second of his attention and not leaving any time or energy for himself?
Juggling work, kids, partner, friends and self love is exhausting and we all need to recharge. You are (your name) first. Before we were ever an employee, parent, partner or friend.
At the end of the day it’s not the relationship that needs healing, it’s you.
I hope for you all the happiness, love and joy life can bring and only you can make that happen.
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Then move on! Apologize…. Which won’t be accepted anyway…. and get lost! Nothing more to say.
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What I read: you are feeling disconnected from your husband, to fill the void you rekindled a connection from your past and became hurt and disappointed when you realised the connection was superficial and you then judged the person from your past who claimed he was doing the exact same thing you were? That’s two people breaking a bond (the connection) with your chosen life partners seeking “connection”? (If anyone is cheating it’s most probably NOT going to be a committed relationship with lots of valuable aspects LOL, that person is also you not just your ex so it’s a toxic re connection straight off the bat and are trying for a valuable connection?? Wtf?)
It seems your husband has chosen to stay with you through “thick and thin” the good and bad times? Is the commitment to your marriage the same as your husbands? And is any of your behaviour towards your husband adding to the disconnection you have been feeling?
I can guarantee that if someone has made a lifelong commitment and let that person believe that to be so, then inviting another person into a relationship of two people “committed” to each other will certainly create disconnection because of the bonds broken, trust gone and you are giving your love to another man: it’s disloyal.
Two people are in a marriage and it’s going to take two to make a partnership work.
It seems you have a decision to make (assuming your husband is still in it??) and that is, will you choose to stay and re connect and commit to your marriage or completely disconnect and give both of you the opportunity to find a connection in someone else?
You may find all the value in your husband again once he decides he no longer wants to be in a uncommitted marriage so work out how you really feel about your husband… good luck.
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You reached out for something because there is something lacking in your current situation. Now everything is VERY different for different people… but for me, that want to be with someone else was finally strong enough for me to realize that the good parts of my relationship weren’t enough to outweigh the not good parts anymore. I felt safe and comfortable and I always thought things would get better with time… we eventually split and tried to get back together and I found I couldn’t let go of a relationship that I had built that had a quality that was missing with my husband. Now I’m in a new long term relationship, and I couldn’t imagine going back to the relationship I had with my husband. Those missing pieces were nonnegotiable for me in the end. I know this was all very vague but the point is, for me, that feeling led to bigger realizations. For some it may lead to reconciliation… best of luck to you. 
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This is a sad situation! I believe that marriages are repairable but you would need to seek counseling regarding the original issues that LED to the cheating. Relationships go through highs and lows…you both have to work to keep things intimate and engaging. Wishing you all the best.
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Not only did you cheat, but w a taken man as well??? You’re an extremely selfish person 
…
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I think u need to get right with God before u do anything else. U have things to work on i think maybe itd be best for your husband and kids if u took a leave of absents from them till u work through your problems and repent for your sins. Ur husband deserves atleast that and your kids deserve the respect. U cheating is showing them what love is not
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I’m glad to see so many ‘perfect people’ on here. Please, give me a break. I’m having to come on here anonymously to defend myself, because all I asked for is advice, but instead I got bombarded with shame and insults. Now I came to social media, reaching out, knowing I would get constructive criticism and obviously some hate & shade thrown my way. It was to be expected. But I’ve read every single comment and well over half of you haven’t given me any constructive criticism. You didn’t even give me a damn chance. The backstory is a whole hell of a lot more than this measley post some of you couldn’t be bothered to read, in yet took the time to post an insult. I didn’t come here to be crucified to the cross. I know I fucked up badly, I know the repercussions. I know there’s not a good enough excuse in a lifetime for infidelity. I’m not justifying cheating by any means. I was just telling my story. My story is a lot more than this, not that I should owe any of you an explanation, but I came here asking for help. So I guess you get what you get. I also want to add that I am absolutely not a narcissist and fully recognize what narcissist behavior looks like because I was in a traumatic relationship myself with one. I did not come here for sympathy or anyone to be in agreement with my poor, horrible actions. I would like to thank the ones who took time to give me actual advice and not drag me through the mud. It is very much appreciated and dually noted. I am no saint, never claimed to be. This post has given me some insight, if anything it’s a reality check, because I can also agree with some of the constructive criticism. As hard as it may be to hear. I know who I am, I know the intentions I have, most of you couldn’t possibly understand because you’re so close minded. So I’d recommend to anyone wanting advice, anonymously or not, this is not a group of support. You don’t have to agree with my actions, you can call it sinful lust, whatever the case may be. But this thread has become straight up bullying. I don’t expect people to even like me or what I did, but calling me ugly names isn’t necessary. Call me out, I don’t care, but this has gone too far. The truth fckn hurts, I know this. It shouldn’t from a group of complete and total strangers, but not gonna lie it kinda stings. I hope to be perfect like all of you one day!! 
Break up and go your separate ways. You’re trying to hold onto a relationship that just isn’t meant to be.
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Omg you need help you say you love your husband but you feel like room mates.
I’m confused please get some therapy you need to forgive yourself and move on
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You’re all over the place. It seems that you’re both fixated and upset with the cheat partner. The biggest thing that long term relationships forget about (myself included) is that it’s not always the butterflies. We get confused about what being in love is and reminisce about the beginning of the relationship…open dialogue, stop the mental play by play about the affair…focus on rebuilding the FRIENDSHIP aspect of the relationship. You have 2 kids under 5, no matter who you’re with it’s not going to be all fire and passion. The friendship aspect is actually the deepest part of the relationship and leads to the sexual aspect once you’ve both gotten on the same page.
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She’s being selfish has a good man but don’t want him selfish woman
You are the most discouraging group of women I’ve ever had the displeasure of writing into, BIG MISTAKE!
Wow. Definitely need more information
you need to search yourself and think about your own actions
It’s not your partners fault that you cheated
The blame is on you, you turned to a man that has done the same thing to his wife that you done to your partner cheated! Now you said he was an ex! So why would you turn to a man that probably did you wrong also like he did his wife!
Remember what you said about your partner being a good man? and your ex being a scumbag! Is that what you want that kind of love from an ex that treats his wife like you treat your partner? You must look within yourself and find what is truly bothering because your partner isn’t the one that cheated and he still loves you even though you messed up with your scumbag ex! I feel sorry for your partner who’s trying his best to
Keep his family together.
Let him go and let him find someone else who does fit with him. You the same.