I cheated and have tried to make it right, but I've fallen out of love

For well over a year and a half, I’ve fallen out of love with my partner of 5 years, 2 children together as well. I have tried working with him, being honest about my feelings, as I felt he didn’t make me a priority. Well the beginning of this year, I did something I despise, something I said I would never do. I cheated on him. He is a wonderful man, with many wonderful qualities. But lacks in the communication dept, attention, basically I’m on the back burner. Our sexual interactions are also very limited as well. I even went as far, before I cheated, to telling him I had fantasies of being with another man…no one in specific, just craving that love and attention. He tends to put his hobby first and foremost. He gets so into it, I barely exist, so the attraction has also been lost. I cannot seem to get it back. I was honest about the cheating, it didn’t last long, but guilt eats me alive. I also believe he didn’t necessarily deserve it and it wasn’t fair to him. He’s a beautiful soul in so many other ways, he’s so good to me and our kids. He’s just not the best partner when it comes to feeling, sex, all the things I long for. We decided to stay together and work it out, have done some counseling. Tried to communicate better. I’m back on medication, controlling myself and impulses too. We have a relationship with God also. But I just cannot seem to get into him anymore. We used to be so in love at the beginning, and it’s like we’re just two people living in the same house. No love connection whatsoever. He tells me he loves me and I’m the only one for him, I believe him too. I also developed feelings for the man I had an affair with, but we are no longer in contact. I tried to make amends and say my peace with this man and he wanted nothing to do with me. So I just gave up there, but I think about him often. I’m confused as to what my feelings transpired into with him, but I really think I fell in love with him. Essentially I think this man just used me, he was an ‘ex.’ I think we were both in the same lonely boat and he told me things I wanted to hear, that sounded all very good in the moment. He even went as far as telling me he still loved me and wanted a baby with me. We even talked about possibly leaving our significant others, but obviously that didn’t happen. I think it was all pipe dreaming. I went in with the intentions of honestly helping this guy and it turned into so much more, so quickly, but didn’t last very long. As I said before the guilt ate me alive. I know I should have just left rather than to have an affair, but there was so much at stake, I know…still not a good enough excuse. So I try to shut out these feelings I still have, because it makes me feel like a fool and desperate. This guy was obviously a loser from the get go, but I let him con me and felt sorry for him. I let him in and that’s the biggest mistake I could have made, being emotionally invested. As he claimed his wife was horrible to him and he was just seeking friendly conversation. Friends. It ended with me calling him out in disbelief, we had an argument. After a month or so of throwing his wife under the bus, he all of the sudden praised her. She’d apparently made the commitment to be a better woman. So he told me I was being immature and I was just mad because he didn’t want to be with me. Keep in mind this is the same person that while we made love, told me he loved me and wanted to get me pregnant, but I refused. My partner knew we were friends and didn’t seem to mind, even knowing he was an ex, because he trust me. It was all honestly a very messed up situation altogether. I love my partner, but I’m not in love with him. Those feelings I once had, feel gone and I don’t know how to get them back. I’m still not over that other sorry sap, but I’m forcing myself to avoid him at all cost. I just feel like closure would have done me so much good, but he’s ignored the few occasions I reached out. So like I said, I gave up. I’m trying to make it work with my partner, but it just feels like he’s comfortable, even after the affair and will never change. Which I’ve just about given up there too. We’ve built a beautiful life together, but he just feels like a roommate at this point and has for quite some time. Please help!!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I cheated and have tried to make it right, but I've fallen out of love

Let him go find happiness with someone better

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Sounds like you only feel guilty about cheating because the ex dont want you anymore so now you just going work it out with your husband :woman_shrugging:

Always two sides to a story and we only getting yours and not your husband side

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Leave him. There’s nothing left to salvage.

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You sound done.
I’d like to add that marriages have seasons also… that’s why they say ‘good and bad times’ because you’re not always going to have that warm fuzzy feeling.

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Talk to your husband. Communication is key. Try marriage counseling. If you don’t communicate with him it’s on you… there was a choice of cheating vs. not cheating and unfortunately you chose wrong. Mistakes happen and no one is perfect. It’s all up to you talking and communicating to save your marriage… best of wishes hun :two_hearts:

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You need to be on your own

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Have you considered a sex therapist? If you’re invested to work on this, do it.

Sounds like a down in the ups and downs of marriage. Also seems like depression has a big part in all this.
Everything happens for a reason. Maybe a break from each other, set each other free and see what happens but don’t let it be hard on the kids, that’s the worst feeling, letting the kids down.

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Let him go, it will never be the same again and the kind of love you’re looking for doesn’t exist, long term relationship has high and low vibe ,you learn to work on it. You might never find a honest partner coz it’s so rare these days. Let him go and follow your fantasy

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So you rather go with a man who doesn’t love, just move on and leave him alone.

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There is just absolutely no justification to cheat on your partner. That just stinks. Tell your friends and family what you’ve done and let the poor bloke move on.
On medication? Are you looking for sympathy… no? Then why say it. Sounds like you need to be on your own for a while luv to figure a few things out. Self love, self respect and integrity. You made a mistake, we all make mistakes the fact you’ve written this your not into him anymore and that’s ok to💜

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You forgot to focus on how wrong you are for not only cheating but cheating with a married man. He claimed his wife decided to be better person…ugh he is a shit man for cheating on his wife. You need to leave your husband so he can find someone loyal.

Seems like you feel the guilt because he(the ex) didnt fulfill your ‘love’ fantasy.
You need to be single and find yourself and your husband needs someone who will be there through sickness and health, better or worse.

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It’ll never be the same.
Once the love AND trust are gone…there is NO relationship anymore.
You are just room mates now…with 2 kids.
The kids always end up as collateral damage in failed relationships.
Stop prolonging the inevitable.

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Cheating is addicting, it lifts up your hormones. So my advice, pray.

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Wow you’re saying all things like you’re beating yourself up…so no one else needs to…but no matter what you’re NOT happy and I don’t think you can go on like you are forever. There are plenty of men you haven’t meant yet give yourself a chance but you need to make a break to get there

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Seems to me you’re more concerned about the ex than you are your husband. :woman_shrugging: leave the poor man with the shred of dignity and walk away. At this point, it’s just selfish to stay.

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It sounds like your husband is a good man, which is hard to find these days…But in the end, pray about it before the lives of several people are destroyed…

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You need to be alone. You’re saying your husband had all these good qualities, but messed around with the ex you’re saying is a loser ? Leave your ex alone , leave your husband alone . You need to work on you . Good luck

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This is so long. I didn’t even read it all. You cheated. Your wrong

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Amicable divorce seems the best route at this point. Counseling may help work out any ill feelings but if you aren’t attracted to him anymore it’s time to end it. You need to be able to coparemt effectively and having an Amicable split makes that so much easier.

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You deserve a bum! You are selfish and your husband deserves better. There’s no justifying being an ugly person. Being with someone for so many years is not easy, it takes work. Sadly, you are not good at that, you’d rather go get that thrill from someone else :confused: let you husband go so he can find someone he deserves. As for you, gi work on yourself and ask God to forgive you

has he ever expressed to you how he felt ? Maybe he feels mutual and just didn’t wanna take the 1st steps … people grow out of love . sorry it’s true i’ve been there especially when one person grows and the other person doesn’t . i was in a 13 year relationship with my children’s father i was younger he was older … he begin to also do similar things we stopped sleeping in the same bed barely communicated or did anything together finally i put my foot down and said i deserved more… and years later he said he was to scared of hurting me to say he was no longer as happy … and thankful i took the final steps … now we are actually best friends and closer then before … not together but still in each other’s lives

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Sounds like his oxytocin levels are low.

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I’m going to be that person that says the things your not supposed too, because I don’t believe in sugar coating. You’re selfish for staying and leading on your husband that things may workout. Your right, you should have left him instead of cheating on him. No one deserves that shit even if they aren’t being the person they once were. If your not happy in your relationship you have to communicate, and if that doesn’t work leave. You sound toxic. To me this is your karma, you wanted to cheat on your husband, and now ur ex doesn’t want anything to do with you. You don’t deserve that closure in my eyes, you got it when he told you he didn’t want you anymore and decided to stay with his wife.

Your husband deserves better. The way you worded this literally sounds like you take no fault because it was your “ex’s” fault but it’s your fault. Not to mention you still want closure. Let your husband find someone who will be good to him.

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It’s time for you to leave him and start again in your life if you feel like that, there is no excuse for what you did but don’t pine away for a guy who didn’t care for you and just wanted a bit of fun, he ain’t worth it at the end of the day, now it’s time for you all to move on

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So screwing someone who doesn’t care about you at all doesn’t provide etc. Makes you feel better? Leave your husband so he can find someone who wont cheat when things get hard

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I feel so sorry for your husband. No one in this world deserves to be treated like that and cheated on. At this point you should really try and find a little bit of self respect and do the right thing and let your hubby go. There’s a woman out there that would be happy to have a great man like you’ve described.
Yes I understand people fall out of love but that’s no excuse to treat someone like that. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot

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If you find a good man that doesn’t run around on you and great with your children and love’s you .I suggest you stay where your at .And try to make the best of it

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It’s the “so I gave up , and tried to make it work with my partner” for me. Girl please leave that man , I feel like you are giving yourself every excuse in the book , for cheating on him and there’s simply NO excuse . I hope you see it in your heart to let him go , and find someone who appreciates him , while you work on whatever it is you want . You cannot have your cake and eat it too . I pray for your family :heart:

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When you started having fantasies about being with other men you should have left. You knew you weren’t happy then, and instead you stayed and cheated. You need to grow up, take responsibility for your actions and leave. If you aren’t happy, you aren’t happy and you should have left before you hurt him like you did.

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So the ex turned you down and went back with his wife, and you begrudgingly went back to your husband? Please stay in counseling for yourself, and consider leaving your husband. No one deserves to live unhappily, not yourself or your husband. It sounds to me like you have already decided to leave but the crutch you needed (the ex) turned out to be a broken. You need to stand on your own.

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I couldn’t imagine being your husband and the things you’ve done to him. You straight up use him and that’s not ok. He deserves a good woman and that’s something you are NOT.

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I read this and wonder what do you do to make him feel wanted or needed or loved. Telling us oh i even told him i fantasized about other men? Really as a man and father who like you said has great qualities why is it that through 5 years 2 children you’re focused on random sex. Doesnt mean he might be going through his own mental adjustment like dang I married her provided am a good dad. But any punk that tells her shes pretty can hit. Have more self respect as a wife a mom. You have little eyes watching. I’m not saying your sole mates but this question screams excuses for my behavior while wanting to have someone feel bad for. Relationships fail do to both sides of the board and telling him you want others he doesn’t do it maybe he gave up after you cruahes his world. Move on be single, let dad watch the kids go out be wild with whoever! Fall in love with someone else start new.

So your husband has accepted what you did and sounds like he has forgiven you maybe y’all should look into a poly relationship to some people sex is not love and love is not sex maybe discuss with him you have these desires and need to fill them but don’t do it behind his back set down and have that hard conversation it might very well save your marriage in the end

You cheated, you’re a loser.

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Sometimes relationships just run their course and it is time
To move on. Get a divorce and find someone you better connect with. But at the same time I doubt the road will be easy

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Married takes commitment and work. You are a cheater and now are finding a way to blame your husband for the breakdown of your marriage.

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Sounds like you need to be a little more honest with yourself about the the entire situation. Clearly you know how your feeling. Your feelings are changing based off your novel above. Your husband deserves to be loved and because of your affair it’s made it hard for yourself to move forward. So your staying cause your comfortable is what it sounds like. Your husband deserves more. So do you because your always going to be looking for more. People change it’s okay. But don’t drag your husband down with you because your having mid life crisis.

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  1. Everyone makes mistakes. You’ve owned that you messed up. There is nothing that will change it. Your husband forgives you and it is OK to forgive yourself.

  2. Just bc you made mistakes doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to feel. You’re extremely unhappy and that isnt fair to you or your husband. You should free both yourself and him. It isn’t fair to either of you.

  3. It kinda sounds like the person you cheated with might have narcissistic tendencies. You may be trauma bonded and unaware of it. Read into trauma bonding. Knowledge is power. It may help you get over him IF he is indeed a narcissist. When you go no-contact, he may try to reel you back in. Don’t fall for it. I hate to be blunt, but you’re nothing more than supply to him. Stay away. IF this is indeed the case, I feel sorry for you bc trauma bond is hard to break. I’m not saying he is or isn’t. But if he is, seek help to break it. Read, read, read!

  4. You need to leave both of these men in your past. Focus on yourself. Spend time alone and single until you find your own happiness. Once you do, don’t settle for anything less than what you want and need.

  5. Everyone makes mistakes in different ways or different things. Admitting it and making changes to do and be better is most important. Learn from it and don’t do it again. Consider it a life lesson.

  6. If you listen to this advice or not, I wish you the best and hope you can move forward from this internal struggle.

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Get out of the ME zone and going on emotions. You say your christian then get back into the Bible and books christian related building relationship books. The Bible says the heart is a deceiver of men which means you base things on a solid foundation not emotions that sound like a teenager. Yes, its nice to feel romantic at times but to form a CONNECTION not based strictly emotional highs is more important. Marriage is a contract with no ifs or buts. This is why older generations lasted. As far as you cheating that is your feeling of guilt that you put on him so you would feel better. It had nothing to do with you truly being sorry and wanting to make amends. This is evidenced by your post. You need to put your big girl panties on and be a good partner and mother.

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You got to help your self, you have the strength in you to do it

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You need to be alone, I feel sorry for your husband.

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I feel like this is just you trying to rationalize your bad behavior and looking for someone to agree with you. You hurt what sounds like a good guy because he didn’t do what you wanted. Basically you told him to do x,y,z and he didn’t so you cheated. It’s not all about you. Did you do anything else besides telling him what YOU wanted?

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I think your husband deserves better than how you’ve treated him, and how you’re “settling”. One day you’ll wake up miserable with someone you are wondering “are they cheating on me” when your husband will be in a loving relationship. :clap: You know how to NOT have all these feelings after cheating? By not cheating. Let your husband go so HE can grow. You’re the mistake, not him.

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Perhaps you have both fallen out of love or lost your way and neither wants to admit it, or is too scared? It won’t be easy but you both need to be happy and as long as you continue to make the kids a priority they can adjust if you do split. If counselling hasn’t helped for you both then I don’t think there’s any going back at this point and I don’t think you truly want to be with him x

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I don’t understand it’s like you have fallen out of love but for the wrong reasons…you are craving hot and heavy sex is what it sounds like but DO NOT let that cloud your judgement…honestly I think therapy and couples counseling would be beneficial for you both…you cheated and that’s awful you were not in love with the ex but in love with how the rush made you feel and the idea of a new and exciting relationship full of of the hot “honeymoon stage sex” but that will fade too…I do not think you don’t love your husband I think you are being consumed by your sexual energy and you need to handle in a more healthy way. Adam and Eve sells great adult products and honestly you should invest in that before thinking that cheating is a good idea…try that first before divorcing but seriously, your husband did not deserve that so if this killing you inside good :+1:t2: you have a lot of spiritual work to do

Ok, so, I’ve read through your post a couple of times now…
When you told your husband you cheated, how did he react to this? Angry? Sad? Upset? Not bothered? Didn’t care? His reaction would be a massive indication on where he is in this marriage. If he wasn’t really bothered, didn’t really care etc. He’s really not invested in your marriage any longer. If he was upset, showed any kind of hurt emotion, he’s still invested there. Let me just point out here also, that, cheating is never ok. Regardless of what’s going on, it is not ok!
Can I ask, do you actually WANT to be with and stay with your husband? You should’ve want to stay out of “convenience”
Sometimes people fall out of love. It happens all the time. I feel the very first thing you should do is sit down with your husband and have an honest and long talk. Is he feeling the same way? Maybe you’ve both reached stalemate and it’s time you both set each other free. Life is too short to waste it on a relationship where it’s stagnant.
The ex you cheated on with completely told you everything you wanted to hear. And the “my wife doesn’t understand me” line is the oldest trick in the book I’m afraid. You fell for it hook line and sinker. You allowed yourself to be taken in by the “guff” he came out with. He knew what you needed and wanted to be told. Unfortunately when you are craving some attention, sometimes you get taken in by the fantasy of it all. After all, the grass is not always greener and if you’d spent time watering your own grass with your husband you wouldn’t have been tempted away. Your husband isn’t completely blameless here either by the way, no excuse to cheat, but he’s not blameless, if he’s not showing you any love or attention in your relationship and is focused solely on his hobbies/job etc etc, maybe he’s already checked out of yourself relationship? It isn’t fair of him to behave the way he has to you.
Go book yourselves into couples therapy. Give it a go. If there really really is nothing there. Part ways with each other and go find people who you both will be happy with… As above, life is too short for unnecessary upheaval… :heart:

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I feel like you’re probably a pretty self centered person, this big long post is just a list of you justifying cheating on a man who may not be what you want, but why bother getting married to someone if you cant handle staying faithful at a low point in what should be a lifelong plan. Leave and stop trying to justify yourself. Your husband deserves better

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You don’t love your partner. You wouldn’t cheat on someone you loved. It just means you put yourself before them in the worst way possible. You need to be alone and figure out what you want.

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You’re done and need to move on :cry: those feelings for your husband will probably never come back.

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I disagree with many of the women here. It is estimated that 70% of people cheat.
You made choices. Your husband made choices. Guilt and shame aren’t helpful. You aren’t happy and he’s not into you. None of these things are terrible. They are just life. If your husband is capable of talking about you having other partners, then that is a good option. If he will go to therapy with you, then go to learn how to truly communicate. Sex is a great outlet. It isn’t necessary to demonize sex. We do it. A lot of it. What the world doesn’t need is more drama & your post reeks of melodrama. Be an adult. Have sex with whomever you want. Nobody deserves closure, not over an affair. Move on. If you’re going to stay with your husband, don’t bring your affairs into the marriage. Sex can be just sex, but be an adult about it. Good luck.

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Every relationship will burn out at some point. It’s the work you put in that will make it survive. But from your post you seem to want more closure with the other man. You need to dig deep inside your self and decide what is really important. What do you want when you are a old woman?

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work on building your spiritual self, everything you seek is in you , not others

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Some of the comments on here are harsh…I think this is too complicated for facebook advice you need a proper therapist

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So you said for yourself there is no reason to NOT love him, aside from “he’s not paying you enough attention.” I call that the princess complex. You’ve probably settled for your husband because he treats you like the world, but are now bored because he’s not everything you have envisioned in a “prince.” So now you’re having fantasies. Guess what? Marriage is not always fun. It isn’t always butterflies and blushing, it is a contractual committment meant to withstand thick and thin. And it is not entirely up to your husband to keep your interest. You claim he has a hobby and this hobby has gotten “in the way” of your marriage, but have you ever tried to do this hobby with him? Maybe find a hobby of your own that doesn’t involve cheating on your husband :unamused: you sound incredibly selfish, and honestly it sounds like you’re over your husband so you should let him go, so you can both go find relationships that you’re deserving of.

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I can’t help you with the husband part. Probably need to explore that further in therapy. But as far as the other guy, getting closure is an illusion. It’s not something he can give you. You have to give it to yourself. Block him on all fronts and steel yourself against him. Only you can decide to quit letting your mind wander his direction. Control your mind and you’ll recover from him.

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You say you both have a relationship with God, then you need to pray.

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Just leave because you already had an affair co parent but separate

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Honestly I think you are seeking a fleeting thing. Mature love is not all lust and passion but so much more. Love is not a feeling but an act of will. I’m assuming you are very young.

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Closer?? Closer is knowing he’s married and you shouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Closer is knowing he wants his wife and not you. What more closer do you need? You’re looking for something that’s not there. You can’t give your all to your own marriage because you are dreaming of a life with someone else. If you can’t do the right thing then leave. Why should your husband suffer?! You’re wasting precious time out of his life. He could move on and be happy.

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You sound narcissistic. You wrote this long post to explain why you hurt a man that even you admit is a great guy and father for 20 mins of your own selfish pleasure. And now you can’t stop thinking about cheating with a man that made it CLEAR he only wanted you for a sexual encounter. You don’t love him you only love yourself. This entire post is about YOU, not your husband, not your kids… Just you.

Also, what you are looking for is puppy love and if that’s the love you crave you’ll be in and out of relationships like crazy. That excitement doesn’t last forever. Eventually it falls into a comfortable, routine kind of love and you don’t seem to want that.

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You’re a homewrecker, simple as that. I feel sorry for your children and husband. Hopefully you do the right thing and agree to 50/50 physical and legal custody… Or, realize and admit what you’ve done, accept responsibility, and move on with your marriage and kids… Stop being selfish, think about your babies before anything else.

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Why the fuck would you put your kids through that?!? Not once do you mention the impact on them, not once did you mention repairing THEIR FAITH IN RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMITMENT. You are just using guys to feel whole while you destroy your kids life because what you didn’t get enough lust. You a privilege to be a mom yet your acting like a 15 year old that sleeps with anyone just to get attention from another guy. What do you really think you are teaching your children? That its okey to destroy not one but two families just for a little bit of lust. That its okey to stay with a man that you pushed to the point of not even caring.

Look up a book by Joe and Michelle white called “Yes Your Marriage Can be Saved.” Since you have talked about faith and God, I think this would be of great help to you. It would be even better if you had someone with a strong marriage you can trust who can serve as a mentor to you while you go through it but I know that’s not an easy find and not every church offers marriage recovery. One of the things they teach and that my church has always been strong on is that you need good people surrounding you who will support your marriage.

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You played your partner and got played by the side piece, that’s how it works and has always worked! Stop wasting your partners time & your time in that mess of a relationship.

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You’re surviving not in love. Poor dude . You need some more help ,

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You’re trying to justify you cheating and yet poor you? pfft! imagine how he feels yet all you go on about is how you feel hopefully he finds someone who deserves him

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If you’re not in love with him and no longer have feelings for him, why stay? It’s not fair to him, your children or yourself. Don’t stay in a relationship because of the kids. That’s only going to cause more problems down the road. You need to end things with him and move on. Let him find someone that will love him. You shouldn’t stay just because…

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I have/had same feeling as you bein with my fiancé 8 years one child love is Work. if you truelly loved him at one point.And you want to make it work and he wants to make it work it will work. But both of you have to want it if you don’t want to love him you won’t you have to want to love him again….the grass is always greener where you water it…if he truly is a great man I wouldn’t let him go theirs not a lot out there

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Try more counseling on your own and together as a couple. Not all counseling is the same. Find one, the 2 of you click with and find one you can click with on your own. If you are truly staying together and try to make it work ❤️‍🩹

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First off, the affair guy used you. He wanted sex and got it. Second of all, please leave your husband. He deserves so much better than you. When he finds someone who truly loves and appreciates him, then you might realize you really did love him.

No one can trick into cheating.

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Sounds like your husband is too good of a man for you. You don’t deserve him. He trusted you then. He loved you then, he continues to love you now, and shows you by working through things, and going to counseling with you. And still you don’t want him, but you want your ex. Leave him and your children, so that he’ll be able to find a better partner. You clearly don’t deserve him.

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First: Taking responsibility while really placing blame isn’t actually taking responsibility. You will never move forward if you don’t get YOURSELF to accept what you did. It’s not us you have to convince.
Second: Loving someone…actually loving them…is work. It’s a choice you make every day when you wake up. I’m not saying it should be “hard” but it’s not always mad passion and sunshine. We age, things change, we get comfortable…you have to make the choice to not jump ship.

This may sound like I’m judging or whatever but I’m not. I’m just trying to give my own opinion which is what you came to social media for. You say you have a relationship with God… something I would suggest that helped me is a book called Prayers for my husband. They have a version for the guys too. The couple that wrote them help guide you. Make a point to focus on your partner. Recommit to the relationship, let go of all the outside people/stuff and you may be surprised at how your feelings change.

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Coparent. Perhaps the feelings will return, perhaps they wont. But stop thinking about this other filthy pig. He sweet talked you just to get some tail!! You need to find some self respect.
Of course you developed feelings. Sex is much more emotional to women. We think with our hearts, men like that are only thinking about their dick and selfish gratification.

You already cheated. Your partner deserves two things: to know you did it and the respect from you to be able to find someone who won’t break his trust. Love isn’t something that is just constantly the same. You have to work on it every day. To cheat means to break boundaries and trust that was already in place. Once you cheat you can never re-establish what was there in the first place. Tell him and then break up. Don’t drag him along

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I mean this with respect…When you finally set your husband free, please give him 50/50 and whatever the hell he wants to do with those children.

You need to understand commitment and truly delve into what marriage looks like and what it takes to make it last a lifetime.

The ‘other’ man, used you baby doll… he realized you were already teetering on being unfaithful and gave you the push you needed. He got what he wanted, which is what he KNEW would satisfy him. He had realistic expectations of what this affair would do. And clearly it worked for him. He got his "shit together " so to speak, and went back to HIS wife. The grass is not always greener sweetheart… it is greener where you water it… sometimes what makes a relationship perfect is that innocence. That deep faithfulness to one another. Once its damaged, it takes so much more than what you’re giving it to make it whole again… and even then sometimes it won’t work.

A perfect example… you can take the same 2 vases and break them. The handles will pop off clean on one while the other shatters and creates dust. The larger chunks spilt perfectly down a couple sides on one vase while the other has too many pieces that were obliterated. The one you can glue, and heat treat and paint to look like new again… but that other one has seen too much damage, it cannot be glued or treated, or fixed or mended without visible deep cracks and pieces missing…

If you cannot accept what the long term dedication will require then set this man free and work on you.

If you have one more go in you, I would ABSOLUTELY recommend the book

“BEYOND ORDINARY”
It’s a book written by a couple that literally went through hell & back and almost lost each other. But they figured out what it takes to live not just an Ordinary marriage but an EXTRAORDINARY marriage. Its based in faith, and saved my marriage before I even realized it was in trouble. I read it and just immediately knew I wasn’t doing enough and if I want to be with this man forever there is also preventive things I can be doing to ensure we don’t get complacent. Depending on your age though you might not be ready for all this/ that.

Take all of this into account and speak to your husband. Also, if you ARE both trying. Have him read the book too.

Good luck

All I’m going to say is that the grass is never greener on the other side. You will regret leaving such a good man to fulfil a fantasy that just doesn’t exist in long term relationships all the time(ups and downs). Think things through and look at the bigger picture here. Sending positive vibes your way. Good luck!

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I’m not reading all of that but I’m happy for you or sorry that happened

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Let’s re-frame this situation.

You have a partner of 5 years who you’re comfortable with, have had babies with, treats you well, is forgiving, and LOVES you. (He wouldn’t be willing to work it out if he didn’t truly love you.) He’s gone to therapy with you. He’s trying to learn communication skills with you.

Then you have a man, who manipulated you into having sex. In the heat of the moment told you things he clearly didn’t mean (guys tend to do that while they’re having sex, because let’s be real, this guy sounds manipulative, and really wants more sex. He’s going to say anything you want to hear in order to get it) If he really meant he loved you, and wanted you as his life partner, he would leave his wife. Guys do what they want. He wants his wife. He doesn’t want you.

You are confusing lust for love. Your husband loves you. The other man, lusted after you. Your husband is the one putting effort in to your relationship. You at least owe it to him to contribute the same effort.

This actually hurt my eyes reading it. You say you have given up :rofl: but expect your partner to stay on board? I would of chucked your backside out

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You are flat out an ugly and disgusting person. You don’t deserve your husband. You deserve to be alone and miserable.

lol you’ve been together for so long. You won’t always be “in love” with your partner but you’ll still love them. The more you are together , the more your love changes. Either try to make things right with you or move on.

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It sounds like you just want the excitement of a new partner. Talk to him about going on dates and do exciting things together. Me and my SO have been together 14 years with 5 kids. I feel the same way sometimes but we recently started communicating and getting along better. This is like the best it’s ever been. Spice up your sex life and try new things, buy some toys. If after you both try (it sounds like he will) it still doesn’t work, leave.

I feel like you are making excuses to cheat

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If you’re not married, I would end things and focus on your children and your relationship with God. That’s what I’m doing and it’s made such a difference in my life. If you are married to this man, don’t give up yet. God can restore your marriage. Love is a choice, not a feeling. And pray, pray, pray❤️

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Cheating on someone causes a lot of mental health issues that are irreversible!!! And all tho you say you feel guilty… you also sound bitter and a tad obsessive over your ex and more concerned about repairing whatever toxic bs you 2 had going on (WHO IS ALSO A POS FOR HAVING AN AFFAIR ON HIS WIFE SHM)
Your husband sounds like he is a great man who had depression going on (im dealing with a husband in the same place) and you sound like a selfish immature narsissist. Counseling should have been thought of before the affair should have been thought of… and the fact you still fantasize over it… tells me you’re only 'trying to make it work until the next whirl wind affair ‘accidentally’ happens!
Using your impulse control issues as an excuse it hog wash… I am in the top 4% of severe ADHD and even when unmedicated… I still do not have affairs! No amount of medication is going to change the cheater you are.
Leave your husband (he should have left you but probably has some trauma bonds by the sounds of your ultimatums and emotional/ mental abuse) so that he can heal and find someone who isn’t a selfish cheating excuse making narsissist… someone who will get him threw his depression, not worsen it x10

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You cheated and that’s disgusting🤮. Get over yourself. Think about how he feels. He needs to leave you and find someone who actually gives a rats ass about him.

Young one - you’ve broken a trust that can never be the same again.

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Wait what?! Even though you say you knew it was wrong still seems like this post is nothing but excuses to justify what you did. EVERY relationship has its ups and downs but you don’t step out esp when you claim to have a relationship with God. Not sure why you thought that was going to help by saying that. You cheated point blank. You miss the excitement of cheating not the dude. I wish your husband/partner will open his eyes and know he deserves so much better! This is unreal. Grow up! Relationships/marriage are more than just sex and everything. Maybe his hobby is his way for destressing. No excuses for yourself let this man find a woman who won’t cheat

No judgment here at all. Do more one on one counseling to help you figure out your life. You were unhappy a year ago and continue to be. Figure out what it is you want for you. Decide your priorities. If you are a stay a home mom, look into getting a job. Make some of your own money. Child care will be high if your children are not school age. If they are, work when they are in school. Take care of yourself. Be more active.

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This was too long for me to stay interested in. Is this how you communicate? Repetitive, all over the place?

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Anybody that thinks this couldn’t be them are fooling themselves, I know very few married people who haven’t cheated. Sounds like to me you’re trying your best to get your life back on track. No marriage is perfect, stay on your medicine, stay in church, and forgive yourself. Obviously he has forgiven you or he really doesn’t pay any attention to you. Either way you need to try, and keep seeing a therapist. As far as the ex he got what he wanted so move on and accept it for what it is. We all desire love, but remember sex is not love, it’s lust if it’s with the wrong person. No you are not a narcissist or a who’re just wanting to feel loved and missing what is in front of you​:pray::pray::pray::pray:

5 years…. People need to learn marriage is a tremendous amount of work with so many ups and downs. Marriage go through ruts, you should have been working on it at home if you really were you wouldn’t have continued talking with someone snd then having sex with him. You have to realize life leaves the honeymoon phrase. You seem very toxic to your husband snd children. You are showing them when you are unhappy you can do what ever you want regardless how it will effect others. Time to grow up and stop looking for happiness outside your home. Maybe get some hobbies of your own. If he’s staying with you after all the horrible things you have done he must have low self esteem to think he couldn’t do better on someone who cheats on her family. You didn’t just cheat on your husband you cheated on your children. Fix yourself and stop thinking everyone needs to be fixed for u

You can’t get over your ex?? Honey, men will lie through their teeth to get a piece!!! That’s all you were to him! You should count your blessings on what you have!!

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Find interest his hobbies. You’re just lusting, pray to god multiple times a day if u have to

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