I cheated in the beginning of our relationship: Should I leave?

What to do so I cheated on my so at the beginning of our relationship like the first 2 or 3 months I was still talking to other people sending pics etc… fast forward now he’s still having problems getting over it what should I do end things or what?

18 Likes

Yes, should’ve never kept the relationship going to be honest. If he cannot forget he will never forgive you and it will just lead into him not trusting you. And that’s a major factor.

31 Likes

If he can’t get over it its probably best to go your separate ways. He probably lost his trust for you.

13 Likes

If he cannot let it go, leaving is your only option. If he cannot get past, he never will and it will get worse over time.

12 Likes

He will never let you live it down I was married 33 yrs yes I stepped out all because he wasn’t home his friends were more important…

1 Like

Give him peace and let him go. If he is able to over come in the future and wants to have the relationship again you should be ready to be faithful. He should be ready to forgive and trust you again before that.

6 Likes

If you are cheating after 2-3 months then clearly they aren’t the one for you 2-3 months is meant to be the honeymoon period where no one else is even on your mind and your at it like rabbits looool…

16 Likes

Was etc sleeping with other people?? Was you official when this happened like did you all say to eachother your official my current partner cheated at the beginning but we made it work but if he is to forgive he has to forgive and forget not throw it in your face whenever you have an argument as it will destroy your relationship x

2 Likes

Cheaters can’t be trusted, break it off and spare him the future disappointment.

16 Likes

How long have you to been together? It can take time for someone to except what happened to forgive and be able to move forward. But depending on how long ago this happened could be you two need to go your separate ways. If it is still fresh could still need time to process but if several months or years since this happened then may need to walk away because it could always be an issue with him and will always be brought up no matter how much time has gone by.

3 Likes

For me, This comes down to if the relationship is worth fighting for. People make mistakes and cheating is about as bad as it can get when it comes to mistakes in a relationship. Cheating effects the other partner long term, so if you’re both not willing to work through it long term, it will never work. It literally effects your brain like traumatically, so that can make it almost possible to “forgive and forget”. I don’t think every single relationship that faces this issue is automatically going to fail with no chance of working past it but it is exactly that, WORK. And from my personally opinion, love takes time to grow as well. You may not have loved your partner the way you do now. These feelings take time to build and grow. I think that’s why people used to refer to ‘dating’, as seeing multiple people before being exclusively committed to your partner. I by no means am okay with cheating, in fact I am the one who was cheated on in my relationship, and with fairly harsh unfair circumstances. To make a long, painful story short, i’ve known my fiancé for 12 years and we’ve always had feelings for each other. We started spending time together August of 2019 and began dating October 2019. I fell pregnant early November 2019. We were working in the same facility together and he ended up sleeping with our employee for pretty much the entire month of march 2020. Devastated is an understatement for how i was feeling, especially since his reasoning was, i wasn’t giving him enough attention, we didn’t have sex enough anymore and he felt i wasn’t attracted to him anymore, we rarely connected , etc. Again. I was pregnant and working 50-60 hours a week as a medication technician in a skilled nursing facility. So yes. It was completely bullshit on his end and it took a really long time to even be willing to talk through it with him but that’s what it came down to. Excepting what happened on both ends and wanting to work through it. We figured out where a lot of the problems stemmed from and maybe if we had more communication early in our relationship, maybe i would have understood that he was feeling neglected, and maybe he would have understood the physical and emotional changes i was enduring from pregnancy. (Let’s be real, guys just don’t understand!!) Maybe i could have tried talking to him about it more and he wouldn’t have just felt like i was ignoring him and just suddenly not interested in sex anymore. Again, i don’t think it’s okay. We face a lot of extra obstacles pretty often but we accepted that would happen and we work through it together. I feel a lot better now and i’m learning to trust him again but there are times where i just can’t shake the funk. Times where i hear the other girls name and i’m depressed for the next hour or two, times where we drive past our old place of work and i have to fight tears, and when we talk about having another baby in the future and i can’t help but worry and wonder if this could happen again when i’m pregnant again. Sounds miserable, right??? It’s definitely not fun or ideal but everyone makes mistakes and it just so happens we both thought our relationship was worth fighting for. Today he is an amazing father, my heart fills with a new kind of love when i watch him comfort and care for our daughter. He treats me incredibly, and we still have normal arguments and fights like everyone else because that’s how life goes. Nobody is going to be perfect. You just have to find the perfect person to work through the good and the bad with. It breaks his heart to think about the pain he caused me, and he says he regrets it daily, and i believe him. Which is why he works so hard every day to show me that i am enough, i am everything he wants, and i am beautiful. He constantly is reassuring me when i need it. This might be annoying to a couple who didn’t go through this, but when i feel like i need to ask where he is or when he’ll be home from work, he just answers right away and isn’t bothered by that. Because he knows and has accepted his decisions and the long term effects they’ve had on our relationship. It still hurts and i’m sure it always will. But we work hard every day and in some ways i think it’s made us stronger. We communicate more than i ever have with anyone before, we make sure we have time just for the two of us, we talk about each others feelings and needs, and ask if there’s anything either of us could do better for them. We endured pain, and mistakes, but we’ve now never been stronger. I love this man more than everything and i love our family and our daughter so much. I’ll never forget what happened, but it’s not impossible to forgive. If it’s something you want, and you believe in your heart is worth working for, then work for it. Understand that even as time passed, your SO may need that reassurance. They may need to feel a little extra love here n there. But if it’s worth it, you won’t mind.

1 Like

Coming from a guy, I’m surprised he stuck with you.

4 Likes

Yea he has every right to feel those things. Break it off for him, you don’t deserve him at all…

6 Likes

Yes you should leave.

1 Like

The fact that u cheated so early in your relationship and now you here asking if u should leave just goes to show u dont really feel anything for him.so save both of yourls sanity and leave.if u cheated and he took you back you should have worked harder on gaining his trust and making it work and reassuring this man that it won’t happen again.instead his so insecure and u undecided.best to part ways and allow each other to find true happiness and pure love instead of being together and being miserable.

17 Likes

I say you need to separate because he’s never going to forget what you done to him and he’ll always remember it

Yes. Based on the way you worded this whole thing you should. You did him wrong.

3 Likes

That happened to me. He said he forgave me. But between 6-8 years of dating. He became disrespectful. Cheated on me (since I did it to him) and all kinds of bogus excuses for his bad behaviors. So. I wished I woulda left when it happened.

3 Likes

Yes leave…he’ll get on your nerves about it until the very end & will use it as an excuse for any inappropriate things he does in the future. In time, you’ll find someone new with no relationship baggage.

3 Likes

Coming from a girl who did the same but only once… He will not let it go and trust will be broken… We can be having a good day then all of a sudden something triggers him n he be like you cheated on me… We were together a yr plus and have a baby together… Some days are harder than others but now im not doing anything… But we are doing what’s best for us… Plus at the beginning of a relationship you really dont know if that person is ur person

1 Like

Why don’t you ask him what he wants . While we all make mistakes , if he cannot truly forgive you and move on , I would want to make a fresh start with another . Remember , God can / does forgive us from all our sins when we ask ! But , sometimes man doesn’t do the same . Best wishes on whatever you decide !

3 Likes

I was cheated on in 2019 and I’m still affected by it now. Not everyone can just “get over” things. Forgive and forget doesn’t always come easy. I’m with someone new, he would never dream of cheating, have been for a year. But there are still days my trust falls down the tube and I question him like mad. “Are you sure you want me” “Are you sure you love me” and he reassures me that he couldn’t find anyone better to love him. Cheating can absolutely destroy someone, their self worth and bring people to suicide (I contemplated it for a while after I found out.)
So yes you should let him go, so he can go be happy with someone that deserves him.

14 Likes

Its obvious you didn’t care for him enough at the beginning of the relationship if you cheated on him, you should have never continued with it. Leave him because he will never let you forget you are a cheater and he has every right to those feelings

2 Likes

Sound like you are tired of hearing about your betrayal. :woman_shrugging: YOU DID THIS, YOU CHEATED… so what I don’t get is… why are you asking if you should break up with him. Makes no sense.

12 Likes

He is never going to forget that you cheated. Especially so early in the relationship. If you love him though and you would like to be with him then you could try to earn his trust back but its hard hard work. On both parts. Talk to him. You have to be willing to put forth the effort needed. I don’t get the feeling from how you worded things that you would be willing to give that your all. Do yourself and especially him a favor and end things. Don’t be rude or mean if that’s what you decide because it’s on you. Good luck.

You sound to me like you are bragging about what you did. He dont deserve that. Walk away and leave him alone. You are not Good enough for him if you are talking the way you are and once a cheater always a cheater. You’ll do it again

7 Likes

The first couple of months are just for exploring each other. Give yourself a break. You didn’t know for sure he was the one. Who is to say we are supposed to be exclusive with someone on the first date?? Aren’t we adults? Time and growing together is what makes a life. There is nothing to forgive because you didn’t do anything wrong. When you realized he was the one to move forward with, you stopped with the others and went all in. That’s how healthy relationships work. If he can’t handle that he wasn’t the only man in your world that’s his problem. He should be happy you chose him to stick with and grow a life with.

5 Likes

Not cheat in the first place

8 Likes

Well why even care. Obviously you weren’t all in before and you’re ready to bail because of consequences to your behavior. Be kind and end it and really think about what you want in a relationship and how you treat people in the future.

4 Likes

You leave him alone, he’s never going to trust you now. You guys established being together and you still acted single. Like…:woman_shrugging:t4:

2 Likes

If you were just dating, thats what dating is you see other people in the beginning 2-3 months, isn’t cheating unless you’ve stated your relationship titles. We label everything too quickly people have forgotten what dating really is. Dating is getting to know a potential life partner and that takes time. If he’s still bringing it up its best to move on though. If he cant see that and move on from the past its not worth living the rest of your life that way.

2 Likes

Yeah unfortunately it wasn’t just some “early on, minor cheating”

IT WAS STILL CHEATING.

Your relationship is pretty much done, unless he’s willing to forgive you, which is VERY difficult to do when you haven’t given him a reason to trust you.

Just go be single, and let a good man go find a good woman.

3 Likes

Fast forward how far? 6 mos? 2 years? Who can answer this with no info.

1 Like

Communicate? Are you listening to his insecurities about the entirety of the situation or are you just rolling your eyes and shrugging it off, because you are over it?

1 Like

He should break up with you

4 Likes

I wouldn’t consider that cheating. You were newly dating. If you weren’t having sex with anyone else. Tell him to grow up and get over it or move on

4 Likes

Sometimes I feel like these posts aren’t even real. Like, how is this even a question?

9 Likes

How long have you been together? What have you done to make him feel like that won’t happen again? People don’t just get over it when someone breaks their trust. You have to be willing to earn it back or leave.

1 Like

Is this a joke!! He shoulda left your ass a long time ago!!!

Honestly I agree with letting him go for his sake idk where people think that’s what dating is for the first few months to me are vital and shows who you are and if you were still acting single it shows you weren’t trying to get to know him as a partner if you still had eyes for other people I know things would be different if the guy was doing that stuff in the beginning he would be labeled a cheater and disgusting

4 Likes

I know me personally with the way my relationship is set up I can’t get over him talking to other women on dating sites … And messages he sent to his ex … It still messes my head up everyday … If you love him let him go and give him some time … I wish I woulda done that for my sake but idk the whole situation

1 Like

If he can’t get passed it then yes

I don’t think I’d be able to get past my husband cheating on me even if it was when we were very newly together. But also, how much fast forward? I’d let him go for his own sanity.

1 Like

Yall really need to with the shaming and judging. She was brave enough to admit she did something wrong and asking for help and everyone here is just bashing her. I thought this was a support group. All I see is a bunch if judgemental women that pretend they’ve never made a mistake In their life.

16 Likes

Ita really no big deal…unless ur married

1 Like

He’s probably never going to trust you again. At least you came clean. Talk it out. If he can’t get over it (which is understandable) you should do him a favor and end things before it messes him up even more.

The beginning of the relationship is the most important part in gaining trust and developing boundaries for what you expect of each other. If you broke that trust it’s very hard to regain if you ever able to gain that trust back.

Maybe let him find better since he clearly deserves it. And next time don’t cheat perhaps? Cheating damages people forever it’s stupid and immature.

4 Likes

End it and move on and let him live in peace or misery whichever he prefers but don’t let him make you miserable. If you came clean and asked him to forgive you and he did but is still stuck on it then why keep living it over and over?

If they don’t trust you then you’d be better to move on

If you both want to make it work, then take whatever steps ypu have to. For starters therapy.