How do you have a relationship with your sister when you despise her husband? I feel like I don’t have a sister anymore. Her husband is the biggest POS I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to be around him. We live in different states and she’s mentioned they might move here. I honestly would hate to have them close to me and disturb my peace. I know this sounds terrible but that’s how I feel. I miss my sister and wish our kids could be close but I’ve accepted the fact that won’t happen. I love where I live and don’t like the thought of them her husband and they’re fake happiness/ marriage/ narc BS coming here and ruining that. Anyone felt this way before with a sibling?
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Absolutely. Cannot stand my BIL. Lazy. Horrible parent. Living off my sister’s income which is her disability check. At this point he is simply just tolerated for her sake. No one in the family has mich use for him
You could see your sister while he is at work
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You’re the one throwing the relationship away.
Grow up.
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Have a phone/ video relationship with her? Get her a job with you,
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I would 100% put up with my brother or sister in-law because I love my sibling and could never cut them off
YOU are literally letting a guy come between you and YOUR SISTER
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Shame on you
That’s your sister and family
And she lives with him not you
Imagine things behind closed doors for her
Support her
You don’t have to have to have a relationship with him
As others have suggested you can see her without seeing him
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Nope. Your life. Your sanity. Do what’s right for your mental health. If they separate and she needs help, and you can safely give it? Go for it.
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Your sister is probably feeling that with her marriage and by trying to be by you in her own way letting you know she needs you. Your sister may feel isolated and confused about what to do because she has kids. Just saying it isn’t easy when your in a bad relationship to talk about it and maybe you could take a step back and see it in new light and not just make this about your feelings for him think about your sister either way she will need you there for her.
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You be there for your sister. If he’s a POS to you imagine what your sisters life is like. Maybe mentioning her desire to move closer to you is testing to see if you would be willing to help her get out. Welcome her to your town. Hang out with her as much as possible. Be her person when/if she needs you.
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Omg I know how you feel
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I know all to well the HORRORS of dealing w/ Narcisstic asshats so in that respect I feel for ya!! As for your sister has she ever said/been truthful w/ you about her relationship w/ him?? MAYBE she wants to move near you in an effort of trying to get AWAY from him & looking for/to have family support- Ive been/had friends who did this- they were “afraid” to leave the one they were with w/o having any kinda support system or “backup” if you will.Those that have never dealt w/ Narcisstic asshats truly DONT get/understand what a AWFUL NIGHTMARE it really is & IS/can be abusive in Many ways & I know I want NOTHING more to do w/ anyone like that -NOT EVER!! So if you think your sister might be in need of help getting away from him talk to her privately & offer to help HER by telling her theres no shame in leaving/divorcing someone w/ this type behavior bcuz nobody can/does always know what goes on behind closed doors esp if their type people who “hide” everything & always put on a happy face- hence why I say have private 1 on 1 w/ her see what she says Otherwise if they DO move near you just do your best to maintain your relationship w/ her & in an effort to avoid constant arguements tey n only be around her when hes NOT so you can renew your relationship w/ HER & not spend it arguing if shes not ready/willing to leave him- HOWEVER if the abuse is physical then ya by all means do whatever you can get her away from him!
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Well tell ur sister tht be honest
Um if that was me I would ignore the asshat of a husband and be around my sister and her kids
My sister hated my first husband. I hated her first husband. My sister and I had. A great relationship and didn’t have to deal with spouses.
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Fake happiness narcissist… I need just a dumb of context. I don’t do how to react until I taste the tea.
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I don’t like my brothers gf, there for I distanced myself from him. I will not allow her around my kids. I don’t know what it is about her. She has never done anything to me. When I see her, her aura is pure black like smut black. I literally hate this woman way more then the man that killed my best friend. If it came down to him or her, the gf would be gone 
. BUT I would never make my brother pick a side, I made the choice for him. He’s allowed around my kids but she is stuck up his ass 24/7 except while they are at work. He can’t even go to see his daughter with out this leach. 
It’s time to grow up and be an adult… You seriously sound like you’re still in high school… It’s not like they’re moving into your house.
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Wouldn’t you feel better having her near you at least even if he’s a d%^k seriously?
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Yes I’ve felt this way, about my sisters husband. I would never ever want my sister farther away tho because I wish I could be there to protect her (This is still going on for me and they do live in a different state) my sisters husband already broke her arm and I wasn’t there to protect her. I’ve been in those types of relationships before and I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy and i don’t know how someone wishes their family were farther away so they didn’t have to deal with it too. Your sister needs help and guidance. I usually try to be as nice as I can on these posts but wtf, seriously?? That’s your sister and you’re just being selfish.
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She is married to him not you. Can you not put on a ‘fake’ face for the sake of your sister and her kids? To me it seems you’re the one throwing away a mendable relationship.
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Why do you hate him? You need to be more specific.
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Stop pretending her husband is an obstacle. If she is so enmeshed and codependent that she is incapable of having any independence that’s on her. Don’t blame the husband for her attitudes and behaviors. If she wanted an active role in your life she would make that happen.
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I completely understand your feelings…
It’s hard to set boundaries with some, especially if they’re family. But, you/we may have to for like you said, “your peace, the peace of your immediate family.” And you will.
Has she ever said she was unhappy to you? Maybe she wants to be closer because she wants out? Its scary to strike out on your own after being with a narcissist, especially in a different state than your family.
Everyone is different but I would want my sister closer to me knowing she is with someone like that.
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I understand where you are coming from. When they’re far away it’s easy to just hang up the phone and get yourself involved. Once they’re close by it has a chance of involving you. Set boundaries right away. Your family and kids come first.
You choose to love your sister more. You choose to support her moving near you that way you can help.
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At least she would be closer if she’s needs your help. Just talk to her and tell her you don’t want him at your house and you’ll only hang out with her when he’s not around. Me at your place or in public.
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As someone who is alienated from their loved ones because of a painful narc relationship
Maybe your sister needs you. Maybe you could support her, without spending time with him.
If its hard for you, try asking her to not talk about her husband
But shes probably hurting and isolated enough and she probably needs you.
Narc abuse is so lonely
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Just do things together when he’s at work so you know you don’t have to see him. I didn’t like my sister’s husband for many years and then i was ok with him and now they are divorcing. I told my sister how i felt and then never said anything about it again and tried not to let it affect our relationship. It was hard at first but we grew close again.
You don’t miss your sister and her kids is you don’t want them closer. You can have a relationship with them and not have anything to do with her husband
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I was like that with my ex husband’s brother. He was awful and tried to come between us numerous times. I was over the moon when we left to move across the country. It definitely gave me some peace in myself but our relationship was no good either so eventually I just called it off and I’m now REALLY at peace.
If she moves close and they’re relationship is that awful you might be able to help her break free of it. Sometimes that’s what people need, is support to do so.
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I get it if you don’t like him but you don’t need to like him he isn’t your husband he is your sisters. So just play nice.
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Even if you hate him, why take it out on her???
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So while my sisters husband was drinking I absolutely hated being around him. To the point where I get like it was putting a strain on out relationships. Making me not want to be around him on holidays or any other time really. But I never turned my back on my sister or blamed her for his behavior. She is your sister and if he is as bad as you say he is she needs you in her life. I’m not saying surround yourself with them constantly but you should be there for her. Maybe them moving closer is a part of her plan to be able to finally start breaking away from him?
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Mar Supial I think you need to re read that post shes not pretending anything Top Fan she’s asking a question makes me wonder how you got top fan anything
I I I I I that’s all your post is. You don’t even say why you think hes a POS. Your sister loves you. Hes probably not thrilled to see you either
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Bloods thicker than water…that’s all. You are concerned more about your dislike for your BIL than you are having a relationship with your sister and in turn, the cousins getting to know and grow up with one another. You sound extremely selfish, but who am I to judge when the only thing I’ve been told is “He’s a POS” and you think that they “fake their love” for one another. 
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I feel this way about my friend and her trash of a human being partner. He’s absolute garbage and it’s annoying that her self worth is so little that she thinks he’s worth her time. The best thing you can do is just voice your concerns but be there for her when things start to go south and they will definitely go south…if they haven’t already.
Yeah, I can relate. Some of sisters have married some real POS and since then my sister and I weren’t like as we used to be. Advice is, just ignore them. Leave them be.
If you truly love your sister no matter how much you don’t like him you would accept the fact that HE IS HER HUSBAND and put your feelings aside because she is your sister and the mother of your nieces/nephews. I am sure she would do the same if roles were reversed. I understand you don’t like her husband but is it really worth loosing a relationship with your sister and nieces/nephews over.
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Mind your own. You don’t own where you live 
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Well, you didn’t marry him your sister did so if you can’t make plans with her while he’s working, then just chat with her on the phone and stay out of their lives.
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Sounds like you might just be jealous of their relationship
If you want a relationship with your sister, you’ll try to have a cordial relationship with her husband and respect their relationship, but sounds like you’ve made your choice. Just keep in mind your decision is also going to affect your kids and will make family gatherings difficult for everyone.
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Interesting that you refer to their “fake happiness” what makes you think they aren’t happy?
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You know this lady didn’t come on the site for people to question her opinion of her brother-in-law she came on to ask for help with a hard to deal with situation. Good grief!
Be thankful he is not your husband.