I do not feel like myself anymore: Advice?

I have two kids under the age of 5… I’m 20 & married. I’ve been in a funk and feel absolute not like myself anymore… I just need tips on finding myself again… I feel broken. I play and play and play with my kiddos, but as they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup… I don’t know what to do anymore…

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You need to take a day for yourself, girl. Just because you’re a mommy and wife doesn’t mean you have to stop being ‘you.’ Have hubby stay with the kids for a day and go do something for you.

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Highly recommend reading “burnout” by Emily and Amelia Nagowski. I started working out in august and it’s helped a lot with getting into a great personal headspace. I also started reading a lot more personal development type books.

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See a doctor ! Depression is not easy without help .

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You need some time for yourself momma. Even if its finding a gym after the babies go to bed. Thats my time… and it helps soooo much! If you ever need a friend you can add me!

You are only 20. How do you even know who you are as a person yet?

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Hugs to you mama. Parenting little ones is hard and I hope you find the help you need because you deserve it. Don’t give up- I wish I had the answers and the right words to say but I understand you and wish for good things to come your way. :heavy_heart_exclamation:

See your doctor if you can, I know thats not always possible (like with me). Make sure you’re open about it with your close support system. You have to tell someone or you’ll continue to feel drained.

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Give it to God He is the best at helping.

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Exercising has been a huge help for me. It’s time I put aside to take care of myself! Do you set aside time each day to take care of yourself?

Try Evening Primrose Gel capsules

You need a weekend of “Me time” the best medicine you can give yourself as a young momma.

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I know the feeling, I have three under six and along the way you lose yourself, just remember its okay to ask for a help and take time for yourself, my inbox is always open xx

Consult a doctor. Do somethjng you really enjoy doing or have a short break from the kids. Talk to your husband about what you’re going through, talk to your friends and family. Most moms can relate to that issue, I only have 1 kid but I sometimes feel that way. You’re not alone.

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Find a hobby that you like for yourself! That helped me a lot. I like to paint :slightly_smiling_face: You can message me if you need someone to talk to.

You won’t be the same you’ve been through a lot I feel like it’s been about finding a “new me” instead of trying to be who I was so much changes you once your a wife and a mom but figuring out what makes you feel happy and prioritizing yourself along with your husband and kids is important (something I’m still learning too) find something that’s yours, hobby or even having a girls night on Wednesday just something for you! Where the kids are being taken care of and you can breath.

It’s a lot to be a parent. I have three under five and two bonus kids. I also, have felt like I’ve lost myself. What I did was talk it out with family and some friends- most importantly my husband and started figuring out how I could take time for myself. Be it a pedicure once a month or going on a hike or even, talking it out with a therapist. I’ve found that even if it’s only a few hours away at a time, I eventually felt better and reconnected with myself in this new role that is so demanding of me, but rewarding nonetheless. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Well, of course. You went from being a child to being a parent. You have no personal identity. This is why it’s nice to finish developing before you jump into parenthood. Probably just need a therapist, and a break. Harder to do now with 2 kids, but not impossible. Don’t shrug this feeling off though. Pretty sure that doesn’t end well for anyone in this scenario. Good luck.

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You have got to set some time aside for you every night. I was a young mom of 2 at 21 and single. I did everything for my kids and with my kids. I had a few breakdowns over the years. If I had anything to tell myself or any mom, is to set a scheduled bedtime and set an hour to yourself every evening. Take a nice bath, drink a glass of wine, curl up and read a book, do you nails, anything. Just do it by yourself.

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I would talk with your doctor! This is how I felt and I started antidepressants and it’s much much better. :heartpulse:

I agree with setting time aside once a day, once a week or once a month or whatever for yourself. We change, grow and adapt as we get older or cricumstances change. Life happens. Unless you take care of you, you’re no good to anyone. If you have to, get a sitter for 1 night a week and do you. No need to always wait until they’re in bed. 1 day for you, one day for you n hubby.

I feel you girl, I’m 21 with an almost 5 year old and 2.5 year old and haven’t had any time for me in years. The only break I get is after they go to bed and I can clean the house in peace lol

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Therapy, take it from someone who poured for too long. Talking to someone and possibly medication just for awhile can help you reset

Let go of mom guilt if u need to plonk them in front of a TV or screen just to give urself a break do it. I put my youngest in the bath for 40 mins the other nyt to tire her out when id no energy left for playing :upside_down_face: dont be afraid to ask for help if u have support close by or at least reach out n chat to ppl here.

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You have to find something thats just for you. For me, it’s working out. You are not a bad mom/person for wanting to be selfish every once in awhile and decompress somehow.

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Let’s consider PPD , only yourself who can help you through it .

I get like this & I’m 42 with a 16, 7,6,4 & hubby. You need “ME” time! I hit the gym a minimum 5 days a week. I go on the days the kids are all in school or after dinner. Dad can put them to bed.
I know some people say they can’t afford it (my hubby says it all the time) It’s $24 a month. Do you drink? Smoke? Out to coffee? Yes, you can!
I tan (makes me feel better about myself), workout (Releases endorphins and dopamine), total body enhancement (light therapy great for winter months) & hydro massage (relaxation)!

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If you can put your little ones in day care that would help

You need to seek mental health help dear. Even just talk or group therapy is better then nothing. Have a support group. Talk to your family tell them what is going on.

You need a break. Talk to your spouse and let him know how you feel. Take a day off for yourself to do something that will make you feel better and feel like you’re still you. God bless :kissing_heart: :two_hearts:

Take a class in the arts. Block yourself off from the family & rediscover your creativity through writing, painting, sculpture, dance, music (singing, playing an instrument or listening and learning). Hire a babysitter or give the kids to a relative if you can’t rely on the hubs to watch the kids.

Keep a journal and see what you have to say to yourself.

Take any sort of academic class to reawaken your brain. There are open source free ones you can even take from Ivy League schools like Harvard, mostly for fun.

First thing you should do is consult a doctor, its pretty clear to me you may be suffering from depression and you need to get help … You cannot get good advice on a Facebook page you need medical help

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Do something for yourself. Fix your hair. But in some make up dress up like you use to. Sometimes when you look good you feel good. Even go out for a girls night once in a while.

If you don’t pour into yourself you can’t do it for your kids, find a hobby to do when they take a nap or go to sleep for the night…the ideas are limitless…read, paint, craft, take a bubble bath

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take a break let your husband watch them for awhile while you recharge and do something you love

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Does you hubby show you love? How long married?

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Go out and have a girls date at least once a week

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Do you work outside the home? Volunteer maybe? Just something to get away from the house for a few hrs a week might really lift your spirits.

Go take a hike!!! Seriously…

Remember to make time for yourself. Read a book, take a bath, anything you enjoy. Its ok to be selfish for a little bit. A happy you makes a much happier mommy and wife. Good luck

I’m right there with you. IT IS HARD. It’s also harder since we are in a pandemic. It’s easier said then done when someone says meet a friend for lunch, join mommy groups, talk to someone when you feel like you have no one. At night, start doing things you love. Read a book, take long hot baths, keep a journal, message a friend on Facebook if that’s easier, binge your favorite show. Its cold out (where I live) but go to a book store or any favorite store and just browse. Find a new hobby that you didn’t think of and if you have anyone close, let them hang at the house and help or drop the kids off even if it’s an hour. You need to decompress at the end of the day and get back into yourself even if it’s tiny steps.

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You need me time. I was just there and I’m slowly getting back to myself.

Find mommy friends, go for a walk with the kids, try spend time to urself…

you said what you need to do… fill your cup. no excuses. it’s that important.

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Its really oky to get a babysitter /granny/trustworthy friend/or husband and go and be 20(obviously in a responsible way) go to a festival and dance yourself silly or go to the salon get a new cut or something you find thrilling. Im 25 had my daughter at 21. Now that shes older i do go out and enjoy myself like a music festive when it was not lockdown.:woman_shrugging:

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It never ends love !!! U have to just get used to it in now nearly 52 and still trying to find myself , gets worse aswell as you get older an your kids get older let me tell you ! :pleading_face::worried:

I’d say look into meds but they didnt help me. Sure, everyone is different but antipsychotics are not for me.
BUT finding time for just me has helped. If dad wont help, find a sitter. Go do something for you, once a day, once a week or once a month, whatever you feel like you need. I havent had a chance to do anything for me outside of my home in so long I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I’m a stay at home mom of a 3 yr old and a 9 month old and nothing about it is easy. All day its play, feed, change, clean, laundry, play, play, feed, change, clean, play, etc… it’s a never ending cycle. Do yourself a favor and find a way to DO YOU! you and your children will thank you when you become a happier version of yourself

Be willing to say my tank is empty. I did this morning and it at least got my husband to get the kids involved in something away from me. I have 3 under 5

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What you are feeling is normal. Carve out a few quiet hours for yourself each week somehow, and try to remember that before long they will be engaged with friends, off on their own paths. You will “find yourself” once again one day… At least I did when my 4 kids no longer needed or wanted all of my time. As much possible relax & enjoy this time with the kiddos… you will regain your self, but these times when your kids are young can never be replaced…
Again, just a few hours alone each week can refresh & restore.
Good luck friend.

Do you do anything just for you? One night a week go take an art class or learn a new thing like pottery. Go out to lunch with friends your life has become all about your kids which is great but easy to lose ones own self. Must be some me time.

Your vit d might be low esp if you dont get outside much. …do you get any time for yourself ? Being a mom is awsome but, you need time for youself to regenerate, there is only so much barney an adult can tolerate.maybe if possible. Your s.o. can watch them for a while so you can do something you used to enjoy .you have a very demanding job .raising kids is not easy . you must take care of you too.

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Turn up the hip hop and do some dancing!

Time away from being mom doing something/things that you like!!! And no mom guilt!!! We All
Need it!!!

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I know the feeling. I had 3 kids 5 and under years ago. I had days I never knew up from down but I did it and I moved on. My worst moment; oldest wanted to go outside to play (we lived in FL and red ant hills all over the yard…so I always went out first to get rid of them all), 2-year old daughter being potty trained and a baby wanting to be nursed. All 4 of us, were in the bathroom and I just sat their and cried and asked myself ‘is it going to be this way everyday’? After that one day - I never cried again and moved on. My 3 kids are all in their 40’s now but I’m glad I had a ‘worst’ day and the common sense to move on.

There is a book “The Erotic Silence of the American Wife”… It talks about how, over time, American women lose themselves… They give and give, and do and do…over time becoming something, someone, other than their original selves. It is wise and insightful that you recognize that your cup is empty…that is step 1. Now, you have to rebuilt and replenish yourself, the same way you became depleted…one action, one moment, one d ay at a time. Give yourself permission to take care of you the way you take care of others… Practice forgiveness, and accept the process. Not every step will be in the forward direction. Reward progress. Keep a journal so when you feel discouraged, it will be easy to see how far you have come. This process…healing…rebirth will be good for your children to see…because one day, they may need to take similar steps.