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QUESTION:
"One of my siblings started seeing someone new. I've only met this person once. They moved in together. Cool, that's none of my business. Every year we have a big family Christmas get together. My sibling is bringing their new SO and the SO’s 12 year old. I’ve never met this child so I’ve been going off what everyone else has been telling me to get ideas to get this kid a gift (likes families my family has a huge gift exchange we all buy for everyone). Some other family members have already bought gifts and some are even personalized for this kid. Well, my sibling informed me that this no SO and their child will not be accepting gifts because “they don’t do that”. Oh, they celebrate Christmas, they just don’t exchange gifts. Awesome. But now, some of these gifts can’t be returned, some were actually expensive. Even still, how are we supposed to let this one child watch literally every other child there recieve gifts and not give this one a gift? Especially when gifts have been bought? I’m not sure what to do. Honestly, I’m buying one anyway. (My sibling begged me not to, which is extremely odd to me). I’m afraid I’ll make this child I don’t even know uncomfortable buy giving them a gift, multiple family members said they will be giving them the gifts they bought anyway. If it were me and my kid I’d wait to go or leave before hand. It’s a very uncomfortable situation. And honestly I don’t believe they should be putting any of us in this situation. Before you guys jump in and say they have a right to believe what they want, I know they do. So do we. But I’d never single out a child that way. It’s like some evil form of punishment. I do know that some people had bought gifts for the new SO and have said they won’t return them. I however have not yet and will not be…not for the SO. But a kid? What would you do? Single this kid out by not giving them a gift? Or give them one and risk making them uncomfortable? Or having the new SO get mad that you did? I don’t want to cause drama, but I feel like they’ve started this."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"That’s a very odd situation… personally I’m like you & would still give the child a gift. I feel like it would be very awkward to have them watch everyone else and have nothing. So, I would give it to him/her, & afterwards I would tell the mom that you know it’s something that they dont do, but most of the gifts were already purchased before finding that out so you apologize if you made them upset or anything."
"Save it for a Birthday or donate them. It’s not that difficult. Not everyone celebrates."
"Wrap it in non Christmas decor and give anyways as a “Hi, nice to meet ya” gift, then for every gift giving holiday your new tradition can be a gift for “So happy to see you again”"
"Maybe don’t wrap it and just say I think you’d like this, if you mother doesn’t mind…"
"Does your sibling buy for all the kids in the family? Maybe they feel if they accept the gifts they need to buy for everyone. I personally would take the gifts to Christmas and give them to the child’s mom let her know how much your family enjoys giving. When my husband and I got together my son was 5 I felt awful letting him accept gifts from my husbands family because there was no way I could return equal gifts (I was a single mom before)."
"Wrap the new kids gifts in birthday paper and apologize for missing his birthday lol"
"They might not be able to afford everyone gifts, so they don’t accept any in return"
"So maybe their religious or personal beliefs come into play here. I grew up with a good friend who was Jehovahs Witness, so no birthday parties presents Christmas etc. So we would just have a day once a year we would all go to this diner behind our school and have a friendship gift exchange. Maybe ask the why behind it? A welcome to the family gift or hey I saw this and thought of you gift was okay with my friends parents."
"At 12 the child probably has a bigger understanding, or at least the capacity to understand, that y’all what them to feel included. They are probably fully aware of why their family and father don’t do gifts. Obviously personalized things will be a different situation but if the child doesn’t want to accept the gifts, simply encourage them to participate in the unwrapping so they aren’t left out but that they are welcome to donate the gifts to a local shelter, foster system or other program for less fortunate children."
"If they don’t exchange gifts for Christmas, than make the gifts a “welcome to the family” gift"
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