My child’s father and I split up a few months ago and things were very hard he wouldn’t work with me on anything only against me. He used to let me call my daughter every night to say goodnight or ask how her night was the days she was with him since I agreed to 50 50 custody with out court but than he stopped letting me call her etc. I have never refused any phone calls of his to her and still don’t he has recently got a girlfriend within the last month and decided that he’s too busy with “work” that he can’t do 50 50 anymore I’m fine with it because more time for me I just wish he wanted the same. Since he brought his girlfriend around my daughter last week and didn’t tell me until after she was around her even though we had an agreement to meet someone if they were going to be around our child this was last Thursday she met my daughter And has only been around her 2 times and last night I found out my daughter was going to sleep at this girls house where idk where it is or anything at all so he’s jumping into his hard what do you think I should do? I get I don’t have a say when she’s with dad but I’m not comfortable with my daughter sleeping at this girls house when she barely knows her she’s only 3 and what if she doesn’t feel comfortable to ask to go to the bathroom or something or since she has a big dog at home she plays with what if this girls dog doesn’t like that she can play with my dog comfortable and gets bit etc
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't feel comfortable with my kid being around my ex's new girl
I’ve been a step mom to the most perfect little man for 6 years. I got with his dad when he was 6 about to be 7 months old and I told his dad I refused to be around his baby until after I met his sons mother. To me it’s a respect thing, if you are brave enough to step into a parenting role you need to be brave enough to meet the other half of this child. Maybe reach out to her directly and see if you can have a one-on-one meet with her so you can start establishing a coparenting relationship with the person who’s going to be around your daughter.
You have the right to know where your child is but put some trust in her father. Yes it would be respectful to have a meeting with her if she’ll be spending significant time with her especially if it’s in a babysitting capacity. But they by no means have to. If you force the issue you’ll come off as a control freak and the new squeeze will want to keep you at arm’s length which will keep you from building any kind of trust there. It could be that it’s a very new relationship and introducing a seemingly controlling baby mama will add a layer of drama that a new relationship can’t survive. Let your desires be known, ask you at least know where your kid is, and then let it be. Your kid will be just fine.
I have been in this exact situation my ex and I have been split coming on 4 years and still don’t have custody orders in place! You obviously trust him enough to do it without court so you should trust enough that he would look out for your daughter! When this happened (it was a couple of months after separation and he was with her less than a month) with me I spoke to him and asked questions until I felt ok and he even let me meet her briefly when I dropped off the kids because he knew it was concern for the kids not jealousy! I think the most important thing to remember is dads love their kids just as much as mothers do! Just like I would give my life for my kids I know their dad would do the same! New partners are always tricky and always cause some anxiety in us! You just need to ask yourself if you trust him enough to protect her which you must since you have agreed to custody!
Also all this talk about withholding until court orders is just gonna make things messy (not saying not to get proper arrangements in place just saying no need to withhold until then) and once you have them in place it isn’t gonna change situations like this because he will have the right on his time to do or stay wherever he likes so that won’t solve anything!
It’s kind of alarming how many of you would let your child sleep at an undisclosed location with someone you don’t know…go to court and get a set schedule with set boundaries. If not that meet the girlfriend and make sure her house is safe for your child.
3 years old is way too young to sleep over at anyone’s house not your immediate family. Hard no.
You need to be a responsible grown up. You set boundaries and expectations. You meet the new GF. Get things set up legally and written out. Your ex sounds like an idiot without the sense he needs to co-parent a vulnerable toddler.
Is her Dad staying there too. ? If so , if you trust him to have your daughter, then ssssshhh.
I usually never comment on these but as a mom, go with your gut. Don’t let your daughter become a statistic, first your ex brings her the new girlfriend house, then he leaves the new gf to babysit and next thing you know your daughter is dead… I swear I’m not being harsh or morbid… But it’s on the news all the time… Parent leaves child with new boyfriend/girlfriend and child ends up deceased at their hands. From one mother to another, go to court and get visitation change, for her safety and your peace of mind
Hardest fact to swallow when you split with a kid…you don’t have control. I wish I had advice to make it easier, but there is none. Unless during the time she spends there, you can prove harm or neglect, her daddy has the right to move on with his life, and that includes during the times he has your daughter. The same will be true when you eventually bring a man into the situation. It will be just as hard for daddy to accept. This is in no way a bash, but a hard realistic truth about splitting up with kids. And imagine how much harder it is for your daughter. For her sake, unless you know she is being harmed, you need to encourage her to spend happy times with her dad, and be supportive of the woman who will be in your daughters life. To do otherwise, is cruel to your child
If it’s not in the court visitation order you have no legal right to anything. He us not legally obligated to anything that is not completely spelled out in a court order. If it’s not working for the child go back to court
Document everything, and talk to a lawyer, maybe going back to court might be best
You don’t say if you were married to your child’s father. That is an important part of the equation. In some states (Oklahoma, for example), if the parents were not married at the time of the birth, NEITHER ONE is presumed to have custody - the STATE actually has custody. That said, you DO need to get legal paperwork delineating custody, visitation, guardianship, etc. The fact that he is leaving your child at a “stranger’s” house where you have no address, phone #, etc., is a very big red flag. Especially with a “big” dog. Dogs, although loveable and friendly, can turn in a second and do a lot of damage to a small child. Not the dog’s fault, but - that dog WILL be taken and put down. Something to think about.
She’s only 3. I’m not letting people I hardly know in charge of my child. Mom you do you. All these people using the relationship as an excuse is why these children have bad things happen to them sometimes, you are the mom, the protector of this child. To me there is no such thing as over protective. Especially at 3, this baby can’t even tell you if something is going on.
I see a lot of people commenting about jealousy… Which I didn’t get that was the case from this post. I understand that happens a lot but in this case it doesn’t seem that way. Anyways, it comes down to what’s best for your daughter. You have every right to know who is going to be around your child and where they are going to be. There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet the person who is going to be spending time with her. I would definitely try to reach out to her and see if she’s open to meeting you. If she truly wants to be with ur ex than I would think she would want to meet you as well since you’re going to be in his life regardless bc you share a child together. If she doesn’t want to meet and if ur ex is not willing to at least give you an address on where your daughter would be, I would look into going to court and getting everything set in stone about visitation and such. If he gives you an address I agree with whoever commented about not doing drive bys or anything like that. You only need the address for peace of mind or an emergency.
I had strict guidelines put in my agreement regarding felons, persons involved in criminal activity, adults sleeping over, etc. She already violated the agreement so i kept my daughter and left it up to her to take me to court. She has since gotten a felony because after we split, she decided her running around was priority. That was almost a year ago… And that’s exactly why i had specific rules put in. I will do anything to protect the innocence of my daughter! Take him and get specific conditions put in. You will thank me in the long run…
I’m going through this right now, it’s hard when he is doing it behind your back but maybe try ringing or asking if you can meet and talk to him about your concerns. My ex texted me late on a night to ask if his new girlfriend could meet our kids, I called him and told him before that happened I had to meet her first so we could all get on the same page, as difficult as it is you might feel better once you have expressed how you feel, unfortunately it sounds like he is going to do whatever he wants but you might be surprised how she reacts, I certainly was, my exs new girlfriend was way more communicative then he was. All that matters is that your child is comfortable in the new situation and that falls on you and him, but you can still have your concerns, just let him know how you are feeling.
This sounds like you have unresolved issues you need to leave it alone
I’ll bet 100$ it has everything to do with the new girlfriend and nothing to do with the kid
By the way he doesn’t have to approve who is around his kid! It’s a child not nuclear reactor needing clearance from the safety team!
Stop micromanaging and bet you your child and his life will be better
I’ve been through this. He is not allowed to prevent one phone call per day. Otherwise; he is allowed to take his child anywhere that is safe to him, around anyone he wants, as long as the child isn’t harmed. Meaning, if he took her to a strip club, that would be illegal, but if he wants to take her to your worst enemies house, as long as she isn’t harmed, it’s fine. There is truly nothing you can do, so my best advice is just learn how to deal with it emotionally. Your kid will figure things out as she grows up, as long as you don’t use her safety, her person, or her relationship with her dad as a chess piece, to “win”. My kids were never prevented from being with their fathers. While I never lied to them about things, I also made sure they understood that they had to follow the rules at their dads’ houses, along with the other people who lived there, as long as they were safe. There were plenty of things they didn’t like, but didn’t hurt them. On the one occasion that one of my children was harmed, we dealt with it through legal channels. My kids are now adults and they know who their fathers are. One has no relationship with their dad, the other has a very infrequent relationship with their dad, because they both realized who they really were, without me having to say anything damning about them or preventing them from being around them. This is what happens when you make new people with another person. You have to deal with them for the rest of your life, and all the choices they make. You’re going to have to get some counseling and figure out how to handle it without damaging yourself or your child, because it sucks, 99% of the time, unless you’re one of the separated couples who really get along.
You have no control who he spends time with when it’s his custody time. The only thing I would ask for, and possibly demand, is the address where she is spending the night in case of an emergency. That’s it. Don’t cruise by the address either. Emergency only. You do have a right to know your child’s location.
First go to court and let the judge decide…since emotions are involved with parents (ALWAYS) But honestly as long as she’s safe, the judge will tell you that… he he do whatever he eases with his child during his parenting ting time. It I’d absolutely none of the other parents business. Unless it is a dangerous person, you cannot dictate who he brings your child around. These are those put on your big girl panties, and feel secure with your child being around another woman.
For starters she is just his new gf not new wife, the child should not be staying at someone else’s house without parents agreeing or even knowing wer she is. I will never let my child sleep at my ex partners gf house.
The dad can stay at his girlfriend’s house with your daughter if he wants. Hopefully he wouldn’t put her in a dangerous or inappropriate situation. That being said, you have the right to request this person’s address and definitely to meet her. Have an age appropriate conversation with your daughter about strangers and about her body (make sure she knows proper body parts, etc.). Unfortunately all you can do if try to trust her dad’s parenting and judgment and teach your child how to protect herself and that she can always tell you if something is wrong.
Get a court order in place to protect your child. Specify your reasons for needing to know where your daughter is while in her fathers care. Get a lawyer or legal aid to guide you but you cannot let this slide. I let my ex do this and now his new woman has control over MY DAUGHTER!
She calls the shots on a child that isnt hers because my ex rolls over in her dominance… Do what is best for your child!
Go to court. I have a family member that has 50/50 custody. It says right in there paper work that there children can’t be around new relationship without them being together for at least 3 months to even meet the children and 6 months before a sleep over. And the other person has to meet new person before it happens.
Are you jealous he has a girlfriend… wouldnt u rather be greatful that the gf is allowing the little girl in her life…???
During the early stages of my divorce, it was in the court order as part of the custody that we weren’t allowed to have new significant others around the children. You can try to have a conversation with him and be as civil as possible, but unless you’re willing to go the route of filing a motion to amend the current custody order, there really isn’t much you can do. Staying at the girlfriend’s house however is something I wouldn’t take lightly if you do not know where she lives or anything about this woman.
Go to court and also have them let you get acquainted with his girlfriend and also if you have a boy friend! The child is only 3and cannot speak for herself! Maybe just have dad do day visits only no over nights until the child is older and can talk for herself!
I’d be making sure dad was there with her or no way especially while this lockdown crap at age of 3 ask him to put shoe on other foot
What your child’s father does with her in his care unfortunately is not your problem anymore. It takes some time to get used to this fact. I am sure you would be all up in arms it he dared question what she does with you… it’s a two way street. If he is a loving father, you really have no say. Your say isn’t more important than his and it took me awhile to realise this in my own setting.
Since it was not in court, and that he does not have time to take care of her that time, only leave her with her girlfriend , I would simply tell him, well I ll give you your daughter when you can take care of her and have time for her
You have a right to know the address and living conditions of the home she is in. You have a right to know who this person is. Otherwise attempt to work with him but lay that down first. You have these rights just as he would you in a similar situation if you decided to find someone else. There needs to be some rules in place that unfortunately without a court order is difficult to define and enforce.
If he’s not doing 50/50 go to court and get that amended. It sounds a little like jealousy. In his custody he’s responsible for your daughters health. Unless there’s a clause on your custody agreement there’s nothing you can do to make him do anything in regards to how he goes about his love life. If you’re so concern hire a private investigator to look into this new girlfriend of his and if you find anything go to court and talk to a judge about supervised visitations. How fast he’s moving is no longer your concern, in regards to the calls go to court and have mandatory phones added if possible other wise seems like you just want constant contact with your ex. If you’re suffering from separation anxiety discuss it with your doctor or talk to a therapist, you got this.
You can’t just trust anyone with your child. Do not let her sleep in a stranger’s house, esp you don’t even know who the new girlfriend is and how she behaves. Being pessimistic about what might happen is better than regretting not trusting your gut to save your child.
You two agreed to 50/50 split and now he’s not upholding his part of the deal. It’s time to document when he has her to change the custody split it only fair. As far as the girlfriend unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it as long as your child is in a safe environment. I had a clause put in that my ex and I cannot move away further than a 3 town radius of each other. This is for our kid to stay in the same school and not have to commute far for school. If your ex or yourself decides to move in with a new relationship.
I was like that with my ex husband. His girlfriend ended up seeing my texts, waited until he want to sleep and called me. I felt so much better after that. You may not have much control right now but continue to do what you feel is right for your daughter. Always ask yourself if this is exclusively about your daughter and if it is you never stop doing what is right for her because at the end of the day you are the one that will have to live with your decisions. I was an “easy” co parenting partner but when my boys lost their dad last year I was overcame with guilt that I could have done more. Even though they spent almost an entire month with him before he died it still effects to this day.
You have no say on who she sees ect when your child is with him, but you do have the right to know where she will be staying, address, phone numbers ect in case of an emergency.
Why did you choose to have a baby with a man that can’t provide for her then? You trusted him enough to lay down and create a human with him but now you don’t trust his decisions to do what’s best for his child?
Unfortunately, there isn’t really anything you can do about it. Do you trust her father with her? Do you have concerns of abuse etc? Will her father be staying with her at the girlfriends house or is he leaving her with the girlfriend? The reality is that if this was in court, chances are, you would be told that it’s the father’s time and he can go where he wants and do what he wants with her during his time. Please don’t misunderstood, I would be extremely uncomfortable in this situation. As parents, we want to know where our children are, who they are with when they aren’t with us and we want to know the people they are with is safe. What socks most about court is they take pretty much everything that is natural to us as parents and tell us that we can’t control those situations. In a normal situation, those are the exact things we would be monitoring closely and ensuring safety. My main advice would be too seek legal advice. See what you can and can’t do. Since you don’t have court orders, you do have the option of withholding and initiating either mediation or court however without concerns of abuse, neglect etc. You may suffer consequences for withholding. The first thing I would be doing is sending an email or text (whatever it is, make sure it’s in writing), to your ex, expressing your concerns and try to reach an agreement. Let him know that you would like to meet the partner prior to your daughter staying overnight etc. If no response or he tries to argue. Seek legal advice, initiate mediation. Make sure withholding is your last course of action. Not your first.
Technically, without a court agreement, there is no rule that you don’t get to have a say in who your child meets while with her father. And if this was a prearranged agreement between the two of you and he went and changed it without your permission, then you have every right to be upset. What you don’t have is legal recourse. I would make it clear to your ex that this is not okay with you and that if he can’t stick to your original agreement you will have to settle things in court. If he doesn’t want to have to pay the legal fees, he’ll straighten out.
I went years doing this with my oldest because it always caused him stress and anxiety when I called and he got 20 questions on what we would talk about or it would be on speaker phone. I ended up having to get him his own cell phone and it still wasn’t ever easy to talk to him while he was at his father’s. His father has barely in the picture now that my son lives back with me and has for almost 2yrs. He is 17 so it’s easier to communicate with him now that he lives with me but i wish i hadn’t waited as long as I did to put a stop to the toxic controlling ways! Don’t put up with it! Go thru the courts for custody so he can’t back out on agreements.
Had the same situation 100% except a few different factors… he has since withheld him, placed an AVO against me & refuses all contact for my older boys & myself…
Definitely advise having something legal in place…
It’s actually called stranger danger,you don’t know her and it’s your job to protect your child,go with your gut instincts,it’s not something you’re going to forgive yourself for or your ex,if something is amiss
I see where your coming from and your concerns he needs to have open communication with you and be consistent with his daughter. There needs to be communication but at the same time you have no control over what he does with his daughter in his time too. It’s a tricky situation.
Even in the best circumstances, these types of arrangements should be handled by the courts. It doesn’t mean you hate each other, it just means you don’t have to deal with this bs down the line.
There’s really not much you can to stop your child from being around her unless she’s abusive. I recommend talking to an attorney. My child has had to meet numerous girlfriends and for the sake of the child it’s just best to find a way to all get along.
Be thankful he is in your daughters life IF he is a good dad!
Get custody in writing with court, you both can agree to terms but get it on record.
Ask to meet new girlfriend and be open minded, kids can’t have enough people to love them in these crazy times.
Prayers!
Go to court and get everything on paper. This is a very important thing to do even if your on good terms, probably best time to do it, it gets things communicated with a clear head and it’s something to fall back on when things aren’t great
I don’t understand why parents think it’s ok or healthy to have their new partners around their kids so soon! People need to wait at least 6 months before introducing them to their kids! My kid’s dad hasn’t seen his kids in over two months cuz he refuses to respect my boundary of no more women around them unless 6 months or longer! Only cuz he’s a narcissist and has a new girlfriend literally every 3 months and instantly has them around or 3 young daughters! Makes me sick!
It’s time to get an attorney, to take care of a 50-50 thing you got going on. It don’t work that way. That spending the night is way too young for her. It’s time to get this legalized. It’s for your interest & for your daughter’s health as well. God Bless. 
50-50 custody without court involvement and she is 3? Now is the time to involve the court and establish rules and expectations that you both are agreeable to!
Actually I would of thought u do have a say when shes with her dad and he to would also have his say when u have her especially with her being so young,hope u get it sorted xx
If you dont have custody paperwork, you dont have to let him have her. But realize same with him, if he has her he doesn’t have to bring her back either. Best to get it all down in the courts.
I did t go thought the court and I regret it. Go to court and get an order to hammer out custody and to get child support. Put in there what you want about so’s but just remember you will meet someone and be on the other side of it some day.
I hope the DAD gets to put the same stipulations when the MOM decides to date again.
A custody agreement as far as I know legally can only happen through court. Same with it changing. You can’t just have 50-50 and then one side be like yeah sorry not doing that anymore, you have to go through the court to change that. Even if you both agree to it, court still needs to know of the change. They also may have a different opinion and may object to the change. So while you’re calling up your lawyer about the custody change while looking up this woman’s name in the states circuit court, you can also inform them of your worry for her father bringing her around a stranger and having her stay over at her house without giving you, the mother, the proper location and contact information as well as meeting said person. What if an emergency happened or what if she turned out to be a crackhead that hung out with predators? It should be in your custody agreement that the parents need to tell one another when and where they’re taking their kid and that you reserve the right to know especially when requested.
Get a separation agreement and court ordered visitation agreement. You have no control on anything if there is no court ordered agreement!
Been in this situation. Co-parenting is hard enough, and it gets even harder when one of the parents gets a new partner. Recommend you get something in writing or see a lawyer. End of the day, should shit hit the fan, you need something legal on paper.
You do have a say… no overnight visitors when he has her but it goes both ways
At this point you need to get the court involved if you want to be strict about where you daughter is and who she meets
Honestly call your local courthouse, nothing can be done unless you have paperwork.
Say dad comes to pick her up, he legally doesn’t have to return her because she is as much his daughter and she is yours, I know hard to hear, however each parent needs to work on this amicably, do not WITH HOLD your child from her father,you may not like his choice of who he is with however that is NONE of your business UNLESS you can prove WHY his new gf is not to be around your child, you could go to a friend’s with a dog large or small and she could get bit as well, I’m a mother of three and I’ve been through all of this, and the best advice I can give you is “Do NOT with hold her, from her father it will only backfire in the end”
Get your custody order in place. You can have it ordered that your ex have no over night, unrelated females. Of course this will apply to you as well with boyfriends. Enforcing it will be tricky, but it will be in place.
Court will become involved if needed. Parents need to remember the child is not a weapon to be used against the other parent
Unfortunately you have no say, you can ask for the address however he doesn’t need to give it as the child will be in his care, courts don’t generally put these stipulations in either, the only way it happens is if both parties agree, yes it sucks yes you have valid concerns I totally get it, this was me last year expect my ex went about it the wrong way, however him an I had split may last year by August he basically moved in with his now fiance, by late November they welcomed their son an are getting married next year I didnt get to met her until after they moved in together, trust me I had steam and flames coming out my ears however she is amazing with our kids we are a huge blended family she isn’t a step mom she is our kids bonus mum, and she made me their sons bonus son, not all girlfriends are bad
It’s time to get legal council and get everything on paper through the courts. It protects your wants and his. Be fair, realize you aren’t going to agree on everything but compromise and you should be able to work something out to file.
Track his cell phone and see where he goes.
Remember this…not all sex offenders are men. Google Vanessa George. Then tell me this mum should let partners girlfriend be allowed to have her young daughter overnight when there’s been no checks.
That’s exactly why you’re supposed to go through the court. These toxic people cannot be trusted.
So just curious, when the roles are reversed and its the mum having a new bloke around does the morality still apply? Should the new dude be meeting the father of the kids first before hanging around them since the father has no idea who this guy is, and the odds of a male being bad for the kid is probably higher than a female. But yeah, how does it work? Cause I got made feel like scum for being upset about these kinds of things and told its none of my business.
Time to talk to your lawyer and do not let ex have the child until things are totally worked out
Sounds like a bitter bm the probably introduced her kid to every just in her inbox but the moment her ex moved on its an issue grow up if your kid doesn’t complain or isn’t getting mistreated be happy stop being jealous
I would check this with the courts or talk to a lawyer - u need to know your rights - dont sit back do something about it
A sleep over at the age of 3?
I would make it easier to go to court and get everything set in stone. Just cos he’s dating doesn’t mean to say its right to introduce new gf so soon. Not thinking if his daughters feelings.
Trust a man you once loved and keep the kids out of it
Keep her home with you and get a custody order before this gets out of hand.
No no no!!! You DO HAVE A SAY!!! Girl must stay with father - not with sone unfamiliar woman. Just no
You don’t have control over who your kids are around during his time with them unless you can prove abuse. Unless there are marks on their bodies, it will be very difficult. You’re probably just gonna have to adjust to the new normal.
Sounds like over reach to me. As a relationship dissolves it’s only natural for both parties to move on and find somebody new. He’s moved on you sound like you haven’t. Would he be able to go to court when you find somebody and they start staying with you/they stay with you? Regardless when the father has his child the legal status that you need to know is a phone number to contact him in the event of an emergency. Whom he’s with, his whereabouts (unless out of state that requires permission), and what they are doing isn’t the concern of the other party as long as the child is safe, healthy, and being taken care of.
If this is a situation that makes you uncomfortable, you need to take it to court. It is obvious he will not work with anything that is not in writing and legally bound. All boundaries that you wish to set should be in your legal custody paperwork
Just observe for how months by asking ur daughter how her stepmom is u cant take any action before something happens
Can someone explain me what exactly is the relationship between these concerned parties?
It depends on the state. Because I know in my state, courts will not issue any kind of agreement saying they are not allowed around the other person unless you have a REASON, ie the person has a criminal record or something.
Just wanting them not around because it’s your exes new girlfriend isn’t going to be viable reason.
It’s not your business I’m afraid if she’s there.Obviously having 50/50 custody means he is as responsible as you regards her well being therefore able to judge alone where she is or is not safe.If they are concerns afterwards by all means talk but right now it’s his call.
Well if you go to court you’ll most likely get custody since you are the mom. Not sure how dad got custody
You do have a say when she’s with dad because that is also your daughter. Document all good and bad and take it to court. He needs to be very aware of how uncomfortable he’s making you with your kid. He wants more time with his new gf? Ok bye. Wants to not talk to you unless it involves the kid? Ok. Good. He wants her to spend the night at someone’s house? You need to know what’s up just in case something does happen and he can’t get to her but you can… Yeah. I would take it to court. Ef the b.s.
Court darling. Even the best coparents suggest having a court order in place. That way everyone is protected. You him and your daughter. It doesn’t have to be head butting, it doesn’t have to be a judge. You can go for mediation and work it all out then you have paper proof and if he’s not holding up his end then he can get in trouble. Its all about the kids if he has an issue with your boyfriend he’d be well within his rights to question it.
First I’d find out what kind of person his partner is. It’s a possibility that she’s harmless. It’s also a possibility that, if they just met and he’s leaving YOUR kid with her, she’s as pissed as you are.
Making arrangements to meet a new bf/gf before the child does, really doesn’t mean anything. They can say it matters all they want, but it doesn’t. That and he has probably known this chick a lot longer than letting on, so it really isn’t a strangers house the kid is going to
You don’t have a choice unfortunately. Get to be friends with her.
she shouldn’t be sleeping anywhere you dont consent you should both be discussing this as parents and if he won’t work with you take your daughter away from his dumb ass I bet he starts working with you real quick
I feel for your situation. My ex was a drunk and he still got my son 2 days a week. One night he was driving around drunk and called me saying you don’t know where we are, as if teasing me. It was the worst night of my life. Fortunately, he crashed at a mutual friends house. I immediately went down to the court. No lawyer, and amended the court order. He had a history of DWI’s and in fact he was in an orange jumpsuit when he showed up. He would have to go through drug and alcohol counseling and petition the court to get visitation. He never did. Kept ended up in jail. Didn’t know where he was and my current husband finally adopted him many years later. It was so hard at the time, but he’s gone from my life forever! And that’s all I wanted as he was so abusive. My point is, you have to go to court. Lawyer or not. Do the research yourself. I feel so sad you are in this situation 
Until it is made official in court then you do have a choice of where she goes and when
If you want rules in the custody you will have to get them from a judge!! It’s hard to have another woman around your child but unless there are any situations that need to be addressed, I would let it play out. You can sometimes make a mountain out of a molehill. Just be sure to keep the communication open!!
You don’t have control over what he does when he has custody. That is a fact of life that you are going to have to get used to.
Your only option is to file for 100% custody.
Helping a mama out:
Gotta let dad be a parent.
I am separated from my mother’s daughter. And like you we agreed 50 50 no court. But she kept me off the birth certificate since she was born. I was in same room they did it when I fell asleep. I filed to get my rights and my name on the ticket. She wasn’t happy. What pushed me to do this was she wasn’t being 50 50. Not telling the dr appointments not bring her to see her other family. She didn’t want another man around her nor did she want another mom around. But she defied and contradicted everything engaged to a tranny whom my daughter calls dad. It’s not an easy situation. But I have another child with my wife . So it’s not eary being where I need . Best option is that you may just go to court. It’s not ok for your kid to be in a stranger’s house at an undisclosed location.
Go to court and get orders in place that are specific. Otherwise you can’t do anything.