I don't know what I should do about this parenting issue with my childs father: Advice?

My son’s dad & I broke up when I was almost seven months that pregnant. I told him from the start I didn’t want any of his money etc. I just wanted him to either be in his life as an actual father or not be in his life overall. He decides to be in his life. Well fast forward to almost two years & I have had to take him over his city (we live in different cities 45 mins away) if not he doesn’t see him. I got fed up about it & Haven taken to him since October & has he asked about him? No. Has he texted me to see how he’s doing? No, has he called? No. Has he said, "Hey, let me go pick him up? Nothing. He’s not in his birth certificate, so it’d be very easy for me, but I had made a promise to his parents that I would allow them to see him, etc. I would tell them that they are more than welcomed to visit him etc. here where I live but that he’s not allowed to go over there. His sister is mad at me now, but it’s gotten to a point where I just simply don’t care what they think.


His relationship with his child is HIS responsibility, not yours. His family having a relationship with his child is also HIS responsibility, not yours.


Just say fuck them all if they can’t come to you then ohh well you don’t want to see him that bad

Why can’t he go to grandma and grandpa’s house? If they want to come get and bring back…If his dad is there fine if not they can explain why ? Also he will not be able to say you kept him from his child .

Its not your responsibility to make sure he has a relationship with his kid.


You’re doing the right thing, if they tryely want to see him, they will come to you.

Just leave your door open.

If their willing to transport why cant they pick up your son for a few hours?? Or for the night? His father may not care to make time but you can never have enough people to love you!!! Dont make your son suffer because your bitter.

As far as dad. His loss. But dont take the rest of the family away from him.


Sometimes the family ur born into is better then your parent! Put 1/3 the effort into spending time with him family that you put in trying to keep daddy involved. I bet it will work out and your son will have more great grandparents and aunt

I had this same issue and my son is now 7 and his dad is not in his life at all! When i stopped making the effort we never heard from him again. His family never reached out either. I get nothing from him and that’s my choice. I refuse to ask anyone if they wanna see my child it’s not my responsibility! My now husband has been in my sons life since he was one and that’s who he considers dad! We are happy and my son is happy and that’s what matters! Sometimes things happen for a reason!

my children’s grandmother was great even though dad never did much treat them as the individuals as they are they didn’t do anything HE did. If they are willing to come get him and bring him back it’s only fair you give it a try. I never kept my kids from their father he did what he did. as long as I knew they were safe I was ok with that too.

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All you can do is keep the door open. You don’t have to take him to his family or his house. As long as the door is always open for them to come see him, that’s all that matters. You can’t do anymore than that.


I’d let the grandparents take him for the night. Their his family too

Dont worry about them.

I think the heck with them if they can’t put out the effort to come see him! Why should you always have to make the drive? Where is the compromise there?
Be polite, answer their questions about him, send pictures, but don’t always be the one having to make the drive.

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Its not your responsibility to make sure the father or his side of the family is involved in your childs life. Thats on them to make it happen, it’s their job to reach out to you and to come to the child. Sure bring him to them if they ask and you don’t mind…working together only benefits the child. However if they only see your kid when you reach out and ask if they want to then just stop asking. If they want to be involved they will be. Its that simple. I had that same issue with my daughters father and his family. He never asked to see her. I wanted her to know her dad so for 3ish years i made it happen by asking her dad to come see her or bringing her to him… Shes 11 now and he still has never reached out to me first to ask how she is or ask to see her. I stopped being the one to reach out and i didnt hear from her dad or his family for years :expressionless:

I have gone through this over and over again for 10 years, I went above and beyond to make sure my son saw his father and his family. The older my son got the harder it was on him so in turn it was hard on me. Nobody else! I always covered for his dad when he promised to be there but never showed. One day as my son cried to me asking why his daddy doesn’t love him I finally quit taking the blame. To better both of our lives we moved to another state. We’ve been here over a year and he has talked to his father maybe a handful of times on Xbox. I bought him a cell phone when we moved so he could keep in contact with everyone back home, there is no reason they cannot call or text back and forth. My son is 10 and he is at the point where he doesn’t even try anymore, and I don’t blame him. He tells me he’s sick of worrying about someone that doesn’t worry about him. From my experience, my advice to you is to just love your child extra hard. Sometimes mommy has to be mommy and daddy, it’s terrible sometimes but at the end of the night you know you did your very best. I love my sons father for giving me an amazing child and one day he will understand when and why he lost his relationship with his son.


You do not have to bring him anywhere. I agree with leaving your door open to anyone who wishes to seeing him - maybe allow the grandparents to take him for the afternoon to the park, zoo, etc. something like that, I know others said for the night, but it sounds like he’s maybe 2? I get feeling weird about that he’s still a bit young, but be open to it in the future if they are good with visiting often enough for him to be really comfortable with it. It’s not his fault or the grandparents fault the Dad is being a jerk. He may be able to have a good relationship with them.

Why does the sister and grandparents have to suffer just because he is a shit dad.
If they willing and not a danger to my children in any way I’d allow them To take the child. Even if he can’t habe a great dad he can build wonderful relationships with his family and give you a much needed break.

Honestly it isnt about you, his father, or about the 45 min drive. What matters is that this child has his parents. The he ain’t doing this so I’m not doing that is childish and frankly should be stopped when you decide to make a baby. You want gas money for the trip then file for support and speak up. Say meet me half way or I bring to you and you bring home. Instead of just stopping all together and screwing with the kid…actually be an adult.

Sounds like you already have your mind made up.

Why cant his parents or sister see him especially if they will pick him up that s just petty


Sorry about your child and yourself
You do what is best for you both

If they want to see him they can come get him even 

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Take him to court. Get child support and a detailed visitation order.

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We’re starting to have to address this on my husbands side. They’re fairly absent unless they’re telling us someone is sick or has died. We’ve decided to step back a bit.

If your child’s relatives want to see him, they’ll make an effort or they won’t. Its not your responsibility to be the only one maintaining a relationship.


There’s a difference between allowing him to see the kid and just literally doing everything for him. It’s HIS responsibility to foster his own relationship with his kid. Not yours.


If the child is not allowed at their home simply because you don’t want him to be, that’s petty and you should be ashamed of yourself. I wouldn’t be providing rides for the child, but certainly wouldn’t interfere with his family visiting with the child just because he made the decision to not be involved. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be for his family to sit in your home while you stood guard, watching them visit with the child. I wouldn’t do it. Your son needs people to love him and you are doing him a disservice by making it difficult or impossible for him to form meaningful relationships with his family, based on your personal feelings toward his father. If he’s unsafe with them, that’s a completely different can of worms, but based on the OP, it seems it’s just a bit spiteful. And FYI - your situation matches mine very closely, except I have 2 children and I was married to their father.


I would try to keep the relationship with his grandparents and aunt. Why not meet half way? I know their son has hurt you but don’t let it ruin the rest of them. Discuss the needs with them and come to a compromise.
And, I suggest the compromise because I would not want everyone visiting at my house. Sometimes is okay but all the time- no thank you.


Let.them come to.see.hm.its.not.youre place yo take him

If there willing to come pick him up what’s the big deal in letting your son get to know his grandparents it’s important for kids to be loved by all of there family especially if they are showing an interest in wanting to. Be part of his life

And it’s not just about you it’s about your son and his other family that he has a right to get to know do a halfway point so neither is driving to far out of the way

If they want a relationship with him they will come to you. If they dont will they guilt you and say that you’re keeping him from them? Most definitely. But you know the truth and that’s what matters. You were bringing him for awhile and now they just expect it, ots their turn to meet you. It works both ways not just one

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Well if the dad hasn’t seen them since October that prob means no one from the family has either. And how active were they when he did see them ? I wouldn’t let someone that my child doesn’t to to just take them for the weekend especially at that young age. The mother is worried
about consistency and always having someone have to make it so the baby is dropped off to him isn’t always going to be an option.

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Pleas don’t count the grandparents out. They are stuck between you and their son. Let them see the baby. Their son is a grown man and if isn’t doing right by his baby, at this point, it’s not their fault.

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don’t go chasing the loser. it’s his job to make effort , not you.


We kinda have the same issue. Only our kids are now 10 and 15. Their mother and fathers do not have any contact with them. The only grandparent that comes to see them is my dad. We have to drive 6 hours for their mother or grandmother to see them and the families in the fathers’ side have nothing to do with either kid. The kids don’t understand it but I’m not going to force anyone to be part of our kids lives.

Their loss. No need for you to “enable” him or them to be in your son’s life.

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Good for you!

If he wants something different let him go to court. But he’ll have to pay child support then so he probably won’t.


I wouldnt give a damn either sounds like he dont give a fuck

Tell them to talk to their son and brother… you’re done… I’m sure somethings can be arranged…if the want is big enough…

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Get child support. Also, not as easy as you think just because he’s not on certificate. He and his family have bonded with the baby so he now has rights

If they really wanted to be in his life and see him they would make an effort. Doesn’t seem like they are trying very hard. :woman_shrugging:t2:

So… what’s the question?

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It’s his responsibility to go and see his kid not yours! If his sister is mad at you why doesn’t she or his parents come pick the kid up and drop them off? You are doing nothing wrong by not driving out there. He should’ve at the very least been meeting you half way the whole time.

I did all transportation for my stepdaughter. If I hadn’t she would have never seen her mother (which was rare anyway). It’s important that they have a relationship with their extended family also. I did it for my daughter, not her mother or the family.

not too sure what your question really is about. Your son’s grandparents should be allowed to see their grandson. Invite them over, as you have said, but if it’s a driving issue for them, then maybe out of the goodness of your heart, bring him over for a visit with them, not telling them in advance, so the dad won’t be there !!! Now as for your son’s dad, just let it go

If he wants to see the child let him make and effort. Let him show an interest because it sounds like he isn’t interested and in the long haul your child is gonna be hurt having a deadbeat father who he cannot count on. In the early years I would take my kids over to their grandparents for visits etc and then one day I just got fed up and stopped and nobody visits and everyone complains we never visit and my reply is “the same way I can come over you can come over. If you wanna see my kids then you are all welcome home by us. My kids have an address they don’t live on the street”. My husband parents would visit and take them for vacation time and weekends but my mother would never visit and neither my siblings except one sister who would visit twice a year or when she’s in trouble. My kids hardly know them and that’s great because in the long run had I pushed my kids in their faces ny kids would love them and they would’ve disappointed my kids and I’m not letting anyone do that.

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You can’t force someone to be a parent. You will cause more harm to your child.

File for child support… that will get his attention… the money is not for you… it’s for your child… children are expensive… If you truely don’t need the money take it for your sons future and put it all in a savings account for him for a car… school etc… years from now you will regret not filing for child support… trust me… do it for your child… he has a right to be supported by his father… it’s the fathers responsibility…

Sound like you know what you’re doing

Meet in neutral location for grandparents
Like 2x a month
Or not…take a break if u need
But also not their fault

His sis can shut up

And since hes not on birth certificate just stop trying to get father to see child. Ur really not missing out on a loser dad for ur son. He has no obligations.

When u find mr. Right he can adopt him.

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You want your cake and wanna eat it to. You want the boy to yourself? Keep taking him for visits. If you take that away he will have no choice but to pursue some kind of partial custody. I’m sure you take the boy to go see him grandparents aunts uncles cousins,why not his dad.

What’s the question - why would you take the child for visits? If he’s not on the scene, he is not on the scene. Don’t spoon feed the dad, his parents or his sister. They can come visit your son when they want - they can take him is sounds like but why would you have to be the one doing the heavy driving all over the place lifting - makes no sense.

Forget about dad it should be a 2 way street noone should expect you to transport and go out of your way. if your sons grandparents want to be involved id let them on your terms of course and they should respect that and when it comes to sister lol ignore that bullish!


Why isn’t he on his birth certificate? That cld be important for your child in the future. Dsnt seem like you have a problem at all. You hold the cards. Leave the door open so your child never gets the idea that you kept their dad or family from them and live your life enjoying your child you brought into this world. As for everyone saying get the child support, I believe that’s a personal choice. I understand ppl saying save it for the child but personally I wldnt want it from someone who is forced to pay it and has no interest in my child. If you don’t need the money to support them that’s what the money is really for, it’s for you to support the child not to save it for a car etc etc. I’d support and raise my own child. Let a deadbeat be a deadbeat. My child is way more valuable to me than forcing anyone to do right by them. He gets to live with himself. That’s my honest opinion.

You as a mother have to do what is best for your child, regardless of who gets mad.

If they want to be in his life then they can make the visit. If not then that is on them. I wouldn’t argue with them. I would just tell them what you are willing to do and leave the decision up to them whether they are in his life or not.

:eyes:…in a similar (not the same) situation…reading the comments.

If the child’s dad makes no effort to see the child, you are not the one who should be running him back and forth. I feel sorry for your son. You didn’t say how old your son is. His dad has to want to be in his life and if he wants to nothing would stop him from seeing his child. I feel the grandparent should be allowed to come visit anytime they want but taking the child would be a no for me unless his dad usually picks up and they help him out from time to time picking the child up. I just feel so sorry for your son and what his dad is doing is not good for your child’s mental health. You need to tell his dad to grow up. i

If they want to see the child they will make an effort if not fuck em. When ur kid gets older and wants to know them explain they didn’t make an effort and that you couldn’t force them to be a around. Send them texts and pictures for a year inviting them to things if they never show fuck em give up but screen shot it so u can prove u made an effort to let them be around.

What’s the question here?

You know I had the same problem with my son’s bio dad. We live 45 mins away from each other and he would expect me to take him to him every other weekend until finally I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too much for me financially. And he didn’t want to compromise with me so I took him to court to legalize our agreement for ever other weekend and the judge asked where is a good meeting point I let the judge know where and then it was set that’s what was going to take place. His family wasn’t happy but it’s not about them it’s about you, your child and ex. Try and not let them get involved and believe me I know how hard that is. I’ve gotta do what’s best for you

Imo you should be collecting child support for your baby. Even if you aren’t using it. It will come in handy for the little fella when he gets bigger. And as far as his family goes I’ll tell you the same thing I told my ex. Why is it I have to make the effort and they get to reap the rewards why isnt it a joint achievement to make our child’s life better. When it comes to him he knows what is expected of him. Let him make his choices you cant lead a blind horse to water.

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You shouldn’t care, he is a grown man and your child’s grand parents and aunt are also grown, they are more than capable of going to see him, it isn’t your responsibility to cater to their wants. Your child is your only responsibility let all their drama go and you and your son live ur lives you’ve already made it super easy for them they are the ones making it difficult :grin:


The child support isn’t for you, it’s for your kiddo. If you don’t want it or don’t “need” it for bills, put it in a savings account for a car, college, down payment on kiddo’s first house, etc. The kiddo’s relationship with father’s side of the family is not your responsibility. As long as they know the door is open, that’s good enough. If the father isn’t active in the kiddo’s life, that’s on him. They are adults. The sister needs to get her knickers out of a twist and stay out of your business.


First off…your child deserves CHILD SUPPORT
second…if his family is interested in having a good relationship with your child, they would make sure your sons father not only financially supported your son, but also physically made the effort to see your child. If not, move on, and go through the court system to collect child support. You, and your child deserve to make your own life without them…


You’ve done everything you can. I would stop contacting him

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Here’s my thought. Do nothing right now, but pray about it. Find a moment to pray for the guidance you seek. Lots of people will give you advice. But you know your situation, and so does GOD. PRAY, then trust in HIM. Keep still. Continue to be a good mother and do the things HE has already empowered you to do for your child. Take your hands off the situation for now, and give it to GOD. When it’s time for you to decide, HE will show you. You will know in your spirit. You will feel settled in your decision of what to do. Trust is not easy, so remind yourself, everyday, that you have given this situation over to GOD, Until your decision is unquestionable. Keep still. Don’t let others pull you back in. PRAY through the frustration. PRAY for the people you are dealing with. Ask for people you know are prayer warriors, to pray with you and for you. Then wait. The answers will come to you. This is not just something I say, this is what I do have done when I am going through. And believe me, I have been through. Ask GOD to discern your spirit, so YOU will know what you need to do, when the time comes. It will feel so correct, you will wonder why it didn’t occur to you before. Trust HIM. I am praying for you and your family, that hearts are open, and that GOD also moves the people in a way that is best for your child. I PRAY for love, KINDNESS, and cooperation in your situation, in JESUS CHRIST name, Amen.


He’s a grown ass man either step the fuck up or move the fuck on. The sister however should be talking to her bitch ass brother if she wants to be in her nephews life. Fuck what they all think! They’re not raising your child you are.