I have told him how I feel about it all and it’s like he will help and act like he cares for a few days and then is back to treating me like crap. It’s fight after fight. He tells me to go find someone who will actually care about me.
I think he has given up on me. On us. Am I stupid for still sticking around? I have nowhere else to go if I were too leave. He gives me hope one day and tears it down the next. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. He really hasn't been one to show his affectionate side but when we met that changed. Anyways in the last few months he has been treating me like crap. He treats me like Im his caregiver, house wife. I do everything for him and I work. It's like all he wants from me is sex.
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Please move, that is a toxic relationship…
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Toxic. I’d move on. Hes obviously showing you he’s not willing to change when he tells you to go find someone else. A man will change his behavior when he truly want the woman. He’s clearly making it obvious he doesn’t care. Save money and get your own place. Good luck xx
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OK, you stay & this is how he most likely treat you for the rest of your life, Or you leave & maybe find someone who really cares, Your choice, your life. You decide. And you always have somewhere to go, even if it’s in your car!!! Again, your choice
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It’s time to leave. It never gets better trust me. I know from experience
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If he wanted a relationship with you he would do what needs to be done to make that a happy environment.
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Sounds like my ex! It’ll never change and only get worse… I’d be loving myself more and finding the strength to leave
Narcissistic gaslighting!Leave! it will never ever change!
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Sounds just like my past relationship. I tried for 18 years and he never did change. I wish I’d got out sooner. Get out now. Don’t waste any more time on him
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Get out you are worth more
If you wouldn’t put up with it in the beginning, you shouldn’t put up with it now. If someone said ‘this is how I’m going to treat you’ when you first hang out, you’d be like, no thanks, bye. So, don’t let time stop you from going. Sometimes things go on too long. Those relationships keep us from our happiness and growth. It definitely sounds like all the signs are there to start afresh. Just because something is long lasting doesn’t mean it’s good…
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He’s already told you “find someone else who cares” start saving money for your own place
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He knows rhar and uses it. It’ll only get worse
You have to do what is best for yourself. Find a way to support yourself and your kids if you have them. He obviously does not care about how he is making you feel, especially if he says crapnlike that. Good luck hun.
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Plan your exit. && then let him be. 
Find someone who can give you what he can’t and he will definitely regret it🤫
Time to go. There is a guy out there who will treat you better than your current. Don’t let yourself waste time anymore on someone who treats you poorly. You deserve better than that
Leave or kick him out!!
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He told you EXACTLY what to do.
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Save money and say nothing and bam just move out while he gone!!! If he ask you anything say I followed your advice I found someone who care about me. Get child support and be happier
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Giving hope and tearing it down over and over is called Trauma Bonding. It is abusive.
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Sounds like you already have your answer. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. It’s time for you to do you.
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Yes, you’re stupid. Go find someone that actually cares about you.
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He’s shown you his true colors. Now believe him.
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Sounds like this relationship has run its course. Plan your exit and go.
Run do not walk away you can build a life with somebody who values you
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You lost me at “ boyfriend of 10 years” after the third year I’d be questioning the relationship
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Go find someone who actually cares. He told you to and has made it clear he would rather you do that than change.
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Marriage counseling first to sort things out. Men go through emotional stuff but aren’t taught how to deal with their emotions. Maybe there’s an underlying reason he is so unpleasant to you, and it has nothing to do with you, but you’re his safe space to lash out. Could be severely depressed and meds and talk therapy could make all the difference. Or not. Or he could have medical problems that scare him but he doesn’t want to share them in fear of seeming “weak.”
Once both of you have more information about where you each are in the relationship, and guided by a professional, you can decide if your relationship is worth working on or if it’s time to call it quits.
In the meantime, look into resources and get information on steps you will need to take to live without him. Consult a lawyer about separation, divorce, custody, child support, who supplies medical insurance, who can make medical and other decisions for the kids? Look into federal, state, county resources available for single moms. See what possibilities there are for housing if you can’t stay where you are. Check on average wait times for subsidized housing or getting into a shelter until you can get on your feet. Figure out your finances, how much you need to save. Don’t count on much alimony if any. If you are not currently working, look into employment possibilities. There may be services to help you with your resume and job search. Check with a social worker or look online for free help.
Who are the people in your life who could help you when you’re on your own? Reach out, join groups, make new friends and acquaintances now to build your “village” of people who could be supportive in various ways. People can help by watching your kids anywhere from a minute while you grab something or a month when you have to be out of town, running errands for you, providing the occasional hot meal, being a shoulder to cry on, an exercise buddy, helping you financially, taking on your tasks if you have to be away from work, or just people to talk to and/or commiserate with. Look into mom’s groups and in-person and online possibilities. Women on here are a good start. Where ARE all the people in the family, including on husband’s side? And if hubs is a decent father, he will have to take care of them and pay for them some of the time so you can get a break for self care.
Good luck! You will be fine no matter what.
Who owns your home? Are you renting? Do you have children? Who pays the rent/mortgage? These are all important details. If you’re paying the rent or even half of it, have children etc why should you have to uproot your life because he’s treating you like crap? Evict him! Yeah he’ll make your life miserable for awhile. But you can overcome that. If you don’t want to evict him. You want a clean get away without the drawn out drama save your money. Stop paying the rent, utilities & stop doing anything for him including cleaning & cooking. Get some paper plates, feed yourself & kids & let the mess pile up. When you’ve saved enough to leave leave. If it gets to the point of eviction because neither of you are paying tell your landlord you will pay the rent if he gets rid him. Otherwise move as soon as you have enough saved up.
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If children are not involved, simply follow his advice. There is someone out there who will love you as you deserve to be loved.
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If you’ve already addressed it with him and he isn’t committed to fixing the issues then he clearly isn’t interested in loving or respecting you. Leave already. You’re worth more.
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You know what to do! You just don’t want to accept it! Let go of that loser. He told you himself to find someone who really cares for you. Plan your work, then work your plan. Start checking on places to live. Get their rental rates. Find out what the deposits run. Find out how much the utility deposits are. Then you will have a starting point. Start saving toward the amount you will need to get out of there. I don’t think you will ever be sorry you let go of this loser! You can do this and you can rebuild your life and you will be happy again. I did it! I stayed on a waiting list five months for an apartment. when I moved out I had a wheel chair, a walker, a walking cane and a hospital bed! Bear in mind, I am not confined to the wheel chair all the time, but at different times, I have to rely on it! Girl, I am happy! So happy!
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Find somewhere to go, girl!! There’s better men out there
He has made it plain he is not going to change. You have to decide if you can live like that or not. So either leave or accept things are not going to change.
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I’m divorcing my husband because of this.
10 years is a lot walk away from…why the sudden change in attitude towards you ? Has he a problem he is trying to hide…or he just doesn’t want to move out of the home and start again ?
If hes unwilling to change his ways or communicate with you about the problem then you have 2 choices. Stay and nothing changes…leave and make a better life for yourself .
If you have contributed to the cost of the house…make sure you get that back. Pack up what is yours, find a flat and move out. Dont ever let anyone treat you like shit
Ok, but why does the hashtag say parenting? 
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Move on. Find someone who actually loves you.
I don’t think you’re stupid. Everyone saying that is not seeing the bigger picture.
I think sticking around is the RIGHT thing to do when someone is having problems because that’s how relationships are nurtured and fixed, but, if he just doesn’t care, hasta.
Believe him. I wouldn’t stay with someone that doesn’t care.
It’s your life too, if you want / need more, and you communicate that calmly and regularly, and he doesn’t care enough to make simple, positive changes, you both should go your separate ways. 
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How he treats you is how he sees you period. Him telling you to find someone who will love you is emotional ABUSE! he’s tearing down your self esteem so you believe that nobody else will love you and that he’s the only one. If he wants a caregiver so badly then set your affairs in order and send his ass back to his mother. If there are no children involved then leave. Life’s to short to question yourself whether or not your good enough for HIM when you are. Say your peace and be on your way.
Pull yourself together. If you work, put some money aside each week. Find an affordable place for yourself. You need to get out from under his thumb; and, regain your freedom and self respect. You will be so glad that you did. Good luck to you.
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Leave in sure you could find somewhere
That’s called controlling and manipulation. You want to live like that?
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I’m sorry to say it, but it sounds like he’s saying straight up to you that he doesn’t care by saying to find someone who will. But, it seems odd to me that everything was good and just changed a few months ago. Did something happen right before it changed? Is he dealing with depression? If you think your relationship is worth it and he was a caring, good, respectful partner up until then, you may want to see if he’s willing to try couples therapy and possibly therapy on his own if needed.
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He literally told you what to do & here you are… 
He’s not a baby, stop taking care of him, first off.
Then move.
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What you aren’t changing, you are choosing. He basically told you to go…so do it. Why stay with someone who doesn’t want you around? And you do have somewhere else to go. You just have to plan it. Pick up the phone and call around to apartments to find out rent amounts, terms, and deposit fees. That will give you a ball park of what you have to save up for. Tax refund time is coming up. If you’re getting a refund, use that to move. He’s already proven to you that he doesn’t want to change, so don’t let him talk you into staying. If you continue to stay, then that’s on you, not him because you are choosing to stay. It’s not going to happen over night, but with the proper planning, you can get out of there and be proud of the steps you are taking to move forward to a more healthy life without someone dragging you down.
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Since you asked, yes you are crazy for sticking around.
Don’t be his mama. Stop doing things for him, and see how fast he starts to regret treating you like that.
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He literally told you to go find someone who cares about you…why the hell are you still with him? He’s using you,girl.
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He’s manipulating you…just because he isn’t physically abusive doesn’t mean that he isn’t abusive.
If that’s not the case, then he’s telling you he wants out without actually saying it
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Its time to let it go You’ve stayed 7-8 years toooo long with no set goals/future in mind. You deserve a sincere commitment, consistent affection/love/friendship, loyalty, respect, and security. Stop sitting at a table that doesn’t serve you good luck
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When someone shows you how they feel about you……BELIEVE THEM.
Get out
He will never change. I would move on
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you do realise nearly every post between boyfriend/girlfriend husband and wife where relationships are starting to crack people always write being together 10 years its always 10yrs, why is that?
You’ve already wasted 10 years and you’re not even married.
He clearly told you to go find someone who will care about you. It doesn’t get more real than that. Start making plans to leave.
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He said go find someone who cares . As Steve Harvey says a man will not treat you this way if he really loved you . He said it out loud . Quit putting your life on hold and go back to your parents or one friend who will allow you to depend on yourself . This is why you are staying to keep getting treated like trash and wondering why ??? You allowed it to happen . Pick yourself up and move forward and quit letting a man define your worth . Define your own worth so if you ever waste yourself on a man like that ever again you will walk away instead of putting yourself through this misery. Good luck.
Are there kids involvedin this relationship? How does he treat them? Regardless, it sounds to me like it’s time to prepare yourself to move on. You deserve better!
He said he doesn’t care about you. So sorry. There is always a choice and a way. God bless.
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Only my opinion…leave sounds like no respect to me…just my opinion
Run as fast as u can before he totally destroys you.
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Start making plans for you and say byby
Girl he said leave. Straighten your crown and go find a king. You wasted 10yrs on a court jester. Tsk. Sorry boo
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He is banking of you staying and will continue to treat you worse as time goes on.
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Take his advice. Go find someone who will actually care about you!
If I were you, I would end it, because no matter how long you’ve been with someone, and I know things change over time because people get comfortable, they should never make you feel less than you are. Relationships take work and lot of people, that have been together for a while, figure you aren’t going anywhere. As long as you stay and allow this behavior, it will continue. So you can either settle for the life you have, or take his advice, which is amazing advice.
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Start planning the move and make it happen. We call the love bombing . It’s toxic get out.
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He tells you to find someone that will actually care about you? There you go. He doesn’t care. Get out.
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Leave your wasting your time and energy on some man that is self centered…
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He wants you to leave but is too chicken to end it himself … find someone better and when he comes crawling back don’t give in …
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He’s literally telling you to leave so why are you still there???
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“Boyfriend” after 10 years. I think the lack of commitment, for whatever reason, also speaks volumes.
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Try counseling and maybe some more date nights just cause he said it outta anger does not mean its true very possible yalls spark is missing so yall need to have some yall time its extremely important if it started last few months something could be trigging this sudden disinterest and dissociating but if all else fails time to end it
Don’t let another person talk you down. Your better than that! Good luck and God Bless you!
Why is he depressed? Do you care???
Anyone who tells you to leave and find someone else is straight up a manipulator and KNOWS you won’t. He’s probably said that many times to you and knows you’re dependent on him in some kind of way.
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Find another one! No one deserves to be living like that
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He already told you he doesn’t care about you. Get your money up and leave. Say NOTHING just get your money up, gather your stuff, and leave.
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GET rid of him. Here I am lonely and waiting for YOU.
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It sounds like leave is the answer. God bless you💞
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He might need some help with mental health cuz it’s not normal to behave that way from one extreme to the next . Unless it’s deliberate cuz maybe he’s unsure of how he feels anymore
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He told you to leave. So leave. Get 2 jobs if you have to so you can get your own place. Anything is better than being chained down to him 
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If all he is is a boyfriend after 10 years I think that’s your answer. He’ll never be committed the way you want him to be. Red flag when he tells you to find someone else too. Leave
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If you are working ,you have somewhere else to go. You don’t want to go because you are not strong enough in your mind but you will be amased how good you will feel,when you break those chains.
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What does this have to do with parenting? It’s called narcism and gaslighting. In all honesty, yes…you are stupid for sticking around, but we’ve all done stupid things. That doesn’t mean YOU’RE stupid. 10 years. A decade. That’s a long time. He already told you he didn’t care about you when he told you to go find somebody who does. So…go find someone who does. It’s not easy, but find someone who cares about you and your feelings and leave that bag of trash in the lost luggage department of life.
If you work…save your money and leave him…
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“Go find someone who will actually care for you”
I think you know the answer.Denial only works for so long.
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Leave… it’ll be hard the first couple of months but it’ll get easier for you. Keep busy, work and start looking after “you”.
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It’s not your job to fix him you deserve to be treated good. God wants good things for you. Just because you may not have a place at this moment does not mean you won’t or can’t have one in the near future id get out of the situation life is to short. God bless 
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I left my ex for these very reasons.
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Stop. Doing. The. Wife. Things. See his response. If he changes his behavior, stay. If he doesnt, there’s your answer, and it’s up to you to decide.
You need to leave. Make him see that you can leave. Right now hes gotten himself comfortable with the idea he can treat you however he wants and you will still be there. Hes using you as an outlet and it’s not fair to you.
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Everyone always says leave and find someone who will take care of you. In reality that’s just not true you’re going to meet many like him. Leave, Heal and when ur ready then maybe but in the meantime enjoy being single for a while. That way when u meet someone you’ll be strong enough to know if they’re good for you or not. Good luck.
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If he is wanting a mother to do his crap, send back to momma! 10 years and no commitment, he is history,. You wasted enough space in your head over this boy! Period!
Run get out, mega toxic. Ull defo be happier anywhere but there.
He’s using you as an emotional punching bag. He thinks he has a hold on you. Shock him and pack your things. There’s bound to be some money you can save up and get your own place. Which tbh would be so much more peaceful than where you are.
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