So I have been beside my partner no matter what he’s going through a messy divorce to the point she took the kids away from him. I’ve been there whilest he’s cried got angry got upset and when he came down with Covid I was there he asked for me I was there. Now here comes the situation he can’t see my point I have told him for 2 nights I love him no reply I have asked him to clarify where I am in his life and he can’t do that. He’s been ignoring me but that’s all in my head he’s gone really funny with me and that’s why I asked for him to tell me what I mean to him. But he told me I’m disheartening him by questioning where I stand but can’t give me a answer to where I am in his life. I kinda feel used I feel like I’m good enough when he feels like it. Oh and the other night I left his because he made it feel like he didn’t want me there he says that wasn’t the case I asked to go back he said no and the same with the next day I’m at a loss probably makes no sense but I’m so damn confused. I keep saying to him I’m here but when is he gunna make sure he tells me he’s here for me
You don’t go back. Sounds like ole boy is using you to have his emotional needs fed.
Stop being there for people that aren’t there for you
Sounds like he’s still married.
Either way he doesn’t care about you enough leave.
Hes either messed up with the messy divorce and doesn’t know what he wants and or is using you for when it suits him, both reasons wrong on hes behalf. Know your worth, the fact he goes funny when you ask for a bit of clarification screams red flags at me
You deserve better
You don’t feel confused with someone who is right for you
He isn’t YOUR partner.
I’m really confused how someone can think they can get in a relationship with someone who’s going through a divorce? That person is not being given any time to regroup and to get his head on right and make sure he’s over the pain and hurt from that.
You’re just a stepping stone and a little bit of comfort.
Girl when you have to ask where you stand in someone’s life you clearly don’t. He doesn’t want you he just needs someone who will look past his red flags til he gets where he needs to be in life emotional and then he’s gone on to who he really wants to be with. Don’t let him drag you down.
So here’s the thing you was getting with a man who was married and going thru a divorce. You were never going to be with him forever you were a side chick plain and simple that’s it. Let him go. Stop being there for a man who was never meant to last
He won’t. Stay gone and count yourself lucky you got out before it went any farther.
He is still In love with his wife. He wants his family back. Sorry, but you are the back up chick to make him feel better though he may love you more as a friend. Walk away— red flags.
Sorta sounds like he was using you to get through the process. This honestly sounds like a gross situation. You went in seeking love and played into this and now you’re realizing that maybe it was never what you thought it was.
I recommend focusing on yourself instead of whatever he has going on. Make yourself a priority and choose to love yourself instead.
My opinion: until he is legally divorced, he’s somebody else’s husband and you’re a side piece. Work on your self-respect.
He jumped from one frying pan to the next. He isn’t ready for any commitment.
Definitely being used 
I think his actions are speaking for him.
Leave. He’s showing you, you don’t matter
Shouldn’t be in a relationship with him till he’s divorced
I would walk away he clearly doesn’t love you walk away while you have a chance
If he wanted to he would. Always take wishy washy behavior as a lack of interest.
Get out while u can…find someone better
I am currently in A RELATIONSHIP with a man that is married. I’ve been with this man for almost 3 years now. He has sent his wife Divorce papers and her words are I lost the papers. So maybe he Is completely confused right now he may be appreciated of you there just doesn’t know how to act at the moment for his Divorce has him going haywire
What you have here is a NARCISSIST! run far away from him!!!
Sounds like he is overwhelmed tbh and depressed
His ex probably did the same not that u done anything wrong but he is now internally trying to not compare and think u gunna do the same give him space if it is meant to be it will be
He’s going through alot. And it sounds like he’s struggling to process it. Men have real emotions and depression too. It doesn’t make it right to make you feel unwanted, but the fact he’s losing his kids etc is probably really affecting his mental health and honestly, be probably doesn’t have the capacity to do a relationship right now, which I feel like both parties should of known going into a freshly nearly divorced person. Decide what’s best for you. Or tell him you’re going to give him space. Just because his divorce is “messy” and the kids are getting taken away doesn’t mean he’s necessarily bad. I’ve watched kids get taken away from good men many times because of a woman who just wants to hurt them. And depending on why the divorce is happening, he could still be really hurt. He if course could still love his ex but they’re divorcjng. It could be her who just wanted out. I don’t like the comments that just slam him endlessly with such few details. Mental health tanks during a divorce for all parties and definitely men.
You already know the answer 
walk away now before it hurts you more.
His head isnt on right and he probably doesnt know how to say what he feels. He has issues and prob needs your friendship more tahn your love if you care be patient and let him find himself
U are his used goods move on
Need to stand putting yourself first
This is going to sound really harsh but I’m going to try and type this out in a way that it won’t be but with understanding and reasoning.
While someone is going through a divorce they are incapable of being in a real relationship, (some may be able to but those are for the ones who have been separated for years, this doesn’t sound like a few years long separation it sounds very recent) you are the companion for the time being, you are not long term. You give him a safe space like what he had with his ex wife. Every day he’s comparing you to the life he once had and bc he’s without his kids you don’t fit. I’m sure he doesn’t even know if he doesn’t love his ex wife still which is why he can’t say I love you too, he can’t bc he isn’t in love with you he just LIKES your company. He has to heal from this divorce on his own. You have to move on honey.
Your feelings are correct honey he’s just using you and he will never commit to you. You have to find someone who loves YOU, and gives you everything you give him. Move on
How do you not know where you stand?
By not answering a simple question, he’s actually telling you where you stand. 
You know where you stand because you said it out of your own mouth. You feel used and like you’re only good enough when he needs something. You hit the nail right on the head. 
MOVE ON! Do NOT waste another minute with a “man” that doesn’t value you.
Babe run. Go now, I can promise you were the rebound and a way to get at his ex through the divorce. I promise you it’s not just needing to get his head on … when a man wants you, you’ll know exactly where you stand.
Actions speak louder than words. Don’t be an after thought or a space filler in anyone’s life.
He’s in the middle of a messy divorce and clearly isn’t ready for any sort of commitment. Let him be. He has his own stuff to work through. You do you and find someone who’s ready for a relationship.
I would say he is clinically depressed and needs help - don’t make any rash decisions x
The worst time to get together someone is when they are getting a divorce, or just breaking up with someone aka rebound. I’d say pretty confidently that you were used to cushion his fall, which is a pretty sh**y thing to do to someone. I think your next step is pretty clear.
I have a feeling you already know the answer. You’re a good person and you don’t deserve to be taken for granted. Stay away for at least six months. If he has feelings for you, he’ll seek you out. Otherwise he was someone who was happy to take what you offered without giving you what you need in return.
Follow your instinct on this one. You’re definitely being used and manipulated
I wouldn’t go as far as saying he is a narcissist, or that you should leave him.
To me it sounds like he’s a man who has lost a lot and doesn’t quite know how to handle it all.
You said messy divorce, lost his kids, covid. I can only imagine how I would feel if I lost my kids, sounds like he is angry, maybe depressed…and probably is not sure how to move forward.
With that said, you have to decide for yourself whether you want to be apart of whatever process he needs to go through or not, but eitherway…no reason to be mean…just walk away or continue to support.
He has shown you where you stand with him, you don’t. Cut your losses and find you a better man
He is going through a lot. When you truly love someone and are there for them it cant be conditional. You are needing validation. He cant give that right now. Might not ever be able to. He’s not free yet, legally and emotionally. If you want him you have to let him get there on his own. I would tty to create some space and do things for you. Until he is legally divorced and has custody child support figured out he’ll never be free to give you what you want and need. Keep working on you… but dont expect him to give you what you want/need, he doesnt have it to give, might never. You’re friends with benefits now. Keep the friendship but back off on the benefits.
Let him go.
He clearly is giving mixed signals and doesn’t know what he wants at the present moment.
He most definitely is telling you exactly how he feels about you and where you stand in his life…Actions speak very loudly…you need to put your feelings aside and listen…move on.Your gut is never wrong.
He’s telling you who he is and what he’s thinking. You just don’t believe him. Time to really hear him and move forward without him.
Get out of there! You’re trying to sell yourself too much. If he wanted you, you wouldn’t be on here asking us… you already know the answer. And to be honest, I think you already know the answer. Go. He’ll realise what he had when it’s too late and you’ve found someone who makes it known everyday that you’re wanted and loved!
Babe it sounds like maybe you could be in your head more and reading into things too much. You chose to be there for him… so that should come with no pressure especially while he’s going through such a hard time. Just give him space. Trust me… if you pull back… he will wonder where his super woman went.
Ummm… is seems like he is SHOWING you with his actions. When people SHOW you who they are believe them! You need to leave him.alone to sort out things in his divorce etc. He doesn’t have the bandwidth to give you a HEALTHY relationship right now. Time to find someone who can.
He doesn’t love you. You make yourself available. Why should he make a commitment or anything when you always show up.
Personally, I’d walk away. Find my self respect and find a man worthy of me.
He’s going thru a messy divorce, she took his kids etc and you are worried about where you stand in his life. Right now, I wouldn’t consider myself a priority. Move on and let this man deal w his issues.
Pull back, if he comes around then fine but dont wait.
That’s fine girl just move on if his wife threw him away he ain’t no good
He has already shown you, that’s why you’re questioning his behavior. Walk away. Actions speak louder than words.
If they are leaving you wondering whether they love you or not then you don’t need to be there
Like others have said, he is telling you how he feels. You’re just not listening. No response is a response. Also with the kids, did the court make a ruling on custody that he’s not happy with or is she going against a court order? My ex loves to tell people I took the kids from him too when the reality is courts cut off visitation because of drug use.
He needs to work on himself first and needs to deal with his issues…let him go… you sound like a good woman another man would love to love you!
You need to pull back your putting your all into someone that may not deserve it hunny
He wants someone there while going through this when its all said and done and he divorced you’ll see … Men use women.
1st) No answer (as in not answering the question) is your answer!
2nd) his actions are screaming the answer at you.
You are not his partner yet. He’s grieving the loss of his family and going through a very hurtful time. Stop pressing him and give him the time and space that he needs.
You left. You asked to come back and he said no. There’s your answer. Stop begging someone for something they obviously don’t want to give.
He’s married with children get the hell out. He’s not ready for a clingy person
Tell him to contact you after he is divorced … See if your phone rings.
Seems to me you are pushing him too fast. He isn’t over the hurt and trauma yet. I question what kind of person he is if his kids were taken from him. I’m a firm believer in talking to the ex to learn what went wrong. Two sides to every story you know. If you don’t want to bother then walk away.
He IS telling you how he feels and he IS showing you what you mean to him.
Test the theory. Distance yourself. Don’t ask to see him for a few days, don’t call/text first… see how it goes and you’ll have a clear answer.
Never let a man tell you who doesnt want you twice!
If he can’t tell you what you mean to him, it’s safe to assume it’s not that much. You need to worry about you. No one deserves to feel unwanted, but no one should force themselves on someone else either.
This is classic… he isn’t into u in that way… he is a parasite… and only wants u when he needs something…
Giving u no answer “IS” ur answer … he won’t tell u the truth because then he will lose u as his service dog…
Have some respect for urself and ur self worth… he will not ever give u the kind of affection and respect u give him… dump that dead wood, and find someone that will actually treat u the way u deserve
He’s going through a very difficult time in his life… Have you ever had your kids taken away? That is a lot of emotional turmoil for a parent. Give him some space. Don’t make things worse for him. If it’s not something you can deal with, walk away.
You are convenient by being there… and he is taking advantage… you can stay and be miserable or move on and find your worth…and happiness.
Why are you confused ? He’s told you by his actions , you’re not listening.
Actions speak louder than words…he has told you…in a cowardly way!
He’s using you. If someone makes you question what you are to them and responds with silence, that’s your answer. You aren’t anything to him but a mom. He wants you to keep taking care of him. Find your worth and drop this guy. You deserve a partner that gives you what you give them.
You are the rebound girl, he’s only keeping you around til he’s completely over his ex.
He might be emotionally unavailable. It doesn’t mean he’s using you, he may not even be self aware enough to see what he’s doing. That doesn’t mean you should accept that though. Ask him if he needs time to himself. It’s not a personal attack on you, the man has just been through a lot that he hasn’t finished processing. That’s what it sounds like to me at least. 
You still should probably back off and let him figure things out. Life after divorce and losing your kids can change a person. He needs to figure shit out.
There is no future here. You are on the meantime/rebound after the divorce. Don’t ignore the 
no answer is a answer actions speak louder than words . Pay attention to his actions lack of actions
Actions speak louder then words it doesn’t matter what someone goes through you never make your partner feel unwanted 
He has shown and told you without saying it directly. You are there through it all for him, BUT WHERE is he for YOU? It sounds like it is time to go.
I think he needs to focus on himself and doing whatever he needs to be in his kids life and not focus on this weird relationship ship he has with you. You need to recognize he’s not that into this relationship and either walk away or be ok with the very little he’s doing.
Unfortunately one downside of giving your heart to someone …they can smash it …
It must hurt knowing you did so much to get so little back …
He needs time to work on him
In the mean time …go out and have some.fun with your friends/sisters/ co workers.
It’s time to find someone who will value you .
Sending hugs and prayers.
Move on, he not there for you
First: he doesn’t love you. Get that through your head, and heart. If he loved you, he would tell you. Time to let him go. And time for you to GO be happy.
You need to leave him and if he calls cause he needs something or all of a sudden wants you around don’t listen to him. Don’t even answer his calls. Block his number. You deserve better. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. When he only wants you around cause he needs something. You got this. You don’t need him.
He is not there for you. Invest yourself somewhere else.
Give him some space, you seem clingy. And he’s still a married man, have some self respect.
This sounds like he is grieving the loss of his wife and family. Respectfully girl, you’re not in a position of his partner at this point. You should walk.
He’s still married and going through a messy divorce. You don’t fit anywhere in that equation. That’s why he won’t give you an answer as to where you stand in his life. Just because you stand by him and have been there for him doesn’t mean that he’s going to return it. I’d of personally not gotten involved with someone who is in the middle of it messy divorce he’s barely out of one relationship and you’re already trying to have another with him I would back up back off before you get hurt any more than you probably already have
Stop giving wifly privileges to men who aren’t your husband
Hes not that into you, better of packing up and leaving
I don’t know what exactly you are confused about. He is not into you. He has made it clear with his actions.
Completely cut him out of your life, block him and move on.
He’s going through a really hard time in him life and probably can’t focus on anything else right now. Give him space and let him get his shit together.
Like you said he’s lost his kids and messy divorce I don’t think he needs a relationship right now I think you need to be a friend and stop with all questions his head needs abreak
He is going through a lot. He is fighting to remain in his children’s lives. He does not have the capacity to give you an honest answer right now. There are too many emotions that he is experiencing at present. He cannot put this in words for you. Step back and give him that space. It is just a lot happening for him. And I can understand your confusion in all of this. He expects you to be there in his corner, supporting him all the way. He is confused and a deeply hurt man and suffering at this time.
Don’t waste your time. Seems like he’s just using you and playing games. Move on
Don’t be a wife to sme else’s husband!
Don’t push him, you just said he had a nasty divorce. Y’all very well could be reading the book just different chapters and he just doesn’t know how to tell you. Let your words sink in before you crucify him! He doesn’t have to love you right now just because you love him, that doesn’t mean he never will!! I’d let him know it’s okay to not match my energy and to speak freely.
He’s not using you, he didn’t ask… you gave and he accepted… there is a BIG difference
No words from him should say a thousand to you.
Find someone who has your back like you have theirs. Not someone who wants a one way relationship. That’s not fair to you. You deserve better than someone gaslighting you to stay because they like the benefit of having you.
Forget about him he is selfish