I don't trust my in laws: Advice?

Don’t trust in-laws/favor stepdaughter over my daughter. Should I tell them? My in-laws don’t have any toys for my 1year old, not even a place for her to sleep but do for my stepdaughter. They always are not paying attention when she’s climbing, and their dog is always in her face, and the dog has nipped at kids before. They always are willing to help out my husband’s ex but never me and expect me to put effort into them having a relationship with my daughter. Should I talk to them about not feeling respected? What should I say or am I overreacting?

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“my kids can’t visit” will suffice. You’re the mother, nobody puts my kids in dangerous situations, period.

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Then don’t bring your kid over there anymore.

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You have feelings so if its bothering you, I would talk to them. I’ve had somewhat the same issues occur talking didnt really help much in my case so I decided to take a step back and just not go over there.

Have your husband set them straight

Tell them to grow up or tell them to piss off

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That’s something your husband should handle

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Please discuss with them your feelings. Maybe bring over toys and a something for your baby to sleep on.

They don’t have any rights to your kids to why are you putting your kids in danger with that dog?

If they can’t change those issues then don’t send the kids

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Move on visit or not if they don’t care for your child they are not going to care if you visit or not common sense

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Dont brng her there cut ties u and ur whole family that’s what I would do

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Cut them off, move on it’s simple
Toxic is toxic they don’t have your kids need or wants at heart so why should you have theres ?

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Ok please don’t be offended; did you have anything to do with the break up of your now husband and his X? (Even if you did, doesn’t give them a right to treat there grand kid differently) Have you expressed your concerns, feelings and issues with your husband.

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I would let my husband handle it.

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No you should not talk to them. They know exactly what they’re doing

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Tell them the old saying “whats good for the goose is good for the gander.” If they dont treat your daughter the same as your step daughter, take both daughters out of the equation (obviously you dont have control over if the ex takes the SD over there without you or S/O)

I am a little confused. Part of it sounds like you want your little one to visit them more and another part sounds like you are concerned over the dog and lack of supervision when there…they kinda go against each other…if there is safety issued then maybe wait before trying to get ur little one to have more time there.

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I would try to express to them how you feel & ask them to put the dog up when yall are visiting. If nothing changes then stop going over there!
Your baby comes first

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How old is your step-daughter? Could it be that they just aren’t baby people? Maybe they help the ex because she’s alone & you’re not? I understand your feelings are hurt. But there could be things you’re not realizing.

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Tbh I had the same situation . My step daughter is all the cared for but when it came to my daughter they didnt care. Their was alot of fights and arguments. The only thing that worked was that my mother in law didnt have room to speak because her husband my father in law Is my husbands adoptive father. Hes not biologically his dad which makes it no different than my daughter. Will now me and my husband have a child together . Pregnant with our 2nd child together but have 3 kids in total and 2 step kids. I have a step daughter and step son they will do everything for. When it comes to my kids who are also their grandkids they dont. They favor the other siblings more than my own kids and I have grown tired and frustrated. Let your feelings out tell them how it is . What I had to do was seprate myself and my kids and step kids from grandparents until they learned to accept all kids equal. Still till this day I have to argue with my in laws . They are slowly getting better but they favor the other 2 kids over mine.

Ask your husband to speak to them with you there and also giving your input . He must stand beside you and support you on this . Dog must be put up while your baby is there period . Try to work with them and keep the peace but stand firm with stating how you feel . Let your husband do much of the talking !

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I would only go over there when its absolutly necessary, and i would closely watch my children myself, bringing my baby some toys and a place to sleep. I would also keep the dog away from both children. Simple. Who cares if they dont like uou. And dont leave the children there ever. If they dont ever get to like you will it even matter? No. But someday they will certainly respect that you wete a good mother. :slight_smile:

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I would just say unless they can respect your family as a whole then they have no buisness being part of your life.

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So what is the rest of the story??? Theres more you arent telling us.

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They want a relationship it’s their responsibility to foster it not yours.

Stay away from them your husband can go alone to visit that BS

Your husband should talk to them.

Don’t even bother with them. If they are gonna favor any grandkid, then they need help. You shouldn’t have to push your kid on them for there to be a relationship between them. They should want that in their own

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Tell the whole story if you want advice.

The way I look at it is this- anything grandparents do is extra and they are not obligated. I am not saying this is true of your situation but- I think a lot of times people have these “expectations” of how grandparents should be and sometimes it is a little much.

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Maybe the ex is a.either more likable person and they have a good relationship or b. Shes an aweful mom and grandparents see the child as needing more support.

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First all of you saying to just take this child without even giving them the chance to speak on it is amazingly sick! Might not be right but maybe they don’t realize it and have no idea. Maybe they do but for your child’s sake please speak to them first. Just bc you feel this way doesn’t mean that your child does. Where does she sleep when there? My daughter brought toys, clothes, etc to my house for my grandson and he sleeps with me when here. My dog is also an asshole pup (blue heeler) herding dog so he nips at anything small that he feels he should herd, we just stay on top of him with the grand babies. Ask them to please keep on the dog bc if your child gets hurt bc they aren’t then it will be a case for animal control, not you. If you try to come off as concerned and not confrontational, they should try harder, if you do this and they do not try harder for your child THEN you would be able to take her away without any guilt or wondering. Then you’ve done all you should/could have. Good luck and I hope for the kids that this goes well

Have you talked to your husband about this? He needs to talk to his family.

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Hmm difficult ive felt this at first but a gentley pointed it out and it worked out well however not everyone can be understanding as mine there was no help towards the ex just felt my kids weren’t as important but i had a heart to heart explained why and whatade me feel this way and now theres no issues at all but everyones situation is different to also a remember my stepdaughter was upset about not being daddy’s baby anymore and i work towards making her feel comfortable and got the involved with the brothers alot feeding nappies etc maybe your stepdaughter feels left out atm the min u know new baby fuss it happens make her feel involved amd that your all a equal part of the family then maybe the inlaws may follow suit if u dont want a difficult convo with them good luck remember step kids arw just as important as our own we chose to take them on and should be shown and treated the same as your child there equally your partners children and deserve nothing less good luck xx

My family did that to my kids they favored my oldest from my son (my youngest wasn’t born yet) because they wanted me to marry my ex and did not like my husband (my oldest is my daughter from my ex and my son from my husband) so I stopped going around everyone no one got to see any of my kids if they were not going to treat them equally for almost 2 years even my mom. They got the hint and now they treat all my kids the same.

Take toys for her and take them when you leave

So you are new to the family?? Is your daughter their bio granddaughter?? That could be a reason why 1st of all they don’t want to get attached just in case or they haven’t had the time to. Get a pack and play and some of her toys take them over the next time you go so they will have her stuff there. And when she is there it’s your job to watch her not theirs so do get upset about that. Step daughter is their grandparents child so back off and stop being petty and jelous

Maybe provide a playpen for when your 1yo is there. The step daughter is older they have had more time to get things for her. Try not to personalize it. Instead offer some of the things they don’t have.

The dog thing definitely needs to be talked about.

Cut them out, it causes you stress, stress is not good for you. If they really want to be apart of your life, they will insert/ask to be in your child’s life. If they do, be wary, your child comes first.

Tell them we’re they can go and it wont nice there

I would have that conversation with them. Make sure you plan on what you want to say. I would know for me, I would want to know if I or my child has done something to feel the way I do.

It may just be that they love his ex and they dont see what they are doing as wrong. Set your boundaries and stand by them.

Does your husband see this too? I guess I would make sure your daughter is never alone with them. Terrible thing for grandparents to do. In the end they will be missing out but wouldn’t risk your daughters welfare leaving her with them

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Firstly, if they’re not attentive and watching a child for falls, etc, that is a safety issue, full stop!
That right there is enough to refuse unsupervised visits.
On the other issues, let’s be real here, people can be careless in their affection, show favoritism and be overall just plain hurtful.
As the parent, it’s your job to address it with them. Should they continue with this emotionally damaging behavior, cut your losses and protect your child.

You should tell them how you feel. Respect goes Both ways. Bring it up. It’s Your child. Best of luck.

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Have you spoke your concerns to your husband? In my opinion I feel like you shouldn’t be the only one dealing with this but your husband as well. Both of you should sit down with the in laws and voice your concerns together. If it doesn’t get resolved then don’t allow her to go with them unless you or your husband are there for your daughters protection. You have to be careful because it could cause problems in your marriage. Best of luck to you!

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You are not over reacting at all!! My life was hell cuz off his mother’s treatment towards my oldest!! I hang to say something nothing ever changed at the end of the day I left him!!

What’s the age of the other kid? Is her kid also their grandkid?

Invite the in-laws and your parents over and let your in-laws sleep on the couch and and your in your bedroom. They’ll get the hint.

You need to speak to your husband and if that goes no where, then tell how you feel

Keep your child away from them unless you’re present and watching. The way they’re treating your child will hurt her emotionally in the future. I’ve seen it.

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I would definitely bring this up to your husband first and he should talk to them.

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Talk to them if they dont change then quit trying all together

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Don’t go around them

Grandparents only have what rights parents say they have. You need to be a mom and put your foot down. What you say goes when it comes to your child and if you have to…cut the cord. They’ll probably bitch and try to get their way, but if you don’t stand up to them now…they’ll never respect you.

So many people are afraid to cut people off if they’re “family”, but sometimes family is more toxic then strangers.

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