I see my shy child following In my loner footsteps. I don’t wish her to go through it. But I feel at a crossroads on how to handle it. Don’t want to saddle her with my baggage but also want to prepare her. She’s 10. Any advice or stories suggestions. Just see so I can explore other points of view.
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Going through the exact same thing with my 12 yr old son. Scares me to death. He doesn’t want friends. But everybody wants to be his friend. Just don’t understand. I’ve put him in sports and events at school, doesn’t want any part of it. Keeps on, he gonna be 31 stuck at home all the time with no friends. I have no advice. Just letting you know, you’re not alone
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When my daughter was 10 she was the same. Very quiet very continent with being by herself. She was an only child so she was use to it. We noticed it and started putting her in sports and then pageants. She is now in 8th grade and a very outgoing person who is friends with everyone. Build her confidence and put her in social situations gradually. I hope this helps your daughter just as it helped ours.
Be the mom you want your daughter to be.
Be the role model because you are.
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“Be who you needed when you were young”
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It could actually be social anxiety. Think back to how you felt in social situations.
Not all loners have anxiety but it’s worth looking into it.
My 15 yr old is a bit of a loner. She has a couple good friends but she is not one to reach out and make new friends. She was on the high school swim team for 3 years and could only name a few ppl. She’s an introvert and I am not so I have to not try and understand but rather let b
her be herself.
It’s your job as a parent to socialize your child to a point but you can’t force it.
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While watching my introverted daughter grow up, I saw many of my traits in her. Many of those traits I hated in myself. I considered them to be major flaws. But she is beautiful! All of her. She sees things differently than others. She values quality over quantity in people. She doesnt waste time on people who mistreat her. She is strong. She only surrounds herself with those who make her strong. Those are good things.
Your daughter may never have dozens of friends, but maybe by affirming her strengths she will find the confidence to surround herself with quality people.
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Make sure she get involved in after school activities, My son loved sports but my daughter not so much but I put her in martial arts and she loved it ( most days ) . I went to the practice for my son and daughter and brought snacks ect… I got to know the kids and that helped alot .
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I was in after school activities and it didn’t help. I became more open to talking to people and more comfortable in social situations but still no long term friendships. I still don’t have any but I’m happy. I have my kids, my husband, my mom, and a large family but no friends outside of family. I have plenty acquaintances but ultimately would same I’m a loner. I’d say just make sure she’s happy being herself.
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My kid was really shy until I put her in extra activities. Dance let her open up and share a common bond with other girls her age. Talking became easier, she started to let herself open up to other kids and people. Now after 5 years she’s a social butterfly.
Maybe that’s just who she is. Leave her be. Dont try to change her. My 13 year old is very introverted. But she is happy, healthy and is getting stellar grades. It took a long time of me pushing her in to social stuff to realize that’s just not who she is. She is happier with a book, drawing pad and her music. She has a select few friends at school. I can count them on one hand and still have fingers left.
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Get her involved in sports or youth group of some sort. Just don’t push her to be something she isn’t. My 12yr old is the same way and I just let him bd himself.
I would say to hurtful things but u have to be bigger than that. Just walk away from people that are unkind u cant let those kind of people change who u are.
Put her in activities… dance, tumbling etc things where she can express herself and make friends at the same time.
What’s wrong with being a loner/introvert? I know in this society, being an extrovert is seen as being the better personality. But that may not be the case. Everything is a balance. This is my own life experience. I was a very shy child out in public. I did want to be involved and break out of my shell. So, I did. I pushed myself in 6th grade to do all these activities and make friends with everyone. It was great being liked by many. Then I grew up and guess what? I am now basically a loner. I learned to be comfortable with myself. To have confidence in myself. I’m no pushover and I prefer the company of a few trusted individuals. I am fine going to a restaurant or the movies alone. I have my very small family, my husband, my daughter and literally two best girl friends. The rest are what I call “party friends”. Basically people I never see except maybe once a year at a party. And that’s just perfectly fine. Teach her to accept herself. Let her find herself. She is who she is. As long as she’s happy that should be enough. Ask her what she wants. Maybe she’ll be happy to follow in your loner footsteps. There must be something in your own past that scares you and you don’t want her to go through. Must be something very specific. But being a loner is too general of a term and it isn’t a bad thing either. Maybe you want her to have a bigger support system? Having lots of friends doesn’t mean better support or more people to lean on. Could just mean a load of drama and more problems. Quality over quantity. She’ll find her way. For now, ask her what she wants and go from there.
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Change your ways probably too late though.
Maybe make a Holiday craft together… not sure you can find any on this page tho 
Step out of your comfort zone and take her along. Soon she won’t be willing to do things with you. Find something y’all will enjoy that involves socializing. If you love pets, maybe take a well behaved dog to visit the old folks hone, or with out a dog. Maybe see if there is a small theater production you could join. Maybe dance classes. If your shyness stems from fear may be self defense class. Maybe join the girl scouts as a leader or helper. Art class. Community clean up groop. volontiers at a boys and girls Club.check check with your local civic action see if they can use your help. If one thing does not work out try another.
This is a stupid page. I’m out.
Involve her in sports. It helps develop social skills. It will show her how to work with others. Dance classes, music lessons, gymnastics, clubs like Girl Scouts really help.
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