I don't want my friends boyfriends kids at my daughters party and now she is mad: Advice?

My friend is with a guy who is HORRIBLE and uses her constantly; he has four kids. I stay out of it unless she asks my opinion on stuff, but even then, I tell her I don’t want to be a part of it. Anyway, his older two kids have a huge attitude and are mean to my oldest daughter, so we just don’t hang out anymore because he always has her watching his kids. Anyway, we were talking about my youngest daughter’s birthday party, and I told her that I hope she and her kids can come, but I don’t want her to bring her boyfriend’s, kids, because they are mean to my oldest but if she couldn’t make it I understand. She made it seem like I am a horrible friend because I am trying to protect my child from her boyfriend’s kids, and I’m a B for making her choose between her boyfriend and his kids or us and that I have no right to say she can’t bring them. I tried telling her I’m not making her choose, but I have every right to say that they can’t come because I don’t want my daughter to be mistreated and on top of that I am paying for everything, and it is at my house so obviously I have every right to decide who is and is not invited. Am I wrong for telling her they cant come? They don’t live together; he essentially uses her as free childcare. Should I have just told her none of them could come? I love HER kids like they were my own, but it just seems I’ve now lost a friend over all this, and I want to make sure I didn’t overstep somewhere. And yes, I have spoken to her previously about how his kids treated my daughter, and if anything, it got worse.

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You are absolutely right.
Protect your daughter

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No you aren’t wrong. Always stand up for your children and if she can’t understand that then she isn’t your friend anyways.

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She needs to grow up and you need a better friend. She’s selfish and self centered. Basically what you would be doing by allowing them so she feels good is picking her over your daughter and you didn’t. You did the right thing.

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If she can’t understand this then screw her. She chooses to play nanny to a shitty dude and his kids, then she can reap the consequences for not seeing how poor her choices are.

You are not in the wrong. I would do the exact same thing. I would be damned if someone is mean to my son in my presence. I get I can’t always protect him, parents sometimes do not correct the behavior. Does he correct the kids? If he doesn’t…you not wrong. Either way, she has to respect it, or don’t show up at all.

A TRUE friend wouldnt be upset over it

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Don’t feel guilty. You did the right thing. Your daughter comes first. Don’t allow your daughter to feel uncomfortable and mistreated in her own home. If your friend can’t accept your decision then tough luck, she doesn’t need to attend the party.

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I wouldn’t have kids who were mean to my kids over to a party either, so no you weren’t wrong. she’ll get over it or not, but it’s not your problem.

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Cut your losses. She will come back around once she drops her man child off at his BMs house.

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Sounds like your friend is a little confused as to how birthday parties work 🤦😂. When your kids are invited to a party it’s not an open invitation, it doesn’t mean you’re invited so invite whoever else you want. 🤦😂

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The hell with her…your kids come first…i wonder though. How do his kids treat her kids

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I have a friend like that too. I always just see if her kids can stay the night at my house when I have something going on that I want them at.

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Your not wrong at all.

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If your “friend” can’t understand that her bf’s kids are just downright mean to your child and you don’t want them there, that’s on her. She should understand that you are protecting your child.

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You’re setting healthy boundaries. Stick to your instincts.

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YOUR kids come first. And if she is a true friend she will eventually realize this…

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You need a new best friend… you decide who is and isn’t invited and if she doesn’t like it oh well it’s not her child’s party nor is it her child being mistreated so

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You are protecting your daughter from her bfs bully children is what it sounds like and if she is mad oh well. It’s your child’s party and that means what you say goes. I wouldnt dwell on it. It seems you may need a new friend.

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You are a 100% right. Your party, you decide.

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Her kids should come first over the boyfriend. Your not wrong, your party and you decide

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She needs to grow up. Keep your babies safe thats your # 1 priority

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You as a parent have to advocate for your children. If she can’t understand your position, she has made her choice. I lost a friend due to that, I don’t regret it one bit. My children come first, I am their provider, caregiver and protector until they can handle it themselves. I feel no guilt

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Do what’s best for your children. End of story. They come before anyone.

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You need to be honest with her, tell her how you feel about her crap ass boyfriend. And let her know it’s him not his kids. She will either respect your decision or not…

You’re not wrong period! She can get over it!

You’re 100% in the right

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You’re definitely NOT wrong. Especially since you previously brought up the issue of them mistreating your daughter to her. It would be different if you just singled the kids out for your feelings solely based on her boyfriend but you have to protect your child and her feelings, after all it is HER DAY. But she should understand and if not I wouldn’t lose much sleep over it, yes it sucks you may lose a friend over this but if she was truly your friend & cared she would respect your decision.

Hope your daughter has an amazing party!

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Nope! You ARE NOT WRONG! In any way shape or form.

Your friend will realize she is wrong when she realizes how used she is being, realizes how awful his kids are and how terribly he will soon screw her over.

:woman_shrugging:t3: in the meantime. You wait. If she doesn’t come to the party with JUST her kids. Her loss. But if she shows up w his kids too. You have a right to tell her to leave as she is disrespecting you.

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Don’t feel bad for protecting your daughter on HER special day

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Tell her oh well have fun with your lame man

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If she were truly your friend, she would care about your daughter enough to protect her. As you would, most likely, if it were her daughter. If she were truly your friend, she would understand the predicament. You did nothing wrong. It’ll hurt if you lose her over this. But it may be a blessing in disguise.

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You just put het in a bad situation and thats why she’s upset, on the flip side, i don’t blame you. :woman_shrugging:

It’s not the kid’s fault.

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You get to choose your guests.Not her. Kids parties are expensive enough without extra MEAN kids coming.She is not your friend if she can’t tell him how his children treat your daughter.

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You’re protecting your daughter and that comes before anyones feelings.

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I would not let them bully my children and I wouldn’t care who it made mad. I never let anyone’s child do something at my house that I wouldn’t let my children do. Bullying was not allowed but they did not take bullying either. So you are totally right and if she doesn’t see that then maybe she wasn’t a friend after all. May God bless you.

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She’s not your friend. Protect your own.

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You should have never invited her to begin with, I know she is your friend but you caused unnecessary drama by inviting her and telling her kids can’t come, you should just told her would be best if she didn’t show up because of her kids and your kids don’t get along

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I think you did exactly what your child would of wanted. I don’t want my child around mean kids either. If you lost a friend over this it is her fault not yours. She’s taking it as a personal attack instead of understanding where you are coming from. If she can’t be open minded and realize that his kids are being mean and this is the exact reason why you don’t want them there then so be it. Her loss not yours.

She’s not your friend if she can’t respect you

You have every right to invite or not invite whoever you want. It’s your house, your children and your money being spent. If your friend can’t understand that, then she’s not a very good friend anyways. Hold ya head up high, coz all you’ve done is be a good mother who chose to defend her children instead of worrying about her friend and friends boyfriends feelings :clap: xxx

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Stand your ground. You don’t have to invite anyone into your house that you don’t want to.

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You did the right thing! Your job as a parent is to protect your children! Your child always comes first!And I dont care if you are my bff or my mother, but you will not dictate to me who I invite to my house for my kids birthday! She is not a true friend if she doesnt get it!

Unfortunately this guy has your friend fooled and even if she knows your right she probably thinks she is in love with him and can change him and his kids, she will eventually come around (hopefully) and see how he treated her and you obviously. Don’t sweat it , you’re protecting yourself and your kids and that’s all you can do… if she can’t see that it’s her problem!

Your house, your rules , stick to it

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You’re right, she’s wrong and has an entitled attitude, how dare she, tell her that she and his kids can stay home and if she shows up with them, have them removed. Stay away from her until she appreciates and respects you and your kids, they come first.

Your not being mean. It’s your place to protect your children. If she is a real best friend she would totally understand. Plus your paying for everything & it’s at your place. You have the right to say who can come & who can’t. Tell her too that you only have enough money to cover for so many people. That you planned the party and only budgeted enough for only so many people.

Sounds like a friend who is denial of her living situation and the flaws of the one she chose to lay in bed with.
Distance that whole entire case.
You’re in every bit of the right

She is probably really stressed out about the situation herself and is taking it out on you. Stick to your decision bc your in the right. But if she comes to you and wanted to apologise and talk about it maybe let her. She hopefully will come around one day. But for now I would be happy she was mad at me so I didn’t have to worry about her boyfriend’s children trying to come over in the future.

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Your house your rules…

You didn’t overstep. It’s your house and if you don’t want her boyfriend’s kids there then that is your decision

Stick to your guns girl!

She’s really not your friend then

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She’s the 1 who’s not being a good friend. Stick 2 ur guns n let her get over it. If she don’t then choose a better friend cuz she’s not much of one.

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You might need to let her go for a bit and hope her relationship with him fizzles out and you can become friends again

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Sounds like youre just going to have to put your foot down and keep it there. You have valid reason for not wanting them to come. Unfortunately she is going to go into defense mode and not try to understand.

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It’s your house, your rules. However I wonder if your dislike for him is has a influence on your dislike for his kids. His daughter may be picking on your daughter as some kind of defense for her dad. Either way, you’re right, can’t be making your daughter uncomfortable in her own home. You’ve talked to her about this before and it didn’t change. Don’t expect anything different. I think you’re doing the right thing but you may lose a friend because of her relationship with this guy.

She’s not being a good friend at all. You told her his kids are mean to your daughter and she’s pissed? If she was really a friend she’s care about your daughter and how she feels

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So…you say the older kids are mean to your daughter. So have you sat them all down like adults and spoken to them? To find out what the underlying issue is. Seems like you are automatically jumping to her defense rather than teaching her she needs to try to work through the issue and deal with it face on. Avoiding conflict will never make it stop.

I wouldn’t allow anyone around my kids who was mean. End of story!

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All she can see is him remove yourself completely.

1st and foremost IF SHE WAS a really good friend SHE wouldn’t want your beautiful daughter being mistreated HOW dare HER this IS about YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS WELLBEING AND YOUR SO Called friend IS thinking about HERSELF BIG red flag protect your DAUGHTERS that is ALL THAT matters 1st and foremost IF SHE doesn’t respect and support THAT SHE is NOT even a friend I WAS ABUSED since I WAS 3 years old and I had no ONE who protected or stuck up 4 me or my sister’s ANY age it’s really hard AND stressful and downright scary FOR a child to be IN the position of the MOTHER or father NOT even defending or protecting the children u HAVE absolutely nothing to feel bad about be proud of yourself 4 sticking UP for your children I wish I had anyone who would’ve protected us

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How old are these kids??

As they are not married or living together it’s perfectly okay inviting her kids and not his. If they were I wouldnt invite any of them. If she is going to have them the day of the party maybe look for something to do with just her kids when they others aren’t around another time

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She needs to be taught manners. Hope it is not to late. First of all he is using her as a baby setter and she isn’t much of a friend to you

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a child should never feel uncomfortable ,intimidated, bullied, or threatened in their own home that is their safe place,and you as a parent have a duty to provide your child with love and protection, therefore your house your rules your money and YOUR CHILD.:heart::+1:

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If she is a true friend she will understand your feelings and won’t treat you the way she is. Maybe if her boyfriends kids bullied or mistreated her kids maybe she would feel different. Stick to what you want if she is a true friend she will understand and if not find a new true friend.

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You have the right to protect your child stick to your guns don’t give in if she’s mad it’s only because you told the truth

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Your choice and decisions is all in your power! But most importantly communication between the parents and children is one main key to last the relationship! Kindness, meekness, respectful, and love is all that the little one’s need to establish their growth to life itself! It goes both ways, mom and dad! #ONELOVE L&J! :pray::purple_heart:

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You are 100% in the right! Way to protect your baby!!!

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She sounds immature anywyas. If she’s going to let something like this ruin your friendship then she wasnt your friend to begin with. Cut your losses and make new friends. Drama isn’t worth it, let her deal with the mean ass bf kids.

You’re right since you feel like your oldest daughter will be mistreated at her sister’s party.1)She should have see the point that his kids have mistreated your daughter.2)They are not married.3)He’s using her to keep his kids.A real friend should bring her own kids and not be mad about you saying that his kids can’t come.

Well if she dont under stand f÷÷k her she was never ur friend period because she would do u the same if her kids was mistreated by u r kids

I wouldn’t care where the party is at, if I don’t want someone there at my child’s party then they ain’t coming. Your friend needs to get over it and realize you are protecting your child

You aren’t obligated to allow his kids to go just because she is with him.

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Your not leaving your friend and her kids out just the boyfriend’s she is making her choice and she will regret it

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your right to protect your daughter. if she was a real friend she’d understand.

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a real friend would understand the fact that your just a mom who won’t allow her kid to be mistreated. she needs to talk to her step child. in which could possibly be impossible. and then show face with HER kids since her and her boyfriend don’t even LIIVE together. if she was a real friend, it would not have gotten worse! it should have gotten better and improvements made. it’s only constructive criticism. nothing to Shane her or anything . let’s just pray for her :black_heart:

and your not wrong for anything ! as long as you spoke to her directly about these things, your good

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The party is for your daughter, you have Every Right to keep her in mind in regards to the guest list. Good for you, your daughter shouldn’t be bullied. In the “big picture” your friend will get over it, or she won’t. I’m sure you’re not the only one telling your friend that her boyfriends kids are not welcomebecause of their behavior… maybe she’ll take a look at her life/ choices.

Nope I’d be the same way girl

Your #1 job is to protect your kids. You did that. You should be proud of yourself instead of second guessing yourself.

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You have every right by telling her the oldest can’t come as you are protecting your oldest from getting mistreated and if she don’t like it oh well it’s your house and if she can’t understand that she ain’t a real friend. Plus the bf is using her and your not making her choose

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If you lost a friend then she wasnt much of a friend.Your house,your party you make the rules.

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Just sit back and relax. You set the rules in your home and if she cant follow them then she can go away… sounds like someone’s toxic relationship is spilling over into your plate. She will probably get mad at you and stop all contact, but be patient. When she realizes that she is being used and treated badly she will leave. Then she will more than likely come back to you and renew the friendship.

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Before I read any comments I’m going to say your house your way

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She has her priorities all messed up. She will one day look back on this and cringe. Stay true to your word. You did nothing wrong. Maybe some distance is needed.

Yes you are perfectly right win some lose some but you children are your life

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You are 100% right. You call that friend ? That is the reason that I don’t want friends.

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I’m sorry I’m gonna be the one to say, you don’t some don’t invite none.
I probably would have talked to her about it before hand see if the problem can possibly be fixed or knowing myself I would ask them personally if they didn’t like her to not speak to her but that’s me. I kind find it a little mean on your behalf only because they’re kids, you are adult’s and can and should be able to fix a problem between your children.

Gotta protect the kids first. If shes mad, no offense but let her be mad. At the end of the day, your kids and their safety come before a friendship

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A real friend would understand and yes you have every right to protect your daughter…GOOD JOB MOMA

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I’m 100% with all the comments saying you are correct. If your friend is upset then maybe you guys shouldn’t be friends.

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You have every right to dictate who is and isn’t allowed at ur kids birthday. She however also has the right to be mad at her friend who is excluding her boyfriends kids.

You’re not wrong. They way we always did parties was to let the kids do the invites. That way there wouldn’t be anyone there that made them uncomfortable. The party is for your daughter, not for your friend. You have all the rights in the world to not invite the other kids. Especially ones that act like little shots to your kids. She’s the one putting you in an awkward place by making a big deal about it. The rest of her words are manipulation to make you give in. Shaming and guilt trips. What ppl do when you dont give them what they want

Your house your party your rules.

It is very much your right to not want certain people/kids at your home no matter the occasion and if she can’t understand this then it’s her problem. She obviously knows you don’t like the bf so she should understand this

Your house your rules. If a child doesn’t treat my child right of course I wouldn’t want them at my house. If she doesn’t want to come because the boyfriend’s kids ,that don’t live with her, cant come then let her stay home. If you lose a friend there is nothing that can be done. Stick up for you and your kids.

Nonjudgmental area here. All welcome