My ex is supposed to have our daughter this coming weekend. Fri-Sun. Well, Saturday is his friend’s birthday party at some restaurant/bar. My ex has been drinking and going to the local bar almost DAILY. He drives after drinking, and he will drink at this party and will drive to his house with her. The birthday boy is a huge drinker too. So…I’m going to tell him I need her for something on Sat. Do I be honest n tell him why or do I lie n make something up…? I did tell him no drinking and driving w my daughter, and he said ok. But he is a liar and has done it before. He probably won’t fight me to keep her on Sat…I hope.
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If he will give up his time without you having to tell him why that seems ideal to avoid drama or him keeping her out of spite. But you need to file in court or do something long term to keep your child safe if he drinks and drives w her.
Do everything you need to do to protect her. If you dont, and something terrible does happen, you will feel guilty where you shouldn’t because it’s his actions. Keep your baby safe, regardless of if he gets mad about it or not.
Your number 1 priority is the safety of your child. I would not let her go under any circumstances. Get the law involved if you must!
U could always try and then go from there…but if he drinks and drives as much as you say…i wouod gather evidence and take it to court
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I prefer honesty over any thing … But… This one of tricky . I’d say lie . and I hate saying that. But if u tell him the truth. He will get mad . and he will demand that he has her that day. But a little white lie might go along way. BC it gives him a break also. He can go to this party drink all he wants with his own time and own freedom . if he has his daughter … He will need to work around her to be there. So a lil white lie could help u both. Telling him the truth … He would prob want to keep her out of spite … Good luck
He shouldn’t have to be told not to drive after drinking and definitely not with a child…tell him the truth and of he can’t handle it then he definitely needs to reevaluate a few things in his life
If you love your daughter and our protective of her safety do not let him take her, if something happens, it is your fault.
Dont let him … If he takes u to court… Let him. Ur worried about the well being of ur daughter. The judge will send him to aa
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If he’s going to celebrate his friends bday Im sure he wont mind not having the child. He probably is hoping he doesnt have to ask you to keep your daughter
Protect your child! And if this drinking and driving is a habit you need a court order. If he honestly won’t drink and drive with her switch weekends
Maybe suggest keeping her for him during the party and bringing her back after if it’s not too late and he’s not black out drunk
Do you know if he’s taking her with him. Maybe he has a babysitter for her.
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Protect your child over everything. I know lying is wrong, but would say that lying for this cause is an exception.
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Hasn’t this already been posted? Keep your kid safe
I would not let her go protect her from him .and I would remind him about the drinking and driving doesn’t like it too bad.i would tape it when you tell him so if he takes you to court .but your daou comes frist …
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Follow him and call the police and they will pull him over. That’s what I did…
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be up front with him and tell him you can’t have her without a court supervised visit. if he gets in a accident with her and kills or maimed her you would never forgive yourself
Make it sound like your doing him a favor…since you have plans to go out why don’t we switch weekends
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This shouldn’t even be a post. Protect your child by all means. Period point blank.
Is this actually a serious question…why would you risk your daughters life when you no he will be drinking
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Don’t let him take her, if he cant be responsible while shes there and not drink n drive, why on earth would you allow him to have her
Lie to him an tell him later. he might try an get her out of spite. Most definitely cause a fight…You shouldnt have to keep her because of that he really needs to get some help!
Lie ,no need to make him mad. Hes already to stupid to know better but drives anyway. ?! Take no chances . Say Shes got the poops bad …
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Tell him that if he has plans, you will keep her and they can catch up next weekend or maybe some time over the week. But for sure… do not let her go knowing he will be drunk driving.
Tell him your kid has a birthday party or something. This all sounds way too familiar.
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This is gonna sound bad. If you’re on good terms, just ask to keep your kid that night. If you’re on bad terms you need to immediately inform the police and turn in his plate #, they will pull him over. Either way risking your child’s life is not something you chance.
How old is your daughter? Does she have a cell phone? If he fought you or did not agree to you keeping her make sure she has a way to call you if/when he starts drinking and go get her.
If there close don’t like but don’t keep him from her he’s her parent to and he has rights beside maybe he has a sitter plus if she knows she is going to see her dad she will be mad at you tell him you will bring her after the party or the next day you don’t have proof he’s drinking at the party and you don’t have proof to keep her from him he could call the cops on you for keeping his daughter from him with out any good reason my dad use to drink and he was the only one taking care of me I turned out ok
Take her for a manicure and pedicure
OR you can give them a ride home.
Call the cops an ste up a bust
A friend on mine went through this. Lie and keep her. You need to go to court about his drinking and driving - but you need evidence because they will not do anything just on your word. It turns into a he said/she said and they do not take away/limit visitation just on an accusation. As mean as it might sound, you need to call the police and tell them when you know he’s out there and turn him in. He needs to be caught. Otherwise there’s the chance it will happen when your daughter is in the car. PROTECT HER.
I would tell the police when he drinking so they can get him
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“Since you have a grown up party this weekend, do you wanna just trade weekends so you dont have to worry about what to do with baby girl?”
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Are you dumb? REPORT HIM BEFORE HE KILLS SOMEONE
Dear its your child, tell him a story, its better than planning a funerel!
If yous are on good talking terms I would just tell him you think it would be better if you have your daughter while he goes to his friend’s party that way he can have fun and you don’t have to worry and you can bring your daughter back to him when he’s home again. So just ask if you can pick her up before the party and drop her off after
Maybe offer to be his DD? Just because he is drinking doesnt mean he cant have his daughter. Are there going to be other children there? If not then she’d be bored anyway and he shouldn’t want to take her. Either way you’re absolutely right on not trusting him to drink and drive if hes done it before.
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I’d be straight up with him. Say “I am keeping her because I know you will drink and I don’t want to take any chances”. If he loves her than he will agree to keeping her out of harms way
Switch weekends. Tell him to go out and have a good time with his friend and keep her next weekend.
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Hate to say it but you need to call the cops on him when he does it. He’ll get a dui and you can bring that to court.
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Oh my god. You are the mother and you need to question this?
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you’re a mother… and your child will be in an unsafe situation… shouldn’t be a hard decision on what to do.
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Keep her safe no way would a child go with any man Dr in King driving even if not driving child would not be there
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I think deep down inside you already know the answer to this. You know that you would never be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t do everything possible to keep your baby safe. Never question your mother intuition.
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Call the cops - give them his plate # & report a drunk driver… Have them stop him & do a breathalyzer…
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Drop her off the next day. Safer for her. Or drop her off after said party.
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Lie and make something up
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You are sharing this with us and not the police 
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Tell him no and if he dont like it call the cops you should anyway you may save someone’s life beside your child
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Tell him that he can have her because you don’t trust him to stay sober. Stalk the parking lot and follow him, call cops if he acts drunk. No need to endanger anyone with his behavior. Keep pixx of his vehicle and tag, just for future reference.
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Just be friendly about it — no need to make it a sh*t-storm - say hey I’m gonna keep Madison Saturday night so you can have fun with your friends at the big birthday bash and neither of us have regrets. If you want her next weekend to make up for it - that works for me. Don’t say no or else I’m gonna stock you at the party and call the police when you try to drive with her after you’ve been drinking… And then be quiet.
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You need to do what’s right and call the cops when you know he’s gonna be drinking and driving
And don’t let your child go. If he can’t be responsible enough to not risk her life that’s a problem
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Just tell him he’ll have more fun without her figure out what time he leaves and call the police
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Tell him that ur able to keep her saturday so he can go and get as drunk as he wants. I always find its easier to do things if u make it sound like your doing a favor
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What’s with people being judgey and mean?? It’s a difficult situation. I’d try switching weekends. If that doesn’t work, try picking her up before the party and dropping her off afterwards. If that doesn’t work, offer to be DD. If that doesn’t work, involve the police
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He’ll probably let u keep her so can party, hopefully he will!!
Tell him what ever you have to tell so you know your daughter is safe, offer to switch weekends with him and keep your daughter home for this one and if you know where the party is going to be held drop a tip to the cops that he likes to drive drunk and where he will be so he hopefully doesn’t hurt anyone else either.
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Take your damn daughter on Saturday. Your daughter could die or get seriously injured in a car accident because you wanna be considerate about your ex’s feelings? That GROWN MAN would need to sort out his drinking problem before my daughter would get in a car with him.
Who is she going to be with while hes at this party? Or is he taking her with him? Id find out who else is going and get them to either make sure he doesnt drink or to call you to get her if he does, or is she stating with someone else while he attends the party? If so, why can she not stay there the night and he gets her in the morning?
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Please keep her with you.
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Get full custody and restraining order if you need to I had to
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Sit outside the restaurant if you have to and fallow him home and make an anonymous call to the policed you notice crazy driving
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Y dont you just see if you can keep her the whole weekend? And be honest and nice and say I know you want to go have fun with your friend this weekend so why dont I just keep her tonight or just switch weekends with you?
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Tell him he isn’t getting her if he can’t stay sober. He is her father and if he can’t be responsible enough to not drink and drive with her or just stay sober overall while watching her then he doesn’t deserve to see her. Why lie about something that clearly seems like a problem that needs addressed?
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If he’s drunk you don’t let her go if he makes a fuss you called the police and it’s simple you’re drunk you don’t get her. It’s not that hard I had to do it myself and he came to the door drunk and I said no
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Tell him your going to keep her so he can go enjoy the party.
Don’t let things just be, this is too important to let it go. Your daughter’s safety is your responsibility, so don’t ever feel like you don’t know what to do. You know what you need to do. Protect your child at all cost. Voice your opinion and then if it isn’t heard, then do what you got to do!
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You have to do what is in the best decision for your child. Be honest with him but if he still continues do be that person then you dont have to let her go. He can man up know he is going to drink and just let her stay home
Make it clear and simple. “I’ll pick her up before the party; that way, I won’t have to make the drinking a “worry” issue for either of us. Just come get her on Sunday morning if you want to see her.” No judgment. Drinking parties are for adults. Simple. If he chooses to forego the party to spend time with his daughter, then you will know he’s a partner with you. Best to you.
no u tell him u will drop her off… if he diesnt have her he will drink more cyz he diesnt have that responsablity, he may still be drunk-hangover in the morning.
You need to immediately bring this to the attention of the Judge, as well.
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When my daughter was 13 she went to her dads , he took her to a party & he got drunk then had a guy she didnt know drive her back to the ex’s house to drop her off. She called me, I called the police to have them meet her at the house. I was so mad she didnt go to his house again. He didn’t care either. He got mad at us for calling the police to meet my daughter at his house to make sure she was safe.
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Do you know some other people who are attending the party you could ask them to give them a ride to the party or maybe hire a Uber driver to and from the party for him
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You need to tell him your concerns and if he can’t be responsible and not drink when he has time with his daughter then you will start legal proceedings so he won’t see her unless it’s supervised
Definitely do not let him drive while drinking with your daughter in the car!! Tell him the truth don’t lie to him!!
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Always in all ways at all times tell the truth
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Discuss it with his before he takes her if he can’t be real with you then don’t send her at all